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In the jungles north of Kampala, A xenomorph-infested bird Madagascar's extinct Aepyornis What's the feather beneath a black duck or (aftershaft is a small feather arising from main shaft)
When an eagle is soaring, he's king. At the end of their New Zealand bee, The apteryx (commonly Kiwi) You're just like a song bird, my lover, A bird who flew high in the sky An eagle whose wings had been clipped, A carpenter living in Jens The bustard's an exquisite fowl Pip, a carrier pigeon, A mucky old man down from Mull The cormorant (common) or shag Clem was a low-flying crane There was a man from Lane There was a Young Lady whose bonnet Embarrassed as it flew too low, A Frederickton frigate bird bet A cuckoo fell into a brook, The cuckoo, all bird scholars attest, Pigeon sounds drown our town's major street, Archeologists digging in Bobo Oh for the wings of a dove, The bird, as he sat on the wire, At the zoo I remarked to an emu, There once was a man named Gordon, They plod and strut over the ground, A child came home with a flamingo. There was an Old Man on whose nose A bird with a bad fear of height An inquisitive blackbird named Fred Said a very small tern to his mother, An Ornithologist from Worchester There once was a blooming Great Auk, There's an eager young guy of St Kitts A bird-watcher, lost in the rain, A bird-watching fellow named Ferd There was a man from Albuquerque, Today I'll put right, all my wrongs, Birds are creatures who crap from on high, By some fabulous stroke of luck, On the market (for folks in the know,) A strange little bird is the hoopoe; A hummingbird sits in a tree Asked a hummer about what was wrong; To hummingbirds I feed two quarts Consider in Taxonomy The ibis lives along the Nile, Extinction is Nature's home wrecker; There was a young man from the junction, In a masquerade ball for the school, I'm afraid something bad has occurred, Bird lovers with praise like to rant The ostrich has long limber legs, "That ostrich sure isn't a quitter," An ostrich who lived at the zoo, The ostrich, its head in the ground, "Oh my," said the ostrich, "it's grand An ostrich, knocked down by the tackle A peacock they call this flash bird. A peacock does not drive a car, A horny young man from Iran A wonderful bird is the pelican, The bill of the pelican relican (apologies to Dixon Lanier Merritt)
A buck frolicked at a deer gala.
Then butchered the does
Though none were his foes.
You guessed it - Vlad the Impala.
--- Anon
Is scary, though somewhat absurd.
Your car's windshield
Is doomed for it wields
Its weapon; the big acid turd!
--- Phil T
The biggest bird ever was born is.
Its ten gallon eggs
And two metre legs,
Like no other fowl that is gone, is.
--- Anon
Some chick, whether tweeter or clucker.
Aftershaft! You're damn right!
Can you dig it? All night.
Aftershaft is a bad mother plucker.
--- Anon
And to aerodynamics he'll bring
What to us is a thumb,
But in birds had become
Just an alula, a spurious wing.
--- Mike Scholtes
All those rare birds weren't able to flee.
A new law banned all flights
Without radar or lights,
And what's why they are flightless, you see.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Outdoes the bird Scots call a peewee,
In terms of its size,
But not when it tries
To fly; 'cause it cannae, in theory.
--- Anon
A robin or peewit or plover.
You wake me at dawning
When I am still yawning,
And leave shit all over the covers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had a fear of being baked in a pie.
When gunshots were heard,
This wary old bird
'Round her head a tin helmet would tie.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
From the clippings, took quills which he dipped
In indelible ink
To write "BIRD CLIPPERS STINK!"
On the door of the bird clipper's crypt!
--- Prof M-G
Made dozens of houses for wrens,
But their holes were so small
That long before fall,
They were filled up with pencils and pens.
--- Limber Limericks
With minimal reason to growl.
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy,
By the grace of a fortunate vowel.
--- George Vaill
Was a criminal who had no religion.
Caught with fraudulent mail,
He was sent straight to jail,
Dry bread he was fed--just a smidgen.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
Once tapped out his pipe on a gull.
The bird flew away,
But came back next day,
And emptied itself on his skull!
--- Clarkscript
Lays its eggs in an old paper bag,
For it thinks it's a way
To keep lightning at bay;
But I'm sure that there must be a snag.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who didn't have much of a brain.
On the mountain he crashed,
His poor body was smashed;
Now he hobbles around with a cane.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306
Who found a whooping crane
That had the croup
And couldn't whoop
And nearly went insane.
--- Limber Limericks
Came untied when the birds sat upon it;
But she said, "I don't care
If the birds are all there.
What I don't like is what they do on it!"
--- Edwardian Leer 052
More crimson it surely did grow.
Till, all feathers and gore,
It then cackled no more,
When, Splat! Came the most crushing blow.
--- Doug Harris P0507
A Prince Rupert pigeon he'd get
Cross country, both ways,
In less than six days --
Then flew in Air Canada jet.
--- Jim Yeates, Toronto 34d
But was saved by a man with a hook.
It soon flew away,
And all the next day,
It "ooed" but it just couldn't "cuck."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Lays her eggs in another bird's nest.
She's not really crazy,
Just terribly lazy;
Thinks surrogate motherhood best.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
So the mayor with council will meet,
With a plan to usurp,
Every tweedle and chirp,
So that never the Main shall tweet.
--- Bob Giandomenico
Found the fossilized beak of a dodo;
"This may sound absurd,"
Said that part of the bird,
"But I wish you had found me en toto."
--- Lims Unlimited
High in the sky up above.
I was feeling quite fine
Until you, columbine (family of doves and pigeons)
Did shit on my new leather glove.
--- Professor
Thought he found his stomach's desire --
A long endless worm,
Which caused him to squirm,
Then vanish in a puff of fire.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I cannot pretend I esteem you.
