I had this advice from my Mum: Is it right to make animals fatter, I have got good lumps on my head. My head aches so badly, I fear Capt. Jones was a hell of a brawler -- A young man from Utah, named Paul There was an old drunk from Kilblane Your brain's hippocampus in where "Clean my gelding: his sheath's full of smegma." (bregma - suture joining point in skull)
Said a wife to her husband near Scole, Left-handers are often maligned, I seem to have lost it again See here! It's a spot called my head An ambitious med-student, named Fred, "Ve operate schnell in ze Morgan!" I've implied that you haven't a brain; There once was a guy from Spain, An aging bassoonist from Italy There was a young lady named Baird A certain exec name of Blass, My brain has been slow as a snail, I'm keeping my brain in a bucket. I'm unsure of the marvel's specifics, I don't know what goes on in my brain You might say "No pain no gain!" Miss Gush taught her girls an old trick There once was a high school scholar, There once was a whore in Lahore, Once a careless young fellow named Ned Dr Watson sought clues in a Datsun. There once was a fair young lass 'Twas a notion of William Dean Howells A man with a mania for owls
This is file lzm
One morning, a hapless young Haitian, Some things in this life are real humbling, Eating is so elementary. "So how are the kiddies?" I said. A dethigner who liveth in Fort Thmith There was a young fellow named Nutz An unfortunate fellow named Chase, An elderly couple, the Tampers, There was a young lady of Newcastle, The intestines of Dante Rossetti Home remedies failed Uncle Jack, It's little and round and it's pinker, There was a young fellow of Buckingham, (Published 1879)
There was a fruit peddler of Buckingham There was an old film star called Max, The faces of some girls have dimples, Whenever our Margie get's hot, It's okay that Celts had a blue face, Now lots have cerulean eyes, I suspect that they used color blue If a make-up gal you would seek, A glass-blower, checking for leaks, The chin was meant to give trouble, There are those who look fair with the dimple, So maybe I'll duct tape my cheeks By contorting the face epidermis, Angel, a diminutive jockey, There was a young girl of Messleuch A middle-aged man, upper class, (must be brother to the ape buggerer - McW)
There was a young woman called Trace, Said young Marvin, "I'm for quid pro quo, For reasons obscure and unclear, If I could just kiss my own nose, An unhappy chap from Montrose
Be careful when choosing a chum.
Avoid if you can
Any very short man;
His brains are too close to his bum.
--- John Dole P0111 P9604A
Just to eat their poor brains once you shatter
Their skulls with some spite?
It's not black and white,
But somewhere between, a gray matter.
--- Hans
Considering having them read,
But they would just say
My brain's in the way.
The truth about my smarts has spread.
--- Marlene Lewis
My brain will fall out of my ear.
Been trying all day,
But can't find a way
To just get my head back in gear.
--- Marlene Lewis
In a fight he could make giants holler.
But the ladies all said
He was no good in bed,
For his head would slip out of his collar.
--- Neal Wilgus P8406
Had a head several sizes too small.
For the price of a dollar,
He'd loosen his collar,
And show how far down it could fall.
--- Michael Palin
Who wandered for miles in the rain.
His hat then did shrink,
Which then made him think,
His head was too small for his brain.
--- David Axton
The signals inhibiting fear
Originate for
Suppression of your
Amygdala's panicky fear.
--- Nick
It was thus that I often would beg Ma.
She took a good wipe
But he wasn't her type,
And he kicked her right square in the bregma.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd forgotten to order the coal,
"I knew you'd forget.
You've a head like a net.
Where there isn't a knot there's a hole."
--- Ida Thurtle
But if you research you will find,
The right of the brain
Runs the left of the frame,
And a lefty is in her right mind.
--- Bob Phillips
Oh well! No matter! But then?
There seems to be a place
Very close to my face,
Where I've seen it just above my chin!
--- Anon
Where my brain seems all lifeless and dead.
So what could have happened
To make my brain sappened,
To the point that it acts just like lead?
--- Anon
Sliced through cranial nerves as he said,
"She was good as a lay,
But for class, today,
I just had to get a head."
--- Ann Gasser P8904
Said Herr Doktor Werner von Sorgen.
"Ze brain is congested!"
"Oh no," I protested,
"That's my second most favorite organ!"
--- Ogni Gioia
You just smiled and you did not complain.
If you're to improve,
It's certain that you've
A need for some legerdemain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who couldn't afford a brain.
He hadn't the money
To pay for a dummy --
Mindlessness drove him insane!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Considered his pate somewhat bitterly;
It's almost as neat as
The dome of St. Peters,
But not rounded off quite so prettily.
--- Ron Rubin
Whose hearing was badly impaired,
And whatever you said,
She waggled her head
And answered, "Oh no! I'm too scared."
--- P8210
Always at the head of his class,
Did himself in one day
In a corporate way:
Suffocation by head up the ass.
--- Evelyn L
So I'm keeping it in a pail,
With plant food and water.
I think this should oughter
Fix up my brain waves without fail.
--- Marlene Lewis
I think that perhaps with some luck it
Will get nice and clean
And much less obscene.
Then back in my head I will tuck it.
--- Marlene Lewis
But the brains of us highly prolifics
Often demonstrate skills
That give others the chills
When they see us compose honorifics.
--- Hugh Clary
When I'm writing this wort of refrain.
Does this mental dichotomy
Suggest a lobotomy?
Or should I just remain insane.
--- Murphy
And indulge in removal of brain,
Or wait in the lurch
Until pharma research
Discovers a psychic Rogaine.
--- Pat Powers
To learn poise; on their heads, a big brick.
