MORE
I'd like to buy you a drink, When he asked for a quickie divorce, The women we hear of today I'm sorry and so sad to hear Ms Pamela Anderson Lee (Leslie - less Lee - McW)
Divorce me, you bastard, would you? Some husbands are not what one expects, Heather Mills is no one-legged whore! (Paul McCartney's ex-wife)
There was a young lady named Brent, (indifferent - one word or two? - McW)
If I had a girl named Delores, Said Mrs to Mr Witkowski, A wife who eavesdropped (which was small of her) The old romance turned sour; The classifieds have run mo' ads, A shrewd divorcee, out to court, Contesting a bitter divorce, A bridegroom, one Albert T Nixon, If I had stayed married, I fear, The new divorcee wasn't tentative A fed up young fellow named Trevor Claire smirked and replied - "Where's the proof, My first husband -- a joker like you. That work is the curse of a lim "The purpose of twat?" .. umm? .. that's strange, That rice-and-shoes day soon is passed; Pat and Rose had a lot of ability, Last night I ran into my ex; The couple agreed to a scission. Do you think boffing you one more time, Once I was really quite rich So many words of the day, For sixteen years I once did time, A VORACIOUS satyr for sex, Post divorce, she shopped for fur coat, "For payback as this, I do chaff, The fellow who was to adjudicate, A man from far Xanadu, Divorcing her for another, There once was a man who had more, There once was a man named Bill, There once was a man and a wife, Now that you've read all the bees* Animal husbandry? Yes, Antenuptual events for the groom When her curvy wiles finally clicked, I married a girl named Marie There was a young fellow from Middletown A scientist, named Tweedle Needem, The spouse of a pretty young thing, There was a young man from Khartoum, An old gentleman living in Harwich, Poor Johnny was one HANGDOG pup; I spend a lot of time on my own, Said a newlywed groom named McGee, A fool that I know now expects A worried young bridegroom named Carson As he ogled the sexy young tart, I think it is wicked and dreadful When a feverish groom in Armenia He came from a far distant shore; Since redheaded Gary arrived, He sounds quite hearty and hale; I'm seeking a sleek tight-assed hunk Though Gary and I have not met, There's a young Jewish lady named Carrie, An amorous woman from Barton
To toast your appearance, clink-clink.
But three times a groom?
Can't find the right womb?
I know! I've been 'round that rink!
--- TuttaGioia
Talked of naught else until he was hoarse,
Asked, "Why not?" She would rant,
And was most adamant--
"I have no-fault insurance, of course!"
--- Ann Gasser P9412
Won't put up with much, so they say.
You step out of line,
They treat you like swine,
And garnishee all of your pay.
--- Armand E Singer 366
That your husband is no longer here.
It's not as if he died
For then I would have cried.
I hope you get a new one next year.
--- Tom Patton P0510Q
Is getting divorced soon, I see.
And the papers all claim
That she'll then change her name;
She wants to be known as Leslie.
--- Tim Raptor
That's it, we are over and through?
I'll get my own back,
His computer I'll hack
I've written a virus for you!
--- Anon
And not only 'cause of bad sex.
A God awful bore,
So I ran out the door,
That's why I now have me an ex.
--- Anon
But as she fucking hopped out the door,
She sang, "I don't need you,
And I won't feed you,
'Cause now, Paul, you've turned sixty-four."
--- David Miller
Who upon a divorce was hell-bent.
"Life has been fine,"
She said, "Sex divine!"
'Til her husband got indifferent.
--- Anon
Who closely resembled a walrus,
First I'd file for divorce,
Then use physical force,
And kick the bitch in the clitoris.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"You ain't nuthin' but a big louseski.
I'm tired of your cheatin'
And constant brow-beatin',
So, git your butt out...leave the house-key!"
--- Anon
Heard her husband declare he loved all of her.
She divorced him at once
For the sweet little dunce
Had assumed he loved someone named Oliver.
--- Jemstone P9911
Now the luster is off the flower.
They were once well-wed,
But the marriage went dead,
And truth got divorced from power.
--- Anon
Apparently from some po' dads,
Who've gone through divorce,
And lost all, of course,
To wives who still squeeze their gonads.
--- Travis Brasell
With an uplift to funds fallen short,
Knew with nip and a tuck
And a helping of luck,
She'd have no further need of support.
--- Val Burns P0609
In which the man cited his horse,
The wife had to plead
That she was in need,
And he's never finished the course.
--- Anon
Quickly learned his new bride was a vixen,
So he filed for divorce,
Which was granted, of course,
Because the judge saw what needed fixin'.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Today would have been thirty years.
Of marital bliss?
No, it, I don't miss,
Not him or his wee little spear.
--- Anon
Describing her newly shed relative.
She said loud and clear,
For the whole world to hear,
"He's a no-good goddam fucking (expletive)!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0512Q
Decided his marriage to sever.
"Thirty years," said the judge
And from this would not budge.
"You must not use the knife, no not never."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2819a
You good-for-nothing all-time goof?
Dearie, you can't scare,
Even a small hare,
Your divorce threat is but a spoof."
--- Anon
Cost a fortune before we were through!
But I smartened up --
Made Two sign the pre-nup;
So never will he make me blue!
--- Kaylin
Writer's normal obsession with quim,
I can vouch for. Now what
Is the purpose of twat?
I forget for my memory's dim.
--- Anon
Is to take all my greenbacks and change;
And to keep lawyers hustling
In their damn schemes of rustling
Every thing I own -- house, stock and range!
--- Anon
Of happiness that is your last.
