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A lazy old fellow named Lester There was a young lady of Crete There was a young lady of Stornaway A much married coot of South Bend Said her highness, the Countess DeWitt, You should see my old cousin Maggie; A lovely young girl called Mary A young Yankee fellow in France, There is a young girl from Port Perry; A sleeveless young woman named Spitz, I'd rather have fingers than toes; Our Susan, who loves wearing bangles, A Sligo colleen with a wart I'd rather have habits than clothes, Our Arch has an ironing board For all of the girls carry a torch. When young I detested my hair cut, But now they employ a young girl There was a young lady named Shirley, A couple once met at Cape Pearl; As to plucking I can only say OUCH! There's a slovenly slattern from Natchez There once was a fellow named Buzz, There once were three fellows from Gary, These wry words from a bachelor named Burt: There was a young woman named Sue I wanted a permanent wave; I've heard that the gals on the farms There once was a fellow named Ray I've got this gross hair on my knee, All men will be aging, my dear, A smart lady killer and flitter, Dear Ladies, it's really not fair What's so bad about shaving your face? The male has grief, I am sure, So if I arrive at your place Some cultures think we are obsessed Hairy armpits may pass the test, A young fellow named Algernon Cartwright Anita, Anita McNaught! Some folks attack her hairstyle mess, When she met a man pogonotrophic, (pogonotrophy - beard growing; lycanthrophic - werewolf)
One day while combing my hair, The chief delectation of summer In New Orleans dwelled a young Creole The way people fashion their hair, How long? Well, when down -- past my knees; Why, it appears that's very long! Because of its length, strength, and weight, Since hair-styling prices got steeper, Mary Frances is known as a fox There's an odd sort of broad in Jonquieres (Pierre) A young alopecic named Jill There was a young man from Burley, Now let's hear it for Julian K. Bopp A follicly challenged young man, Then sat in his living room beaming It worked? Yes it did; how amazing! Said a baldheaded fellow named Dean, Oh dammit, this just isn't fair A facial hirsuteness had Grace, Grace made a mint turning tricks There once was a man from Lake Placid, (Miracid - commercial expensive fertilizer)
The balding man's battle is grueling; Said my teenager son with a frown, Two gremlins who got in my hair,
Went barefoot through brambles in Chester.
Nigh those who suspected
His toes were infected,
Sat Lester, just watching them fester.
--- Cyber Geezer
Who was proud of her beautiful feet,
So she wouldn't wear shoes.
But she got in the news
Where her feet wore away in the street.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who, through walking, her feet had quite worn away.
Said she, "I don't mind,
For I think I might find
A most troublesome corn will have gone away.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Said, "Speaking of women, my friend,
Blonde, redhead, brunette,
Whichever you get...
They're all much alike...in the end!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 318
"The Dukes a fluke-- a bit of a twit.
He has never known work
And I can't stand a jerk
That combs hair from the left arm pit."
--- Jack Benfield
Her pits are so smelly and shaggy,
No suitor's been found
Who could ever come 'round
Without getting all grossed-out and gaggy.
--- Mary
Had armpits alarmingly hairy.
She said, "Hey relax,
I just ran out of wax,
But I'm sure I look kind of scary."
--- Anon
Bedded a young lady by chance.
Her hairy armpits
Gave him major fits...
He looked for it just in her pants.
--- Anon
Already assume that she's scary.
Tall and quite wide,
Port Perry's pride;
Her armpits, not shaved, are quite hairy!
--- Dudesdead
Refused to shave both of her pits;
Now her underarm hair
Causes many to stare,
For it reaches the floor, when she sits.
--- Cap'n Bean P9911
I'd rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I'm glad it's all there:
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
--- G Burgess L1225
Makes sure one from every limb dangles.
But when Sue does her hair,
They collide in the air,
And no one can undo the tangles.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Still combed out her hair in a part.
The towering mound,
So ruddy and round,
Caused laughter to sunder her heart.
--- Anon
For that's where my intellect shows.
And as for my hair,
Do you think I should care
To comb it at night with my toes.
--- G Burgess
That's better, by far, than a sword.
He won't stab the girls;
He presses their curls.
I wonder how often he's scored.
--- Marlene Lewis
I take them all out on their porch.
My iron unfurls
While pressing their curls,
And leaving a scorch on their dorch.
--- Archie
Though father insisted I must. But
I spent all the money
On donuts and honey,
And magazine "Big Tits", and "Smut".
--- Peter Wilkins
To wash, cut and blow-dry my curl.
I go once a week
For the thrills that I seek,
From my bosomy short-skirted Shirl.
--- Anon
Whose hair was decided curly.
It had never been cut,
It reached down to her butt;
To comb it she had to rise early.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
They both wore hair long in a swirl.
They got married of course,
But they got a divorce,
For each figured that he got the girl.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2222
To nightmares 'bout that I can vouch.
While in someplace shady
With my Epilady,
For days I was mostly a grouch.
--- Faerie
And she wears filthy rags full of patches;
You may think me too picky,
But her nose sports a hickey,
Plus her hair's falling out in big batches.
--- Armand Singer
Whose bald head was covered with fuzz.
Said his best friend, McNutt,
"It feels like my wife's butt."
Said Buzz, "It most certainly does"!
--- Observer a
Named Larry and Harry and Barry.
Now Harry was bare
As an egg or a pear,
But Larry and Barry were hairy.
--- Anon
"You must have what it takes when you flirt;
A full head of hair
Or bald, isn't square --
It's the inbetween stages that hurt."
--- Armand E Singer 728
Who pinned up her ringlets with glue.
