When sated, our cat would sprawl flat The cat is a curious creature, There must be a clause in the laws, We have an intelligent cat The he-cat sat on a high board fence, There once was a fellow named Matt, The brave lion tamer McGee A young lion tamer named Gibb Dumb Androcles left his young squaw, Now, where was I? Andy, half-wit, A melon, quite hairy, rolls by. You what? It's a very old pun? The lion says: "Andy, that trick So Andy goes off, with a wave, He worked there for Queen Neferblutu, You guessed! It was that hairy melon, What now? Yes, of course they had skates, He's caught! What's the sentence? To die on And the lion is? That's right, you guessed! Old Leo, he opens one eye, ..."Then let you escape with your life, So Andy got no laurel wreath, There was a mean man of Melbourne, Last night, with my friend, old Bill Ryan, Some seasonal spirit you lack; Simba's lord of his lions no more, The lioness charged at their backs; This puss was abandoned, James knew, There was a little man from Zion He was a quite important lion, A lion-tamer once said to a child: A hunter and huntress from Lyonesse A mad scientist loved kitty-kats;
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A lioness the hunter spied, The king of the jungle just cried On their trip to the jungle, his plan The reason they call him a lion, The lioness in her domain The kings of the beasts are the lions; In Circus Maximus berserk, King Lion calls no one his brother. I'm the loin of Babylon town; (odalisque - female slave or concubine)
No matter how friendly their features, Said the boss, "I'll end up in a hearse, A handsome young noble of Spain, A most kingly beast is the lion, There once was a fellow named Brian The lion, as king of the beasts, When I was out doing my chores, A bull, when it's mad enough, gores; A tamer stood in the lion's cage, Why do lions who answer a call In the heart of the jungle lived Ryan, A tamer of lions from Maine, A lion in search of red meat Having been kicked more than thrice, "Whether they're dark or they're pale, An ad by a clever old lion A retired Civil Servant from Gatelely, A lion with a surgical truss There was a young girl called O'Brien, The tiger is king of the cats, A male tourist from Wapakonetter "Tell me Tiger," said Isobel Stranks, An eager young man from the Niger A little striped tiger called Tig To ride on a tiger's absurd --
In the sun by the wall, and with that
Would announce to us all
That if vermin should call,
She would rather not maul them, so scat!
--- Anon
There's nothing that you'll ever teach her.
Except when she flees
To the top of the trees,
Where even firefighters can't reach her.
--- Tony Burrell
That says you can't cut my claws.
It doesn't make sense
To remove my defense,
When you damage my quadruped paws.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who refuses to hunt mouse or rat.
She'll lie and wait
For food on her plate.
Now who can blame her for that.
--- Anon
The she-cat sat on the ground.
The tom made a pass
At the pussycat's ass,
And the world went around and around.
--- G1234
Whose dick was quite long and quite fat.
But I'm willing to bet
The only pussy he'll get
Is when he goes home to his cat!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Leapt into the cage with great glee.
Leo Rex gave a start
And said, "Hi there, thweetheart.
Ooooh, a whip! I juth love B and D."
--- Michael Weinstein P8711
Is usually brave; that's no fib.
But he ran out with a shout
When the lion whipped out
Some A1 Steak Sauce and a bib.
--- Michael Weinstein P8711
Walked out in the jungle, and saw
Around half past noon,
In the light of the moon,
A lion a-licking his paw.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Goes up to the beast: "Kitty kit.
Come show Uncle Andy,
What's that in your handy?"
And pulls a big thorn from its mitt.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Hi lion"'s its most friendly cry.
It doesn't reply.
The melon asks why.
"I'm shy, hairy melon, I'm shy."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And how, even I, think it fun,
Is surely a mystery?
Look kid, this is history,
And back then it hadn't been done.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was neat, and they say you are thick.
So you I'll not maul;
But give me a call,
When you're stuck and I'll get you out quick."
--- Tiddy Ogg
To see his old mate, hermit Dave.
But troops, far from home,
From Egypt or Rome,
Soon carry him off as a slave.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who danced in a leopard-skin tutu.
On an errand to town
To the park he went down...
In the zoo he viewed someone he knew, too.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On roller skates, going like hell on
Wheels, but our man
Simply grabbed it and ran,
With it stuffed up his shirt, wicked felon.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They raced them downhill in those states,
That's what, nothing more,
The pyramids were for
As Ovid or Homer relates.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A cross? Or a spit roast to fry on?
The judges all ponder,
Say "Send him out yonder.
The zoo. Throw him in with the lion."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Dumb Androcles, too, is impressed.
"I pulled from your pad,
A thorn, my old lad,
So now, puss, of friends we're the best."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And pityingly looks at the guy.
"You sure are a twit,
So far we are quits,
You soothed my sore foot, son, but I...
--- Tiddy Ogg
I then went and ate up your wife.
So now I'll eat you,
With no more ado."
And he did, without fork, spoon or knife.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This moral, though, he did bequeath:
With pussy's take care,
And always beware,
'Cause some have got bloody great teeth.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whom folks wished had never been born.
So they bid him adieu
Via lions at the zoo;
Then went off to party till dawn.
--- Don Humphries
We crawled round the pubs, got real high on
That apple-based brew,
Then went to the zoo,
And there fed the squirrels to the lion.
--- Anon
Them squirrels were merely a snack,
Like eating a bunch
Of small mice for your lunch;
Now go back and feed Leo a yak.
--- Anon
Because Africa's unwritten law
Forces leaders who're tested
To go when they're bested.
Simba left with a half-hearted roar.
