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Though morals are oft paradoxes, Fox hunting is vile; it must go. Just once in the Roman Arena Cool! A dog that's named Trout! Although he has menacing jowls, The fox is a beautiful creature; I keep a Red Wolf in my kitchen. A wolf with a rare love for women, There once was a dog called Chess, Chess doesn't seem to grow up, "Hey, dog-handler Phipps, come in please. Now, call me a sceptical guy, My dog's cam would show you his pen, She came home just covered with fleas, Of course you're not talking 'bout me; Feed them on mutton and gin; His rear end's been active today; What did you do to my dog? He used to come running to me; I had a bad dream in the night; My auntie has a dog with no name; My auntie has named her dog "Yella"; My auntie has named her dog "Sandy" My auntie has named her dog "Frisky" My auntie has named her dog "Hud" My auntie has named her dog "Chum" My auntie has named her dog "Kerry" My auntie has named her dog "Lynne" My auntie has named her dog "Spear" My auntie has named her dog "Shoes" Under the bed, a straight vector; She'll shivver and drool for a week; One week she stays put in that spot? I think I will take your advice, I inherited her from my dear mother Three-legged dog, gimp paw; Oh excuse me! So it is a riddle That dozy old fool, Tiddy Ogg, For once in his life, thinking quick, Then old Mrs Mubbs came along, "I'm going to call the police, A very grandiloquent goat Then before his repast had began, A curious fellow named Stoat The village was giddy with rumors There once was a little French chamois A hungry old goat named Heather, Billy, a goat who was weird, A goat bought a big pizza pie, I placed my hand upon her breast, There was an old man of Tashkent, (in Gwent) (They spotted my scent -- so they went."
A curious fellow called Stoat There was a black goat in the forest, Old billy goats are prone to strut; In Bartlett's thick book of great quotes Once two goatherds who ever did dote Two camels watched one little goat A goat on a stroll near a brook All young goats are prone to give shoves You know that a pig is a hog; (All cats are grey in the dark)
When you go to a really small zoo, A fennec can hear blocks and blocks; A charming young lady from Wickham, Who can tell how carnivores think? Her Highness the Empress Christina, The female hyena does not Hyenas have been known to howl,
Which are better off kept in old boxes,
While cheeses are served
After dinner's observed,
After dinner is too, what a fox is.
--- Anon
It once was described, don't you know,
As the unspeakable
After the uneatable.
Having said all of that, Tally Ho!
--- Tony Burrell
I was sent in to face a hyena.
I distracted the beast,
His hostility ceased
With Hyena Chow by Purina
--- Naomi J Kahn
All covered with scales, no doubt!
And swims like a shark,
And don't even bark,
And has gills that it can't breathe without.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Our police dog's polite, never growls.
But if we subpoena
A laughing hyena,
They trade a few jokes and he howls.
--- Laurence Perrine P8501
When caught by the huntsmen, don't eat her.
Rather like their gals
And sometimes themselves,
They just let the dogs all mistreat her.
--- Tony Burrell
It keeps the hubby from bitchin'.
When he starts to complain,
Wolf reminds him again,
Of the last time his leg needed stitchin'!
--- Marsha Magee
Startled an unclothed girl who was smimmin'.
He dove 'twixt her thighs
And elicited sighs
For hours, with the evening light dimmin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To whom gluttony was the ultimate quest.
He got a bad fright
Vomitting last night,
And now eats considerably less.
--- Anon
And when called, often doesn't show up.
We are also displeased
With his collection of fleas
And his stench that can make a rat throw up.
--- Anon
Is that photo-mutt worth his fleas?
I know you were keen,
So what has you seen?"
"Just other dog's arses and trees."
--- Anon
But this shaggy tale I don't buy.
Experience shows
A dog only knows
The view from it's handler's thigh.
--- Anon
And a few other places he's been.
If you were to see,
I'm sure it would be,
Considered as a mortal sin.
--- Anon
The look on her face beckoned: "Please,
Shampoo me, I'm sore!"
So I told that whore,
"Don't screw with the dogs under trees!"
--- Anon
My dogs have not one single flea.
They get bathed once a week
At a doggie boutique,
While I'm on a BP shopping spree.
--- Anon
Run them from here 'round the bend.
Give them a beer,
Attain the nadir
Of dog-farting. It won't make you grin.
--- H Welchel
We tell him to just go away!
It opens a chink,
And out comes the stink.
Perhaps he just needs a good lay?
--- H Welchel
I left you asleep like a log;
But on my returning
I simply smelled burning;
And noticed the room full of fog.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By my side's where he wanted to be.
But now, though I holler,
I've just got a collar,
And a burn mark beside the TV.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And I woke with a terrible fright,
For I thought that a dog
Had been chewing my log;
To my horror I found I was right.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's a lovely thing, sort of Great Dane.
But she likes things to rhyme,
With what she does at the time.
So she's started a dog naming game.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Stella.
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
It's daft, but who's gonna tell her?
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Brandy
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
And she also likes eating much candy.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Whiskey.
As she likes things to rhyme
With what she's doing at the time,
And this dog naming game is now getting risky.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Bud,
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
And the dog likes rolling in the mud.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Rum.
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time,
And claims she's no blonde who is dumb.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Sherry,
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
How drunk is she now? I'd say very!
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Gin
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
And at this game she thinks she can win.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some Beer,
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time.
And things go downhill from here.
