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Fudd's busy by day raisin' mink, A lady from Canada, California, For fifty long years I have held you, I married you and my first thought I have trod on the marital treadle, Our faces show the years; It's great to honor Joe and Mary -- While engaged, Joe met with his priest, So on your golden wedding day To women who think being wedded The wise old Sultan of Bangalore There was an old party of Lyme, The wedding went well. Very nice. The bride wept at being so wronged The bridegroom just could not do this, A bigamist in self-defense To have more than one wife is great; It's continually seen on TV, The rajahs and sultans of yore I'm not strong enough for polygamy, There once was a man from Rives When Dave, four times wed, passed away, This may well be a gross violation, A buddy of mine, Marryin' Ben, Polygamists are a greedy bunch; I'm interested in polyandry; A horny polygamist, Fred, I am getting married today After today I soon will be It's going to be a long week When all has been said and been done, Beneath long looping lengths of lianas, There was a young fellow from Dice, There was an old king of Dahomey There was an old sailor called Mort, Having more than one wife would be rough, There was an old man in Oak Creek An exemplary fellow named Rex A person with more than one spouse In the courtroom, he sat there among There once was a fellow named Fetter, Consider the commonplace cantaloupe, Were Ella Fitzgerald a dater That wordsmith of France, Emil Zola, We have sung of a young man named Taliaferro, There was a hard working soothsayer There once was a dentist named Hale My approach was explosive, atomic; A couple got married in court, A sexy old maid of Westminster Cried a hot prissy missy named Pringle, There was a young woman of Welwyn,
(well-in) An unfortunate groom was Walter, (Well, it was a bridal shower - McW)
It's sacrosanct, that marriage vow, A celibate can be just one My Beth, I will hold you for life; A nice NAMBY-PAMBY I knew, He lives with no food on his shelf, Said a lady, both luscious and lickable, I have been married but thrice, A marriage is great, don't you doubt it; There was a young fellow named Birch She talked of a honeymoon trip; I planted some bulbs one Fall day, "I cannot get married, you see, Said a fussy old bachelor named Harridge,
And busy by night raisin' pink.
And back at his house,
Fudd's naggin' old spouse
Is bustin' her butt raisin' stink.
--- Anon
Said "I'll stay here because I was bornia.
I'll find the right guy,
We'll stay here til we die,
We'll have kids, we'll plant seeds and raise cornia."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And loved you and surely compelled you
To be your damn best,
But I would be blest
If you'd take a bath -- 'cause I've smelled you.
--- Travis Brasell
Was: "God! What a stud I have caught!"
But after years fifty,
Don't be so damn thrifty;
Please take the Viagra I bought.
--- Travis Brasell
Upon it I jog and I pedal,
In the thirty-sixth year
I'm beginning to fear
That no one will give me a medal.
--- Limber Limericks
Blood, toil, sweat and tears.
The work put aside;
Swallow our pride;
How we have grown these 20 years.
--- Anon
Been fifty years since they did marry.
Though Joe still gets loud,
In or out of a crowd,
Mary never thought he was scary.
--- Dick Hull
Who believed it ought to be ceased:
He'd go straight to hell
With this Baptist belle,
Which Joe heeded not in the least!
--- Dick Hull
We salute you both, and we say:
You are each a star,
Who has come very far;
May more happiness come on your way.
--- Dick Hull
Is just for the soft- or fat-headed,
Just let me say this
About marital bliss:
You know where you're apt to be bedded.
--- Limber Limericks
Had seven wives, but wanted some more.
He held an audition
To uphold this tradition;
Told his ministers, "I do love this chore!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who married three wives at one time;
When asked, "Why the third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, Sir, is a crime."
--- Anon P0212
They threw lots of confetti and rice.
But at the reception
He revealed his deception,
By confessing to bigamy, twice.
--- Prof P0212
By the man from whom she had longed.
But she said he must go
Unless he could show
Proof of being born triple-pronged.
--- Prof
So he gave her a last goodbye kiss.
When this caused an erection,
She withdrew her rejection,
And lived ever after in bliss.
--- Prof
Said, truly, he'd meant no offense.
He was sure that each wife
Was the love of his life,
But fidelity made him too tense.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9711
It means you'll have more on your plate;
But God pity you
When you've had a few,
One night and then stagger in late!
--- Anon
There's more women than men now you see.
Some balance I'll make;
More than one wife I'll take;
Now, don't you think that's big of me?
--- Anon
Didn't know what computers were for,
But in ignorant bliss
They excelled us in this:
They had beautiful babes by the score.
--- Limber Limericks
Not even for temperate trigamy,
And while I'm about it,
I might as well shout it:
"I WOULDN'T HOLD UP UNDER BIGAMY!"
--- Limber Limericks
Who had just eleven wives:
Each wife, two brats,
Each brat, three cats;
In all, how many lives?
--- Lims Unlimited
His squaws gave his wish their okay.
He'd anticipated
They'd all be cremated,
And be quizzed beside him Judgment Day.
--- Esther Koch P030x
With the law and stir quite a sensation.
I've more than one wife;
This enriches my life;
Same principle as crop rotation.
--- Dirruk
Was marrying some girl again.
When told it won't last,
He cried, "That's all past.
I've a feeling about number Ten!"
--- Anon
One wife for breakfast, one for lunch.
Any woman who'd share
Just isn't all there.
I'd like to give them a good punch.
--- Marlene
A whole bunch of men -- married to me!
One takes out the trash;
Two brings in the cash;
Guess what I'd do with the other three?
