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So she went to a doctor named Linn But once she had lost all that weight, I do like my girls statuesque, If you've any room there to spare, ...There's crumbs from a chocolate cake, ...And wires, there must be a mile But still, I'm sure that I can squeeze At my place, you won't have to duck Accused as a couch potato, His skin a motley brown; He's an irrational urge towards mud. Yo momma weighs five hundred pound; (Her farts go the wrong way around.)
You say that your mom got new hose? My love, you have gotten so fat, What's wrong with some extra pink meat, My dear, that's not where my hat's at! Aunt Alice has such immense thighs, Her lover was Harry McTeas, I sat down with the wife for a chat; I responded, "You're perfect, my dear. Said the wife, "You know just what to say... There's many an afficionado, (song Huggin' and Chalking by Hoagy Carmichael)
I suppose you need some 'lucidation, What is this obsession with size, A couple centuries ago, Monroe was a little bit fleshed, A dumb standard it seems right now, It must be tough lying like that, I'm crushed and I may not recover Now, hang on a minute. Just stop. There was a young lady from Bruges, She put on a sweater, bright red, When she stood there, she didn't look better. The postman who delivered her letter, Big girls are bountiful fare; Harpooning land whales is OK. The size of my manly prize She wants to become a sail boater; Her husband's excessively thin After two years they finally got The poor husband's biceps got sore I dream as I lie on my pillow: Oh Tid, I would give you some And now you have two feet of my hair Your body brings out my desire, I dream of the future, sweet lass, When girls of humungous great size When your head clears, you fall into bed; A whore from the town of Petard Boobs to hug and flab to pinch, Big Bertha, exceedingly blubbery, Yet Bertha has charms so outstanding The ankle's chief end is exposiery Said a salesman of shoes name of Pete, There once was a young girl named Rose. There was an old man called Maloney The toe of a postman from Dallas You can loosen the soil without peat, I'm so glad that my tootsies can circum- There was an old geezer named Way A cute little devil called Frank Exquisite are Deborah's feet; Yes, Deborah is just quite a vamp. I know what to do for that cramp; Her sister's foot's covered in mud. On that trenchfoot, I'd rather not dine,
Who removed all the fat 'neath her skin
And presented his bill
To get paid for his skill
And for showing her how to get thin.
--- Neal Wilgus P8402
She jumped from her bed and said, "Great!
Let's negotiate, doc --
And I'll get out of hock.
You'll see how on our very first date!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8402
With voluptuous curves Rubenesque.
But I don't mean by that
That I like them so fat,
They can't crawl on their knees 'neath my desk.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'm sure that I'll fit under there.
Let's have a look-see.
Now what can this be?
My dear Peter, are you aware...
--- Carol
Some marbles, a bit of rare steak,
A button, a sock,
A little blue clock,
The handle from your garden rake...
--- Carol
Of them on the side of the pile,
A chewed up old shoe,
Laying right next to
A book titled "Living In Style."
--- Carol
Under there, if you just move your knees
Apart, so they're spread,
Making room for my head.
Yes that's good; I fit there with ease.
--- Carol
Your head 'neath my desk for a suck.
We'll just use my soft bed,
Then after the head,
We'll have us a nice long hard fuck.
--- Jon Gearhart
Fat Willy said: "I do not know.
I've eaten KP skips (Brit grocery chain)
And ten kinds of chips.
Are potatoes now starting to show?"
--- Tony Burrell
We can see his two eyes when he frowns.
A feathery root
Coming out of his foot;
Green leaves are growing from his crown.
--- Tony Burrell
There's subtle changes in his blood.
Though he's not earned it,
Perhaps it confirms it;
His friends are now calling him "Spud!"
--- Tony Burrell
Her huge crack is sticky and brown.
Much worse than that,
She's so fucking fat,
Her farts make a gurgling sound.
--- H Welchel
The watering kind, I suppose.
Now go around back
And wash down her crack,
Add cologne that smells like a rose.
--- Frank Fazed
I can't find where your wee-wee is at.
So I'm making quite bold
To dust flour on each fold;
Now a wet spot's beneath your fur hat!
--- Allen Wolverton
As long as it's clean and smells sweet?
Better than some whore's
Encrusted green sores,
And surely a tastier treat.
--- Carol
That hairy spot is our kitty cat!
She was lost last year
When she crawled up there,
And got stuck in the fat while I shat.
--- Brian
That no matter which way she lies,
Men would need an extender
At the end of their gender,
To get at her copious prize.
--- Al Kracht P9902a
Whose cock hangs right down past his knees;
And he won't ever say
How he stretched it that way,
But for Alice, he's sure built to please.
--- Al Kracht P9902
She asked, "Dear, do you think I look fat?"
Now maybe in Reno,
I'd bet the casino,
But on this one, I think I'll stand pat!
--- Observer
But wait, that's the doorbell I hear.
My stomach is twitchin'.
As you pass the kitchen,
Could you kindly please fetch me a beer?"
--- Observer
By the way, have you seen the cheese tray?
Sure, I'll get you a brew,
And for myself a few
Of those chocolates from Valentine's Day.
--- Observer
Who fancies a barrel of lard-o.
Old Hoagy'd not balk,
With his piece of white chalk,
As he marked out his progress so far-o.
--- Anon
About the above appellation,
Well, all I can do,
Is to transcribe for you,
The song, shorn of musical notation.
--- Anon
As if bodies alone can cause rise?
If big were just it,
Fat we'd be a bit,
So just what does this thought comprise?
--- Anon
Fattened flesh, men's small minds would blow.
Flesh equaled large wealth,
As well as much health,
And so certain small things did grow.
