The world thought Miss Lucy a twit;
Her face by a smile always lit.
But they didn't know
She was on fire down below,
Since discovering the joys of her clit!
--- Ashamed

Do you like yours tender and juicy?
Pinched hard or fondled quite loosely?
Do your fingers get wet
When you play with your pet?
Do you jump like a fucking Watusi.
--- Mad Max

Getting off without help from a whang,
A hot chick finds her clit fun to clang.
While she sings, it astounds;
Like a jews-harp it sounds,
With a rich fully resonant twang!
--- Allen Wolverton

A spastic who never could come,
Was rubbing her clit with her thumb.
But she had a strong spasm
When she reached her orgasm,
That rendered her deaf, blind and dumb.
--- Anon

There was a young woman named Trudy,
Sat idly scratching her booty.
She said, "If I come,
It will redden my bum,
And make me feel clearly a beauty!"
--- Jeffrey Beeton

A winsome young maiden named Hortense
Was once filled with such self-importance,
She diddled alone;
Felt no need for a bone;
But to me, screwing men makes much more sense.
--- Jeanie

"Masturbate, masturbate, mas-
turbate; God! you're a horny young lass.
Don't you know if you thumb it
So much, you might numb it?"
"So what?" she replied, "It's a gas!"
--- Anon

Two months and young piratess Bates
Was worried because she was late.
She thought she had erried;
She'd missed her last period;
She knew she'd just come to masterbate.
--- Garold Amadon

There lived once a bloke, SFA,
Took Mary out into the hay.
He said, "Sis, your great!
Now lets masturbate!"
She replied, "Not without cousin Ray!"
--- John Miller

A horny young woman named Kate
Had hoped for a really hot date.
But despite lots of kissing,
His erection was missing,
So next time she'll just masturbate.
--- Coops

Mary-Jane used to play with her muff
'Til she found she was 'up the duff'
Having not had the joy
Of a man or a boy,
She yelled out, "It's not good enough!"
--- Anon

This girl who masturbated for sex,
Was becoming one big nervous wreck.
She became such a glutton
Rubbing her clit-button,
She soon ceased to play with a full deck.
--- Laurence Craft

The sport of a sexy-voiced crone
Is calling strange men on the phone.
First she'll picture to him
Her hot little quim--
Then finish herself off alone.
--- G2109

There was a young girl from Dundrum,
Who swore she would never succumb,
But she did, in the end,
With a friend of a friend,
Who helped her to come with his thumb.
--- Michael Horgan

Commuting to London today,
Guess who sat with me? Jane! But no way
Was her skirt long enough
To conceal her bare muff,
And the sight caused me trouser affray.
--- Anon

As the train gathered speed down the track,
Lovely Jane settled down and lay back,
Closed her eyes, spread her thighs,
And with whimpering sighs,
Began gently caressing her crack.
--- Anon

And the faster we went, the vibration
Caused Jane even more excitation.
Her fingers went wild,
As she whimpered and smiled,
At the state of my trouser inflation.
--- Anon

She caused quite a stir and commotion,
While reaching the height of emotion.
I watched as she came
And I say without shame,
That I felt an in-trouser explosion.
--- Anon

At London she got off the train;
But with horror I noticed a stain
On my trousers had spread,
So I stayed on instead
'Til the train took me homewards again.
--- Anon

There was a poor woman named Yorrick
Whose face was so plain it was Doric.
In lieu of real beaus,
She coked up her nose
And rubbed her own organ clitoric.
--- Armand E Singer 754

A pretty young hiker named Daszum,
Could simply not have an orgasm;
She rubbed on her plum,
'Til her thumb became numb,
And she fell to her death in a chasm.
--- Anon

Young Kate, who wears tiny wee black
Silky panties, developed the knack
Of arousing her clitty
At work in the city,
By letting them ride up her crack...
--- Anon

...And rocking herself to and fro,
While she sat at her desk all aglow;
But when cleaners complained
That her chair was all stained,
She was asked, quite politely, to go.
--- Anon

Apart from the stains, her reaction
(Her whimpers of self-satisfaction)
Was causing us guys
A continuous rise,
Which at work is a major distraction.
--- Anon

There once was a girl from Versailles,
Who played with herself on the sly.
She started to come,
And stuck in her thumb,
And said, "What a bad girl am I.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young girl exemplary,
Who promised her love would not vary.
'Cause dad was a lax host,
Got left out on Naxos,
Now her pleasures are all solitary.
--- Nick Nastro

There was a young virgin named Eades,
Much troubled with raw primal needs;
For an evening's debauch,
She'd abuse her own crotch,
A prelude to far viler deeds.
--- Armand Singer P0203

Anna, a maid from Belgrade,
Never before had been laid.
She found in her chasm
A real cool orgasm,
Quite good, albeit self-made.
--- The Sailor P0310

There was a young widow of Fairleigh,
Who faced her bereavement quite squarely.
She relied on her thumb
To help herself come,
And achieved some relief--although barely.
--- Norm Storer

There was a young lass from Andorra
Who would open her labia majora
And rub-a-dub-dub
On her hot little nub,
Till she saw borealis aurora.
--- Anon

A vigorous woman named Claire,
Once fondled me right in a chair.
She had a great touch,
But she rubbed it so much,
That she almost erased all the hair!
--- Cap'n Bean P9808

A certain old lady of Umsk
Who was wholly unable to cumsk,
Would ecstatically shout
When a samovar spout
Was shoved up her Muscovite rumpsk.
--- L0356

