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The elephant's trunk is a lip?
Why nostrils, then, there at the tip?
When Jumbo gets old,
And catches a cold,
Doesn't the friggin' thing drip?
--- Izzy Cohen

I never expected to see
An elephant up in a tree,
And I wondered a bit
How he managed to sit
So quietly there beside me.
--- Lims Unlimited

Said the elephant, packing his trunk,
"I've had enough of this bunk!
With the earth for my bed
I'll have stars overhead,
And can boast of the oceans I've drunk."
--- Laurence Perrine P8711

An elephant whose memory had shrunk
Found himself in an awful blue funk.
"Every thing starts to slip
When I go on a trip.
I forget what to pack in my trunk."
--- Tom Patton P0108

An elephant, when he's in musth,
Is a creature whom no one can trust.
He'll turn on his keeper;
If female, he'll leap her,
And crush the poor girl to the dust.
--- Actaeon

The bees and the birds will not quit;
I observe their fast flight where I sit.
Now I must come to terms
With these winged pachyderms,
And take cover before I get hit.
--- Anon

I once owned a pretty white horse,
And I rode him daily of course.
We did once collide
With a wall, and he died,
And the pain that I feel is remorse.
--- Joshua Farnum

I conjured my horse back to life,
But the spirit did frighten my wife.
She wouldn't stay,
Even for a day;
She left me and caused me much strife.
--- Joshua Farnum

Then for reasons I can't ascertain,
My horse became deceased again.
Then when I asked why,
I just got the reply
That he stepped right in front of a train.
--- Joshua Farnum

The train in its size was prodigious,
As it whizzed across valley and ridges.
So when it hit my horse,
It squashed him, of course,
And it wouldn't help him to get stitches.
--- Joshua Farnum

And so, with a deference due,
Respect for deceased horses, too,
I must say, my horse
Was a destructive force;
It cost me my wife, then died, too.
--- Joshua Farnum

There once was an albino donkey,
So his cohorts all labelled him, "Honkey,"
Which would be a pity,
But he strayed to the city
Where he brays in a smart honkey-tonkey.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

An ass is an ass, male or female;
Who cares if the owner is she-male?
And if under pressure,
It's good to take pleasure,
And not be concerned about detail.
--- Anon

My pony has beautiful manners;
He's won countless ribbons and banners.
He does what I say,
'Cause the very first day,
I said, "Gitty up, or you'll go to the canners!"
--- Faith E. Erven P9208

Well, my life's near the end of its course,
So I've prayed pretty hard to "The Source"
That her knickerless crack,
Will ride me bareback,
When I'm reborn as young Carols' horse.
--- Anon

I'll gallop real hard, get her hot,
So hot that she'll reach for the spot.
When that little pink nub
On my ear gets a rub,
I'll settle back down to a trot.
--- Anon

He was dearly got up for inspection,
But his horse had a stronger objection.
And before the whole meet,
Shied him out of his seat,
Which furnished him food for reflection.
--- Anon

Her lovely mare's head? She tossed it.
Her infrequent mare's temper? She lost it.
She said, "Let me affirm,
I don't mind frozen sperm,
But, for God's sake, Remember! DEFROST IT!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

Said the lion, "Please join me for lunch!"
Said the zebra, "Thanks, I have a hunch
Whereas I prefer grass,
You'd dine on wild ass;
There's some monkeys, invite the whole bunch!"
--- John Miller 0017

It happened at Pimlico Course.
Sue Ellen was ogling a horse,
When she happened to see
The great stallion pee.
She shouted, "I want a divorce!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

There was a young lady named Robin,
With a passion for animal bobbin'.
She'd moan with a sigh
As a horse trotted by;
I can't wait till Dobbin starts throbbin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A donkey named Eeyaw de Beers
Possessed the ravishing ears.
They were silky and soft,
As he waved them aloft,
He would bray, "I've had these donkey's years."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

The ears of a donkey named Grimes
Kept ringing with dactyllic rhymes.
But only a poet
Could possibly know it,
So the donkey believed they were chimes.
--- Alsops Foibles

A prospector, much gold did amass;
Stubborn mule lingered, munching on grass;
Though weary and tired,
Prospector, inspired...
Was determinedly dragging his ass!
--- Observer

There once was a lithesome, young lass,
Who had what some deemed a great ass.
Quite true but misleading,
For due to crossbreeding,
It stood eighteen hands and ate grass.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0307

A filly is a female horse,
Who hasn't yet had intercourse.
She will have to grow up,
To win the Breeders' Cup;
Then you can cheer until you are hoarse.
--- William K Alsop Jr

The driver of a large brewery dray
Had four horses pulling him on his way.
When they reached the co-op,
They all knew where to stop;
They knew if it was a half-day!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

An Old West Outlaw named McGraw
Was running away from the law.
He jumped on a horse,
But -- a turn for the worse --
It didn't know 'gee' from a 'haw'
--- Jabberwock

A gentle old gelding named Judd
Was mistakenly put out to stud.
He looked at the mares
And examined their wares,
Then sat on his duff in the mud.
--- Limber Limericks

A horse has a leg at each corner.
Your daughter will want one, but warn her
The structure seems stable
If only you're able
To put glue on the saddle, inform her.
--- Tony Burrell

Beware of that friendly fast talker
Who claims his horse's smooth as a rocker.
One thing you can bet
If you ride on his pet,
You'll be glad to once more be a walker.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

As a young child she longed for a horse.
Was it unrealistic? Of course.
One day she's amazed,
On her lawn there one grazed.
Her dad said, "You've nagged 'til you're hoarse."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0302

Embarrassed I am of my weakness;
Although hung like a horse, I've a meekness.
I with horses consort --
I've developed a snort --
And I've entered myself in the Preakness!
--- Writerman

This is file lqk

My vet says it's painful to tell,
But my horses are not doing well.
My mare, he believes,
Broken-winded, has heaves.
Hey, what is that malodorous smell?

