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This harlot would strip herself bare
To show that she had a nice pair.
When in bed with a guy,
She'd remove her glass eye
And let the poor slob fuck her there.
--- John Dohner P8906

But afterward, she'd take his money
And stuff it away in her cunny.
She would say to this man,
"Please return when you can.
I'll keep an eye out for you, Honey!"
--- John Dohner P8906

Risque methods used prostitute Sue;
Her false eye she had learned to unscrew.
She'd just blinked-off Fred
And liked it, so said,
"Yo, I'll keep my eye out for you!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9205 a

There once was a man named Beener
Who fucked the daughter of the dry cleaner.
She came in his eye,
Then she said goodbye,
And that was the last time he seen her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady from Sale (Manchester)
Who lost her eyesight in a gale.
Of books, just one kind
Which she gets from the blind,
But only if published in Braille.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady named Grace,
Who had eyes in a very strange place.
She could sit on the hole
Of a mouse or a mole,
And stare the beast square in the face.
--- L1632A

When retrieved from the auto collision,
Don said with the utmost derision,
"I wouldn't have swerved
If the road hadn't curved,"
Though the cause was monocular vision.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

I'm not going to put up a fight
When age starts affecting my sight.
I'll just get some bifocals
From those lens-maker yokels,
And make sure my reading room's bright.
--- Scott Oliver

There was a young lady from Natchez
Whose eyes were protected with patches.
And when anyone asked
Why she had her eyes masked,
She said, "Because neither one matches."
--- Lims Unlimited

There was an old man of Fullbright,
Who tends to wear glasses at night.
When it bored him to see,
He refused them to be free
Of his dreams. 'Twas considered all right.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The myopic old man named McCalls,
Most uxorious man at St. Pauls,
Put on the wrong spectacles,
Looked down at his testicles;
Said, "She's finally taken my balls!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

"Myopic" describes Angus Wright;
He really has problems with sight;
He simply can't tell,
At least very well,
Young nuns from streetwalkers at night.
--- Armand E Singer 771

You think, Dave, that Dirruk is kind;
Most say I've a dirty old mind.
I guarantee Dave,
No virgin is safe;
I may be quite old, but not blind.
--- Anon

For night vision good as the day,
Chase NYCTALOPIA away,
Always insisting
Diet consisting
Of adequate vitamin A.
--- Chris Papa

A very strange fellow named Ned
Had his eyes in the back of his head.
"There's no way of knowing
The way that I'm going,
But I know where I've been to," he said.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

That Duluthian hag it is said,
Had one glass eye in her head.
She'd pop it on out
To insert a man's spout;
Never saw -- but heard coming instead.
--- Anon

A man who was losing his vision
Said, "It's all 'cause I watch television."
He said, "It's not fair!
Both my eyes have gone square,
And the pupils are changing position."
--- Don Mulford

At your age you will find this is true,
Through your eyes you will see something new.
All your rods and your cones
Won't discern color tones.
You won't know what is black or is blue.
--- Thomas M Patton P9712

There was a young lady named Maggie
Whose eyes were atrociously baggy.
Beneath them the skin
Dangled down to her chin,
For her orbits were woefully saggy.
--- Beelzebub

I hope that no person can see
Around corners of buildings, like me;
This remarkable vision
Prevents a collision,
But life gets as dull as can be.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was an old lady of Rye,
With a terrible look in her eye.
No person would dare
To respond to her stare,
Or taste her hot blueberry pie!
--- Anon

I wish I had several eyes
Of whatever color or size,
Either hidden or showing,
To see where I'm going,
While looking straight up at the skies.
--- Lims Unlimited

Eyes are gateway to the soul;
Their beauty a sight to behold.
And in their depths,
Their length and their breadths,
I could lose myself for time untold.
--- Gearhart

There was a young boy named Sy,
Who got socked in the eye by a guy.
He yelled out: "Ouch!
For this I can vouch,
I'd rather get hit by a pie!
--- William K Alsop Jr

There is a young maiden in Forbes
Who just has the brightest of orbs;
They shed more light
Throughout the night
Than anyone ever absorbs.
--- Limber Limericks

A young man who rubbed at his eyes,
Found they swelled to a hideous size.
He could see a lot more
That he had done before,
But he wound up more expert than wise.
--- Beelzebub

There was a young woman whose eyes
Were of an extraordinary size.
When she tried hard,
She could see every part
Of her head! I am telling no lies!
--- IOPE

A nearsighted spinster named White
Wore a suit of pyjamas one night;
As she happened to pass
In front of the glass,
She exclaimed, "There's a man!" in delight.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

There was an old man from Vandyke
Whose vision was slightly oblique,
And looking askew,
He aimed at his shoe,
Whenever he pounded a spike.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young fellow called Guy;
He could not look his friends in the eye.
As he faced their direction,
Because of a deflection,
His eyes faced the floor and the sky.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Jane is a girl that's pretty,
Jane is a wench that's witty;
Yet who would think
Her breath does stink,
And so it doth? That's pity.
--- Robert Herrick P9611

Nellie Entwhistle, one of my chums,
Cannot chatter or sing--she just hums.
Last Thursday--it's true--
She swallowed some glue,
Which firmly cemented her gums.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Confucius was once heard to utter
"Man with two tongues not stutter;
For with pride he savors,
At same time both flavors,
Of honorable girlfriend's love butter."
--- MrMalo

This is file lxm

Buth a twith in the thaga conthinueth
When morthithithians inthpecthed hith thinewth,
He had roth in his gumth,
From dwinking with bumth,
In leth than motht well-tho-do venueth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a man of Mysore,
Who had a protuberant jaw.
When he opened it wide,
Or turned to one side,
His head would get stuck in the door.
--- Harold C Bibby