While reading some nice sexy fiction,
Kate developed a common addiction
To rubbing her clit,
Giving her Mom a fit,
Saying, "I'm learning the science of friction."
--- Puff Adder

This is file lml

A fussy you lass called McEwan,
Disliked the idea of screwin'.
"I finger my muffin,
It's safer than stuffin',
And besides I can see what I'm doin'."
--- Laura Schooler

A clever young girl from La Grande
Has her dates with her boyfriend well planned.
But if things get too brisk,
She avoids every risk
By taking him firmly in hand.
--- John E Mayhood P9805a

A juicy young plum was my Anna.
She came dressed in an orange bandanna.
She'd a cherry somewhere,
And of pears had a pair,
And she offered to hold my banana.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

What I have heard of old Jane:
She now lives with her monkey in Spain.
They have lots to show,
And are rolling in dough;
She even strokes her monkey in the rain.
--- Anon

There once was a young Delta Zeta,
Who was a fierce masturbator.
She'd bang on her hole,
With a telephone pole,
Instead of a normal vibrator.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was this old Granny of Guelf
Who played with a jolly old elf,
Which she coddled and kept
Till he died. Then she wept
And thereafter just played with herself.
--- Keith MacMillan 65a

A gorgeous young girl from Glengary,
Has a pussy so tight and unhairy.
She rubbed it each night,
Till the dawn's early light,
Then confessed and said a Hail Mary.
--- Anon

There is something that I'd like to ask,
Is female masturbation a task?
The one-handed fuck,
Has it ever got stuck?
And is it really your thermos flask?
--- Funny Bone a

Indeed you did try, One Weird Dude,
I assure you that we girls write nude.
And often we thrum
Ourselves till we come;
How else would we get in the mood?
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Nancy,
Who liked having sex, plain and fancy.
With lightning and thunder
And a profound sense of wonder,
But not with a partner -- too chancy.
--- Anon

A self-serviced old maid of Montclair
Often plays with herself in a chair,
Which produces more juice
Than for which she has use,
So she just leaves the leftovers there.
--- G2169

There once was a blonde named Melinda,
Who scheduled her daily agenda
With time for a break
To finger the ache,
That throbbed in her juicy pudenda.
--- Hugh Clary

There was an old lady from Spain,
Who had a young gent on the brain.
She tried to romance him,
And then to depants him,
But ended up using her cane!
--- Anon

When a woman is getting the fever,
A man would be foolish to leave her.
For what she'll resent
Is not that he went,
But he left her to bash her own beaver.
--- SFA

That's why we keep plenty of toys
Around when you're off with the boys.
They come in real handy
When we're feeling randy,
And all of them moan and make noise.
--- Carol

Toys whistle and toot but don't stink,
Like men who've had too much to drink.
And pee in the plants,
Then come in their pants.
It's better if they're in the pink.
--- Marlene Lewis

If you're feeling all randy today,
There's something for you on eBay.
A hand-cranked vibrator
Designed just to cater
To the needs of a lone fish fillet!
--- Randog

No Honey, you've got it all wrong;
I don't need a hand-crank type dong.
My toys aren't of wood
But I'm sure that they could
Be stiff as a board all night long.
--- Carol

There once was a girl named Simone,
Who would amuse herself when alone;
With a smile on her face,
She'd call from her place
To her strategically placed vibra-phone.
--- Kevin Kee

My wife, when I am away,
Will phone herself ten times a day.
You can hear her cell phone,
And the sound of her moan,
From about three streets away.
--- Cerbrus

There is a young nun from St Farrs
Who masturbates using cigars.
She said, "To come faster,
I use a Dutch Master,
But White Owls will show me the stars!"
--- David Miller

Melinda is blonde but not dumb,
She'll surely make any man come,
That wonderful gal, as
She sucks on your phallus,
On your gonads her fingers will strum.
--- Anon

With Mindy I've long been impressed.
Of dreams I've had surely the best
That's happened to me,
Was the wish that I'd be
The keyboard her fingers caressed.
--- Anon

Young Amy likes lifting her dress
And removing her panties to press
In a manner obscene
'Gainst the washing machine,
To relieve all her work-a-day stress.
--- Peter Wilkins

Single girls find a nagging of mind
When the absence of coupling they find
Is much too frequent
And lasts but a moment.
The languid screw is what helps her unwind.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Amy, that filthy young tart!
Often liked boys for her part.
She cornered young Michael,
While on the spin cycle,
He soon pryed her firm legs apart.
--- Jayne

If fellows don't come on the scene,
On vibrating things they are keen.
If not those sex toys,
They'll often get joys
From a lean on a washing machine.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now washing machines are no fun,
For Amy the naughty young nun.
She now washes by hand,
Behind her he'll stand.
Young Michael is giving her one.
--- Jayne

Each day she spends more than an hour
In the bathroom "Just taking a shower"
With her legs spread obscene-
Ly and aiming between
Them the warm water spray at full power.
--- Anon

As she rinsed off her fingers with care,
A self-service redhead named Claire
Said, "It's Nature's plan
To be loved by a man,
But who wants a man's peg poking THERE?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 954

There once was a Jew named Nicole,
Who'd never been fucked by a soul.
For sexual pleasures,
She'd jack off with feathers,
Or stick dollar bills up her hole.
--- Loser T9707

A nimble young lady named Flo
Once diddled herself with her toe,
But she now rues the day
And she's too shy to say,
Where her bunions have started to grow.
--- Michael Horgan

Poor old Robinson Crusoe!
He had no woman to screw, so
He sat on a rock
And played with his cock,
Or he'd get his man Friday to do so.
--- G2111