So she went to a doctor named Linn
Who removed all the fat 'neath her skin
And presented his bill
To get paid for his skill
And for showing her how to get thin.
--- Neal Wilgus P8402

But once she had lost all that weight,
She jumped from her bed and said, "Great!
Let's negotiate, doc --
And I'll get out of hock.
You'll see how on our very first date!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8402

I do like my girls statuesque,
With voluptuous curves Rubenesque.
But I don't mean by that
That I like them so fat,
They can't crawl on their knees 'neath my desk.
--- Peter Wilkins

If you've any room there to spare,
I'm sure that I'll fit under there.
Let's have a look-see.
Now what can this be?
My dear Peter, are you aware...
--- Carol

...There's crumbs from a chocolate cake,
Some marbles, a bit of rare steak,
A button, a sock,
A little blue clock,
The handle from your garden rake...
--- Carol

...And wires, there must be a mile
Of them on the side of the pile,
A chewed up old shoe,
Laying right next to
A book titled "Living In Style."
--- Carol

But still, I'm sure that I can squeeze
Under there, if you just move your knees
Apart, so they're spread,
Making room for my head.
Yes that's good; I fit there with ease.
--- Carol

At my place, you won't have to duck
Your head 'neath my desk for a suck.
We'll just use my soft bed,
Then after the head,
We'll have us a nice long hard fuck.
--- Jon Gearhart

Accused as a couch potato,
Fat Willy said: "I do not know.
I've eaten KP skips (Brit grocery chain)
And ten kinds of chips.
Are potatoes now starting to show?"
--- Tony Burrell

His skin a motley brown;
We can see his two eyes when he frowns.
A feathery root
Coming out of his foot;
Green leaves are growing from his crown.
--- Tony Burrell

He's an irrational urge towards mud.
There's subtle changes in his blood.
Though he's not earned it,
Perhaps it confirms it;
His friends are now calling him "Spud!"
--- Tony Burrell

Yo momma weighs five hundred pound;
Her huge crack is sticky and brown.
Much worse than that,
She's so fucking fat,
Her farts make a gurgling sound.

(Her farts go the wrong way around.)
--- H Welchel

You say that your mom got new hose?
The watering kind, I suppose.
Now go around back
And wash down her crack,
Add cologne that smells like a rose.
--- Frank Fazed

My love, you have gotten so fat,
I can't find where your wee-wee is at.
So I'm making quite bold
To dust flour on each fold;
Now a wet spot's beneath your fur hat!
--- Allen Wolverton

What's wrong with some extra pink meat,
As long as it's clean and smells sweet?
Better than some whore's
Encrusted green sores,
And surely a tastier treat.
--- Carol

My dear, that's not where my hat's at!
That hairy spot is our kitty cat!
She was lost last year
When she crawled up there,
And got stuck in the fat while I shat.
--- Brian

Aunt Alice has such immense thighs,
That no matter which way she lies,
Men would need an extender
At the end of their gender,
To get at her copious prize.
--- Al Kracht P9902a

Her lover was Harry McTeas,
Whose cock hangs right down past his knees;
And he won't ever say
How he stretched it that way,
But for Alice, he's sure built to please.
--- Al Kracht P9902

I sat down with the wife for a chat;
She asked, "Dear, do you think I look fat?"
Now maybe in Reno,
I'd bet the casino,
But on this one, I think I'll stand pat!
--- Observer

I responded, "You're perfect, my dear.
But wait, that's the doorbell I hear.
My stomach is twitchin'.
As you pass the kitchen,
Could you kindly please fetch me a beer?"
--- Observer

Said the wife, "You know just what to say...
By the way, have you seen the cheese tray?
Sure, I'll get you a brew,
And for myself a few
Of those chocolates from Valentine's Day.
--- Observer

There's many an afficionado,
Who fancies a barrel of lard-o.
Old Hoagy'd not balk,
With his piece of white chalk,
As he marked out his progress so far-o.

(song Huggin' and Chalking by Hoagy Carmichael)
--- Anon

I suppose you need some 'lucidation,
About the above appellation,
Well, all I can do,
Is to transcribe for you,
The song, shorn of musical notation.
--- Anon

What is this obsession with size,
As if bodies alone can cause rise?
If big were just it,
Fat we'd be a bit,
So just what does this thought comprise?
--- Anon

A couple centuries ago,
Fattened flesh, men's small minds would blow.
Flesh equaled large wealth,
As well as much health,
And so certain small things did grow.
--- Anon

Monroe was a little bit fleshed,
Voluptuous and rounded, yes.
But thin seems in style,
At least for a while,
Then again, Pam Anderson's chest?
--- Anon

A dumb standard it seems right now,
For some parts to have like a cow,
The waist of a wisp,
And no verbal lisp.
And not all rounded like a bow.
--- Anon

It must be tough lying like that,
Beneath all that blubber and fat.
Each bounce takes its toll,
As her cheeks rock and roll,
And she threatens to leave you all flat.
--- Travis Brasell

I'm crushed and I may not recover
From boffing my heavyset lover;
However, if I
Recoup, I might try
To offer to boff her above her.
--- Travis Brasell

Now, hang on a minute. Just stop.
If stuffing your dong in her crop,
In sweet sixty nine,
And she's breaking your spine,
Then just make sure, my boy, you're on top.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young lady from Bruges,
Whose figure was vulgar and huge.
She felt powder and paint
Would make her look quaint.
She was too heavy handed with rouge.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

She put on a sweater, bright red,
Which was tight going over her head.
She was not very tall;
She stood outside the mall,
Choking on what she thought was bread.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

When she stood there, she didn't look better.
In her mouth someone posted a letter.
He said "You've made it damp,
And you've swallowed the stamp;
And you'd better change your red sweater."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