A rapid divorce
The solution, of course.
And freedom regain pretty fast.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But were low on compatability.
Their marriage, of course,
Ended in a divorce,
Which they regretted until their senility.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
She complained of not getting my checks;
She called me a jerk,
Then we both went berserk,
But we ended it up with good sex!
--- Cap'n Bean
At issue was their property's division.
She got the flat
And of course, the cat;
He got the projector television.
--- Norm Brust
Would it really count as a crime?
I know we're divorced
And you don't like to be forced,
But all you've now got was once mine.
--- Anon
And then I decided to hitch.
It ended, of course,
In a court of divorce.
Now my money's all gone to the bitch.
--- Puff Adder P0203
Bring my Ex to mind right away!
Captious was he,
So mismatched for me,
"I do" should have really been "Nay!"
--- Chris Papa
But didn't commit any crime,
I left his dumb ass,
For more greener grass, (literally)
And finally wised up in my prime.
--- Anon
Sam would his poor wife perplex.
So when she got sore,
She swore never more,
Saw lawyer, and now is his "ex."
--- Chris Papa
This is file lyl
And luxurious cruise on a boat.
"You spend money VORACIOUSLY",
He accused her ungraciously.
"So, it's payback," she said, "You old goat!"
--- Elois
But neither of us has last laugh,
Which sure goes instead
To sharks that we fed;
The lawyers who walked off with half.
--- Chris Papa
Asked why we wanted to separate.
I said, "It's plain to see;
Could not simpler be.
What we have here is a stale-mate."
--- Gunjan Saraf
Wracked and spent in frame, through and through,
Said, "I want out of this mess!
Take my camels, and yes,
Take my wifes and concubines, too."
--- Bill Edwards P9105
The children stayed with their mother.
So then his ex-wife
Got on with her life
And fell in love with his brother.
--- Goin2later
And wanted to marry a whore.
He gave her a hook,
She gave him the look,
And he would be married no more.
--- Anon
Who made his wife do what he'd will.
But all that it took,
Was the evil wife look,
To make him roll off of his hill.
--- Anon
Who constantly lived in some strife.
I'd warn them if I could,
Bachelorism is good,
And marrige will ruin your life.
--- Anon
And you at them may sneeze.
You think these are cute,
'Til you're given the boot,
And realize there are morals to these.
--- Anon
It's a valid position, I guess.
Looking after a beast
Is a kindness, at least;
But divorcing them, that is a mess!
--- David Morin
Try to blind him to forthcoming doom.
The guests include strippers
Who look for big tippers,
While the bridegroom goes Va-va-va-voom!
--- Mimi
She caught her a bachelor will-wicked.
Fulfilled prospects bright
On her wedding night,
Most happy to have BENEDICT.
--- Chris Papa
And also another named Dee.
The judge tells me I'm
Committing a crime,
"It's not big of you, it's BIGAMY!"
--- Observer
Who gave his new bride just a liddlefrown:
"My dear, I'm quite lusty,
But my prick's growing rusty--
Won't you please put that damn peanutbriddledown?"
--- Norm Storer
Refused to let phase rule impede'im
So he married a wife:
The new phase of his life
Cost him a degree of his freedom.
--- Robert L Weber
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame.
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
--- L0105
Who kept on foretelling his doom.
Once to his best friend,
He'd reached his sad end.
He was right. He's to be a bridegroom!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
At ninety was thinking of marriage.
In came his grandson,
Who was just twenty-one,
And went off with the bride in his carriage.
--- Published 1822
Drank too much at his nuptual sup,
And later 'neath sheet,
Had only cold feet,
Unable to get his thing up.
--- Chris Papa
And I often hear people moan,
That I should get a life,
And maybe a wife,
And have some kids of my own.
--- Anon
"Now that I'm getting all I want free,
My overworked bride
Wants to curl up inside,
And I have to hunt for it on me!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 740
To marry Marie, who's my Ex.
This guy is so dumb,
He cannot chew gum.
He lives in a rented DUPE-plex.
--- Al Willis T9707
Observed his bride had every farce on.
He was not shook a bit
By her wig and false tit,
But he begged her to please keep her arse on.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2098
He confessed, "I have lust in my heart."
Said his wife, "He can lust
But my husband I trust,
'Cause his heart's not the operative part"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
That a sultan can have a whole bedful,
Whereas with monogamy,
Which can't make a hog o' me,
I suffer along with a headful.
--- Limber Limericks
Had nibbled away his gardenia,
They just let him graze
On the bridesmaids bouquets,
To quiet the old neurasthenia.
--- Morris Bishop
The land of the interesting door.
Now Gary, we know,
Will quite bravely go
Where no Brit has ventured before.
--- Karen
Our Spuddie no more is deprived
Of love and caress,
For he has an ass,
And a front that has her revived.
--- Petunia
I assume he is well hung but pale;
For Spuddies sake,
So he can make
Her put her vibrator on sale.
--- Petunia
To raise me aloft with his trunk,
And keep me afloat
Until my love boat
Has sunk under gallons of spunk.
--- Bitch
When I land in my purple Lear jet,
Approach him real slinky
And whisper "I'm kinky!"
He'll be mine. I hope you're upset.
--- Bitch
Told her folks she was ready to marry!
Her dad said, "Cor blimey,
I hope it's a Hymie,
And not any Tom, Dick or Harry."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was wed to a bashful young Spartan.
And as soon as she said,
"Let's leap into bed,"
He ran and jumped into a carton.
--- Alsops Foibles
MORE