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When Rosie was dating young Fritz, Said the lovely young lady named Sue, "I love ya, my lovely Virginia, When the love-smitten teen first gave voice A cemetary owner, Sinclair, When Maggie and Harry made plans, There is this girl we all know, Now there is this lad named Dave What I am trying to say, very clearly, I asked her to wed. She said "No!" An old chap who lived at Bridgewater When she drinks, she says, "Cheers, bottoms up." I've no hubby -- therefore no strife; Someone who will sew, clean and cook; She searched for a gentleman who'd An old man by the name of O'Doul In the seventies Allen met Joyce; An ugly old man lived in Perth An impetuous laddie of Bicester A girl whose passions were surgin' "Let's marry," suggested Ms. Hawn, A young lass from near to Ardkerair I think you're a quite lovely lady, MacIver, tall, handsome, well-built, I proposed and I tried to unclad her; A young lady and old Uncle Pellum A six foot seven woman named Ann (should have used a bucket - McW)
I married a man, looked like Newt; The bride to the groom did express A sensitive fellow named Basil While I travel, my wife in Biloxi "Caesar's wife must be free of suspicion," "The wedding was sad," said Miss Mears, The bridegroom was not very bright, She said, "Darling, sweetie, come here. "I will not be your kitchen slave, The bridesmaids all matched and smelled right, The groom's Mum wore a regal, blue gown, Oh boys I wished I were rich. A young foundry worker named Bragg (?)
A clear thinking fellow was Chape; "Doctor, a short life I fear!" The sex life her husband dreamed of, My sister, the stupid fat cow, So ploughing the field is near done, A weeding's announced: give three cheers? On a holiday trip to Lake Placid, I was playing with my brother Fred, In their split-level, under a tree, She's eighty, but I have no shame; Those beauties?...I could wed a bevy, ('57 two-door, black with yellow fins, black leather inside)
It's as easy to love a rich man To his bride, the angry groom said, "Pish! Wife-beating: it's low-rent and sleezy. My wife has a problem or three; My boy, don't get married too soon. (jejune - hungry or without significance)
There was a young lady of Zion, He said "Wait, darling." Waiting for what? He said "Patience, my love, I can't leave He said "Love, don't want her to get hurt," He said - Oh, I forgot what he said Sue is obviously young and naive; A talkative wife had old Tucker; Forget all that romantic prose; John and Joan, after they were wed, When the husband came in from the garage,
Her father was pleased, he admits.
He said, "Fritz, you are grand,
Would you care for her hand?"
Fritz said, "No, just her cunt and her tits."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0454A
"John, before I tell you that I do;
I have to confess
That I've often said yes,
But as missus this is my debut."
--- Mark Levy P9711
I'm dyin' to wed ya, to win ya.
But if you say, "No!"
At least grant this schmo
The pleasure of puttin' it in ya!"
--- Larry Wilde
To his preference for marrying Joyce,
Who was well over forty,
His permissive dad, Morty,
That instant became antichoice.
--- Sheila B
Proposed marriaage to a lady fair.
He made a vow,
Starting right now,
He would give her perpetual care.
--- Tom Patton P9711
Mom went shopping for pots and for pans.
Maggie said, "Don't forget
We are not married yet.
We have not even posted the banns."
--- Anon
More beautiful than fresh-fallen snow.
She's loving and kind,
Much better than fine;
She's one in a trillion or so.
--- David Moore
Who is quite a witty young knave.
He met this girl;
His head's in a whirl;
And now it's her love he does crave.
--- David Moore
Elizabeth, I love you dearly.
Will you be mine
For all of the time?
I mean all of this quite sincerely.
--- David Moore
I asked her again. She said "So!
You won't take my answer!
Then put on your pants, sir!
Get off my divan, sir, and go!"
--- Lance Payne P8405
Had a bit of a wag for a daughter.
And one day she said,
"I think I'll get wed."
