This harlot would strip herself bare But afterward, she'd take his money Risque methods used prostitute Sue; There once was a man named Beener There was a young lady from Sale (Manchester) There was a young lady named Grace, When retrieved from the auto collision, I'm not going to put up a fight There was a young lady from Natchez There was an old man of Fullbright, The myopic old man named McCalls, "Myopic" describes Angus Wright; You think, Dave, that Dirruk is kind; For night vision good as the day, A very strange fellow named Ned That Duluthian hag it is said, A man who was losing his vision At your age you will find this is true, There was a young lady named Maggie I hope that no person can see There was an old lady of Rye, I wish I had several eyes Eyes are gateway to the soul; There was a young boy named Sy, There is a young maiden in Forbes A young man who rubbed at his eyes, There was a young woman whose eyes A nearsighted spinster named White There was an old man from Vandyke There was a young fellow called Guy; Jane is a girl that's pretty, Nellie Entwhistle, one of my chums, Confucius was once heard to utter
This is file lxm
Buth a twith in the thaga conthinueth There was a man of Mysore, A Cambridge roue could arouse Be your speech Esperanto or cryptical, There was a cunnilinguist named Blick, A senior who's at Brigham Young, In Cathay, a land very far flung, There was a young lady of Jarrow Our folks, Count and Countess Devore, Sir Arthur Boddington-Phipps The mouth of a lady in Kent As your fingernails over-bite, How about a tongue a foot long? Such a long tongue would be bliss, A maid from Ubangi named Flip The mouth of a glutton named Moto There was an Old Man of the South, (South San Francisco, that is.)
There was a young singer called Ida You got no sense of smell: you're anosmic; A girl with huge nostrils named Rose, Some said it was hooked like a beak; An unfortunate fellow named Rose There once was a very large snoot; There was a young lady called Marge A noble old Roman, J. Caesar, Old Ebenezer from Belize While investigating our Jayne, Jayne, don't get all taken in by I could be a really good friend, So the rest of the night was spent Mary Lowes was picking her nare, If the size of her nose is distressing, A naturalist in Roselle Like a glittering gem on a rose,
To show that she had a nice pair.
When in bed with a guy,
She'd remove her glass eye
And let the poor slob fuck her there.
--- John Dohner P8906
And stuff it away in her cunny.
She would say to this man,
"Please return when you can.
I'll keep an eye out for you, Honey!"
--- John Dohner P8906
Her false eye she had learned to unscrew.
She'd just blinked-off Fred
And liked it, so said,
"Yo, I'll keep my eye out for you!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9205 a
Who fucked the daughter of the dry cleaner.
She came in his eye,
Then she said goodbye,
And that was the last time he seen her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who lost her eyesight in a gale.
Of books, just one kind
Which she gets from the blind,
But only if published in Braille.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who had eyes in a very strange place.
She could sit on the hole
Of a mouse or a mole,
And stare the beast square in the face.
--- L1632A
Don said with the utmost derision,
"I wouldn't have swerved
If the road hadn't curved,"
Though the cause was monocular vision.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
When age starts affecting my sight.
I'll just get some bifocals
From those lens-maker yokels,
And make sure my reading room's bright.
--- Scott Oliver
Whose eyes were protected with patches.
And when anyone asked
Why she had her eyes masked,
She said, "Because neither one matches."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who tends to wear glasses at night.
When it bored him to see,
He refused them to be free
Of his dreams. 'Twas considered all right.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Most uxorious man at St. Pauls,
Put on the wrong spectacles,
Looked down at his testicles;
Said, "She's finally taken my balls!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
He really has problems with sight;
He simply can't tell,
At least very well,
Young nuns from streetwalkers at night.
--- Armand E Singer 771
Most say I've a dirty old mind.
I guarantee Dave,
No virgin is safe;
I may be quite old, but not blind.
--- Anon
Chase NYCTALOPIA away,
Always insisting
Diet consisting
Of adequate vitamin A.
--- Chris Papa
Had his eyes in the back of his head.
"There's no way of knowing
The way that I'm going,
But I know where I've been to," he said.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Had one glass eye in her head.
She'd pop it on out
To insert a man's spout;
Never saw -- but heard coming instead.
--- Anon
Said, "It's all 'cause I watch television."
He said, "It's not fair!
Both my eyes have gone square,
And the pupils are changing position."
--- Don Mulford
Through your eyes you will see something new.
All your rods and your cones
Won't discern color tones.
You won't know what is black or is blue.
--- Thomas M Patton P9712
Whose eyes were atrociously baggy.
Beneath them the skin
Dangled down to her chin,
For her orbits were woefully saggy.
--- Beelzebub
Around corners of buildings, like me;
This remarkable vision
Prevents a collision,
But life gets as dull as can be.
--- Lims Unlimited
With a terrible look in her eye.
No person would dare
To respond to her stare,
Or taste her hot blueberry pie!
--- Anon
Of whatever color or size,
Either hidden or showing,
To see where I'm going,
While looking straight up at the skies.
--- Lims Unlimited
Their beauty a sight to behold.
And in their depths,
Their length and their breadths,
I could lose myself for time untold.
--- Gearhart
Who got socked in the eye by a guy.
He yelled out: "Ouch!
For this I can vouch,
I'd rather get hit by a pie!
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who just has the brightest of orbs;
They shed more light
Throughout the night
Than anyone ever absorbs.
--- Limber Limericks
Found they swelled to a hideous size.
He could see a lot more
That he had done before,
But he wound up more expert than wise.
--- Beelzebub
Were of an extraordinary size.
