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By mystical perfect design, Most women I know scream and buck An unlucky woman named Rube Of all the mammalian features Ther was a young man of Natal, Said a horny young man, Ira Bass, With Ira Bass I'm not acquainted, The taint is that membrane of skin "I know, sir, of what you have spoken," To all, great heavens above, When that masking tape's finally torn out, There is a young hooker named Dole Supine on the ground she made camp on, Of anatomy, this guy was no dunce; A bumpy bike ride to her frien' A popular co-ed at Yale A clit is one fine little item Joan had an amazing clit; A steroid-freak chick from Belize, Etymologist, Sir Henry Bligh People tend to resort In screwing, Jane's lover is hit-or-miss, There once was a girl named Delores, An awkward young girl named Delores Where are you, ma chere little Kitten? Once ninety year old Mrs. Biddle There was a bleached blonde named Dolores, In New York at the Waldorf Astoria, A DNA mix-up named Doris, There was an old woman named Doris, A preposterous fellow of Whitby The weight of Greg's balls is quite small, There was a young man from "Down Under" And why is it wrong, I don't figure, A nearsighted doctor from Queens A perverse old fellow was Fred, The cunt of the wife of old Fred A castrated fellow named Mitch He had hope to have these grafted on, There was a young fellow named Forrest, Though his front was half switched from behind, Now men's parts are interesting, too; There once was a man from Nantucket; A penis arrived in this vestibule The same penis and his mate waved flags There was a young fellow named Rule, (Probably passed out for lack of blood to his brain - McW)
There's a man by the name of John Hall, Though a harlot's a handy factotum There is a young flier named Gav A spermatozoa called Luke, A spermatozoa called Al A spermatozoa called Jack, There was a young man from France A sperm faced, alack and forsooth, A spermatozoon from Xail John's underwear, probably too tight; As they bounced up and down in his scrote, John's testicles groaned and said, "Ouch!", A spermatozoa called Fred, A spermatozoa called Earl Said Liz, the fallopian tube, A sweet miss from Shanghai named Sue A spermatozoa called Sue A spermatozoa called Pat I gotta get out of this place. Hey, this ain't no feminine pubes
The impulses bypass the spine.
They obviate pain
And pleasure the brain
With feelings, it's said, quite devine.
--- H Welchel
Whilst enjoying a bloody good fuck.
So this may explain
Why it pleasures their brain,
To finish it off with a suck.
--- Steve
Was cursed with a mighty odd tube.
The stream from her piddle
Came not from her middle
But inches above her right boob.
--- Armand E Singer 455
On our lovable feminine creatures,
I go blindly at once
For their teats and their cunts,
And I suck and I fuck without teachers!
--- G0328
And Sue was the name of his gal.
He went out one day,
For a damned long way,
Right up the Suez Canal.
--- Norman Douglas LOO74A
"Just yesterday I made a pass
At a sweet young thing
Who made my heart sing,
But I'm still a-lackin' a lass!"
--- Observer
But 'tis a sad picture you've painted!
Now Ira should pick
Another sweet chick,
And make a pass where she is tainted!
--- Travis Brasell
That is used by us gentlemen when
We yodel the canyon
Of a female companion:
It's used as a rest for the chin.
--- Hugh Clary
Said Ira, "And 'taint meant for jokin',
'Cause constant miss-use
(And some self abuse)
Has left my dong near cracked and broken.
--- Observer
Your 'map' is a masterpiece, guv!
Now Bass may not faint
When he finds the taint
Just spans a gal's holes we gents love.
--- Travis Brasell
Her screams will leave nary a doubt
That her taint hurts a lot.
Her bikini line's hot;
Between pleasure and pain, "More!" she'll shout.
--- Anon
Whose mid-parts charm body and soul;
First, a slot fuzzed and tight,
In itself a delight,
Then cheeks like a Parker House roll.
--- Armand E Singer 814
Sofia had need of a tampon
Instead what she got
Was a pen in her twat,
Because she did NOT turn the lamp on.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
He knew all there's to know about cunts.
"Do you know why," the man quips,
"Girls have two sets of lips?
So they can keep pissing and moaning at once."
--- Squeaky TP9807
Left that lady with numbness mons ven'.
Said she with lament
Considering bent,
"I'll never come that way again."
--- Norm Brust
Has a six inch vestigial tail.
The peculiar condition
In doggy position,
Allows her to screw like a male.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0606
For diddlin' on gals to excite 'em;
If diddlin' their clit
Excites 'em a bit;
They'll really fire up if ya bite 'em!
--- Travis Brasell
'Twould stand whenever she'd sit.
She could whirl it around,
Throw it down on the ground,
Then bounce it across her left tit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a clit that hung down to her knees.
She said, "Look here quick!
This could pass for a dick,
If my cunt were not crawling with fleas."
--- Steve Wales
Said, "A menage a troi I will try.
It may be absurd
But I'll coin a new word:
I can say the girls had clitori"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0303
In calling them clits, for short.
Many are nice,
One will suffice;
I think that's all I can support.
--- Anon
And often neglects her poor clitoris.
So she's frequently fated
To lie there, frustrated,
And filled to her eyebrows with bitterness.
--- Isaac Asimov a
Who sang in a 20-girl chorus.
At the top of her slit
Was a very cute clit,
But I like to call it cliTORis!
--- Al Willis T9710
Who danced in a Las Vegas chorus
Once mused as she flounced,
"Just how is it pronounced?
As CLIT-uh-russ or as clit-ORR-us?"
--- Captain Infinity
With tu I confess je suis smitten.
I can't get to sleep
Aujourd'hui for I keep
In my mind your sweet clitten and slitten.
