My I.Q. is just not of the height Of math courses, I've failed a few. This unified field stuff is bunk. By this time you must have the gist. The square root of nine may be three, Joe seeks to use math, which is logical, (Joe Mahaffy)
To students in dread of higher math; To students taking higher math That cannibal's wielding some pliers A really weird guy, Fibonacci; Twenty-one, thirty-four follow close This limerick I'd like to imbue GOOGOL is more that a lotta; Mathematics, of Sciences, Queen, The devil has found me work to do Oh, that math. All those x's and y's, Quadratic and too, simultaneous; With body curvaceous and firmish, The world's mathematical forces, Mathematics: of sciences, queen, A mathematician said, "Who At this time, in our schools it is said, Mathematics: Of sciences, Queen! Mathematics of Sciences, Queen, Mathematics is all in the mind The females who've got math anxiet- Unless you're a bit of a clod, There's more thqn one meaning, you know. Oh yes, it means just one more thing: "To master geometry means When you cut Apolionius' cone Said a point being approached by a locus, A pious young pupil named Meeks,
This is file mal
I argued, "An arc is a boat." 'Twas the ark which was built by Noah; Let geometers sing their dull psalms For Popemobile specs we rely (Pi = 3.0)
Your spelling's been sadly neglected, An Egyptian, a high priest of Horus, If you should round your Pi to 3, Now we know about pi, also e, Said a curve, "I'm becoming hysterical; We'll see how to look at a curve A circle is certainly neat; I'm bored, said a right-angled triangle. A fair maid from North Minneapolis In a Greek mathematical Forum In a triangle called ABC, On CA pick an R, oh please do, On BC the next letter is T, Now some proofs were soon found close at hand, Poor Euclid, he cried all day long, While teaching the History of Math, (Art Springer)
There was a young man named Kareem, When Greek mathmos were alive, For their wisdom, these eminent sages But Boylai and son tried again, Geometry and its foundations were rocked, A mathematician named Klein There was a young lady named Foxe Take note of the colorful carrot, "A cool thing, in which I've delighted!", Add one to the square root of five; The square root of five plus a one, There once was a boy who would sigh, Said Mrs. Isosceles Tri,
Required for Mensa -- not quite.
Equations and such,
Are just far too much.
To hell with the damn speed of light.
--- Larry Davis P8506
I screwed up in calculus too.
The cube of my grades,
Redoubled in spades,
Will not get you into the loo.
--- Larry Davis P8506
It does not explain how a chunk
Of matter from space
Would not leave a trace,
Of that garbage scow that it sunk.
--- Larry Davis P8506
That, unless you really insist,
I'll not do a sum.
I'm just too damn dumb.
And learning, I seem to resist.
--- Larry Davis P8506
but that doesn't matter to me.
The best I can do
Is to add two plus two,
Cause I'm only seven, you see.
--- Larry Davis P8506
To study ideas biological.
But when things don't work out,
He is tempted to shout
Out words that you'd call scatological.
--- Literary Group
Big companies always hire math
ematic graduates
And pay them higher rates,
So go to your class with "Hi ya, Math."
--- Irving Superior P8506
Approaching class with "Hiya, Math."
On graduation day,
When offered higher pay,
Enjoy your higher aftermath.
--- Irving Superior P8506
And he poking around those fires.
Yes, he making a new
Ethnic abacus, true;
Using testicles strung along wires.
--- Peter Wilkins
His numbering system is patchy.
1, 1, 2, 3, 5,
8, 13 -- Sakes alive!
Now I see why it's hip, cool and catchy!
--- Peter Wilkins
('Tis the counting for those otiose);
Fifty-five, eighty-nine,
All have limerick time,
After that, though, it is simply gross.
--- Mike AsSumut
With humor: A good laugh or two
But with all of the math
That litters the path,
I will bore you before I am through.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's even more than a yotta.
One hundred power
To make us glower
At math much more than we oughtta.
--- Daniel Ford
And Marie-Antoinette, Queen of the Mean.
Both are viewed, in the main,
As a right royal pain,
And arouse the same cry...Guillotine!
--- Prof M-G
And so limericks it is that I spew.
From the depths of my head,
Silly rhymes henceforth read,
But math homework is what I must do.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And square roots, and cosines and pi's.
I'd concentrate more,
On the girlie next door,
And plan how to get 'tween her thighs.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My mind went to things more extraneous.
What I wanted more,
Was to creep round next door,
And grapple with things Mary Janeous.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She flirted; and after a skirmish
And tussle and fight
Lasting half of the night,
She said, "Take me, you devil! I'm squirmish."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Despite their outstanding resources,
Do not cease to adorn
With the Lemma of Zorn,
Over ninety per cent of their courses.
--- Leo Mosher
Has more rules than I've ever seen.
There are no exceptions,
Just number deceptions.
On calculators, I am quite keen.
--- Marlene
Can quote me a theorem that's true?
The ones that I know
Are simply not so
When the characteristic is two."
--- Leo Mosher
That the pupil need not use his head.
No longer he fidgets
And counts on his digits;
He manipulates buttons instead!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Exactly just what does that mean?
Are math guys all gay?
Or in some other way,
Of sciences, number two on the scene.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901
Loathed to add or subtract as a teen.
So she fell with both arms
For Technology's charm,
And begat the computing machine.
--- Prof M-G
And so too is sex, you will find.
If you like aberration
Just use imagination,
But please, will you try to be kind?
--- Neal Wilgus P8506
y (v. males) have the moiet-
y, and can't add 2 + 2 -
And neither could you,
If, from birth, you're discouraged to try it.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506
You'll think the arrangement is odd.