--- David A Brooks Q
The woodsman turned back with his axe.
The lion, outsmarted,
Her head and neck parted,
In consequence ceased her attacks.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
And a stray takes a risk near the zoo.
So he whispered, "Here kitty,"
And held out, from pity,
A hand but the lion took two.
--- David A Brooks Q
Who believed that he was a lion;
He roamed on the plain
With might and with mane;
His roar could be heard at Orion.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who then begat a weighty scion.
He roared like all hell,
But he could not tell
An atom from a charged ion.
--- Limber Limericks
"Meet Leo, my lion. He's not wild."
The man left the room,
Returning quite soon,
And asked: "Where's the kid?" Leo smiled.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
By chance killed a lion and lioness.
Appalled and afraid,
They knelt down a prayed,
"Noble souls of the dead, do not lie on us!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
For his research, much better than rats;
But a lion espied him,
Gulped doc down inside him;
All's left of the Doc now are scats!
--- Allen Wolverton
A decided to go for a ride.
The lion awoke
And ate the poor bloke
Thinking he'd injured his pride.
--- Macsam
When his harem got sick and all died,
"Oh my Gracious!" cried he,
"It's a cats ass tro fee,
And I'm heartsick. What's more I've no pride!"
--- Brandy Brandon P9408
Was to shoot him a lion, The man
Had returned with the quarry,
As his wife told the story,
He had run the beast down with the van.
--- A N Wilkins P9203
For victims in ambush he'll lie in.
And those who protest
That he's not the best,
Inside of his stomach are lyin'.
--- Irving Superior P8812
Competes with her mate for the reign.
In hunting she's stunning.
In courtship, she's cunning,
And wrestles with might and with mane.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
The grasslands they stalk with defiance,
Their pride in full view;
But seen in a zoo,
They're nought but a passel of lie-ins.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
The lions on the Christians work.
As Romans blase gaze
And grisly paraphrase,
"Inside each beast a man doth lurk."
--- Irving Superior P8711
He is fierce like his noble Queen-mother.
When the animals gather
For feasting together,
The menu reads simply "Each Other."
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
I'm the lion what ain't loin down;
Goodbye obelisk,
Farewell odalisque,
I'm the loin what ain't lion down.
--- Conrad Aiken
All lions are dangerous creatures.
Take care what you state
Of their pride or their mate,
Or they will with might and mane eat yours.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
For this deadline I find is a curse."
Said a hunter named Harry,
Who'd been on safari,
"You will find that a live lion is worse."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2613
Met a lion one day in the rain.
He ran in a fright,
With all of his might,
But the lion, he ran with his mane.
--- Anon
And you'd best keep your eye on his scion.
The princeling's grown quick,
His jaws and claws click,
And believe me, he's no dandelion.
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
Who was bitten one day by a lion.
He went on the prowl
And he started to growl,
But other than that, he's just fion.
--- Mary Volk
Loves to sponsor magnificent feasts.
If you are invited,
Reply you're delighted
If your role is as guest's, not a yeast's
--- Laurence Perrine P8812
I found a poor lion with sores.
I gave it some pills
To cure all its ills.
Now it never pains but it roars.
--- Ericka
You get vicious bitings from boars.
But a toothless old lion
Won't leave people cryin';
It never pains but it roars.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Attempting to curb the beast's rage.
The creature awoke;
The chair quickly broke,
And the man stopped increasing in age.
--- Anon
To arrive in September, have all
Of their traveling done
By the equinox sun?
Because pride always comes before fall.
--- Peter Wilkins
The world's one and only GAY lion.
The prospect of his service
Did render most nervous
Each male animal he had his eye on!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From opening their mouths couldn't refrain.
One day he got bold,
And now I am told
He's as headless as Ichabod Crane.
--- Macsam
Decided a zebra to eat.
But during the chase,
Got kicked in the face,
And returned to the pride in defeat.
--- David Lauridsen
And not thinking it very nice,
He turned to his son,
Saying, "Son, be the one
To follow this piece of advice."
--- David Lauridsen
Don't mess with equines in yon vale.
Those black and white stripes
Are clearly the types
Of uniformed horses in jail!"
--- David Lauridsen
Was run by all papers in Zion:
"Please respond to this ad,
When unhappy or sad,
Looking for a warm shoulder to cry on."
--- Graig Gigol P0308
Who lived in a home known as stately,
Kept lions, for fun,
In a wire-netting run,
But he hasn't be seen around lately.
--- Ida Thurtle
Said: "I don't want to make any fuss,
But that damn unicorn
Keeps on showing soft porn.
It's nothing that I care to discuss."
--- Kevin Hale Q
Who tried to teach hymns to a lion.
Of the lady, there's some
In the lions tum-tum.
The rest twangs a harp up in Zion.
--- Anon
He's fond of the leans and the fats.
And if you should say
To a tiger, "Go `way!"
You may be inside when he scats.
--- Limber Limericks
Leaned too close to a tigress to pet her.
But we must not forget
That they'd not even met...
'Twas the etiquette breach that upset her.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
"Have you always had stripes on your flanks?"
"The Tiger said, "No,
I'm ambitious and so
I just worked my way up from the ranks."
--- Eric Sykes
Was counting one day with a Geiger;
He found that the clicks
He had heard in the sticks,
Were the teeth of a man-eating tiger.
--- Lims Unlimited
Said, "When I'm enormously big,
I'll devour all the prey
That come 'round this way."
His mother snarled, "You're just a pig."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
I solemnly give you my word.
For I rode on a tiger
On the banks of the Niger,
And I found I was changed to a turd.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1186