There was a young man at the zoo, When she opens her petals, then she An arrowworm floats in the sea, Observe the insect centipede; (not an insect - McW) A magician attempted to wheedle A centipede, fresh from the zoo, (Until she had dropped her last shoe.)
Oh, list to the dolorous tale, But alack and alas -- Where's the bride? Till, at length, Mr Spider departed, When Sidney drove up to her dwelling, The delay in fulfilling her bond A centipede shopping for clothes, The centipede stopped and then sighed, A centipede, out of his mind, Said Sammy, the sad centipede, If you're cold, then cuddle up tight The cruelest of creatures' the crab, A large crab did decide to embark A crab's eyes, in fair Aberdeen, If down to the seaside you go There was a young boy by name Bobby There was a young crab who said, "Fate Amusing though I find these tales, A young female amazed at the trait The next evening around twilight, Larry Lobster crawls deep in the sea, There once was a worm in Warwick, A brave little earthworm, they say, Three earthworms who shared the same flat A germ by the name of Miss Lillie A hookworm I know caused delight, HYDRA is a coelenterate One day as I slept on the beach, (This is plot of a movie, "The Parasite Murders")
This is file mek
"No thanks" said a Lobster by post, A kinky old dame of St. John's I'll tell you the tale of poor Jim, A millipede thought it was neat "You're a worm!" she cried out in a spate, Providing my memory recollects, Those cads who are part of al Quaida, And Tiddy is being most wicked; Then Trav' scared her out of her wits; Young Frank is now living in Hampshire She certainly won't open Peter's, And Hugh's gift is right from the skies, While Carol and Jon scoured the reeds, But I have been so very lazy, Oh, great! I've been sent birthday bugs. The 8-legged beastie arrived; A cricket to Utah -- that's rich! The nits you thought Travis would send, The stinging whatever they are? Now Peter's I would have unwrapped The flies that Hugh sent as a gift? The red centipede necklace catch I had to flush that down the potty! Dear brother, do not be surprised Once more I must say with conviction: A fakir who invented levitation Consider the life of a prawn, The slug has just one foot beneath -- And robots for feet have long treads, A problem that's very worth stating, Commiserate fate for the sponge, A cell that had split, lost his wife. An amorous earthworm named Fred,
Who watched what the animals do;
When clenched in embrace
Reproducing the race
Said, "That's what amoebas can't do."
--- VOL 7
Looks as fair as a flower can be.
She's a sea creature, though,
Called actinia, so
This anemone lives in the sea.
--- Sheila B
In the plankton that's nature's debris,
One will see if one looks,
That its head carries hooks,
Used to capture its prey with esprit.
--- Sheila B
With a hundred legs, he moves at speed.
If you chopped off four,
Would he go any slower?
It's an experiment we really need.
--- William K Alsop Jr
A slug through the eye of a needle;
It said, "I won't go,
But I happen to know
That the ninety-nine-feet centipede'll."
--- Limber Limericks
Discarded her ninety-ninth shoe.
We waited and waited
With breath that was bated,
But she did not know what to do.
--- Al Willis
Of unfortunate fair Abigail;
A centipede sweet
Engaged to discreet
Young Horace, a prosperous snail.
--- Archie
Is she ill? Is she shy? Does she hide?
Thus queried the guests
When in spite of all quests,
No sign of Miss C could be spied.
--- Archie
By the request of the groom, broken hearted,
To at once take a fly
And find out just why
She tarried, and if she had started.
--- Archie
He heard a lugubrious yelling,
And this was the reason
For such seeming treason
And the tears Abigail was expelling.
--- Archie
Was because up till now she had donned
But forty-four shoes
Of her hundred small "twos";
No wonder her heart did despond.
--- Archie
Decided to buy some nice hose.
She said, "Those look nifty,
I'll take about fifty,
And those and those, yes, and those."
--- Al Willis P9505
When queried how he could decide
Just where he should put
Each separate foot;
Unable to move, he soon died.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Got his feet in a terrible bind:
They scrambled so fast,
That dozens were passed
By those coming up from behind.
--- Lims Unlimited
"I've many more legs than I need.
I'd be just as nifty
If I had only fifty,
And what's more, I'd cost less to feed."
--- Funfax Limericks
With somebody warm through the night.
But take pity on me,
With this damned centipede;
His cold feet up my back is a blight.
--- Marlene
With claws that can pinch you or stab.
And then when you dine
On crab and white wine,
It gets you as well, with the tab.
--- Anon
On a stroll, on the beach, in the dark.
It crawled over the feet
Of young lovers in heat,
And inspired frantic screams of "Help! Shark!"
--- Observer
Faced backwards on stalks that were green.
It said, "While not knowing
which way I am going,
It's good to see where I have been."
--- Funfax Limericks
To paddle, wear shoes, for you know
Some evil crustacean
With great animation
May leap up and crab-grab your toe.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who had a very interesting hobby.
He'd go up to the lab,
Retrieve his crab,
And race it out in the lobby!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had made me walk sideways, not straight.
The bother and fuss
When I run for the bus!
No wonder I'm so often late.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Their wit in comparison pales
To the yard I narrate
Of a crab and her mate;
I believe that it happened in Wales...
--- Gunjan
Of seeing a crab walk dead straight,
Uses female wiles
And the poor chap beguiles;
By that very night, he's her mate.
--- Gunjan
She notices things aren't quite right.
Why walks he crabwise?
