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The world thought Miss Lucy a twit; Do you like yours tender and juicy? Getting off without help from a whang, A spastic who never could come, There was a young woman named Trudy, A winsome young maiden named Hortense "Masturbate, masturbate, mas- Two months and young piratess Bates There lived once a bloke, SFA, A horny young woman named Kate Mary-Jane used to play with her muff This girl who masturbated for sex, The sport of a sexy-voiced crone There was a young girl from Dundrum, Commuting to London today, As the train gathered speed down the track, And the faster we went, the vibration She caused quite a stir and commotion, At London she got off the train; There was a poor woman named Yorrick A pretty young hiker named Daszum, Young Kate, who wears tiny wee black ...And rocking herself to and fro, Apart from the stains, her reaction There once was a girl from Versailles, There was a young girl exemplary, There was a young virgin named Eades, Anna, a maid from Belgrade, There was a young widow of Fairleigh, There was a young lass from Andorra A vigorous woman named Claire, A certain old lady of Umsk While reading some nice sexy fiction, A fussy you lass called McEwan, A clever young girl from La Grande A juicy young plum was my Anna. What I have heard of old Jane: There once was a young Delta Zeta, There was this old Granny of Guelf A gorgeous young girl from Glengary, There is something that I'd like to ask, Indeed you did try, One Weird Dude, There was a young lady named Nancy, A self-serviced old maid of Montclair There once was a blonde named Melinda, There was an old lady from Spain, When a woman is getting the fever, That's why we keep plenty of toys Toys whistle and toot but don't stink, If you're feeling all randy today, No Honey, you've got it all wrong; There once was a girl named Simone, My wife, when I am away, There is a young nun from St Farrs Melinda is blonde but not dumb, With Mindy I've long been impressed. Young Amy likes lifting her dress Single girls find a nagging of mind Amy, that filthy young tart! If fellows don't come on the scene, Now washing machines are no fun, Each day she spends more than an hour As she rinsed off her fingers with care, There once was a Jew named Nicole, A nimble young lady named Flo Poor old Robinson Crusoe!
Her face by a smile always lit.
But they didn't know
She was on fire down below,
Since discovering the joys of her clit!
--- Ashamed
Pinched hard or fondled quite loosely?
Do your fingers get wet
When you play with your pet?
Do you jump like a fucking Watusi.
--- Mad Max
A hot chick finds her clit fun to clang.
While she sings, it astounds;
Like a jews-harp it sounds,
With a rich fully resonant twang!
--- Allen Wolverton
Was rubbing her clit with her thumb.
But she had a strong spasm
When she reached her orgasm,
That rendered her deaf, blind and dumb.
--- Anon
Sat idly scratching her booty.
She said, "If I come,
It will redden my bum,
And make me feel clearly a beauty!"
--- Jeffrey Beeton
Was once filled with such self-importance,
She diddled alone;
Felt no need for a bone;
But to me, screwing men makes much more sense.
--- Jeanie
turbate; God! you're a horny young lass.
Don't you know if you thumb it
So much, you might numb it?"
"So what?" she replied, "It's a gas!"
--- Anon
Was worried because she was late.
She thought she had erried;
She'd missed her last period;
She knew she'd just come to masterbate.
--- Garold Amadon
Took Mary out into the hay.
He said, "Sis, your great!
Now lets masturbate!"
She replied, "Not without cousin Ray!"
--- John Miller
Had hoped for a really hot date.
But despite lots of kissing,
His erection was missing,
So next time she'll just masturbate.
--- Coops
'Til she found she was 'up the duff'
Having not had the joy
Of a man or a boy,
She yelled out, "It's not good enough!"
--- Anon
Was becoming one big nervous wreck.
She became such a glutton
Rubbing her clit-button,
She soon ceased to play with a full deck.
--- Laurence Craft
Is calling strange men on the phone.
First she'll picture to him
Her hot little quim--
Then finish herself off alone.
--- G2109
Who swore she would never succumb,
But she did, in the end,
With a friend of a friend,
Who helped her to come with his thumb.
--- Michael Horgan
Guess who sat with me? Jane! But no way
Was her skirt long enough
To conceal her bare muff,
And the sight caused me trouser affray.
--- Anon
Lovely Jane settled down and lay back,
Closed her eyes, spread her thighs,
And with whimpering sighs,
Began gently caressing her crack.
--- Anon
Caused Jane even more excitation.
Her fingers went wild,
As she whimpered and smiled,
At the state of my trouser inflation.
--- Anon
While reaching the height of emotion.
I watched as she came
And I say without shame,
That I felt an in-trouser explosion.
--- Anon
But with horror I noticed a stain
On my trousers had spread,
So I stayed on instead
'Til the train took me homewards again.
--- Anon
Whose face was so plain it was Doric.
In lieu of real beaus,
She coked up her nose
And rubbed her own organ clitoric.
--- Armand E Singer 754
Could simply not have an orgasm;
She rubbed on her plum,
'Til her thumb became numb,
And she fell to her death in a chasm.
--- Anon
Silky panties, developed the knack
Of arousing her clitty
At work in the city,
By letting them ride up her crack...
--- Anon
While she sat at her desk all aglow;
But when cleaners complained
That her chair was all stained,
She was asked, quite politely, to go.
--- Anon
(Her whimpers of self-satisfaction)
Was causing us guys
A continuous rise,
Which at work is a major distraction.
--- Anon
Who played with herself on the sly.
She started to come,
And stuck in her thumb,
And said, "What a bad girl am I.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who promised her love would not vary.