(equine emphysema)
--- Sheila B

There was a dray horse from Monique,
Who made love to a mare twice a week.
He preferred twice a day
But the mare would say "Nay."
For it gave her a sway-backed physique.
--- Anon

I'm selling a horse and a bride'll
Be thrown in for free 'cause the hide'll
Surely not thrill ya:
The horse will not kill ya --
But from buckin' the bride the damn ride'll!
--- Travis

There was an old fellow named Bart
Who bought a new cart very smart.
Though his cart did obsess him,
It did not fully possess him,
Since his horse he still put 'fore the cart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2434

The horses have finer aroma
Than cars, that gas man into coma.
We've proved feces en hoss
Of equine caballos,
Non-conducive to vile carcinoma
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2426

A horse lover from Picadilly,
Went West to be a hill-billy.
When he saw glorious Devon,
He thought he'd reached heaven,
But he found not a foal or a filly.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The bronc-buster just wouldn't drop,
Though the bronco pulled out all the stops.
When he finally fell,
The bronc gave him hell;
Quoth the horse, "Buddy, I go on top!"
--- Actaeon

Have you heard of the farmer named Drange,
Rated tops by his friends in the grange?
He developed a way
To cross horses with hay;
They thus feed themselves, which is strange.
--- Armand E Singer 580

Oh pity yon jock from Kentucky;
It's hard to maintain that he's lucky;
For he's bucked off the saddle
Of his steed while astraddle
And lands in a mess of horse pucky.
--- Armand Singer

No man has yet filled the vast slit
In the lush, hairy crotch of Miss Witt.
As a matter of course
She now fucks a small horse,
And is starting to kick about it.
--- G1324

There once was a farmer named Potter
Who purchased a horse for his daughter.
He said with a wink,
"You can lead him to drink,
But remember, you can't make him water."
--- Ron Hassler P8906

I took a class in horsemanship.
The first day I got a fat lip.
Those horse heads are hard --
I was not on guard.
The horse was the one with the whip.
--- Anon

Horse owners board them for exercise;
This may not be a move that is wise.
The riders are green;
You have never seen
More kids who might damage merchandise.
--- Anon

My horse was the tallest in class.
My head was not high as his ass.
The place my foot goes? --
'Bout high as my nose!
In mounting I'd reached an impasse.
--- Anon

Try lifting your foot to your chin.
Then straightening it out again.
That leg lifts your weight,
My muscles did hate
My putting them through this no-win.
--- Anon

The struggle to get me aboard
Was something one teacher adored.
Because, you know what? --
His hands on my butt,
He figured to be his reward.
--- Anon

Welch pony checked into the stalls.
One thing about this horse enthralls:
He is more my height.
I think that I might
Mount up without any pratt falls.
--- Anon

When I turn my back to his head
To mount up, like teachers have said,
That mean little shit
Turned 'round and he bit
My poor butt so hard that it bled.
--- Anon

I found holding the right rein tight
Would not allow Pony to bite.
But in my sojourn
One thing that I learn --
The bruise from a horse bite's a sight!
--- Anon

I never did master the post
'Cause I had the horse with the most
Damn awkward, rough gate.
Why'd they not castrate
Him so that this dumb horse would just coast.
--- Anon

He sweetly goes past those young mares,
Not prancing to show off his wares.
He pulls at the bridle;
I wish that this ride'll
Be just one without any scares.
--- Anon

"Back straight, head up, heels down, toes in."
Our final trail ride we begin.
We are out all day
And all I can say --
"I am having fun! See my grin?"
--- Anon

I did not take all those good hints
I got off the horse with a wince.
My bottom is sore.
I swear, "Nevermore!"
I have not walked quite the same since.
--- Anon

A bronc at the Calgary Stampede
From perversity rather than need
Disdained to attack
The young man on its back --
Merely stood in the middle and peed.
--- Hugh Oliver 91a

There once was a pony from Gorse,
Who said to his doctor, "Of course,
From your bill take half off;
For you've not cured my cough,
I still find that I'm a little hoarse."
--- Anon

My horse has some shiny new shoes,
So why does this give me the blues?
The answer: the case is,
He can't tie his laces,
So often, at least one he'll lose.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Neighed an oyster-fed stallion from Whitstable,
"I think it's high time that I quit stable;
And without asking pardon,
I will just follow hard on
The first little filly to flit stable.
--- Conrad Aiken

The Spaniards set forth on their quest
To study and conquer the west.
Aboard their fine galleons
Were numerous stallions
And mares; you know all the rest.
--- Actaeon

I rode my old mare down to Cline
To pick up some mescaline wine.
But each time I spurred
Sharp pains occurred
Along the whole length of my spine!
--- Travis Brasell

A greenhorn inclined to a quarrel
Crawled up the wrong side of her sorrel;
The horse went all kinky
And tickled her dinky,
Which makes this whole limerick immoral.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There once was a mustang named James,
Who refused to wear any hames. (part of horse collar)
He would wear a saddle
While chasing some cattle,
Or galloping in polo games.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A wild horse just in from the range
Considers all humans as strange;
If anyone mounts him,
The mustang discounts him,
And hands back his teeth in exchange.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Said a Guardsman observing his charger,
"I do wish my tassel were larger.
Could I change with my horse,
I would do so, of course,
And put in for high stud-fees like Rajah."
--- G0291


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