"Yes," grunted the old bloke, "You oughter."
--- John Blyth
She's not old, but she isn't a pup.
As I fondled her knee,
I said, "Please marry me."
All she could say then, was "Yup."
--- Al Willis P9711
I am quite content with my life.
Except this house mess
Which causes distress;
So, you know, I would like a wife!
--- Anon
Will bring me my slippers and book.
Who'll feed me good food;
Won't mind when I'm crude;
Makes my house a nice cozy nook.
--- Anon
Delight in her warm, sexy mood.
Her breasts were exposed,
And then he proposed,
And now she is sure to get screwed.
--- Al Willis P9711
Was sure he was nobodys fool.
He proposed to a lass
With a tight little ass,
Fell over and started to drool.
--- Tom Patton P9711
He said, "You are really quite noice.
Come let us wed,
Then I'll take you to bed,
For lunch, Honey, you are my choice.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And said that he would give the Earth,
For a girl who replied
She would be his sweet bride,
Instead of dissolving in mirth.
--- Anon
Embraced a strange female and kissed her.
"Oh, Fanny," he cried,
"Will you please be my bride?"
"I'm not Fan, but I'm her twin sister."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Proposed to young Virgil, a virgin.
His reluctant way
Caused her to pray
That Virgil's on the verge of mergin'.
--- Tom Patton P9711
"My options are almost gone;
A dildo is cold,
Cucumbers grow mold,
And a vibrator can't mow the lawn."
--- Ed Potts P8606
Whose body had plenty of meat there.
She said: "Marry me fast,
And you'll find that my ass
Is the spot for to warm your cold feet there."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
And I think that I love you, dear Sadie.
If you'll marry me now,
And help pull the plow,
We can sell our old ox; what say, matey?
--- Al Willis
So dashing when dressed to the hilt,
Asked Meg, "Will ye wed me?"
She replied, "When ye bed me,
Will ye show me what's underrr yerrr kilt?"
--- Evelyn Bogen P9711
She smiled and she felt a lot gladder.
Well, to cut to the chase,
The wedding took place,
And now I am wiser but sadder.
--- Al Willis P9711
Had their marriage recorded on vellum.
But as time did progress
They were forced to assess
Their single days as antebellum.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107
Proposed to a midget named Dan.
In bed first they kissed,
Then insertion was missed.
The trouble's the length of the span.
--- Tom Patton P9711
Though he turned out a horrible brute.
He might still be here
With me calling him dear,
If only he'd been born a mute.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Her sad tale of woe and distress,
"I've had men in my bed."
But the groom simply said,
"I have also had men, I confess."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0917
Had a wife who was razzle and dazzle;
He wore her to bits
With his tantrums and fits,
But he was worn down to a frazzle.
--- Limber Limericks
Enjoys acting just like a cheap doxy;
With young soldiers and tars,
She picks up in bars,
She avers that she loves me by proxy.
--- Ward Hardman
So said Caesar, sans proof or admission.
Then in a process quite strange,
He arranged an exchange --
The beginnings of nuptiular fission.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
"The saddest one I've seen in years.
Like waves on the ocean,
'Twas filled with emotion...
Why even the cake was in tiers!"
--- Observer
This is file lsl
But on dress color here, he was right.
He insisted she go
In a shade just like snow,
For all kitchen gadgets are white.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've found something awful, I fear.
It looks like a broom
To sweep up a room,
Once I've knocked you about on your ear."
--- Susan Arden
You small minded, terrible knave,
For I've found another,
Your hot younger brother,
With whom I can now misbehave!"
--- Susan Arden
Dressed in pink and rose gowns with a light
Scent of rose petal
Which tested the metal
Of the Groomsmen who "rose" at the sight.
--- Tobias Ware
But his Dad wore a suit and a frown,
'Cause she wore, made from lace,
A thick veil o'er her face,
For her make-up was on upside down.
