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A visit from Reverend Kotch I feed old Blue about ten; My neighbor's poodle Nicole Necking with my girl Meg, Blue you good dog you; A dachshund whose name was Graustark, A fine old hound name of Jake, As close as the closest of kin; I am now typing sadly with a frown, Such sadness will rob you of sleep, A white cocker spaniel from Poole, There once was a young man from Dent Our Nemo was truly well-bred; A boy had a dog cart at Stukey, The hounds of Bartholomew Rand Even now, there's a very great span One question was high on my list: I once asked a friend, I said "Dan, The dog that we label first class John Peel, as ye ken, was well hung, 'Tis only for the canine species Now I'm a fan of all mutts, Though Benjy the dog is a mong- Our Chihuahua's dreadfully well-hung; God made dogs but the project was blown "When I'm back in the next life," said Watt, I once owned a dog named Gnawles; By day Lizzie's paid to taste noodles There once was a dog called Etcetera My pup with a smile on his face, Chew toys and things like that My eccentric Uncle Ernie There once was a puppy named Teeky, There once was a canine brown, My dog hoisted his leg There once was a dog name of Billy My dog, with his left hind leg missing, Now Darwin, if you got him beery, My nearsighted dog barely sees, I had a young puppy named Duddley, Your dog's your best friend, we agree, My house will be home to a tree When training pups to crap out of doors, There once was a doggie named Pete There was a poor man named Magee, There once was a dog named Lee, Bad Doggy! You tore curtains right here! A big wooly dog named Lee, There once was a dog named Gearhart A three-legged dog named Rover A dog, not with four legs, but three, In the infamous town of Wendover There once was a doggie from Ealing, Let's see; Have you ever had fleas? A coyote crept up on a sheep The coyote said, "Ain't I cute!" A coyote pursuing a hunch, The alopex lives near the pole Reggie, a cunning red fox, A raven once sat in a tree; A fox sat below, and said smiling, It's unlikely that this will surprise "You'll forgive an obsequious clamor-tongue, This was all of the coaxing he needed, The result of the fox's depravity I'm embarrassed to add, that the bird
Was a funny thing to watch.
To get a whiff,
He likes to sniff,
He buries his nose in his crotch.
--- Puff Adder
He hurls it now and again.
But I don't carp
When old Blue barfs,
In five minutes he'll eat it again.
--- Puff Adder
Had a coat as black as the coal.
She disappeared one day
And I'm sorry to say,
Old Blue had swallowed her whole.
--- Puff Adder
I was hot; she stiffened my peg.
The time was right
To turn out the light,
But Blue was humping her leg.
--- Puff Adder
You're a friend tried and true.
I'll morn the day
When you pass away --
My good old faithful dog Blue
--- Puff Adder
Had a bite that was worse than his bark.
As he scratched at a flea,
I said: "Let's you and me,
As a lark, take a walk in the park."
--- William K Alsop Jr
Fifteen years by my side when I wake.
He loved chasing squirrel
And the canine type girl
And an occasional trip to the lake.
--- Tim Rusk
As close to me that dog has been.
He knew all my moods
And bad attitudes,
And still greeted at the door with a grin.
--- Tim Rusk
Looking back on the memories found.
All of those years
Bring a whole lot of tears.
Tonight I had to put that dog down.
--- Tim Rusk
But Tim, you must try not to weep;
What you had to do,
Last night, Tid did too.
His hound down? No, it was his sheep!
--- Travis Brasell
Had a thing about Peter O'Toole.
When he came on the telly,
He'd roll on his belly
And do funny things to the stool.
--- Michael Palin
Who didn't seem to have a scent.
And there was not a hound
For many miles around
Could tell you where it was he went.
--- Lims Unlimited
A Wiener from tail to his head.
He'd roll over and fetch
With not even a kvetch,
But his latest trick now is "play dead".
--- Rich Maisel
That was pulled by a good strong Saluki.
The hound was his pride,
Until one day it died;
Now he noisily rides a Suzuki.
--- Anon
On his dining room table looked grand;
Standing posed, running free,
Just as dead as can be,
Being stuffed, and held up on a stand.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402
'Twixt the viewpoints of woman and man.
Just watch each face change
When they hear this exchange:
"Why's a dog lick his prick? 'Cause he CAN!"
--- John Miller 0059
Why do dogs lick after they've pissed.
But then I knew
What fido can't do:
Help himself by making a fist.
--- Anon
You're a veterinarian man,
Can you tell me why dogs
Sit and lick on their logs?"
To which he replied "'Cause they can!"
--- Anon
Is one that won't shit on the grass.
And he will not be cursed
If he licks your face first
Before licking his way through his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1127
And though girlfriend Glennis was young,
He'd say "Not now Glen, I'll
Be off to the kennel,
For I do love the hounds to give tongue."
--- Anon
That can reach their bits and their pieces;
Much as I like the mutt
As they keep sniff the dog butt,
And roll 'round in each other feces.
--- Anon
But I think that the biggest of cuts,
Is whenever those fellas
Make human guys jealous
By lying there, licking their nuts.
--- Irish
Rel, ladies his praises have sung.
He sure loves to flirt,
His nose up their skirt,
And giving the length of his tongue.
--- Anon
Personality's sometimes pure dung;
'Cause he's angry, I'd say,
See, his tool's in the way,
When he bends 'round to lick clean his bung!
--- Anon
And dogs' assholes were everywhere strown.
Now each dog goes his way
Sniffing assholes all day
In the hope he can locate his own.
--- Albin Chaplin
"A dog's life would be a good lot.