A Cambridge roue could arouse
Any girl that he liked, and carouse.
He'd have her in bed
With a nod of his head...
All -- by simply licking his brows.
--- Stu Lucas P9512

Be your speech Esperanto or cryptical,
Futuric or ancient Egyptical,
There is one common lingo
That gets there by Jingo!
If you gather my meaning -- the liptickle.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708

There was a cunnilinguist named Blick,
Who could administer a transoceanic lick.
He could tongue you to euphoria
While you were in Peoria,
And he was in Ambarachik!
--- H Welchel

A senior who's at Brigham Young,
Girls voted the "Man on Top Rung."
'Twas not for his looks,
Or knowledge of books --
But he parts his hair with his tongue.
--- David Miller

In Cathay, a land very far flung,
There are prostitutes, some not quite young.
Once such lady, I swear,
Did avow and declare,
"Why do you have a Mao Tse Tung?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407

There was a young lady of Jarrow
Whose mouth was exceedingly narrow.
She ate with a spoon
By the light of the moon,
But all she could eat was the marrow.
--- Punch, 1918 P9309

Our folks, Count and Countess Devore,
Claim nothing upsets them much more:
They always rebuke us
For dredging up mucous
And spitting it out on the floor.
--- Armand E Singer 597

Sir Arthur Boddington-Phipps
Could peel an orange with his lips.
Said he with a sigh,
"Unfortunately, I
Always choke on the pips."
--- Anon

The mouth of a lady in Kent
Was terribly twisted and bent;
And one sudden cough
Blew her spectacles off,
And goodness knows where her hat went.
--- Funfax Limericks

As your fingernails over-bite,
You have to wear gloves overnight.
And during the day,
Red pepper must spray
And walk with your tongue in full sight.
--- Irving Superior P9107

How about a tongue a foot long?
You can love me even when you are gone.
You can lick me some more
From outside the door,
And if it were longer, Hong Kong!
--- Anna Gates

Such a long tongue would be bliss,
(In my dreams, it always is.)
But one thing scares me
Even if he dares me,
Such a guy I'll refuse to kiss.
--- Tjarda

A maid from Ubangi named Flip
Was a stripper with plenty to strip.
But in Britain the eyes
All pounced on the size
Of her saucerlike, stiff upper lip.
--- Limber Limericks

The mouth of a glutton named Moto
Was the size that no organ should grow to.
It could take in with ease
Six carrots, ten peas,
And a whole baked potato in toto.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

There was an Old Man of the South,
Who had an immoderate mouth;
He could swallow a dish
Or a very large fish --
The most popular man in the South!

(South San Francisco, that is.)
--- Edwardian Leer 033

There was a young singer called Ida
Whose mouth became wider and wider.
One dark Winter's night,
A man with poor sight
Dropped several postcards inside her.
--- Ron Rubin a

You got no sense of smell: you're anosmic;
The doc told his mate, "It because, Mick;
You can't tell one whiff
From the rest of the sniff.
The receptors are blocked in your schnozz, Mick."
--- David Morin

A girl with huge nostrils named Rose,
Enjoys getting fucked up the nose.
Though she always comes fast,
You can make her thrill last,
If you tickle her twat with your toes.
--- Lims For Year - 01

Some said it was hooked like a beak;
Some saw it and hardly could speak.
Whatever they did,
People said of our Sid,
That his aquiline nose was unique.
--- Anon

An unfortunate fellow named Rose
Had testicles hung from his nose;
They got in the way
When he ate every day,
And in blustery weather, they froze.
--- Cap'n Bean P0301

There once was a very large snoot;
In profile, it was kind of cute.
But the damn thing was large;
'Twas compared to a barge,
And when blown, it would simply go "toot!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady called Marge
Who liked men with features quite large.
Her long line of suitors
Had whacking great hooters,
Apart from a Monsieur Lafarge.
--- Michael Palin

A noble old Roman, J. Caesar,
Had a typically large, Roman sneezer,
But the one of Pinocchio
Stretched clear to Tokyo.
Now that's what I call a beezer.
--- Ed Wolfert P8208

Old Ebenezer from Belize
Blew his large nose off with a sneeze.
Without the protection
Of nasal erection,
In winter his sinuses freeze.
--- Anon

While investigating our Jayne,
I checked out her cleavage again.
She swung to the right,
And though a great sight,
It's broked my node. Oh duh pain!
--- Archie

Jayne, don't get all taken in by
The males in this newsgroup; They'll try
To get in your pants;
Your sister'll be aunts,
And most of them'll leave you to cry!
--- Archie

I could be a really good friend,
Despite the nosejob and its bend.
Just give me a chance
And a lambada dance --
I'm just the same as all the men.
--- Archie

So the rest of the night was spent
With my nose in a hospital tent.
Although badly bent,
I had to pay rent,
And now I just haven't a cent.
--- Archie

Mary Lowes was picking her nare,
And couldn't find anything there.
But when reaching the bridge,
She found a small midge,
Caught between a snot and a hair.
--- Anon

If the size of her nose is distressing,
I suggest, while the lady's undressing,
That you cover her nose
With her panties or hose,
Before starting the pussy caressing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2024

A naturalist in Roselle
Has developed a keen sense of smell;
Blindfolded, his game is
To tell what your name is.
But still, after all, what the hell?
--- Morris Bishop P8804

Like a glittering gem on a rose,
A dewdrop hung from father's nose--
Unwiped and suspended
Until (puncture mended)
We cried, "Good old Dad! Off she blows!"
--- G2478


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