When she tried hard,
She could see every part
Of her head! I am telling no lies!
--- IOPE
Wore a suit of pyjamas one night;
As she happened to pass
In front of the glass,
She exclaimed, "There's a man!" in delight.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Whose vision was slightly oblique,
And looking askew,
He aimed at his shoe,
Whenever he pounded a spike.
--- Lims Unlimited
He could not look his friends in the eye.
As he faced their direction,
Because of a deflection,
His eyes faced the floor and the sky.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Jane is a wench that's witty;
Yet who would think
Her breath does stink,
And so it doth? That's pity.
--- Robert Herrick P9611
Cannot chatter or sing--she just hums.
Last Thursday--it's true--
She swallowed some glue,
Which firmly cemented her gums.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
"Man with two tongues not stutter;
For with pride he savors,
At same time both flavors,
Of honorable girlfriend's love butter."
--- MrMalo
When morthithithians inthpecthed hith thinewth,
He had roth in his gumth,
From dwinking with bumth,
In leth than motht well-tho-do venueth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a protuberant jaw.
When he opened it wide,
Or turned to one side,
His head would get stuck in the door.
--- Harold C Bibby
Any girl that he liked, and carouse.
He'd have her in bed
With a nod of his head...
All -- by simply licking his brows.
--- Stu Lucas P9512
Futuric or ancient Egyptical,
There is one common lingo
That gets there by Jingo!
If you gather my meaning -- the liptickle.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708
Who could administer a transoceanic lick.
He could tongue you to euphoria
While you were in Peoria,
And he was in Ambarachik!
--- H Welchel
Girls voted the "Man on Top Rung."
'Twas not for his looks,
Or knowledge of books --
But he parts his hair with his tongue.
--- David Miller
There are prostitutes, some not quite young.
Once such lady, I swear,
Did avow and declare,
"Why do you have a Mao Tse Tung?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407
Whose mouth was exceedingly narrow.
She ate with a spoon
By the light of the moon,
But all she could eat was the marrow.
--- Punch, 1918 P9309
Claim nothing upsets them much more:
They always rebuke us
For dredging up mucous
And spitting it out on the floor.
--- Armand E Singer 597
Could peel an orange with his lips.
Said he with a sigh,
"Unfortunately, I
Always choke on the pips."
--- Anon
Was terribly twisted and bent;
And one sudden cough
Blew her spectacles off,
And goodness knows where her hat went.
--- Funfax Limericks
You have to wear gloves overnight.
And during the day,
Red pepper must spray
And walk with your tongue in full sight.
--- Irving Superior P9107
You can love me even when you are gone.
You can lick me some more
From outside the door,
And if it were longer, Hong Kong!
--- Anna Gates
(In my dreams, it always is.)
But one thing scares me
Even if he dares me,
Such a guy I'll refuse to kiss.
--- Tjarda
Was a stripper with plenty to strip.
But in Britain the eyes
All pounced on the size
Of her saucerlike, stiff upper lip.
--- Limber Limericks
Was the size that no organ should grow to.
It could take in with ease
Six carrots, ten peas,
And a whole baked potato in toto.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Who had an immoderate mouth;
He could swallow a dish
Or a very large fish --
The most popular man in the South!
--- Edwardian Leer 033
Whose mouth became wider and wider.
One dark Winter's night,
A man with poor sight
Dropped several postcards inside her.
--- Ron Rubin a
The doc told his mate, "It because, Mick;
You can't tell one whiff
From the rest of the sniff.
The receptors are blocked in your schnozz, Mick."
--- David Morin
Enjoys getting fucked up the nose.
Though she always comes fast,
You can make her thrill last,
If you tickle her twat with your toes.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Some saw it and hardly could speak.
Whatever they did,
People said of our Sid,
That his aquiline nose was unique.
--- Anon
Had testicles hung from his nose;
They got in the way
When he ate every day,
And in blustery weather, they froze.
--- Cap'n Bean P0301
In profile, it was kind of cute.
But the damn thing was large;
'Twas compared to a barge,
And when blown, it would simply go "toot!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who liked men with features quite large.
Her long line of suitors
Had whacking great hooters,
Apart from a Monsieur Lafarge.
--- Michael Palin
Had a typically large, Roman sneezer,
But the one of Pinocchio
Stretched clear to Tokyo.
Now that's what I call a beezer.
--- Ed Wolfert P8208
Blew his large nose off with a sneeze.
Without the protection
Of nasal erection,
In winter his sinuses freeze.
--- Anon
I checked out her cleavage again.
She swung to the right,
And though a great sight,
It's broked my node. Oh duh pain!
--- Archie
The males in this newsgroup; They'll try
To get in your pants;
Your sister'll be aunts,
And most of them'll leave you to cry!
--- Archie
Despite the nosejob and its bend.
Just give me a chance
And a lambada dance --
I'm just the same as all the men.
--- Archie
With my nose in a hospital tent.
Although badly bent,
I had to pay rent,
And now I just haven't a cent.
--- Archie
And couldn't find anything there.
But when reaching the bridge,
She found a small midge,
Caught between a snot and a hair.
--- Anon
I suggest, while the lady's undressing,
That you cover her nose
With her panties or hose,
Before starting the pussy caressing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2024
Has developed a keen sense of smell;
Blindfolded, his game is
To tell what your name is.
But still, after all, what the hell?
--- Morris Bishop P8804
A dewdrop hung from father's nose--
Unwiped and suspended
Until (puncture mended)
We cried, "Good old Dad! Off she blows!"
--- G2478