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There was a young man at the zoo,
Who watched what the animals do;
When clenched in embrace
Reproducing the race
Said, "That's what amoebas can't do."
--- VOL 7

When she opens her petals, then she
Looks as fair as a flower can be.
She's a sea creature, though,
Called actinia, so
This anemone lives in the sea.
--- Sheila B

An arrowworm floats in the sea,
In the plankton that's nature's debris,
One will see if one looks,
That its head carries hooks,
Used to capture its prey with esprit.
--- Sheila B

Observe the insect centipede; (not an insect - McW)
With a hundred legs, he moves at speed.
If you chopped off four,
Would he go any slower?
It's an experiment we really need.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A magician attempted to wheedle
A slug through the eye of a needle;
It said, "I won't go,
But I happen to know
That the ninety-nine-feet centipede'll."
--- Limber Limericks

A centipede, fresh from the zoo,
Discarded her ninety-ninth shoe.
We waited and waited
With breath that was bated,
But she did not know what to do.

(Until she had dropped her last shoe.)
--- Al Willis

Oh, list to the dolorous tale,
Of unfortunate fair Abigail;
A centipede sweet
Engaged to discreet
Young Horace, a prosperous snail.
--- Archie

But alack and alas -- Where's the bride?
Is she ill? Is she shy? Does she hide?
Thus queried the guests
When in spite of all quests,
No sign of Miss C could be spied.
--- Archie

Till, at length, Mr Spider departed,
By the request of the groom, broken hearted,
To at once take a fly
And find out just why
She tarried, and if she had started.
--- Archie

When Sidney drove up to her dwelling,
He heard a lugubrious yelling,
And this was the reason
For such seeming treason
And the tears Abigail was expelling.
--- Archie

The delay in fulfilling her bond
Was because up till now she had donned
But forty-four shoes
Of her hundred small "twos";
No wonder her heart did despond.
--- Archie

A centipede shopping for clothes,
Decided to buy some nice hose.
She said, "Those look nifty,
I'll take about fifty,
And those and those, yes, and those."
--- Al Willis P9505

The centipede stopped and then sighed,
When queried how he could decide
Just where he should put
Each separate foot;
Unable to move, he soon died.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A centipede, out of his mind,
Got his feet in a terrible bind:
They scrambled so fast,
That dozens were passed
By those coming up from behind.
--- Lims Unlimited

Said Sammy, the sad centipede,
"I've many more legs than I need.
I'd be just as nifty
If I had only fifty,
And what's more, I'd cost less to feed."
--- Funfax Limericks

If you're cold, then cuddle up tight
With somebody warm through the night.
But take pity on me,
With this damned centipede;
His cold feet up my back is a blight.
--- Marlene

The cruelest of creatures' the crab,
With claws that can pinch you or stab.
And then when you dine
On crab and white wine,
It gets you as well, with the tab.
--- Anon

A large crab did decide to embark
On a stroll, on the beach, in the dark.
It crawled over the feet
Of young lovers in heat,
And inspired frantic screams of "Help! Shark!"
--- Observer

A crab's eyes, in fair Aberdeen,
Faced backwards on stalks that were green.
It said, "While not knowing
which way I am going,
It's good to see where I have been."
--- Funfax Limericks

If down to the seaside you go
To paddle, wear shoes, for you know
Some evil crustacean
With great animation
May leap up and crab-grab your toe.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young boy by name Bobby
Who had a very interesting hobby.
He'd go up to the lab,
Retrieve his crab,
And race it out in the lobby!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young crab who said, "Fate
Had made me walk sideways, not straight.
The bother and fuss
When I run for the bus!
No wonder I'm so often late.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Amusing though I find these tales,
Their wit in comparison pales
To the yard I narrate
Of a crab and her mate;
I believe that it happened in Wales...
--- Gunjan

A young female amazed at the trait
Of seeing a crab walk dead straight,
Uses female wiles
And the poor chap beguiles;
By that very night, he's her mate.
--- Gunjan

The next evening around twilight,
She notices things aren't quite right.
Why walks he crabwise?
The helpless chap cries,
"You expect me drunk every night?"
--- Gunjan

Larry Lobster crawls deep in the sea,
Where the pressure and depth guarantee
That all the frustrations
Of mighty crustaceans
Won't help when they have to go pee.
--- David Morin et al

There once was a worm in Warwick,
Who thought that his waist was too thick.
He reduced his consumption
Of compost at luncheon,
And that actually did the trick.
--- Rudolf Ammann

A brave little earthworm, they say,
Was chopped in two pieces one day,
By the merciless blade
Of a gardener's spade,
And the two of him wriggled away!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Three earthworms who shared the same flat
Thought they were getting too fat.
So they practiced their gym.
And when they were slim,
Could twist themselves into a plait.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A germ by the name of Miss Lillie
Was eating on Heinz picalilli.
Her friend, name of Joe,
Said, "Try escargot?"
And she replied, "Joe, don't bacilli."
--- Al Willis

A hookworm I know caused delight,
And never regretted her plight.
She cancelled her dates
With wormy curates,
For Bible-bangers on the right!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

HYDRA is a coelenterate
Who arms feed the gut little bait,
As done in the seas
By anemones'
Trigger cells' paralytic trait.
--- Daniel Ford

One day as I slept on the beach,
Up onto my balls crawled a leech.
When I lay with my bride,
The leech got inside--
But she didn't fuss; she's a peach.