'Cause dad was a lax host,
Got left out on Naxos,
Now her pleasures are all solitary.
--- Nick Nastro
Much troubled with raw primal needs;
For an evening's debauch,
She'd abuse her own crotch,
A prelude to far viler deeds.
--- Armand Singer P0203
Never before had been laid.
She found in her chasm
A real cool orgasm,
Quite good, albeit self-made.
--- The Sailor P0310
Who faced her bereavement quite squarely.
She relied on her thumb
To help herself come,
And achieved some relief--although barely.
--- Norm Storer
Who would open her labia majora
And rub-a-dub-dub
On her hot little nub,
Till she saw borealis aurora.
--- Anon
Once fondled me right in a chair.
She had a great touch,
But she rubbed it so much,
That she almost erased all the hair!
--- Cap'n Bean P9808
Who was wholly unable to cumsk,
Would ecstatically shout
When a samovar spout
Was shoved up her Muscovite rumpsk.
--- L0356
Kate developed a common addiction
To rubbing her clit,
Giving her Mom a fit,
Saying, "I'm learning the science of friction."
--- Puff Adder
This is file lml
Disliked the idea of screwin'.
"I finger my muffin,
It's safer than stuffin',
And besides I can see what I'm doin'."
--- Laura Schooler
Has her dates with her boyfriend well planned.
But if things get too brisk,
She avoids every risk
By taking him firmly in hand.
--- John E Mayhood P9805a
She came dressed in an orange bandanna.
She'd a cherry somewhere,
And of pears had a pair,
And she offered to hold my banana.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She now lives with her monkey in Spain.
They have lots to show,
And are rolling in dough;
She even strokes her monkey in the rain.
--- Anon
Who was a fierce masturbator.
She'd bang on her hole,
With a telephone pole,
Instead of a normal vibrator.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who played with a jolly old elf,
Which she coddled and kept
Till he died. Then she wept
And thereafter just played with herself.
--- Keith MacMillan 65a
Has a pussy so tight and unhairy.
She rubbed it each night,
Till the dawn's early light,
Then confessed and said a Hail Mary.
--- Anon
Is female masturbation a task?
The one-handed fuck,
Has it ever got stuck?
And is it really your thermos flask?
--- Funny Bone a
I assure you that we girls write nude.
And often we thrum
Ourselves till we come;
How else would we get in the mood?
--- Anon
Who liked having sex, plain and fancy.
With lightning and thunder
And a profound sense of wonder,
But not with a partner -- too chancy.
--- Anon
Often plays with herself in a chair,
Which produces more juice
Than for which she has use,
So she just leaves the leftovers there.
--- G2169
Who scheduled her daily agenda
With time for a break
To finger the ache,
That throbbed in her juicy pudenda.
--- Hugh Clary
Who had a young gent on the brain.
She tried to romance him,
And then to depants him,
But ended up using her cane!
--- Anon
A man would be foolish to leave her.
For what she'll resent
Is not that he went,
But he left her to bash her own beaver.
--- SFA
Around when you're off with the boys.
They come in real handy
When we're feeling randy,
And all of them moan and make noise.
--- Carol
Like men who've had too much to drink.
And pee in the plants,
Then come in their pants.
It's better if they're in the pink.
--- Marlene Lewis
There's something for you on eBay.
A hand-cranked vibrator
Designed just to cater
To the needs of a lone fish fillet!
--- Randog
I don't need a hand-crank type dong.
My toys aren't of wood
But I'm sure that they could
Be stiff as a board all night long.
--- Carol
Who would amuse herself when alone;
With a smile on her face,
She'd call from her place
To her strategically placed vibra-phone.
--- Kevin Kee
Will phone herself ten times a day.
You can hear her cell phone,
And the sound of her moan,
From about three streets away.
--- Cerbrus
Who masturbates using cigars.
She said, "To come faster,
I use a Dutch Master,
But White Owls will show me the stars!"
--- David Miller
She'll surely make any man come,
That wonderful gal, as
She sucks on your phallus,
On your gonads her fingers will strum.
--- Anon
Of dreams I've had surely the best
That's happened to me,
Was the wish that I'd be
The keyboard her fingers caressed.
--- Anon
And removing her panties to press
In a manner obscene
'Gainst the washing machine,
To relieve all her work-a-day stress.
--- Peter Wilkins
When the absence of coupling they find
Is much too frequent
And lasts but a moment.
The languid screw is what helps her unwind.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Often liked boys for her part.
She cornered young Michael,
While on the spin cycle,
He soon pryed her firm legs apart.
--- Jayne
On vibrating things they are keen.
If not those sex toys,
They'll often get joys
From a lean on a washing machine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For Amy the naughty young nun.
She now washes by hand,
Behind her he'll stand.
Young Michael is giving her one.
--- Jayne
In the bathroom "Just taking a shower"
With her legs spread obscene-
Ly and aiming between
Them the warm water spray at full power.
--- Anon
A self-service redhead named Claire
Said, "It's Nature's plan
To be loved by a man,
But who wants a man's peg poking THERE?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 954
Who'd never been fucked by a soul.
For sexual pleasures,
She'd jack off with feathers,
Or stick dollar bills up her hole.
--- Loser T9707
Once diddled herself with her toe,
But she now rues the day
And she's too shy to say,
Where her bunions have started to grow.
--- Michael Horgan
He had no woman to screw, so
He sat on a rock
And played with his cock,
Or he'd get his man Friday to do so.
--- G2111
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