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So when, on some dark silent night, According to expert Mick Bissell, So listen! Hark, is that the plumbing? The wombat makes very good stew An interesting notion, but still, There once was a digger from Sturt, Stay out of the pond! Danger's great! My favorite graffito's the stain The fungus that lives on the pipe I've tried to attack it with bleach; I can't seem to kill the damn stuff; It'll soon be a forty foot fungi; There's only one hope for your plight; For help with that bathroom pollution, A solution I've heard could be fun. Now if you reached a safe distance, The Ty-D-Bowl guy gave up spice My house is in pieces today; So now dear, you're homeless for Christmal. No matter how bad is all seems, Consider the life of the germ, The farmer injected ammonia Thoreau's Walden, a pond most serene, My fridge has a rampant ecology; (Env Protect Agency, Center for Disease Control - USA)
A tiny crustacean called Jill In the dung of a large green iguana, You'll have to admit it's a chore If a virus could have all his druthers, What's good timing for male intromission Doctor Fleming, the lucky young Scot, Sir Fleming, mold-medicine's beginner, Imagine the size of the virus My itching, burning athelete's feet, A mad scientist in Berkeley resides, It's said he has a sweet confection. Injections make Melanie cringe, I really should never have ridna I kid you not, the echidna's no slouch, The platypus lives in Australia. Australian aborigine -- A platypus breeder named Hills, Said the platypus, "Darwin omitted That creature, the platypus duck, A platypus -- duck-billed no less -- And God answered, "Sorry 'bout that, But you were the funniest thing Now once, Mrs Perfesser got drunk, "There is," said an envious ermine, Ferrets live by a code tried and true; An albino ferret named Mouse, Our Japanese ferret Unagi, There was a young man in a berret, We have a sweet ferret named Seymour, Are ferrets and polecats the same? Maxwell the ferret's a glutton, I leave you my solid gold ferret. A ferret named Wicket came in; Rommel was king of the hill; A Fish and Game agent named Antone, There once was a ferret named Prince, We now have a ferrret named Beasley, Them ferrets is not very nice. There once was a ferret named Rikki, Ferret Stella has a very sharp tooth; Yes I know that this story is true, Your basic American otter There's many a baby SEA OTTER,
You hear soft sounds, do not take fright.
A wombat it may
Be, that's just come to say
To you, that you're wrong and you're right.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The difference 'twixt witter amd whistle
Is slight. So, says Mickey,
You may find it tricky
As getting your hand 'round a thistle.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or only the Fridge that is humming?
Isn't whisper or witter
Of wombatty critter
That soft up the stairs is a-coming?
--- Tiddy Ogg
If cooked very slowly, it do;
A little bit chewy
Like rat ratatouille,
But ten times as tender as gnu.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'd rather my belly to fill
But getting me stuck
Into platypus duck...
At least till they give me the bill.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who was frequently given to blurt:
"Say what you can,
I'm a most cultured man,
For my name is Acidophilus Yoghurt."
--- Barry Rosenberg P0608
Flesh-eating bacteria have a new trait.
Now reminiscing fishes
Cast lowly lake wishes
For plankton, amoeba and zooflagelate.
--- Lisa D
That's splorched on the pipe 'neath the drain.
It is still alive?
Does fungus still thrive?
I can't wait to wank there again.
--- H Welchel
'Neath the sink is getting quite ripe.
It's growing a face;
It may soon replace
Us all with an alien type.
--- Karen Schirmer
It sees me and hides out of reach.
I've used poison sprays
And shot it with rays.
Please help me, someone! I beseech!
--- Karen Schirmer
It's got little nodes that go puff,
And stink up the house.
It smells of dead mouse.
So now, do you know enough?
--- Karen Schirmer
I think before then I must run. Gee!
I can't take the smell;
The bathroom is hell,
And it seem to think it likes to bungee!
--- Karen Schirmer
Listen carefully, you must get this right.
Get the Ty-D-Bowl man
(He's stuck in your can)
And have him blow farts through the night!
--- Arden
Call on that household institution --
Heloise; from whence
All those helpful hints,
Always ready with a cleaning solution!
--- Kaylin
Just listen, now here's how it's done...
One stick dynamite,
Wedged in nice and tight,
Light the fuse and learn how to run.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'll find that mold showed no resistance.
And there's nowhere inside
For that fungus to hide,
So just wait to collect the insurance.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Can't fart worth a toot on just rice.
I gave up the fight
And finally last night
Took Tiddy's explosive advice.
--- Karen Schirmer
The mold's just a smallspot of grey.
Dead muck in the pipe
But I will not gripe.
The house was a mess anyway.
--- Karen Schirmer
You may think the future is dismal.
Here's a nice ass's stall,
With a manger and all;
It could be a lot more abyssmal.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's rarely as bad as our dreams.
My freedom has doubled
And we are not troubled
By fungaloid takeover schemes.
--- Karen Schirmer
Determined to make us infirm.
No matter how clean,
It still will convene
Inside us for sessions long-term.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Into his soil with great ceremonia.
But germs in the soil
Did all the hard toil,
In making his corn grow phenomonia.
--- Anon
Had developed an unpleasant sheen.
Henry's neighbours agreed
It was 'cause of the weed;
Surface algae had turned it all green.
--- Rory Ewins Q
The EPA and the CDC
Have deemed it protected;
Said we are infected.
We're quarantined or we would flee.
--- Karen
Had fun with another one, Bill;
Indeed, so much fun,
They're now parents of one
Thousand million billion krill.
--- Peter Wilkins
An aboeba once asked, "Do you wanna?"
A yeast cell replied,
With the rule that applied:
"No mixing of flora and fauna."