(This is plot of a movie, "The Parasite Murders")
--- G0522

This is file mek

"No thanks" said a Lobster by post,
When asked to a mid-summer roast.
As he wisely said,
"If you were white bread,
Would you jump at the chance to be toast?"
--- Anon

A kinky old dame of St. John's
Has a thing about crustaceons,
Being roused by the grabs
Of the lobsters and crabs,
As she tickles her tits with the prawns.
--- Keith MacMillan 19a

I'll tell you the tale of poor Jim,
Whose toes were lost, having a swim.
He stepped among lobsters,
Those ocean bed monsters,
Who snapped them off, just on a whim.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A millipede thought it was neat
To walk up and down on the street.
But after a while,
He said, with a smile,
"Good fun, but My God! My poor feet!"
--- Anon

"You're a worm!" she cried out in a spate,
When he lewdly suggested they mate.
While the worm is monecious,
His motives were specious,
So she/he slapped its own face the first date.
--- Knotweed

Providing my memory recollects,
The calendar soon intersects
The life of my Sis,
Whose new birthday bliss
Will shatter with gifts of insects.
--- Anon

Those cads who are part of al Quaida,
Are spreading their net even wider.
They've sent her a gift
(I know she'll be miffed) --
A giant and hairy legged spider!
--- Anon

And Tiddy is being most wicked;
He's just gone and bought him a ticket.
A quick Concorde flight
To give a big fright --
To Marty, the gift of a cricket
--- Anon

Then Trav' scared her out of her wits;
His gift was just simply the pits.
Who thought he would dare
To mess up her hair
With packets and packets of nits!
--- Anon

Young Frank is now living in Hampshire
And has plans to scare off her pampshire
He's sent her a present
She'll find most unpleasant --
A whole nest of small stinging ampshire
--- Anon

She certainly won't open Peter's,
The buzzing is heard from three metres.
A box full of woe
He's readied to go --
And filled it right up with some skeeters.
--- Anon

And Hugh's gift is right from the skies,
So certainly we'll hear her cries.
He's carefully wrapped
The ones that he's trapped --
There's hundrends and hundreds of flies.
--- Anon

While Carol and Jon scoured the reeds,
And there found just what Marty needs.
Then carefully posted
(They should both be roasted),
Attractive and red centipedes.
--- Anon

But I have been so very lazy,
And done something strange and quite crazy.
I sent her a plant
That's quite elegant,
A giant white pyrethrum daisy. (makes insecticide)
--- Anon

Oh, great! I've been sent birthday bugs.
Just what the hell happened to hugs?
Inspired by my brother
Found I got no other
Gifts -- like money or nice Persian rugs!
--- Anon

The 8-legged beastie arrived;
Once out of the post it revived.
I sprayed it with Raid
And if it had stayed,
It surely would not have survived.
--- Anon

A cricket to Utah -- that's rich!
I'll just dump that gift in a ditch.
We've got plenty here --
There's more every year.
I've sent Tid a gift of jock itch.
--- Anon

The nits you thought Travis would send,
Instead he gave them to his friend,
Who ate them for lunch
Then hurled the bunch --
On your head they're bound to descend.
--- Anon

The stinging whatever they are?
Well they never did get this far.
The Post Office guys
Thought they looked liked spies.
They've all been hauled before the bar.
--- Anon

Now Peter's I would have unwrapped
Just thinking that maybe he'd trapped
A good bit of him
(Maybe his third limb) --
But all of the skeeters I zapped.
--- Anon

The flies that Hugh sent as a gift?
Somehow they were all set adrift
On a chilly ice floe,
And, as we all know,
Nobody will give flies a lift.
--- Anon

The red centipede necklace catch
Came loose and it gave me a scratch.
I used iodine
Then soaked 'em in brine,
And damned if they didn't all hatch.
--- Anon

I had to flush that down the potty!
Oh! Carol and John, you're so naughty!
But I could not bear
Your bug-necklace there.
I'm silly, but I am not dotty!
--- Anon

Dear brother, do not be surprised
If this great white daisy you prized
Gets thrown in the trash --
I would prefer cash
And not by bugs be compromised.
--- Anon

Once more I must say with conviction:
I do not have some bug addiction!
Don't send me these things
With legs, stings and wings,
Unless you are wont to cause friction.
--- Anon

A fakir who invented levitation
Foresaw his own reincarnation,
"I know it seems drab
To be born as a crab,
But at least I won't be a crushed Asian."
--- Brian Edwards & Bob Ross

Consider the life of a prawn,
Who is inexplicably drawn
To chewing its cud
In sticky black mud --
No wonder it looks very wan.
--- Timothy Torkildson

The slug has just one foot beneath --
And is equally quick or as fleet
As the centipede, so
With a hundred below,
But both are quite sure with their feet.
--- Matthew Montchalin

And robots for feet have long treads,
Though ice-bound ones travel on sleds.
But if either gets wet
It's a fairly good bet,
They short out, for feet to their heads.
--- Matthew Montchalin

A problem that's very worth stating,
Researching, exploring, debating,
Is if we can tell,
From out friends with one cell,
Whether splitting's as much fun as mating.
--- Anon

Commiserate fate for the sponge,
Unable to leap or to plunge.
There isn't a flake
In our so-called sponge cake;
Its corpse we drag through all our grunge.
--- Timothy Torkildson

A cell that had split, lost his wife.
Their life had been storm, woe, and strife.
Her brief epitaph
Just said, "Better Half,"
And half of him went on with life.
--- Al Willis

An amorous earthworm named Fred,
Had a tail that looked like his head.
With no one to date,
And needing a mate,
Eventually, both ends were wed.
--- Ryan Waldron


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