--- Marlene
Spent all of his time in his bed
For some twenty-eight days
In a sexual haze,
Screwing all of the girls he had wed.
--- Cap'n Bean P0212
But not in a fanciful way;
Just me and my Mrs.
A judge and a witness,
And my new bride with her bouquet
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Arrested for polygamy.
My Mrs. insist-es
I marry her sist-es (sisters)
They were brought up to share that way.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of kisses and pecks on the cheek.
Three marriages more
My wife has in store;
It's a good thing thatI'm at my peak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'll have 5 wives, not just one.
It broke their mom's heart,
When she heard this part,
For you see I am their mom's son!!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And bountiful boughs of bananas,
The maidens all pleasure
Their chief, while at leisure,
Or otherwise pleasure piranhas.
--- David A Brooks Q
Who remarked, "I think bigamy's nice.
Even two are a bore.
I'd prefer three or four,
For the plural of spouse, is 'spice'."
--- Anon P0212
This is file lul
Whose life was all fertile and loamy:
He had thirty-six wives,
Two bone-handled knives,
And a pin-up of Ruth and Naomi.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who had a girlfriend in each port.
Wives -- he had seven;
Children numbered eleven,
He no longer called this a live sport!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
When you think of the negative stuff;
All the yakking and nagging
And screaming and ragging,
I get from just one is enough!
--- Cap'n Bean P0212
Who married three wives in one week;
Arrested for bigamy,
He claimed it was trigamy,
And they had to release the old sneak.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was averse to premarital sex.
When he went on a date,
He said "Dear, you must wait
Like my twenty-nine wives and twelve ex.
--- Graham Lester
Is known by his mates as a louse;
Two dinners each night
"My God, what a fright!"
And who can bear more than one house?
--- Mark Levy P0212
His two wives, and he tried to be strong.
Of polygamy he'd say,
"Ain't that bigamy, eh?"
He found that two rites make a wrong.
--- Kirk Miller
Who married each gal when he met her.
Why settle for one,
When novelty's fun,
And the kinky ones make it much better.
--- Bob Birch P0212
Engaged, as it were, to an antelope.
Lest friends snicker and smile,
They must wed in great style.
Now you know why the cantelope can't elope!
--- Boy Pilot
Of the Dark Side's crusader Darth Vader,
Then together they tarried.
And later got married,
She'd inherit the name Ella Vader.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Caught sight of Medusa: cried "Ola!"
Your head may be snakey
But I've gone all quaky;
Come honey and be Gorgon Zola.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose parents christened him Oliver.
Since his middle name
Was a name of great fame,
He was Oliver Bolivar Taliaferro.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Well-known as an honest truthprayer.
He married a dame
And Ruth was her name
And now he is called a Ruth-layer.
--- Archie
Who went on a trip to Israel.
While there as a tourist,
Met a manicurist;
They married and fought tooth and nail.
--- Observer
Looking back, I can see it was comic.
I said, "Marry me, please!"
As we strolled over the leas,
But his interest was just agronomic.
--- Anon
On a dog license made out to 'Sport'.
The judge called their room
And exclaimed to the groom,
"If you ain't done, don't, it ain't for't.'
--- Joseph Kesselring P8312
Was acclaimed as the county's best spinster;
By a look she could make
Men's clavicles quake,
And by thinking, could make a guest's skin stir.
--- Alsops Foibles
"Sex makes certain parts of me tingle!
I highly disparage
Any notion of marriage,
For I get better tingle when single!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 976
But the Belwyn, oh dear!
Had a welwin the rear;
So they never got wed, for they felwyn.
--- Anon (Reed) (Bibby)
Left standing alone at the altar.
The source of the rift,
His pre-nuptual gift;
A bridle and bit and a halter.
--- Cyber Geezer
Pertaining to husband and sow;
Not another I'll prod,
But I swear before God,
Milk's best from an unsacred cow.
--- Mark Levy P9508
Whose problems weigh over a ton;
He lives his life
Without a wife,
And misses out on all the fun.
--- Lims Unlimited
Through happiness, passion and strife.
I will always be there
To stroke your brown hair,
After checking, of course, with my wife.
--- Mike Knotweed
Deadlocked in a most surreal stew;
He couldn't decide
To pick maid as bride,
So now he's a bachelor, blue.
--- Chris Papa
A very disgusted old elf;
With no female form
To snuggle near, warm,
He just has to play with himself.
--- Chris Papa
"By all married men I'm unprickable.
I'll only play house
With a man with no spouse!"
So I lied, said, "That's me!" How despicable!!!
--- Barrie Collins
And I offer you this free advice:
Don't take that invite,
Don't stay overnight.
The plural of spouse is spice.
--- Al Willis P9508
There's so much that's useful about it.
For friendship and squeezing,
There's nothing more pleasing,
But still, if you can, do without it.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who fished every day for some perch.
At about eventide,
He remembered his bride,
For she waited all day at the church.
--- Albin Chaplin
I trembled, then I bit my lip.
And though I'd said "Yes!",
When she said, "wedding dress?"
I think I'll just give her the slip.
--- Observer
With dreams of a wedding bouquet.
The Spring Flowers I chose
Smelled foul to the nose;
One whiff and the groom ran away.
--- Hunny3
Till my pa finds a husband for me.
My desires grow strong
When I dream of his dong.
How long, oh, how long will it be?"
--- Laurence Perrine P9407
"Connubial life I disparage.
Every time I get hot
And poke some girl's spot,
She thinks it's an offer of marriage."
--- G0086
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