--- Bob Birch P9803
Entertaining a phelgmatic spore.
They move very slow
And their charm doesn't show;
You'll forgive me, they are such a bore.
--- Al Willis P9809
He'd mate with his sisters and brothers.
In fact, they all do,
And that's noting new.
But now they attack their own mothers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In nematode sperm competition?
Is the early worm's sperm
That which catches the germ,
Or will late sperm usurp its position.
--- Prof M-G TP9901a
Got a mold in his wee culture pot.
Penicillium notatum
Kicked the staph's skinny bottom,
And it's good for whatever you've got.
--- Anon
A proven microbial winner,
Defeats strep and staph,
E coli? He laughs!
For viruses? Defer to Jenner.
--- Mig
That invades to sicken and tire us.
An infinity
That we cannot see,
Could sneak up behind and expire us.
--- Ericka
Rubbed raw and red with intense heat;
The smarter among us
Report it's a fungus.
I'm convinced it's a yaws spirochete.
--- Lisa D
This is file mbk
Giving lectures on research he guides.
On vivisections
Or yeast infections;
Egad! What horrible slides!
--- Anon
In fact, I hear it's pure perfection.
His yeast dough will proceed,
With the longer you knead,
To rise in the upward direction.
--- Anon
And she faints when she sees a syringe;
But her doc says injections
Stop horrid infections
From eating away at her minge.
--- Anon
Horse that wild -- wish that I didna! --
When he threw me, my spine
Met with consumate pine,
For I lit on a spiny echidna.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8611
(And you'd think this would make her a grouch),
She wiggles around
'Til a way can be found
Of laying her eggs in her pouch.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0104
It belongs to the order mammalia.
It lays eggs like a bird.
Don't you think that's absurd?
To describe it, you'll find words will fail ya.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
The unattradctive DUCKBILL. He
Would probably get
The status of pet
If transferred where Ubangis be.
--- Irving Superior P8611
In debt he was, up to the gills.
Those quack doctor's fees
Brought him to his knees;
He couldn't take all those duck bills.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To come out to Oz and submit it
To a test of his system.
Well, we haven't miss him;
We've survived though we'd never have fitted."
--- Anon
Eats things that he pulls from the muck.
Back legs, (his, not hers)
Have poisonous spurs,
Which smart if you chance to get stuck.
--- John Miller
Was depressed and cried out in distress,
"Why of all God's creatures
Have I got these features?
What made Him create such a mess?"
--- Peter Wilkins
But my hand slipped while swatting a gnat.
It was not of my choosing;
The glue I was using
Got stuck 'twixt a duck's face and rat.
--- Peter Wilkins
That I'd made until early one spring,
When I fashioned from earth,
In a moment of mirth,
A young Adam, a humanoid being!"
--- Peter Wilkins
She decided to bake up a skunk;
Though it tasted quite well,
It just wouldn't sell...
And the kitchen -- My God! -- how it stunk!
--- Anon
"One thing I just cannot determine.
When some girl wears my coat,
She's a person of note,
When I wear it, they call me vermin."
--- Oliver Herford
From which humans could benefit, too.
Teach your sons and daughters
To "Do unto otters
As otters should do unto you."
--- Jonathan R Mason
Loved rolling around in her blouse.
It was really a sight
To see three mounds in flight;
Kept her husband from leaving the house.
--- Bob Church
Is sometimes a little bit hoggy.
He laps up soy milk,
(Though not good for his ilk)
And later his poop comes out soggy.
--- Okojyo
Without an iota of merit.
He showed no respect
To the mayor-elect,
Down whose trousers he posted a ferret.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who thought that he might like to wee more.
He tipped over a cup,
And licked it all up,
And was happy to see that he peed more.
--- Anthony Thomas
To think so is really a shame.
But there are those who think
A ferret's a mink;
Just ask someone at Cal Fish and Game.
--- Katherine Kuckens
From duck soup to turkey and mutton.
He says, "I'm no pig.
I supposed to be big!"
But his coat's almost too tight to button.
--- Brian T Matchick
He weighs in at 24 carat.
And so when I fly
To that hammock in the sky,
You'll inherit a ferret of merit.
--- Katherine Kuckens
On his face was a cute ferret grin.
He'd picked all the locks
And stolen my socks,
And I won't ever find them again.
--- Crassi
Other ferrets were bent to his will.
He was sure that his age
Made him wise, just and sage;
But his subjects thought he was a pill.
--- Sherrie Wilson
Hated ferrets down to the bone.
He got his degree
From watching TV,
But stupidity he got on his own.
--- Bob Church
Who detested a bath and a rinse.
He would fluff up his fur
And most rudely demur,
"I refused and have not done it since!"
--- Sherrie Wilson
Who thinks his treat ration too measly.
He planned all one day,
Till he figured a way
To steal the raisin box easily.
--- M Janke
Up yer leggin's they run in a trice;
Then they nibble and gnaw,
'Til you're awfully sore.
Bet it's someone's peculiar vice.
--- Anon
When he peed, he wasn't too picky.
He peed on the floor
In front of the door,
And that's why the floor is so sticky.
--- Dave Taylor
Rather two and that is the truth.
If you think I lie,
I'll show you my thigh,
Where she tried to change Rob into Ruth!
--- Bob Church
Although those who saw it are few.
A large skunk came to church
With a twist and a lurch,
And sat down in his very own pew.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Will opt to submerge under water
For reasons divers;
He'll later emerge
For reasons sundry, as he aught 'er.
--- Anon
That's lost its mother and fotter.
Though once their reduction,
Neared otter destruction,
If we bother there'll soon be a lotter.
--- Don Lessen P0512Q
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