But her lover objected
When her scalp got infected,
And his balls got stuck in the goo.
--- Senility Raines P0800
Told the lady the look that I crave.
She sat me down;
Turned me into a clown;
I am Ronald McDonald's new rave!
--- Marlene Lewis
Are proud of the hairs on their arms.
It does advertise
A good beaver size,
As well as their obvious charms.
--- Frank
Who had an expression to say:
"One day, I'll be old
And lo and behold,
My blond hair will have turned to grey."
--- Anon
'Cause I ain't been shaving it, see?
It just kept on growing
When I stopped the mowing.
So now it's foot long - about three.
--- Anon
And losing their scalp hair, I fear;
New growth will plague us
Instead on the TRAGUS.
In time it will look like pigs ear.
--- Chris Papa
Once left a young girl when he'd fit her.
What was left for the wench
As a cure for the wrench --
A hair off the dog that had bit her.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8602
That once monthly, you suffer despair.
Most men too, have grief;
There is no relief,
Daily stripping of fresh facial hair.
--- Jplea123
This is file lom
When women must shave every place,
Or face ridicule
When they swim at the pool,
Their unshaven legs a disgrace!
--- Dave Seymour
From cutting away his chin fur.
Much better it bare
Than rub my thighs rare;
I advise you of this, my dear sir!
--- Dave Seymour
With a freshly clean-shaven face,
You'd then think it wise
To relinquish your thighs,
And my chin with them embrace.
--- Dave Seymour
With how women look when they're dressed.
If you can see hair,
Remove it from there;
We think that shaved armpits are best.
--- Anon
For Europeans think it is best.
But when going down,
To start fooling around,
Shaved beavers are better'n the rest!
--- Anon
Couldn't manage his hairdo to part right.
The coiffeur he called in
Shaved it off to the skin
"Since", he said, "it's important to start right."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
I wept when your hair was cut short.
Did you tear it to bits?
Was it ringworm or nits?
Or some cheapish shampoo that you bought?
--- Patrick Moore, Aukland
Because it ain't neat with a dress.
But men know that rumpled
Means a girl has been tumbled,
And decided thereafter to rest.
--- Anon
She fixed on thoughts only erotic.
Till one day she was scratched
By one really tough-thatched--
Incidentally, turned out lycanthropic.
--- G2721
I looked at my shoulder and stared.
What could it be?
Is that dandruff I see?
I must get some brand new hair care.
--- Limbo T9712
Is sport on TV for what's rummer
Than nostril and gristle
Against kneecap and bristle
To prove other nations are dumber?
--- Laura Garrett
Who, when asked if her hair was all reole,
Replied with a shrug,
"Just give it a tug,
And decide by the way that I squeole."
--- Alben Barkley
Would cause even Samson to stare.
They stew it and blue it
And sometimes they glue it,
Until it looks like lacquerware.
--- Timothy Torkildson
When up -- I can't walk under trees;
I just let it flow
Wherever I go,
And dangle its length in the breeze.
--- Travis Brasell
Your hair must be extremely strong.
I don't mean to jive ya;
Are you Mr Godiva?
If so, may I travel along?
--- Bridget
My stylist, Miss Ann "Tissy" Pate,
Will stay late at night
To do it up right,
And charge me a fee that I hate.
--- Travis Brasell
My wife spends so much I can't keep her.
So I've fixed on her head
Some canes, strung with thread.
Now it's fine -- like a Virginia creeper.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
'Cause her hair trails down to her socks.
Her Connecticut beaux
Race their old GTO's
And whoever is first, Windsor Locks.
--- Robert Sutton TP9901
Who preferred it with everything bare.
And even professed it
Was better, divested
Of all her superfluous hair.
--- Keith MacMillan 40b
Was, with her disease, in a thrill.
It went to her toes
Up just to her nose.
Her razor bills? Zero to nil.
--- H Welchel
Who went bald incredibly early.
It made him so mad,
Which was really sad,
'Cause his hair was so dark and so curly.
--- Chris Pugh
Whose hair early on started to drop.
Without flurry or worry,
He nicknamed himself "Surrey"
Because of the fringe on his top.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0307
Who was hairless as anyone can
Be, collected the dung
From our Bessie and flung
It all over his head with elan.
--- Anon
Inanely while all the time dreaming
Of long golden locks
From his head to his socks
As the dung on his head began steaming.
--- Anon
The problem, of course, he was raising
Not hair but a patch
Of long grass for a thatch,
On which rabbits and sheep are now grazing.
--- Anon
"I consider the Lord rather mean
For creating this botch --
Wasting hair on the crotch,
A spot where it's not often seen."
--- A N Wilkins P8602
I've spent all my life wanting hair.
Now every young beaut
Is bald as a coot.
I truly am now in despair.
--- Frank
Yet below she had nary a trace.
With a cunt for a mouth,
She went naked down south,
And wore panties to cover her face.
--- Anon
With her incredible cunt that licks.
Some Johns were amused
But most were confused;
Was that a sixty-nine or a ninety-six?
--- Anon
Who rubbed his scalp with Miracid.
He hoped that his pate
Would yield a crop great,
Even though it would make his prick flacid.
--- Anon
He's constantly spinning and spooling!
He worships his hair
And he seems not to care,
That it's only himself that he's fooling!
--- Anon
"I'm the only young man in this town
With a skin that's quite bare...
No fuzz and no hair...
I'm the boy who forgot to grow down!"
--- Tom Baker P8806
Before it all left me up there,
Now skate on my head
When I'm sitting in bed,
But somehow I really don't care.
--- Lims Unlimited
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