--- Peter Wilkins
Watched porn while she diddled her middle.
But she had to quit
Because her poor clit
Was crumbling from being so brittle.
--- Anon
Who had an unusual clitoris.
Its location remote
Was deep in her throat,
Where she douched with a touch of Lavoris!
--- Stan
All the girls have stunning clitoria.
But their South African Sisters
Disappoint all the misters,
Especially in Southern Pretoria.
--- Bob Mornington
Had a strangely located clitoris.
It was attached to her gums,
So whenever she hums,
She comes when she reaches the chorus!
--- Anon
Who possessed a six-inch clitoris.
The first time she was took
She was sadly mistook
For a man in the building named Morris.
--- Macsam
Had no clue as to what could the clit be,
But imagined he thought
That he sort of knew what
Could that thing as the tip of the tit be.
--- Keith MacMillan 57aA
While Gonzo has no balls at all.
Their miniscule dicks
Will never do tricks,
Yet they're always asked to the Ball.
--- Archie
Claimed his privates were the world's seventh wonder.
As he walked about town,
His dick trailed on the ground;
When his balls moved, it sounded like thunder.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file mem
To call a black feller a nigger,
In context, you see,
He's like you and me,
Except that his todger's much bigger.
--- John Miller Q
Told his patient, "Please drop your jeans."
He thought the patient a chick,
But when he saw the guy's dick,
Said, "That's the biggest clit I've ever seen!"
--- Anon
Ever since his poor pecker went dead.
His blood red and thick
Had once nourished his prick,
Now flowed unrestrained through his head.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2069
Was dying, till Playboy she read.
It opened a shunt
From her head to her cunt,
And now she fucks better in bed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2070
Had fantasies he said were rich.
These he shared with his wife.
Who had grabbed a sharp knife;
Several parts she then threw in a ditch.
--- Bob Birch P0206
But his scrotum and left ball were gone.
A neighborhood pup
Had picked these parts up
And buried them in the back lawn.
--- Bob Birch P0206
Whose cornhole was always the sorest.
Said he, I don't mind
A regular grind,
But I wish that my ass were clitorised.
--- Anon
Freak Ron's life proved a triumph of mind.
That his tool was aft mounted,
Was a trial he surmounted,
Pleasing girls who were deaf, dumb, and blind.
--- John Miller
Of most balls, there are at least two.
And the flagpole well raised,
Is thoroughly praised,
And is definitely given it's due.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His penis grew long when he'd shuck it.
But the outflow of blood
To his burgeoning pud,
Meant his brain kicked the symbolic bucket.
--- Anon
All alone and hardly contestable,
What will come now?
As it takes a bow,
Will along come a solitary testicle?
--- Anon
'Cause they went to the beach, no nags.
One said let's go in
For a nice little swim.
The other said "Go alone, I'll watch the bag(s)."
--- Anon
Who went to a library school.
As he fingered the index,
His thoughts ran to sex,
And his blood all ran to his tool.
--- L1342
Whose prostate began very small.
Now he says, quite aghast,
"That's a thing of the past,
It's the size of my new bowling ball."
--- Tom Patton P0108
Who likes peters enough to deep throat 'em,
And praises their stroke,
It's never been spoke
That they've seen an adorable scrotum.
--- Hugh Clary
Who has what few other men have.
If you want to see,
You must follow when he
Pops out on his own to the lav.
--- Chris Young
Met an egg, a remarkable fluke,
Then started to grow
And wanted to know,
Why a bun in an oven must cook.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Went in a vaginal canal.
He clung to the wall
And did nothing at all,
Except wish good luck to his pal.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was sent right up into a crack.
He started to blubber,
At the end of the rubber,
Yelling, "This is a damned cul-de-sac".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who taught his own semen to dance.
It was so entrancing,
He entered Come Dancing,
Then off with first prize he did prance.
--- Donald McGill
His moment of sexual truth.
He'd expected to fall
On a womb's spongy wall,
But was dashed to his death on a tooth.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Had fifty-five heads and one tail.
He blew out a tube
And died on the boob,
Of something that looked like a whale.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Take them off," Jane said, "Tonight,
I'll kiss them for you,
With a caress or two.
Will this take care of your plight?"
--- Anon
One said, "Now his manhood's abloat...
So we'll tickle her chin
As she takes him all in,
Then spazzculate right down her throat!"
--- Anon
As he fondled young Jane on the couch.
Said the left, "I feel blue";
Said the right one, "Me too",
As they jiggled around in their pouch.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was ejected one night in a bed.
With a lovely warm glow,
He knew just where to go,
But the egg that he entered was dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was swept upwards and on in a swirl;
Then he used every means
To make use of his genes,
To produce an eight pound bonny girl.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In her counterpart tube name of Rube,
"Keep a grip on that egg;
Don't let Greg cause a preg
With his spermatozooical lube."
--- Peter Wilkins
Ran into a sperm by a screw.
All the X's and Y's,
All the girls and the guys
It outraced and was born Fu Manchu.
--- Chairman Steve
Was rare as a female sperm, true.
But hermaphrodite dykes
Have strange likes and dislikes,
When they screw themselves all the night through.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said "I hope that he knows what he's at.
This passage I'm down
Is smelly and brown;
I've a feeling I'm going to be shat."
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
I gotta have plenty more space.
Oh-Oh, I feel pumping,
I'd better start jumping,
'Cause I'm going to win this here race.
--- Anon
Or even some pretty pink boobs.
This whole way I've chased;
It's all been a waste!
I'm stuck in this dumb rubber tube.
--- Anon
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