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The monkey, he fingers his dink, There once was a fellow named Bunky, The monkey's a cute cuddly fellow; In a Mississippi town they call Chunky, A gorilla from Puget Sound A chimp and a monkey are kin, A musical monkey called June I looked up my family tree. Do you mean that you sprang, just like Venus One monkey remarked to another, "Why should I think of another?" There's a zoo with a baby gorilla, This monkey disdained vivisection. A menagerie came to our place, Orangutans travel in trees, A well-educated gorilla This Salk, who was famous, named Jonas, A monkey of masculine gender A gibbon was rather astuter Homo sapiens: Genius -- ferine -- (ferine - feral, wild)
An ape at the zoo in Racine The luckiest monkey I've met At the Ten-County Zoo in Calhoun, Said a safety director named Clive, A monkey exclaimed with great glee, There was a young man from Westphalia Two gentlemen apes from Penang, Sir, I've looked at your monkey in Dorset. A gorilla who wasn't too hairy Two monkeys, a he and a she, There was an Old Man of Dundee, Ingenious indeed was old Feenery; Inventions devised by young Bunky The ZENITH of zest in the zoo: An artiodactyl's a pig A venturesome three-week old chamois, Female gnus at the end of their tether... Foot and mouth is so widespread, There once was a girl called Estelle, There once was a gnu in the zoo There was a young woman named Sue A strange-sounding beast is the gnu, The zookeeper asked his boss who A gnu spells her name with a "G", The gnu's a bit shaggy, it's true, There once was a very old gnu, An adverturous hippo named Stu, A young hippopotamus, Fred, Hippos who get stuck in trees, His victim squashed, a hippopotamus A hippo from Chesapeake Bay. I want a hippopotomus Consider the poor hippopotamus, In England the livestock are dying, (hoof and mouth disease)
An over-endowed male impala Lucky's the beast called the kudu, To the office the antelopes went; One day I went to the zoo The gnu is a barrel of fun There was an old lady from Dover In Kenya, a clever young fox The springbok's a creature diurnal, A gentle young curate of Wells, UNGULATE is not unguiculate, UNGULATES have a horny hoof, While quietly waiting to graze, A very slim lady gazelle
No matter what onlookers think.
All this horny behavior
Makes us blush for our Savior --
We know who's the true missing link.
--- Armand E Singer 81
Who slaughtered a fat little monkey,
That he stole from the zoo,
And he cooked in a stew,
That was meaty and chewy and chunky.
--- Cap'n Bean
He's mostly mild-mannered and mellow.
Just take, though, a grape
From that mild, mellow ape;
He'll slash you with fangs long and yellow.
--- David A Brooks Q
A young man kept a pet monkey.
The man's name was Ned;
The monkey's was Fred.
Ned used Fred as his flunky.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was arrested, handcuffed and bound,
When he acted crudely
And rudely and lewdly
And furthermore monkeyed around.
--- Michael
Collaterals under the skin,
And either means trouble
Alone or as double,
With monkeyshines mischief within.
--- R J Winkler P8408
Will play in our orchestra soon.
She's practised for weeks,
Instrumental techniques
For her debut next week on baboon.
--- Peter Wilkins
They all came from apes, except me.
The females and males
All swung by their tails,
But I came direct from the sea.
--- Al Willis
From sea foam and clam shell and green moss?
The daughters of Zeus,
Is that too obtuse?
And not from the end of a penis.
--- Arden
"We monkeys look out for each other.
No creed hold I deeper
Than 'I'm my brother's keeper,'
But I'm damned if I'm my keeper's brother!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8408
The monkey said this to his mother.
"So the keeper is sick."
Then he said double-quick,
"Do you think I am my Keeper's brother?"
--- Al Willis P9610
Whose name on the form needs a filla.
I submit that the name
Should be worth of fame;
Name him Elvis (unless he's Priscilla).
--- Limerick Man
He frequently made this objction:
"You guys ain't too clean
In your cutting routine.
I don't want to get an infection.
--- Al Willis
And I loved the Gorilla's grimace.
It surprised me to learn,
That he owned the concern,
Being human, but odd in the face.
--- Anon
Cavorting about as they please,
Where each of them swings
And does a few things
That scarcely a soul ever sees.
--- R J Winkler P8408
Sat earnestly reading a thriller.
"You cheat," said his friend;
"You peeped at the end,
So you know from the start who's the killer."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Promised wealth and a title and bonus
To those monkeys called Rhesus,
Who agreed, "You can lease us,
But don't come on strong like you own us."
--- Al Willis P9601
Is playing one day with a blender.
As the blend speed increases
His best rhesus pieces
Are blended - this leaves him quite tender.
--- Prof M-G
Than supposed by his amateur tutor,
Who in jest one began
To teach him FORTRAN.
Now the ape operates a computer.
--- A N Wilkins P8408
Has got to learn what to confine
In the box of Pandora
If so, the Aurora
Borealis continues to shine.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8511
At learning sign language is seen
As a positive whiz
For already his
Repertoire includes gestures obscene.
--- Arthur Deex P8408
Is the smallest, the small marmoset.
He's more lucky by far,
Than the big monkeys are.
When it rains, he's the last to get wet.
--- Night Lights Fights P9811
They had a sagacious baboon;
When given oatmeal,
His face would congeal,
And he'd bite off the end of the spoon.
--- Limber Limericks
"Chimpanzees can be taught to drive,
And unlike human fools
They observe traffic rules
And keep their speed at 55."
--- A N Wilkins P8408
"The things in this zoo that I see!
The curious features
Of all the strange creatures
That come and throw peanuts at me."