The helpless chap cries,
"You expect me drunk every night?"
--- Gunjan
Where the pressure and depth guarantee
That all the frustrations
Of mighty crustaceans
Won't help when they have to go pee.
--- David Morin et al
Who thought that his waist was too thick.
He reduced his consumption
Of compost at luncheon,
And that actually did the trick.
--- Rudolf Ammann
Was chopped in two pieces one day,
By the merciless blade
Of a gardener's spade,
And the two of him wriggled away!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Thought they were getting too fat.
So they practiced their gym.
And when they were slim,
Could twist themselves into a plait.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was eating on Heinz picalilli.
Her friend, name of Joe,
Said, "Try escargot?"
And she replied, "Joe, don't bacilli."
--- Al Willis
And never regretted her plight.
She cancelled her dates
With wormy curates,
For Bible-bangers on the right!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who arms feed the gut little bait,
As done in the seas
By anemones'
Trigger cells' paralytic trait.
--- Daniel Ford
Up onto my balls crawled a leech.
When I lay with my bride,
The leech got inside--
But she didn't fuss; she's a peach.
--- G0522
When asked to a mid-summer roast.
As he wisely said,
"If you were white bread,
Would you jump at the chance to be toast?"
--- Anon
Has a thing about crustaceons,
Being roused by the grabs
Of the lobsters and crabs,
As she tickles her tits with the prawns.
--- Keith MacMillan 19a
Whose toes were lost, having a swim.
He stepped among lobsters,
Those ocean bed monsters,
Who snapped them off, just on a whim.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To walk up and down on the street.
But after a while,
He said, with a smile,
"Good fun, but My God! My poor feet!"
--- Anon
When he lewdly suggested they mate.
While the worm is monecious,
His motives were specious,
So she/he slapped its own face the first date.
--- Knotweed
The calendar soon intersects
The life of my Sis,
Whose new birthday bliss
Will shatter with gifts of insects.
--- Anon
Are spreading their net even wider.
They've sent her a gift
(I know she'll be miffed) --
A giant and hairy legged spider!
--- Anon
He's just gone and bought him a ticket.
A quick Concorde flight
To give a big fright --
To Marty, the gift of a cricket
--- Anon
His gift was just simply the pits.
Who thought he would dare
To mess up her hair
With packets and packets of nits!
--- Anon
And has plans to scare off her pampshire
He's sent her a present
She'll find most unpleasant --
A whole nest of small stinging ampshire
--- Anon
The buzzing is heard from three metres.
A box full of woe
He's readied to go --
And filled it right up with some skeeters.
--- Anon
So certainly we'll hear her cries.
He's carefully wrapped
The ones that he's trapped --
There's hundrends and hundreds of flies.
--- Anon
And there found just what Marty needs.
Then carefully posted
(They should both be roasted),
Attractive and red centipedes.
--- Anon
And done something strange and quite crazy.
I sent her a plant
That's quite elegant,
A giant white pyrethrum daisy. (makes insecticide)
--- Anon
Just what the hell happened to hugs?
Inspired by my brother
Found I got no other
Gifts -- like money or nice Persian rugs!
--- Anon
Once out of the post it revived.
I sprayed it with Raid
And if it had stayed,
It surely would not have survived.
--- Anon
I'll just dump that gift in a ditch.
We've got plenty here --
There's more every year.
I've sent Tid a gift of jock itch.
--- Anon
Instead he gave them to his friend,
Who ate them for lunch
Then hurled the bunch --
On your head they're bound to descend.
--- Anon
Well they never did get this far.
The Post Office guys
Thought they looked liked spies.
They've all been hauled before the bar.
--- Anon
Just thinking that maybe he'd trapped
A good bit of him
(Maybe his third limb) --
But all of the skeeters I zapped.
--- Anon
Somehow they were all set adrift
On a chilly ice floe,
And, as we all know,
Nobody will give flies a lift.
--- Anon
Came loose and it gave me a scratch.
I used iodine
Then soaked 'em in brine,
And damned if they didn't all hatch.
--- Anon
Oh! Carol and John, you're so naughty!
But I could not bear
Your bug-necklace there.
I'm silly, but I am not dotty!
--- Anon
If this great white daisy you prized
Gets thrown in the trash --
I would prefer cash
And not by bugs be compromised.
--- Anon
I do not have some bug addiction!
Don't send me these things
With legs, stings and wings,
Unless you are wont to cause friction.
--- Anon
Foresaw his own reincarnation,
"I know it seems drab
To be born as a crab,
But at least I won't be a crushed Asian."
--- Brian Edwards & Bob Ross
Who is inexplicably drawn
To chewing its cud
In sticky black mud --
No wonder it looks very wan.
--- Timothy Torkildson
And is equally quick or as fleet
As the centipede, so
With a hundred below,
But both are quite sure with their feet.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Though ice-bound ones travel on sleds.
But if either gets wet
It's a fairly good bet,
They short out, for feet to their heads.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Researching, exploring, debating,
Is if we can tell,
From out friends with one cell,
Whether splitting's as much fun as mating.
--- Anon
Unable to leap or to plunge.
There isn't a flake
In our so-called sponge cake;
Its corpse we drag through all our grunge.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Their life had been storm, woe, and strife.
Her brief epitaph
Just said, "Better Half,"
And half of him went on with life.
--- Al Willis
Had a tail that looked like his head.
With no one to date,
And needing a mate,
Eventually, both ends were wed.
--- Ryan Waldron