--- Tobias Ware
Last week I went on the fritz
And it ended in shagging;
Now my wife keeps on nagging;
There is no way I can ditch the bitch.
--- Anon
Was blessed with a wife that did nag.
And yet he did not mind
Till one day he did find
She could not tell the cope from the drag.
--- Albin Chaplin
He married a girl like an ape.
He said in the main
He would never complain
As long as her cunt stayed in shape.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0080
Well don't fret; give up smoking and beer.
And stop sex with your wife."
"Will that lengthen my life?"
"It will make a day seem like a year."
--- Mike Dale
She considered herself far above.
He craved osculation
And then copulation! --
She wanted to kiss and make love.
--- Laurence Perrine P8705
Ran away from our farm just now
And eloped, of course,
With our only horse,
So now I have to pull the plough.
--- David Miller
But the fat slut is still on the run;
If she's tired and distressed,
When I catch her, she'll rest...
On an ant hill, in the hot sun.
--- David Miller
Perhaps, but I do have my fears.
The vows they will take,
But just like the cake,
I fear it may all end in tiers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The girl fell in love with a Hassid. (pious Jewish sect)
On the night of their wedding,
Bitter tears she was shedding,
'Cause the hassid from placid was flaccid.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206
When Momma came to me and said:
"I can't stand this fly!
They've all got to die!
Get a hammer, there's one on Dad's head."
--- Tiddy Ogg
They're throwing the best crockery.
If your calling this
Matrimonial bliss,
Well, by God, you could have fooled me.
--- VOL 7
I shall marry this haggard old dame.
Consummation? Okay;
Maybe once on the day
That her billion dollars I'll claim.
--- Peter Wilkins
But I'll tie the knot with that heavy
Old girl from San'tone. (San Antonio, Texas, USA)
Then I'll rightly own
The title to her vintage Chevy.
--- Travis Brasell
As to love a poor one; and you can
Have so much more fun
With the wealthier one.
Just don't sign the pre-nuptual plan!
--- Kaylin
Your cunt is a big as a dish!"
She replied, "Oh you fool,
With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
--- L0216
Take Jack Smith and his young wife, Louise. He
Will frequently beat her
With a box of Velveeta,
An act both illegal and cheesy.
--- Michael Weinstein
She would have, being married to me.
It's the kids that vex her,
And often perplex her,
But I get the blame paternally.
--- Tony Burrell
To do it's the act of a loon.
It's all right to play
In the great month of May,
But a wedding takes place in Jejune.
--- Isaac Asimov
Looked around for a shoulder to cry on.
So she married a spouse
From a very old house
And started to cry on the scion.
--- Anon
That he's leaving the housecleaning twat?
Sue knows pretty damn well
That it's first freezing hell,
Ere he leaves an arrangement like that.
--- Anon
Her, I owe her so much," but deceive-
Ing that stupid old tart
Doesn't worry his heart,
And Sue finds things more hard to believe.
--- Anon
When they couldn't meet, fourth time or third.
So the pain Sue does feel,
Must be something unreal,
Nonexistent and pretty absurd.
--- Anon
But Sue knows that she's truly been had.
Should she send him back now
To be milked as a cow,
Live-in's pension fund? Sue's feeling sad.
--- Anon
That she really went out to believe
That her love, fresh and true,
Would be worth something. You
Know of course: There are things you don't leave.
--- Anon
It was too late in life just to shuck her.
So he let the bitch speak
Till the end of the week,
Then he'd tape up her lips and he'd fuck her.
--- Albin Chaplin
In marriage the money just goes.
So don't ever forget,
That you'll end up in debt,
And your wife will end up with new clothes.
--- Bob Birch
Hastened to their own marriage bed.
There they found out too late,
That they could not consummate.
So they got a quick divorce instead.
--- William K Alsop Jr
He vented his spleen with a barrage:
"Since you smash into sticks
All my conjuring tricks,
The magic's gone out of our marriage.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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