This is file lqm

The postman who delivered her letter,
Was a bloke who loved her tight sweater!
When he tried to pursue
An ardour or two,
He was cooled by her dog -- a red setter!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Big girls are bountiful fare;
Freckles and stringy red hair.
Like Mopeds they're fun
When you're riding on one,
Till a good friend sees you up there.
--- Anon

Harpooning land whales is OK.
Big girls all love a good lay.
They rarely pout,
Get angry or shout
And you get a fresh wrinkle a day.
--- Anon

The size of my manly prize
Depends on the girth of her thighs.
The bigger the better;
On my face I will set her
Being careful of crabs, lice and flies.
--- Anon

She wants to become a sail boater;
She looks for a boat that will tote her.
But each attempt fails,
Because she tips the scales
At 20 pounds less than a Toyota
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

Her husband's excessively thin
And admits with a little chagrin,
"We no longer have sex;
We'd be both nervous wrecks;
I'm so thin we're afraid I'll fall in!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

After two years they finally got
What they needed, a 60 foot yacht.
She had sex with an oar
Which protudes through a door,
And reaches her buried G spot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

The poor husband's biceps got sore
From pushing and pulling the oar.
The innovative boater
Connected a motor,
And rented a whore on the shore.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

I dream as I lie on my pillow:
I'm young, handsome, lithe as a willow.
But then comes the morn,
Of hair I've been shorn;
I'm old, fat, and over the hill-o.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh Tid, I would give you some
Hair for your head -- have you gum?
You can glue it in place.
Bit where is your face?
You stuck it in front ways, you bum!
--- Bridget

And now you have two feet of my hair
Flowing softly before you, so fair.
Tiddy, might I suggest
Sticking some on your chest?
And the back of your head is still bare!
--- Bridget

Your body brings out my desire,
And sparks, in my wood, a hot fire;
You, babe, are my pick,
'Cause for a fat chick,
You smell good and you don't perspire.
--- Anon

I dream of the future, sweet lass,
And our first tender kiss in the grass.
'Tis a dream full of love
And desire, as I shove
This huge todger I've got, up your ass.
--- Anon

When girls of humungous great size
Undo bra-straps before you, it's wise
To stand twenty yards back,
Thus avoiding the SMACK!!
Of their bosomy bits in your eyes.
--- Anon

When your head clears, you fall into bed;
Her boobs shake when you're down giving head;
Those thighs, (Oh so fat!)
Might squeeze your head flat;
If she farts you will wish you were dead!
--- Anon

A whore from the town of Petard
Had legs that each measured one yard,
Not length, but in girth.
When asked what she's worth,
She said, "Worth my weight, son, in lard."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Boobs to hug and flab to pinch,
Love to pork an obese wench.
Roll her home, big and 'roun';
Chock her up and tie her down.
Ream that crease with my six inch!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Big Bertha, exceedingly blubbery,
Wears tight-fitting corsetry rubbery.
Alas, no disguise
For the size of her thighs,
Or her forest of underarm shrubbery.
--- Peter Wilkins

Yet Bertha has charms so outstanding
And welcomes a frisky glad handing,
With extra attention
To her lower dimension
Which welcomes whatever's expanding.
--- Archie

The ankle's chief end is exposiery
Of the latest design is silk hosiery.
Also I suspect
It was made to connect
The part called the calf with the toesiery.
--- Anthony Euwer

Said a salesman of shoes name of Pete,
"My God! But I like ladies feet.
When they make a selection,
I get an erection;
I go back and beat on my meat."
--- Al Chaplin P9410

There once was a young girl named Rose.
She had ten very big hairy toes.
Despite what she did,
They couldn't be hid.
All made fun, which elated her foes.
--- Rose W

There was an old man called Maloney
Whose heels were incredibly bony.
And so pointed, dear sirs,
He would use them as spurs
When he wanted to gallop his pony.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

The toe of a postman from Dallas
Developed a sizable callus.
His wife wistfully said
How she wished that instead
It had been on the head of his phallus.
--- G0304

You can loosen the soil without peat,
You can cook a good meal without meat,
You can have a good time
Without spending a dime,
But you can't go to sleep with cold feet.
--- Limber Limericks

I'm so glad that my tootsies can circum-
navigate round when I work 'em.
Like strings in a guitar
The cords in my feet are
So responsive whenever I jerk 'em.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708

There was an old geezer named Way
Who counted his toes every day.
When I asked him to tell
Why he did, he said, "Well,
Their number TODAY is okay."
--- Alsops Foibles

A cute little devil called Frank
Could never resist a good prank.
He dressed his mum's bunion
With garlic and onion --
And, heavens above, how she stank!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Exquisite are Deborah's feet;
They're exceedingly neat and petite;
And her delicate toes
Gently gripping one's hose,
An erotic unmissable treat.
--- Peter Wilkins

Yes, Deborah is just quite a vamp.
Indeed, some folks call her a tramp.
But what will you do
If you remove her shoe,
And find her foot knotted in cramp?
--- Jeanie

I know what to do for that cramp;
Toes and arch I will lick like a champ;
Her ankles I'll stroke;
I'll look, and then croak,
"By Jove, love, your knickers are damp!"
--- Alan Wolverton

Her sister's foot's covered in mud.
If you wash it, you'll find it's a dud.
Not pink, plump, and rosy,
You'll find that her toesy
Look like marshmallows stuck in a spud.
--- Jeanie

On that trenchfoot, I'd rather not dine,
Without dipping them in something fine;
With damp knickers I'll rub,
On those toes in the tub,
Then I'll soak them in high-class French wine!
--- Alan Wolverton