--- Anon
While she was out drinking some booze
As she likes things to rhyme,
With what she's doing at the time,
She's passed out, and having a snooze.
--- Anon
The dog thinks the bed will protect her
From mean Mr. Thunder,
And now she's stuck under
The bed and I can't even pet her.
--- Karen
She is so fearfully meek.
From under the bed
She won't poke her head,
Not even to give me a peek.
--- Karen
Environmentally safe it is not.
With drool, piss and shit,
I'd not go near it;
I'd consider having her shot.
--- Saint
This is file ltk
But shooting her just seems too nice.
She's making a quest
To get under my desk
And unplug my computing device.
--- Karen
Or I'd give her away to some other.
The dog's getting on
And I hope it's not long
Till she dies on her own as I'd druther.
--- Karen
Grizzled muzzle, white round the maw.
It could be good fun
To rejoin with a pun,
But I really don't care, not at all.
--- Anon
Of a dog whose not fit as a fiddle;
A bipedular hound,
But two feet on the ground
Finds it difficult to make a piddle.
--- Anon
Was walking one day with his dog,
When before he could grab it,
The dog chased a rabbit
And landed up in a deep bog.
--- Ermintrude Ogg
Old Tiddy grabbed up an ash stick,
So the dog could it bite
Then with all of his might,
He could haul it from mud deep and thick.
--- Ermintrude Ogg
Interprets the scene very wrong;
At first she just stared,
Than at him she glared,
And spoke in a voice loud and strong:
--- Ermintrude Ogg
You're trying to drown the poor beast."
But Tiddy just sighed;
Said "Without pesticide,
I'm ridding the dog of his fleas."
--- Ermintrude Ogg
Sat down to a gay table d'hote;
He ate all the corks,
The knives and the forks,
Remarking, "On these thing I dote."
--- Carolyn Wells
While pausing the menu to scan,
He said, "Corn, if you please,
And tomatoes and peas,
I'd like to have served in the can."
--- Carolyn Wells
Bought jewellery and things for a goat.
For favors like these,
It gave milk and cheese,
And kicked him one day in the throat.
--- Michael Palin
Of a goat who was suffering from tumors.
Cans and library paste
Were quite to his taste,
But he choked on Elizabeth's bloomers.
--- Anon
Who frolicked on rocks near his mamois.
His innocent fun
Was soon wrecked by a gun;
He's now washing cars in Miamois.
--- David A Brooks Q
Was tied up with an old bit of leather.
In a minute or two
She had chewed it right through,
And that was the end of her tether.
--- Celia McMaster
Had a robin's nest in his beard.
When the fledglings did fly,
They crapped in his eye,
And he would be blind, he feared.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
With toppings stacked up to the sky.
A goat will eat coats
Or notes about boats,
Or even anchovies. Oh my!
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106
She rubbed up against my chest.
I gave her a squeeze,
It poured out with ease;
Goats milk is really the best!
--- Nat Pulkrabek
Who slept with twelve goats in a tent. (skunks)
When asked, "Do they smell?"
He said, "Oh quite well,
But so far they don't mind my scent."
--- E O Parrot
Bought jewelry and things for a goat.
For favors like these,
It gave milk and cheese
And kicked him one day in the throat.
--- Michael Palin
Whose taste in sex partners was poorest.
She mounted a stump,
Shoved a limb up her rump,
And made her huge orifice sorest.
--- Darren Sullivan
They'll stomp at the ground with horns jut.
Smart nannies in stride
Will just step aside,
And will not take an if, and, or butt.
--- Travis Brasell
Is something that pleases lean goats.
Not words of the sages,
But succulent pages
Make up for the goat's lack of oats.
--- Tucker D Ott P9004
On each other, when wed, signed a note:
"To mix herds would be wrong"
Thus their love lasted long,
Because neither one got either's goat.
--- Prof M-G
And the jealous one said, "You will note
It leaves the Sheik's tent
With its tail oddly bent,
And hanks of hair pulled from its coat..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 421 P8405
Found an old movie film and partook.
"Was it good?" asked his mate.
Said the goat, "Second-rate!
Not nearly as good as the book!"
--- Martin B Smith P8309
When nannies aren't gentle as doves.
To settle their flock,
Good nannies will rock
And handle their young with kid gloves.
--- Travis Brasell
You can tell a cat from a dog.
But it's perfectly true
That all of them do
Look exactly the same in the fog.
--- Anon
Be wary of keepers, please do.
If animals don't feed,
And their advice you don't heed,
The feed might turn out to be you.
--- His Peace
From the desert, he's kind of a fox,
With ears big as a basket
You just have to ask it,
"Is it a fox with big ears or big ears with a fox?"
--- Sylvia S Crocket P0105
Had some ferrets but nowhere to stick 'em.
So her boyfriend came 'round
And lent her ten pound,
For a cage so that no one would nick 'em.
--- Anon
They chew on their meat when it's pink.
They grumble and growl;
At new moons they howl --
Believing all vegetables stink.
--- Anon
Whose actions befit a Czarina,
In need of a screw
Went down to the zoo,
Seducing an estrous hyena.
--- Armand E Singer 798
Have your average mammalian twat;
When you see it up close,
Her clitoris is gross!
It's no wonder she sure laughs a lot.
--- Allen Wolverton
As they tear up a carcass, most foul.
Surely there is nothing meaner
Than an African hyena,
When the pack is out on the prowl.
--- William K Alsop Jr
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