I would search every day
And I'd find me a stray,
And I'd sniff on her asshole and twat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1184
He was constantly licking his balls.
He wore a hole in the skin
Which kept his testicles in;
He then sucked on them just like a Halls.
--- Anon
And oodles of cheese and fruit strudels,
But when it gets dark,
She goes to the park
To taste, free of charge, lost male poodles.
--- Anon
A handsome but horny Red Settera.
He turned down a Pug
With a socket to plug,
For to lick his own bollocks; felt bettera.
--- Peter Wilkins
Lifts leg as he pees with much grace.
His choice, we often see
Quite purposefully
Is at some ARBOREAL base.
--- Chris Papa
Are natural dog habitat.
Fire hydrants -- obsession;
My shoes -- his possession;
Most people would rather a cat!
--- Blue Raspberry T9801
Once disguised himself as a tree.
Which was really neat
Apart from wet feet,
Every time a dog stopped for a pee.
--- Tony Burrell
Who, on our new carpet would leaky.
I said, "That's enough,
You dumb little scruff,
Once more and I'll cut off your 'pee-pee'".
This is file luk
That pissed on everything around.
He pissed on the trees
And he pissed on our knees;
We put that fucker in the pound!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Too close to big sister Meg.
She let out a scream,
When she saw that the stream
Was enough to fill up a keg.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a very long willy.
He bounced on his dick
Like a new pogo stick,
And looked extraordinarily silly.
--- Wobbly
Has taken to growling and hissing,
Because he gets miffed
When he tries to lift
His right hind leg, when he is pissing.
--- Travis Brasell
Would tell you, that using his theory,
That dog's dick would grow
To compensate, so
He'd walk with it, not getting weary.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But I took him walking with me,
When I felt something warm,
I looked down with alarm;
My dog thought my leg was a tree.
--- Shelby Forrest
So small, very cute, and so cuddley.
He wasn't house trained,
And some tempers were strained;
His failing was that he was too puddley.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Your loving and true devotee;
Loyal protector and guide
Who'll not leave your side,
Except for a hydrant or tree.
--- C W Dalton
Just as pretty as Christmas can be;
It'll stand in a place
Where my terrier, Ace,
Will decide that it's proper to pee.
--- Cap'n Bean P0212
Use paper to cover your floors.
But do read the news,
Before your dog poohs,
Or else get him some plastic drawers.
--- Anon
With a face that was silky and sweet.
He would pause near a tree,
Lift his leg for a pee,
And piddle all over his feet.
--- Jean Fox
With a peg-leg, about two-foot-three.
He stood by a log,
When up came a dog,
And mistook him somehow for a tree!
--- Friar
Who went to the side of a tree.
And when he got there,
He was in for a scare,
'Cause there he was stung by a bee.
--- John Ponto
You'll have to be punished, I fear.
But -- I didn't do that!
It was that damned cat
That barfed and then pissed in your beer.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Had a host of friends to see.
So he paced the street,
On all four feet
But visited mainly on three.
--- L1464
Who was an obnoxious old fart.
His cock was as large
As a seagoing barge;
Thus you see now the three-legged part.
--- Gearhart
Lives happily in Wyndover.
But when he tries to pee
Up against a tree,
He almost always topples over.
--- Lichtman
Does not need to lift one to pee.
For him it's quite fair
To use one that's not there
Whenever he comes to a tree.
--- Tony Burrell
Dwells a three-legged dog they call Rover.
When he tries to pee
Against a tall tree,
He invariably topples right over.
--- Aleck Lichtman
Whose balancing act sent it reeling.
With no tripedal knack,
It lay on its back
And pissed on the lamp in the ceiling.
--- Gearhart
Lifted your leg to pee on some trees?
Ever had kennel cough?
Tried to get a boff,
By humping someone at the knees?
--- Anon
And captured her lamb with a leap;
"Oh Lambie, don't cry,"
Said the ewe with a sigh,
"You're part of the coyote's upkeep."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
As he bit off a lamb's little snoot.
But the herder said, "You're
Cuter when fewer.
To endanger your species, I'll shoot!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Spotted some sheep in a bunch.
"Oh yum," he exclaimed,
As he wounded and maimed,
"I'll have a sheep sandwich for lunch."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Where he feeds on the marmot and vole;
And wears socks on his feet
In his wintry retreat:
A cozy Alaskan fox-hole.
--- Rory Ewins Q
For breakfast ate bagel and lox.
"Scrawny spring chickens
Are very slim pickins.
I wish they'd all die of the pox."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
In his beak was a portion of Brie,
Or maybe 'twas Roquefort,
He hadn't yet spoke for
To tell us the type it might be.
--- Anon
As if taken with ravenly styling,
"J'admire ton plumage."
(Which was mere persiflage.)
With words he intended beguiling.
--- Anon
The reader observant and wise,
Since it's often been noted
That a fox is devoted
To unblushingly flatter with lies.
--- Anon
But I'll bet you have often with glamour sung.
I wonder, old sport
If I might not exhort.
For a fan, would you trill 'Gotterdammerung'?"
--- Anon
And the crow, like a shot, then proceeded.
In flattery doused,
Sang the 'Jewel Song' from 'Faust',
Which was never done better than he did.
--- Anon
Showed proof of the law of earth's gravity:
As Newton had showed it,
The cheese soon bestowed it
To end in the fox's gut cavity.
--- Anon
Emphatically mentioned a word
Unfit for this forum,
But the fox, with decorum,
Replied only "Tut", so I've heard.
--- Anon
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