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My I.Q. is just not of the height
Required for Mensa -- not quite.
Equations and such,
Are just far too much.
To hell with the damn speed of light.
--- Larry Davis P8506

Of math courses, I've failed a few.
I screwed up in calculus too.
The cube of my grades,
Redoubled in spades,
Will not get you into the loo.
--- Larry Davis P8506

This unified field stuff is bunk.
It does not explain how a chunk
Of matter from space
Would not leave a trace,
Of that garbage scow that it sunk.
--- Larry Davis P8506

By this time you must have the gist.
That, unless you really insist,
I'll not do a sum.
I'm just too damn dumb.
And learning, I seem to resist.
--- Larry Davis P8506

The square root of nine may be three,
but that doesn't matter to me.
The best I can do
Is to add two plus two,
Cause I'm only seven, you see.
--- Larry Davis P8506

Joe seeks to use math, which is logical,
To study ideas biological.
But when things don't work out,
He is tempted to shout
Out words that you'd call scatological.

(Joe Mahaffy)
--- Literary Group

To students in dread of higher math;
Big companies always hire math
ematic graduates
And pay them higher rates,
So go to your class with "Hi ya, Math."
--- Irving Superior P8506

To students taking higher math
Approaching class with "Hiya, Math."
On graduation day,
When offered higher pay,
Enjoy your higher aftermath.
--- Irving Superior P8506

That cannibal's wielding some pliers
And he poking around those fires.
Yes, he making a new
Ethnic abacus, true;
Using testicles strung along wires.
--- Peter Wilkins

A really weird guy, Fibonacci;
His numbering system is patchy.
1, 1, 2, 3, 5,
8, 13 -- Sakes alive!
Now I see why it's hip, cool and catchy!
--- Peter Wilkins

Twenty-one, thirty-four follow close
('Tis the counting for those otiose);
Fifty-five, eighty-nine,
All have limerick time,
After that, though, it is simply gross.
--- Mike AsSumut

This limerick I'd like to imbue
With humor: A good laugh or two
But with all of the math
That litters the path,
I will bore you before I am through.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

GOOGOL is more that a lotta;
It's even more than a yotta.
One hundred power
To make us glower
At math much more than we oughtta.
--- Daniel Ford

Mathematics, of Sciences, Queen,
And Marie-Antoinette, Queen of the Mean.
Both are viewed, in the main,
As a right royal pain,
And arouse the same cry...Guillotine!
--- Prof M-G

The devil has found me work to do
And so limericks it is that I spew.
From the depths of my head,
Silly rhymes henceforth read,
But math homework is what I must do.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh, that math. All those x's and y's,
And square roots, and cosines and pi's.
I'd concentrate more,
On the girlie next door,
And plan how to get 'tween her thighs.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Quadratic and too, simultaneous;
My mind went to things more extraneous.
What I wanted more,
Was to creep round next door,
And grapple with things Mary Janeous.
--- Tiddy Ogg

With body curvaceous and firmish,
She flirted; and after a skirmish
And tussle and fight
Lasting half of the night,
She said, "Take me, you devil! I'm squirmish."
--- Tiddy Ogg

The world's mathematical forces,
Despite their outstanding resources,
Do not cease to adorn
With the Lemma of Zorn,
Over ninety per cent of their courses.
--- Leo Mosher

Mathematics: of sciences, queen,
Has more rules than I've ever seen.
There are no exceptions,
Just number deceptions.
On calculators, I am quite keen.
--- Marlene

A mathematician said, "Who
Can quote me a theorem that's true?
The ones that I know
Are simply not so
When the characteristic is two."
--- Leo Mosher

At this time, in our schools it is said,
That the pupil need not use his head.
No longer he fidgets
And counts on his digits;
He manipulates buttons instead!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Mathematics: Of sciences, Queen!
Exactly just what does that mean?
Are math guys all gay?
Or in some other way,
Of sciences, number two on the scene.
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901

Mathematics of Sciences, Queen,
Loathed to add or subtract as a teen.
So she fell with both arms
For Technology's charm,
And begat the computing machine.
--- Prof M-G

Mathematics is all in the mind
And so too is sex, you will find.
If you like aberration
Just use imagination,
But please, will you try to be kind?
--- Neal Wilgus P8506

The females who've got math anxiet-
y (v. males) have the moiet-
y, and can't add 2 + 2 -
And neither could you,
If, from birth, you're discouraged to try it.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506

Unless you're a bit of a clod,
You'll think the arrangement is odd.
Four dots in a square,
Plus one centered there.
That gives you a quincunx, by God.
--- Larry Davis P8601

There's more thqn one meaning, you know.
The quincunx is not just for show.
Botanically, it
Will give you a fit.
It's circular, not in a row.
--- Larry Davis P8601

Oh yes, it means just one more thing:
The song that astrologists sing,
When two planets are,
From nearest to far,
Apart by five signs of the ring.
--- Larry Davis P8601

"To master geometry means
To begin with the art in one's teens,
To keep a clear head,"
Pythagoras said,
"And always avoid eating beans."
--- A N Wilkins P8506

When you cut Apolionius' cone
There's a circle, but it's not alone.
A parabola, new,
A hyperbola, too,
And a perfect ellipse will be shown.
--- Montgomery Phister

Said a point being approached by a locus,
"I condsider this sheer hocus-pocus.
What good will it do me
If it never gets to me?
Will someone please tell it to focus."
--- Conrad Aiken

A pious young pupil named Meeks,
Who claims mathematicians are freaks,
Asks why he has to study
Junk derived by those cruddy
Heathen Arabs and infidel Greeks.
--- A N Wilkins P8506

This is file mal

I argued, "An arc is a boat."
She said, "Don't be an ass!" That's a quote.
And then she said, "Irv,
An arc is a curve,
And you are a dumb billygoat."
--- Al Willis T9801

'Twas the ark which was built by Noah;
Greek geometers, the arc made, and more.
Noah was buggered by Ham,
And Greeks slammed the ham,
They had one thing in common, for shoa.