You're a greedy old bird,
And your walk is absurd,
But your curious feathers redeem you."
--- Anon
Who was certainly good at hoardin'.
But his most favored things,
Were endangered with wings,
Until he was caught by the warden.
--- B Olsen
Pecking at seeds all around
And fatten themselves,
Become steaks on shelves,
To feed the gourmets, I'll be bound.
--- Chris Papa
Said her dad, "Where'd you get that strange thing. Oh,
You wicked young Sue!
You've been robbing the zoo!"
She said, "No dad, I won it at bingo."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away
At the closing of day,
He could pick any time that he chose.
--- Edwardian Leer 077
Was too scared to attempt any flight.
And so to obtain him
The food to sustain him,
He'd fish every Saturday night.
--- Ryan Waldron
Asked a jackdaw who perched overhead,
"If you wouldn't mind sharing,
For sake of comparing,
Are there any good rooks you have bred?"
--- Hugh Clary
This is file lek
"I wish I had more than one brother;
I've been a good tern
And I want what I earn,
So I hope you will find me another."
--- Limber Limericks
Grew feathers and crowed like a rooster.
To the bird God he prayed:
I want to be laid!
But she fell down to Earth and he goosed her.
--- Garold Amadon
Couldn't fly, and it hardly could walk.
The ignorant picts
Used to beat it with sticks,
For the pleasure of hearing it squawk.
--- Anon
Who excitedly stares at great tits.
His instrument high,
He will spot them and spy
On each bird as it flutters and flits.
--- David A Brooks Q
Fell into a large open drain;
He was nearing his end
When a big feathered friend
Pulled him out and said, "I am a crane."
--- Lims Unlimited
Was indulging his hobby, I've heard;
When besmirched by a crane,
He exclaimed, "Not again!"-
And continued his watch undeterred.
--- Arthur Deex P0201
Whose thoughts you might find rather quirky?
Near a yacht by the hull,
He spotted a gull,
And said, "Look, it's an albino turkey!"
--- O V Michaelsen P9811
And I'll listen to beautiful songs.
The birds in the tree,
Are they singing to me?
Or going like hammer and tongs?
--- Anon
As they flap, and they crap in my eye.
Though they do make me mad,
They remind me I'm glad
That the featherless pig cannot fly.
--- Anon
Our teacher (like a chicken) does cluck.
He lifted his leg
And out rolled an egg.
And if "How's" on the test, they we're fucked.
--- Robert Keim
Is a thing called a ponders' scarecrow.
Activated by motion,
Gives herons the notion .
There's somewhere else they'd rather go. .
--- Anon
The things that he does are just coocoo.
In his nest, he would piss
And he ate dentrifice,
And for kicks he would walk in his poo-poo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And looks at his feeder to see
If one of his cousins
Will zoom in with buzzins,
To drink of his dinner for free.
--- Anon
Why not join other birds in their song?
Putting me in my place,
It said with straight face,
Their songs, I enjoy humming along.
--- William D Robinson
Of nectar a day. Each cavorts
And pays for its rations
With dips and gyrations --
Bet YOU'd like to join in such sports!
--- Anon
Errors do occur regularly.
Hummingbirds are misnamed.
They don't hum as is claimed,
But if they did, they might hum off-key.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
And is neighbor to the crocodile.
When he stands, he's quite tall,
Although his chicks are small,
Which is very hard to reconcile.
--- William K Alsop Jr
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker,
We could save "ivory bills"
And no little blue pills
Are needed to bring back this pecker.
--- Limerick Savant
And often his brain would malfunction.
He'd kill chickens and owls;
Swallows, magpies, and fowls,
And all without any compunction.
--- John Blyth
The bird theme was adjudged at the pool.
One young girl, all agree,
An adorned Christmas tree,
Won the prize as a young gallinule. (Grebe family)
--- J Maynard Kaplan
That my animal magnetism's erred.
In her mesmerized state,
Polly's losing some weight.
Did you sell me a moribund bird?
--- Mike Scholtes
About feathered friends VOLITANT.
Most soar in sweet flight,
Displaying winged might,
'Cept emus, who certainly can't.
--- Chris Papa
Or is otherwise fitted with pegs.
But he could have neither,
For how would he either
Climb onto or off his mate's eggs?
--- David A Brooks Q
Said the chef in a rage hot and bitter;
All covered in scratches,
"Just wait 'til I catches
It. Dammit, I'll fritter the critter."
--- Peter Wilkins
Was feeling uncomfortably blue.
So he stuck his whole head
In the sand in his shed,
"It's not fun, but it's something to do."
--- S Barry
To escape a big threat going 'round,
Or some big enemy
Which it wants not to see,
Or to hide a treat in the ground.
--- Aaron Bell P9702
To eye in this wonderful land.
For when trouble appears,
I just plug up my ears
And I bury my head in the sand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2602
Of a hungry old near-sighted jackal,
Exclaimed to him, "Jake,
You have made a mistake!
I'm only a big purple grackle."
--- Limber Limericks
Well, really! I won't say a word.
Oh, darn. I must ask
Just who has the task
Of measuring bird cocks? Absurd!
--- Anon
Fix his hair with that goo from a jar,
Or dress in black leathers.
But with his fine feathers,
The ladies all think he's a star.
--- Sylvia S Crockett P0105
Was facing a court-imposed ban.
He was heard to exclaim,
I have no one to blame,
Except perhaps the pelican.
--- Robert Elliot
His bill can hold more than his belly can.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week,
I'm damned if I know how the hell he can!
--- Dixon Merrit
Hold more than his pelican belican.
People still see how wellican
But not how the helican
Stock more than a pelican delican.
--- David A Brooks
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