Four dots in a square,
Plus one centered there.
That gives you a quincunx, by God.
--- Larry Davis P8601
The quincunx is not just for show.
Botanically, it
Will give you a fit.
It's circular, not in a row.
--- Larry Davis P8601
The song that astrologists sing,
When two planets are,
From nearest to far,
Apart by five signs of the ring.
--- Larry Davis P8601
To begin with the art in one's teens,
To keep a clear head,"
Pythagoras said,
"And always avoid eating beans."
--- A N Wilkins P8506
There's a circle, but it's not alone.
A parabola, new,
A hyperbola, too,
And a perfect ellipse will be shown.
--- Montgomery Phister
"I condsider this sheer hocus-pocus.
What good will it do me
If it never gets to me?
Will someone please tell it to focus."
--- Conrad Aiken
Who claims mathematicians are freaks,
Asks why he has to study
Junk derived by those cruddy
Heathen Arabs and infidel Greeks.
--- A N Wilkins P8506
She said, "Don't be an ass!" That's a quote.
And then she said, "Irv,
An arc is a curve,
And you are a dumb billygoat."
--- Al Willis T9801
Greek geometers, the arc made, and more.
Noah was buggered by Ham,
And Greeks slammed the ham,
They had one thing in common, for shoa.
About circles' and triangles' charms.
But the figure I prize
Is a girl with bright eyes,
And the circle that's formed by her arms.
--- Leo Mosher
On data sent down from up high.
Every wheel has a flat
And the reason is that
It's the biblical value of pi.
--- Phil Cannibal P9006
Though interest in math is detected.
I'll show you a trick,
Involving my prick
And your legs being neatly bisected.
--- Anon
Blew a bubble in the shape of a torus.
But Willmore said, "No,
It's not minimal, so
Such an object can't be set before us.
--- Jonathan Munn
Then the wheel can no longer be;
Your car and your bike,
And little one's trike,
Are sure to become history.
--- Michael Piersdorff
But what about geometry?
With ruler and pen
And set square in my hand,
What craftsmanship this will be.
--- Walter Barth
It is hell to be merely numerical.
I bend and I bend,
But where will it end,
In a world that is hopelessly spherical?"
--- Conrad Aiken
And follow its turn and its swerve,
When it doesn't have length
And the calculus strength
To describe the geometric curve.
--- Literary Group
It starts with a line length discreet,
Then by grasping each end
'Round a pi plate you bend --
When the ends touch, the circle's complete.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2728
Fed up with this rectitude angle.
And what is the use
Of a hypotenuse,
If she hasn't got bangs and a bangle.
--- Conrad Aiken
Was an expert in drawing parabolas.
She extended their arms
And showed off their charms,
And they looked positively fabulous.
--- Anon
Young Euclid was present to bore 'em.
He spent most of his time
Drawing circles sublime,
And in crossing the pons asinorum
--- Leo Moser
Pick a point on AB, call it P.
Pick a Q on BC,
Where BQ is BP.
Ah, the joys of pure geometry!
--- David Gale
Where CR is exactly CQ,
And now pick an S
On AB, more or less,
So that "AS is AR" is true.
--- David Gale
Where BT is BS, don't you see.
On CA pick a U,
An you'll know what to do,
Next what's this? We've arrived back at P!
--- David Gale
But it didn't turn out quite as I'd planned.
For though not very large,
(They would fit in the marg-
In) regrettably, none of them scanned.
--- David Gale
When his parrot flew back to Ceylon.
He was working out pi
When it took to the sky,
The next thing he knew, Polygon!
--- Ogni Gioia
And planning the course in his bath,
Art cried out "Eureka!"
(He was heard in Topeka)
"One cannot find a parallet path!"
--- Literary Group
Who explained, "For a point real extreme,
The tangent at a,
To a rest must lay;
I wish it the pleasantest of dreams."
--- Anon
They thought Euclid's rule number five,
About lines parallel
Didn't gel very well,
But from others it could be derived.
--- Jonathan Munn
Couldn't do it, and all through the ages
It defied their deductions
And ad absurdum reductions,
And refused to budge from their pages.
--- Jonathan Munn
And soon Janus discovered a plane,
Where many parallels thrive,
Breaking rule number five,
Leaving Geometry as though hit by a train.
--- Jonathan Munn
And to its side, more geometries flocked,
In which the sum of the angles
Was not pi for triangles
And thus Euclid's fifth postulate was mocked.
--- Jonathan Munn
Took one look at the mess and said, "Fine!
To aid trigonoetry,
I'll unify geometry,
And help out the parallel line.
--- Jonathan Munn
Who had a four-dimensional box.
A pretty girl, too.
But she'd only screw
With men who had hyperspace cocks.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
A conical section with merit.
With a knife, any boob
Can extract the cube,
But not even Euclid could square it!
--- Stiffy Joe
A numbers geek here has confided
"I've trapped the mean Golden
In this line you're beholdin';
The square root of five, plus one, divided.
--- Anon
Halve that, get the means to derive
The face that appeals,
Our esthetic ideals.
Keep the art-math connection alive.
--- Anon
Over two yields a ratio of fun.
And that golden mean
Can so often be seen
In art, shells, fonts, all that's been done.
--- Anon
"No matter how hard I do try,
It's always in vain
When they try to explain.
I suppose I must eat humble pi.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8506
"That I'm sharp I've no wish to deny.
But I do not dare
To be perfectly square--
I'm sure if I did, I should die!"
--- Clinton Burgess