Let geometers sing their dull psalms
About circles' and triangles' charms.
But the figure I prize
Is a girl with bright eyes,
And the circle that's formed by her arms.
--- Leo Mosher

For Popemobile specs we rely
On data sent down from up high.
Every wheel has a flat
And the reason is that
It's the biblical value of pi.

(Pi = 3.0)
--- Phil Cannibal P9006

Your spelling's been sadly neglected,
Though interest in math is detected.
I'll show you a trick,
Involving my prick
And your legs being neatly bisected.
--- Anon

An Egyptian, a high priest of Horus,
Blew a bubble in the shape of a torus.
But Willmore said, "No,
It's not minimal, so
Such an object can't be set before us.
--- Jonathan Munn

If you should round your Pi to 3,
Then the wheel can no longer be;
Your car and your bike,
And little one's trike,
Are sure to become history.
--- Michael Piersdorff

Now we know about pi, also e,
But what about geometry?
With ruler and pen
And set square in my hand,
What craftsmanship this will be.
--- Walter Barth

Said a curve, "I'm becoming hysterical;
It is hell to be merely numerical.
I bend and I bend,
But where will it end,
In a world that is hopelessly spherical?"
--- Conrad Aiken

We'll see how to look at a curve
And follow its turn and its swerve,
When it doesn't have length
And the calculus strength
To describe the geometric curve.
--- Literary Group

A circle is certainly neat;
It starts with a line length discreet,
Then by grasping each end
'Round a pi plate you bend --
When the ends touch, the circle's complete.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2728

I'm bored, said a right-angled triangle.
Fed up with this rectitude angle.
And what is the use
Of a hypotenuse,
If she hasn't got bangs and a bangle.
--- Conrad Aiken

A fair maid from North Minneapolis
Was an expert in drawing parabolas.
She extended their arms
And showed off their charms,
And they looked positively fabulous.
--- Anon

In a Greek mathematical Forum
Young Euclid was present to bore 'em.
He spent most of his time
Drawing circles sublime,
And in crossing the pons asinorum
--- Leo Moser

In a triangle called ABC,
Pick a point on AB, call it P.
Pick a Q on BC,
Where BQ is BP.
Ah, the joys of pure geometry!
--- David Gale

On CA pick an R, oh please do,
Where CR is exactly CQ,
And now pick an S
On AB, more or less,
So that "AS is AR" is true.
--- David Gale

On BC the next letter is T,
Where BT is BS, don't you see.
On CA pick a U,
An you'll know what to do,
Next what's this? We've arrived back at P!
--- David Gale

Now some proofs were soon found close at hand,
But it didn't turn out quite as I'd planned.
For though not very large,
(They would fit in the marg-
In) regrettably, none of them scanned.
--- David Gale

Poor Euclid, he cried all day long,
When his parrot flew back to Ceylon.
He was working out pi
When it took to the sky,
The next thing he knew, Polygon!
--- Ogni Gioia

While teaching the History of Math,
And planning the course in his bath,
Art cried out "Eureka!"
(He was heard in Topeka)
"One cannot find a parallet path!"

(Art Springer)
--- Literary Group

There was a young man named Kareem,
Who explained, "For a point real extreme,
The tangent at a,
To a rest must lay;
I wish it the pleasantest of dreams."
--- Anon

When Greek mathmos were alive,
They thought Euclid's rule number five,
About lines parallel
Didn't gel very well,
But from others it could be derived.
--- Jonathan Munn

For their wisdom, these eminent sages
Couldn't do it, and all through the ages
It defied their deductions
And ad absurdum reductions,
And refused to budge from their pages.
--- Jonathan Munn

But Boylai and son tried again,
And soon Janus discovered a plane,
Where many parallels thrive,
Breaking rule number five,
Leaving Geometry as though hit by a train.
--- Jonathan Munn

Geometry and its foundations were rocked,
And to its side, more geometries flocked,
In which the sum of the angles
Was not pi for triangles
And thus Euclid's fifth postulate was mocked.
--- Jonathan Munn

A mathematician named Klein
Took one look at the mess and said, "Fine!
To aid trigonoetry,
I'll unify geometry,
And help out the parallel line.
--- Jonathan Munn

There was a young lady named Foxe
Who had a four-dimensional box.
A pretty girl, too.
But she'd only screw
With men who had hyperspace cocks.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506

Take note of the colorful carrot,
A conical section with merit.
With a knife, any boob
Can extract the cube,
But not even Euclid could square it!
--- Stiffy Joe

"A cool thing, in which I've delighted!",
A numbers geek here has confided
"I've trapped the mean Golden
In this line you're beholdin';
The square root of five, plus one, divided.
--- Anon

Add one to the square root of five;
Halve that, get the means to derive
The face that appeals,
Our esthetic ideals.
Keep the art-math connection alive.
--- Anon

The square root of five plus a one,
Over two yields a ratio of fun.
And that golden mean
Can so often be seen
In art, shells, fonts, all that's been done.
--- Anon

There once was a boy who would sigh,
"No matter how hard I do try,
It's always in vain
When they try to explain.
I suppose I must eat humble pi.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8506

Said Mrs. Isosceles Tri,
"That I'm sharp I've no wish to deny.
But I do not dare
To be perfectly square--
I'm sure if I did, I should die!"
--- Clinton Burgess


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