To her snobbish assortment,
She brought by deportment
Proud heads borne on necks grossly thick.
--- David A Brooks Q
Whose brain grew smaller and smaller.
It grew so small, in fact,
It was hardly intact,
So he sold it to science for a dollar.
--- Anon
Who'd a surprise for patrons in store.
She collected the head
Of her victims in bed,
To pave a nice path to her door.
--- Dirruk
Took a fairy godmother to bed.
But she shriveled his dome
Till he looked like a gnome,
When he begged her for a little head.
--- Jim Maxwell P8303
"It appears, Holmes, this girl had the hots, son.
But was the attack
From the front or the back?"
Sherlock said, "Alimentary, Dear Watson."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8902
Whose body was made out of glass.
From there you could note
What went into her throat,
And all the way down to her ass.
--- Robert Holtz
That a man should have ultraclean bowels.
He would swallow pipe cleaners,
The size of small wieners,
With a chaser of pink paper towels.
--- G1401
Stands in a tree and he howls.
He's been in that tree
Since Nineteen-0-Three
And not once had the use of his bowels.
--- Spike Milligan
Gulped his keys down, along with his ration.
If you'd like to know
Where then they did go,
Use the process of elimination.
--- Horst Zweibach
And some things will lead to much grumbling;
At times they're combined,
Like when I have dined,
Then during dessert she starts rumbling!
--- Anon
The food goes into the entry,
The stomach, the gut,
And heads for the butt,
And this is all alimentary.
--- Al Willis A
And then his face promptly turned red.
He described first his pee
And then his agony.
"I didn't say KIDNEYS," I said.
--- Al Willis P9608
Ith without the equipment to pith,
Generating a debate
On the quo of hith thate,
Namely, ith he a man or a mith?
--- Hugh Oliver A018A
Who would rut as the pederast ruts.
His physician said, "Solon
There's more in your colon
Than ever got in through your guts."
--- G1025A
Had an ass that was not quite in place.
He showed indignation
When an investigation,
Showed that some people shit through their face.
--- L1601
Are not what one calls "happy campers";
Her crotch oozes pee,
His ass drops debris--
Physician to patients: "Use Pampers!"
--- Armand Singer
Received a remarkable parcel.
In a box with three locks,
Were two cocks with the pox,
And a quim, and the brim of an arsehole.
--- Anon
Were exceedingly fragile and petty.
All he could eat
Was finely chopped meat,
And all he could shit was spaghetti.
--- L0736
Whose control of his functions had lack.
One could tell his mischance
By the state of his pants,
Yellow stains in the front, brown in back.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9107
And, oh boy, it's really a stinker.
It is the muscle
Below your bustle.
That's right, you know, it is your sphincter.
--- Anon
Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em;
But later this work
Was eclipsed by a Turk
Wrote a opus on ass-holes and sucking 'em.
--- L0388
Who wrote about quinces and sucking 'em.
But later this work
Was eclipsed by a Turk
With a treatise on apples and plucking 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin Appeal 1656
Who had a false nose made of wax.
His cheekbones were plastic;
His eyebrows, elastic,
And his hairpiece was held on by tacks.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
But Marge's is covered with pimples.
But me being blind,
I really don't mind,
'Cause reading her face I find simple.
--- Anon
Her visage produces more spots,
Which tells me today
I might have it away,
And I show her just what I have got.
--- Anon
But it weren't in the scrotal space,
Which would have, no doubt,
Surely wiped out
That very remarkable race.
--- Anon
And fair epidermis, likewise.
Then sun does its deed,
And most of them need
Dermatologists, when cancers arise.
--- Anon
To efface the roseate hue.
More damage that's done
From rays of the sun,
Which distorts the noses, a few.
--- Anon
To conceal damage that rays wreak,
She'll hide crimson scene
'Neath transparent green.
'Tis physics of which I now speak.
--- Anon
That he knew had existed for weeks,
Was filled with despair
When he found that the air
Was escaping through holes in his cheeks.
--- Lims Unlimited
Either pimples or dimples or stubble,
Though some have the gall
To grow not at all,
While others come triple and double.
--- A Euwer
And others who look simply simple.
Some say 'tis a whimlet
Of Dame Nature's gimlet
Or it may be an inverted pimple.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708
To my ears for a couple of weeks;
And my eyelids I'll tape
To improve on their shape.
Yes, I guess I could use a few tweaks.
--- Anon
Or skin, or whatever the term is,
We express or display
Pride, joy or dismay --
The expression's whatever the squirm is.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708
Discovered his face to be pocky;
So he went to the doc,
Who imparted a shock --
It resulted from flying horse hockey.
--- LaDonna Jones P8503
Whose statements were often untrue.
When they said, "Are you hot?"
She replied, "No I'm not;
What you see on my face is the dew."
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903
Got a facelift from a doctor so crass.
The result was most horrid,
With balls on his forehead,
And eyeballs poking out of his ass.
--- Tom Patton P9503
Who had freckles all over her face.
She hated it when
Friends got out their pen,
And had a 'join the dots' race.
--- P Copeman
So a sum to my girl I'll bestow.
Since her cunt has no wear
There's no need for repair --
It's to rebuild her lips like nouveau. "
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0308
I can't put my nose in my ear.
But if I succeed,
I'll be happy indeed,
For I'll finally have a career.
--- Anon
I'd have a career, I suppose.
But the Christian right wing,
Would frown on the thing;
For safety, I'll just kiss my toes.
--- Anon
Had cheeks that flamed red like a rose.
He said: "They're all right
To see by at night,
But the moths will all crawl up my nose."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1