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I've got a black cat called Sam, A grey Persian cat we called Myer, Have you heard of the fabulous cat, In Cupar there lived a wee cat (notice 9 lives - McW)
I apologize, right? Yeah, I'm sorry. There once was a cat named Fanucis, We found Pussy inside the deep freeze One night when milk froze in the saucer, (Foss was Lear's cat)
I no longer have any cats, My dear pussy-cat sat in some dung, A fearless old hunter named Hurd, A daring young lady from Maine I don't know what's wrong with my cat; We have a black cat named Socks, There once was a cat lover, Miss Thou, Said a cat, "I've some real useful claws There once were two cats of Kilkenny, Now forgive me all you who love cats, A stingy old maid in Big Flats A friend of mine who was called Russ, I have a small kitty named Susan here; There once was a girl from Great Britain There was a young man who was bitten, Two kittens whose tails were entangled, The kitty makes sounds like a snore, A Young Lady with birds in her bonnet, Then there was a kid and his cat. "Cat?" he said at the bar. "Really is Said a dreadfully literate cat, My sweet old gray pussy seems lost! I really like cats: I had three A man with traits to endear him I really like cats: I've eleven There's nothing too wrong with my cat; There once was a deviant Manx The scene is so touching and sweet, "Why I can do better than that!" A cat in despondency sighed, As far as the item, the mouse -- I'm glad there're no cats in my house! There was an old spinster from Fife, A neglectful and sneaky mean cat, There was an old woman named Bratt The cat killed a birdie -- oh dear! I once found my pet Puss in Boots The shipwreck survivor felt beaten; On the latest moon rocket unfurled, Now my Pussycat's traveled away, A wiser young lady named Dawes, There was a kind curate in Kew, My calico kitty, Sabrina, There was a young hunter named Shepherd Out with my friends for a night, There once was a cat, so demure, Nineteen eighty-six, in September, After the hundred fiftieth kitten A very cruel man fed a cat I really like cats: We have four "Hey you!", I hear my wife call, The scrophulous family tomcat My cat has always been bold; The hunter of game, unobtrusive, My cat likes to stand in the doorway; A shit-crusted swollen cat's twat T S Elliot's cat CALICO, Old Edward Lear's cat, known as Foss,
Whose favorite catfood is lamb.
He eats like a pig;
Has a belly so big,
That he's almost as big as I am.
--- Funny Bone
Loved to sit and look in the dryer.
One day he fell in,
And went for a spin.
Now his fur looks just like barbed wire.
--- PCPoetry
Whose tail was most strangely flat?
So, when hunting up mice,
It could slap in a trice,
With a deft and quite messy "SPLAT!"
--- Jan Sand
Which foolishly on the road sat,
'Till along came a car
That was going afar
Brum brum brum brum brum brum brum brum SPLAT!
--- Anon
I regret having caused you much worry.
I'm remorseful. Contrite.
It was dark out that night
When I flattened your cat with my lorry.
--- Anon
Who constantly made up excuses.
When flossing her hiney,
She'd get very whiney,
But came up with many new uses.
--- Anon
When we heard her emit a harsh sneeze.
The poor pet was chilled,
But at least wasn't killed,
Though decidedly stiff at the knees.
--- X Rowland Burnham P8512
By hunger disposed to be crosser,
Foss curled up in bed
And dreamed that Lear read
The Fryer's Tail, chosen from Chaucer.
--- Bill Cooke
For cats are just natural brats.
I've put them to use
As plant-feeding juice,
And calico muffs and fur hats.
--- H Welchel
I must wash all the crap from her bung;
She gives a soft purr..
I so like cleaning her,
But I hate all the fur on my tongue.
--- David Miller
Once tackled a lion -- absurd!
Though he fought with great zest,
He came -- not second best --
But it seems that he came a poor turd.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2119
Rode a lion while clutching his mane.
They returned from the ride
With the lion astride
Flaunting his might and his main.
--- Arthur Deex P9112
It's stopped curling up on the mat.
Up-right shoots its tail
When it sees a female,
Or anything else, come to that.
--- Anon
Who has white on his legs to his hocks.
He is mostly nice
Till he hunts for mice,
Then he turns sly as a fox.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Wrote verse in cat-litter. See how
Me thinks it's perverse,
Her pussy's in verse
But see who's immersed in verse now. MEE-OW!
--- Jim
That are just at the end of my paws.
But they're so nice and clean,
That I keep them unseen,
And catch dirty mice with my jaws."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Each thought there was one cat too many,
So they quarreled and fit, they scratched and they bit,
Till barring their nails, and the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there weren't any.
--- Anon
'Cause I'd like to make them into mats,
That are covered with fur,
And that say "His" and Hers",
And that cover the floors of our flats.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had thirty-one underfed cats;
One day the whole bunch
Consumed her for lunch,
When someone declared she was bats.
--- Lims Unlimited
Went dashing for the 8:20 bus.
He leapt from the curb,
Missed by inches one-third,
And flattened Miss Riley's new puss.
--- Milford
I've learned not to go with the Hoover near.
She arches her back;
Her bowels go slack;
And leaves me an odorous souvenir.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who carelessly sat on a kitten.
Imagine her surprise
And the look in her eyes,
When on the behind, she was bitten.
--- Asher
By twenty-two cats and one kitten.
Cried he, "It is clear
My end is quite near.
No matter! I'll die like a Briton!"
--- Anon
Fell from the couch and were dangled.
To the rescue I came
And stopped their dumb game.
Dumb cats! They nearly got strangled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then pukes on my socks in the drawer.
I'd kick him apart,
But don't have the heart --
He leaves me dead mice at the door.