--- Anon
Voluptuous and rounded, yes.
But thin seems in style,
At least for a while,
Then again, Pam Anderson's chest?
--- Anon
For some parts to have like a cow,
The waist of a wisp,
And no verbal lisp.
And not all rounded like a bow.
--- Anon
Beneath all that blubber and fat.
Each bounce takes its toll,
As her cheeks rock and roll,
And she threatens to leave you all flat.
--- Travis Brasell
From boffing my heavyset lover;
However, if I
Recoup, I might try
To offer to boff her above her.
--- Travis Brasell
If stuffing your dong in her crop,
In sweet sixty nine,
And she's breaking your spine,
Then just make sure, my boy, you're on top.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose figure was vulgar and huge.
She felt powder and paint
Would make her look quaint.
She was too heavy handed with rouge.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Which was tight going over her head.
She was not very tall;
She stood outside the mall,
Choking on what she thought was bread.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
In her mouth someone posted a letter.
He said "You've made it damp,
And you've swallowed the stamp;
And you'd better change your red sweater."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
This is file lqm
Was a bloke who loved her tight sweater!
When he tried to pursue
An ardour or two,
He was cooled by her dog -- a red setter!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Freckles and stringy red hair.
Like Mopeds they're fun
When you're riding on one,
Till a good friend sees you up there.
--- Anon
Big girls all love a good lay.
They rarely pout,
Get angry or shout
And you get a fresh wrinkle a day.
--- Anon
Depends on the girth of her thighs.
The bigger the better;
On my face I will set her
Being careful of crabs, lice and flies.
--- Anon
She looks for a boat that will tote her.
But each attempt fails,
Because she tips the scales
At 20 pounds less than a Toyota
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
And admits with a little chagrin,
"We no longer have sex;
We'd be both nervous wrecks;
I'm so thin we're afraid I'll fall in!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
What they needed, a 60 foot yacht.
She had sex with an oar
Which protudes through a door,
And reaches her buried G spot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
From pushing and pulling the oar.
The innovative boater
Connected a motor,
And rented a whore on the shore.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
I'm young, handsome, lithe as a willow.
But then comes the morn,
Of hair I've been shorn;
I'm old, fat, and over the hill-o.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Hair for your head -- have you gum?
You can glue it in place.
Bit where is your face?
You stuck it in front ways, you bum!
--- Bridget
Flowing softly before you, so fair.
Tiddy, might I suggest
Sticking some on your chest?
And the back of your head is still bare!
--- Bridget
And sparks, in my wood, a hot fire;
You, babe, are my pick,
'Cause for a fat chick,
You smell good and you don't perspire.
--- Anon
And our first tender kiss in the grass.
'Tis a dream full of love
And desire, as I shove
This huge todger I've got, up your ass.
--- Anon
Undo bra-straps before you, it's wise
To stand twenty yards back,
Thus avoiding the SMACK!!
Of their bosomy bits in your eyes.
--- Anon
Her boobs shake when you're down giving head;
Those thighs, (Oh so fat!)
Might squeeze your head flat;
If she farts you will wish you were dead!
--- Anon
Had legs that each measured one yard,
Not length, but in girth.
When asked what she's worth,
She said, "Worth my weight, son, in lard."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Love to pork an obese wench.
Roll her home, big and 'roun';
Chock her up and tie her down.
Ream that crease with my six inch!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wears tight-fitting corsetry rubbery.
Alas, no disguise
For the size of her thighs,
Or her forest of underarm shrubbery.
--- Peter Wilkins
And welcomes a frisky glad handing,
With extra attention
To her lower dimension
Which welcomes whatever's expanding.
--- Archie
Of the latest design is silk hosiery.
Also I suspect
It was made to connect
The part called the calf with the toesiery.
--- Anthony Euwer
"My God! But I like ladies feet.
When they make a selection,
I get an erection;
I go back and beat on my meat."
--- Al Chaplin P9410
She had ten very big hairy toes.
Despite what she did,
They couldn't be hid.
All made fun, which elated her foes.
--- Rose W
Whose heels were incredibly bony.
And so pointed, dear sirs,
He would use them as spurs
When he wanted to gallop his pony.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Developed a sizable callus.
His wife wistfully said
How she wished that instead
It had been on the head of his phallus.
--- G0304
You can cook a good meal without meat,
You can have a good time
Without spending a dime,
But you can't go to sleep with cold feet.
--- Limber Limericks
navigate round when I work 'em.
Like strings in a guitar
The cords in my feet are
So responsive whenever I jerk 'em.
--- Limeratomy - Euwer P8708
Who counted his toes every day.
When I asked him to tell
Why he did, he said, "Well,
Their number TODAY is okay."
--- Alsops Foibles
Could never resist a good prank.
He dressed his mum's bunion
With garlic and onion --
And, heavens above, how she stank!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
They're exceedingly neat and petite;
And her delicate toes
Gently gripping one's hose,
An erotic unmissable treat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Indeed, some folks call her a tramp.
But what will you do
If you remove her shoe,
And find her foot knotted in cramp?
--- Jeanie
Toes and arch I will lick like a champ;
Her ankles I'll stroke;
I'll look, and then croak,
"By Jove, love, your knickers are damp!"
--- Alan Wolverton
If you wash it, you'll find it's a dud.
Not pink, plump, and rosy,
You'll find that her toesy
Look like marshmallows stuck in a spud.
--- Jeanie
Without dipping them in something fine;
With damp knickers I'll rub,
On those toes in the tub,
Then I'll soak them in high-class French wine!
--- Alan Wolverton
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