--- Frank Richards
Who yearly go tailier and tailier,
Till he took on the shape
Of a Barbary ape,
With the consequent paraphanalia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By name of Orang and Utang, Sir,
When hungry for leaves,
Ring a bell for young Jeeves,
Who replies with a bow and "Urang, Sir?"
--- Peter Wilkins
She could probably do with a corset,
Because of her feeding
On more than she's needing.
As the plumber said "Why try to faucet?"
--- Anon
Was granted a wish by a fairy;
The ugly one said,
"More hair on my head,
I want to be hippie and scary."
--- Limber Limericks
Were naughty as naughty could be.
A twelve-year-old kid
Watched to see what they did,
Then he went in the closet to pee.
--- G1319
Who frequented the top of a tree;
When disturbed by the Crows,
He abruptly arose.
"Now where can that darling ape be?"
--- Edwardian Leer 081
In factories he changed all the scenery.
He replaced all his men,
At least nine out of ten,
And used monkeys to wrench the machinery.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2567
Did render the factories junky.
All the men, out he chased them,
And with apes, he replaced them,
And machinery was wrenched by a monkey.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2483
This is file lfk
A cage full of monkeys, or two,
Behave in ways antic
Which we think as frantic.
So what's a poor primate to do?
--- Chris Papa
Or a camel; some little or big
Even-toed sort of beast,
Says my uncle, at least.
It's an ungulate, sonny, you dig?
--- David Morin
Strayed off in the woods from his mammy,
And might have been dead,
But some picnickers fed
Him with sandwiches, milk and salami.
--- Anon
They'd heard shots and wondered if whether
Their mates were okay;
That they heard a voice say:
"That the end of the gnus...now the weather."
--- Gunjan
Many cows and sheep, now dead.
Stacked so high, getting higher,
Like a big funeral pyre;
Less being done, more being said.
--- Anon
Who liked to ride a gazelle,
But it galloped too quick,
Then started to kick,
And off the gazelle Estelle fell.
--- Zebedee
Who tired of the same daily view.
To seek a new sight,
He stole out one night,
But where he went gnobody gnu.
--- Patricia White
Who saw a strange beast in the zoo;
When she asked, "Is it old?"
She firmly was told,
"No! Certainly not! It is gnu."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Whose name I pronounce with some rue.
The cause of my fits
Is, were all names like its,
Just think how we'd have to spell gSue.
--- Macsam
Had tiled the gnu cage at the zoo:
"Two talents are his.
You see the beast is
A typical gnu, tiler too."
--- Irish a
And if ever you have her to tea,
She likely will tell you
Her name sounds like "new",
And the "G" just as well might not be.
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105
But well known and quite popular, too.
In France he's adored,
But Italians are bored,
And frequently ask, "What's a gnu?"
--- Anon
Who was used by a chief in some stew.
He should have been told,
The gnu was too old.
For stews, only new gnus will do.
--- Anon
Once escaped from his cage at the zoo.
When he was asked why,
He replied with a sigh,
"I was making my way to the loo."
--- Anon
Had a pecker as thin as a thread.
And said, "Wish I'd been born
With a massive great horn,
Like my friend, the rhinoceros, Ted."
--- Anon
Get cold at night and start to freeze.
And if you are near,
For your life you should fear;
Especially if they start to sneeze!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested because of his bottom. As
He was led from the scene,
He said, "I'm not mean.
I tried to stop but I've a lot o' mass.
--- Richard Gaskell
Decided to take up ballet.
So she stood on her toes,
And said, "Okay, here goes!"
She made a big splash on Broadway.
--- Anon
For Christmas. I will make a fuss
I'll clean him and wash
Him -- massage, but gosh --
My mom has refused to discuss.
--- Anon
His sex life is sadly monotonous.
He lives half asleep, (His lady friend, Gyppo,)
At the edge of the deep, (Is a twenty-ton hippo,)
And his face is as big as his bottom is. (her)
--- G1254
And Peter and Tiddy are crying;
Their cows, pigs and sheep
Are too sick to keep;
For boffing, what will they be trying.
--- Travis
Began growing taller and taller.
But it came at a price;
The new height was nice,
But his penis grew smaller and smaller.
--- Actaeon
Which has very little to do,
But sleep, eat, and drink,
And that's why, I think,
It has much less stress than you do.
--- Macsam
To the copier many were sent.
But some lacked the skill,
And others fell ill.
What was left were the gnus fit to print
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105
For I wanted to see the old gnu;
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu they said
Was too new a new gnu to view.
--- G T Johnson
If you're thinking of making a pun;
So what is this gnu
That is pictured for you?
A nothing gnu under the sun.
--- Limber Limericks
Who kept pigs as pets, and, moreover,
She owned several goats
Which she dressed in fur coats,
And fed on neat whiskey and clover.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Saw some antelope sleeping on rocks.
He thought "I could score
If I opened a store!"
He now sells box springs to springboks!
--- P Jordan
Cavorting when sun's rays are vernal.
One bok, Hope by name,
Sprang by night; gained great fame:
And now they say, "Hope springs eternal!"
--- Roxyl
In his garden kept two pet gazelles.
He said, "You can't get
A more docile pet,"
But his neighbours complained of the smells.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Which points to nails, clawed or spatulate,
At the ends of digits,
For grooming and fidgets
(Known if in skin you matriculate.)
--- Anon
Which makes clattering sound on the roof,
When Santa's reindeer
Bring kids Christmas cheer,
Causing neighborhood canines to woof.
--- Daniel Ford
An antelope caught a cat's gaze.
"Should I eat?" she then thought,
"Then I might soon get caught,
And no more little antelopes raise."
--- Leon Blum
Could run like a bat out of hell;
To keep herself fit
She ran quite a bit,
And kept out of trouble, as well.
--- Limber Limericks
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