--- H Welchel
Became cross when Cat Foss leaped upon it.
As the birds flew away,
The Young lady did say,
"Now you've gone and done it, dog-gone it!"
--- Terry Nordal
One was a pussy, one was a brat.
One licked his nuts,
The other no guts
To try and lick his own gonats.
--- Anon
That for Katherine, Miss? Mrs? Ms?"
She blinked blankly at him,
Lifted one lazy limb,
Licked her privates and trod upon his.
--- Anon
"I have my Litt.D. and all that,
And in New York, my dear,
When I see 'Litter here',
Why I litter at once, and I scat!"
--- Conrad Aiken
Please find her and I'll pay the cost
To have her returned;
Oh! I have so yearned
To have her tucked in before frost!
--- Anon
Sauted in a nice white Chablis;
So John, if you can,
And I've greased up my pan,
Sent me your kittens, COD?
--- David Miller
To cats, which he lauds, if you'll hear him.
"Big cats, ounce for ounce,
Are a far better pounce.
It's better to love cats than fear 'em."
--- Anon
Thousand one hundred and seven.
Cat skins on my walls,
Including their balls...
I love them to death: "It's Heaven!"
--- David Miller
This is file lok
He has improved, I will admit that.
He used to be flawed;
The cat was a fraud;
He'd fallen in love with a rat.
--- Fredrico
Who roused his cojones with spanks.
With the pussys he'd play
At the cat house each day.
And that's why all Manx tails are blanks.
--- Julia Strawn P8812
As each kitten born is licked neat.
But smelling a rat,
A good momma cat,
Her progeny she will then eat.
--- Anon
Bragged Nathan Hale's patriot cat.
I have given four,
And I shall give five more.
My total benign! Howzzat Nat!"
--- Laurence Perrine P9004
And resolved to commit suicide.
She passed under the wheels
Of eight automobiles,
And under the ninth one, she died.
--- Anon
A name that technicians espouse --
My honest advice
Repeated not twice,
Do not keep a cat in the house.
--- Anon
Those beasties apparently louse
Up all of those places
That they show their faces,
When they should be chasing a mouse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had never been kissed in her life.
Along came a cat,
And she said, "I'll kiss that!"
But the cat meowed, "Not on your life."
--- Anon
Wandered off like nasty big rat.
To a mammal like her,
It should surely occur,
That her kittens would need to get fat.
--- John Miller
Who owned a superfluous cat;
It was not only tabby
Quite incredibly flabby,
And it often got bit by a rat.
--- Limber Limericks
Bloody feathers scatter far and near.
But whatever she does,
I forgive her because
She'd pretty and purrs in my ear.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Buying condoms and herbal cheroots.
I said, "Naughty cat,
You mustn't do that.
They will think we're a couple of fruits."
--- Bill Wall
Made a love slave by old Captain Keaton,
She wailed and she cried
When her pet cat was fried;
Moaned and groaned when her pussy was eaten.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
A cat into orbit was hurled.
As it shot out of sight
They screamed with delight:
"That pussy is out of this world!"
--- Albin Chaplin G2542
And without her I don't wish to stray.
So my Peter, he mopes,
Due to lack of warm pokes,
And my Pumpkins are swollen all day!
--- Eric Newberry P0208
Looks forward to Christmas because
She was taught last December
By a store Santa's member,
That a pussy is meant to have Claus.
--- Anon
Who kept a large cat in a pew.
There he taught it each week,
A new letter of Greek,
But it never got further than Mu.
--- Anon
Never once, in her nine lives, has seen a
Mouse, mole, or rat;
She's a spoiled, sheltered cat
Who prefers salmon mousse and Wheatena
--- Blaze
Who was eaten for lunch by a leopard.
Said the leopard, "Egad!
You'd be tastier, lad,
If you had been salted and peppered!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We stumbled across a catfight.
The screaming and bawling,
Was much too appalling.
So we walked down the street and turned right.
--- Anon
Who'd sit on a lap and just purr.
"Oh No!" said her owner,
"You're a generous donor,
But I'd rather sew cloth, and not fur."
--- Anon
A date I will always remember,
A small cat with loud voice
Did not give me a choice;
She announced she was my new family member.
--- Anon
She liked it too much to be quitten,
So I had the gal spayed,
Now she never gets laid.
She's too busy just sittin' and sittin'.
--- Richard L Harrison P9012
On toe jam, old boogers, and fat.
But pussy's revenge
Sure made the guy cringe,
When he donned a shoe full of scat.
--- Anon
And it looks like we're gonna have more.
They're howling and mewing
And biting and screwing.
(And also, they shit on the floor.)
--- Q
"The cat has been sick in the hall."
What's that all about?
If she'd just let it out
Outside, it would answer the call.
--- Tony Burrell
Appears to be lazy and fat.
But make no mistake,
He'll keep you awake
With a fortissimo song in B-flat.
--- Al
It's instinct, or so I am told.
She's large and in charge,
And big as a barge.
But still smaller than a leopold.
--- Expo T9711
Prepared all his rifles exclusive,
To pursue the big cat
In his wild habitat,
While his son sought the pussy elusive.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2352
She must have it "mine" and not "your" way.
Once let in she'll complain
That she want out again.
I'll put her on a plane to Norway.
--- Foobert Dilbertson TP9807
Once left on my sofa a blot,
That Rorschach would love.
It looks like a dove,
And Pussy now plays swat the spot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When he would prowl and down alley go,
Would oft seek a date
With whom he could mate;
Screeching heard yet from each gal he'd know.
--- Daniel Ford
Would grow rather canky and cross.
When Lear would say, "Christ!
You've once again miced;
Remind me to teach you to floss."
--- Cyber Geezer
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