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I sleep in my bed all alone. He won't leave her ass till she's dead, Ms Oberlin vowed, for a buck, It's hotter'n Hell, if you please; I tell you, it's rough to get laid A lecherous man named Anheuser, There was a young fellow name Pate A woman in Lima, Peru, Many men can still be had; There was an old tart name of Quinn, Adultery isn't a sin, A is for affable Annie, I did this thing once before, A for the Agony I face; F is for Fathoms and Feet; K sound effects ( like KER-SPLASH ); P is when we are Polite; U for Umbrellas in rain; Z -- Zoophobia (a fear) And now all my wits are waning, A is for architecture; B is for Ball; what delight C stands for Candidate Cute; C is the candidate coy, D is the D.A.R., who E stands for Enterprise; here E is for Enterprise; why, D is the Dowager's Daughter, G is our Governor; he H is for Hotels at Hop-time, L is the Leg-is-la-tor, M is Maternal devotion; N stands for Naval Career; O is for Odenton Station, Q is the Question; although S is for So-ci-etee, S is St Johns; (by repute X is for eXamination, B is for bad little Bridget C is for curious Charlie A is for Apple, they say, F is for Felines which purr; K? Keratosis! (A wart), P is Paprika, a spice; Umlaut is a good word for U, Z..not what can it be... Now that's my alphabet's complete, My flabber's so ghast I can't speak. Alpha's the first in the line. E is the egotist dread, F was a fussy flamingo, I hope that this alphabet Greek ALPHA's a helium atom; A number impossibly small, Ecological banners have THETA, LAMBDA's in court for the gays; Omicron's like our short "o", Deviation and sum are both SIGMA; PHI has many meanings in science; H is for horrid young Hannah I is for ignorant Ida J is for jovial Jack L is for lovable Lena, L was a lachrymose leopard, A Israeli boy, living so squalid Now 0 is null, nothing, void.
I wait for his call on the phone.
His wife's gone to work;
Now Charlie, my jerk,
Is willing to throw me a bone.
--- Marty
But no need to be lonely in bed.
If you like lonely hearts,
And don't mind a few farts,
You ought to try me instead!
--- MrMalo
To have me, but gosh-darn my luck;
Today is the day
Her husband's away,
And it's too fuckin' hot for a fuck.
Any effort at all makes me wheeze.
When I thought she was wet,
It was nothing but sweat;
My balls have drooped down to my knees.
At 104 in the shade;
Makes me long for vermouth,
And the lays of my youth,
On the moss in a cool forest glade.
Whose climax could vie with a geyser,
Impregnated twelve dames
With his amorous aims,
And his wife was not any the wiser.
--- Alex Heydon P0407
Who worked at the office quite late.
Then his wife did find out
What his work was about,
And the rest is too sad to relate.
--- Albin Chaplin
Told her husband she's too tired to screw.
She's been selling her twat
For ten pesos a shot.
The poor bastard just hasn't a clue.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
Ask him to visit your pad.
Love you will feel;
A heart you can steal,
But his wife just might get mad.
--- Les Stewart
Who had an adulterous sin
With Executive Plunkett,
Who really did flunk it.
He forgot his braille mail in the bin!
--- CM
But if you fuck Kimberly Quinn,
While Home Secretary,
You'd better be wary,
You might have to pack the job in.
--- Neaco
Who is younger, they say, than her granny.
Now, that I can't tell,
As I don't know her well,
But, anyhow, A is for Annie.
--- Carolyn Wells P8208
And from further effort foreswore.
Yet I must enjoy pain
'Cause I do it again;
An Alphabet for you, once more.
--- C Anton
B for the booze I embrace;
C for Cold ice;
D, loaded Dice;
E might my vices Erase?
--- C Anton
G Grenadine, Griddle, Greet;
H Helicopters,
I is in dIopters;
And I am a Jerk when I cheat!
--- C Anton
L lets Cap'n Bligh use his lash.
M is for Meter;
N couldn't be Neater;
O, the great poet, Ogden Nash!
--- C Anton
Q, Quarrelsome or Quite.
Rorshach's a test;
S is in bleSsed;
T lets me Type This Tonight.
--- C Anton
V for Vampires and Vein;
W When they Wean ya';
X is for Xenia;
Y is for Yelping in pain.
--- C Anton
And to the Prophet Zephania, give ear!
Zicchettos are caps;
Electricity Zaps;
And Zebras may bite when they're near.
--- C Anton
Thoughts gone, energy draining.
'Twas truly a mistake
This Alphabet to make,
And I've no one but me to be blaming.
--- C Anton
A beautiful art, I am sure,
But when buildings seem
All custard and cream,
The effect is inclined to be Poor!"
--- William O Stevens
To scuffle around half the night!
But, whatever you wear,
All the ladies up there
In the gallery call you a fright."
--- William O Stevens
He's a Sight in his last winter's suit.
But he says, with a grin,
"Just you wait till I'm in,
And then they will think I'm a beaut!"
--- William O Stevens
A sweet, bashful, beautiful boy;
Through Buck or through Bobbie
He gets the soft job he
Expects all his life to enjoy.
--- William O Stevens
Finds among us a great deal to do;
By digging up bones,
Rotten wood, and grave stones,
She amuses herself -- and us too!
--- William O Stevens
Is the way that Main Street does appear.
The fact that for hustle,
Big business and bustle,
We're famous is Perfectly Clear."
--- William O Stevens
Some say of that stuff we are shy!
But if you have hope,
(And a strong microscope)
A trace of it you may descry.
--- William O Stevens
Quite shop worn, for no one has sought her;
So Mamma brings her here
To capture a dear
Little Middy. "I don't think she oughter!"
--- William O Stevens
Is the Pattern of true Chivalry.
If ladies could vote,
His fame to promote,
Our President soon he would be!
--- William O Stevens
Where debutantes have a tip-top time;
What Papa has to pay,
It is not fair to say
"'Tis the managers' one golden crop-time."
--- William O Stevens
A Statesman a la Eastern Shore;
His regular pay
Is a fiver a day,
But he's frequently known to make more!
--- William O Stevens
A pretty, poetical notion.
But he who marks low,
My Boy," ought to go
Save trouble- and jump in the Ocean!
--- William O Stevens
It's Lovely, but isn't this Queer?
Though the calling must be
To follow the sea,
When the orders arrive, its "Oh Dear!"
--- William O Stevens
This is file lcm
A horror of blank desolation;
Ere the end of your wait,
For the train (always late),
You collapse just from sheer desperation.
--- William O Stevens
'Tis sudden, it comes a propos.
In fact, you would be
Astonished to see,
How Seldom a Middy gets "No!"
--- William O Stevens
A life that makes ladies Hap-pee;
But if someone obtuse
Should ask "What's the use?"
The only reply is "Search Me!"
--- William O Stevens
'Twas founded by old King Canute).
It seems to be partial
To means that are martial,
Of teaching ideas how to shoot.
--- William O Stevens
A time of intense tribulation;
At the sight of the paper,
The mind cuts a caper,
With facts all in conglomeration.
--- Williams O Stevens
Who is morn, noon, and night in a fidget.
Her dresses she tears,
And she tumbles down stairs,
And her mother's 'most worn to a midget.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who lives on rice, oatmeal, and barley.
He once wrote a sonnet
On his mothers best bonnet,
And he lets his hair grow long and snarley.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
And B is for Bird, by the way.
C is for candy,
And D is just Dandy,
And E lets me lim every day.
--- Chris Anton
G is for Grunt, Groan, and Grrrrr.
H is quite hairy,
I-tinerary
J is a Jab with a spur.
--- Chris Anton
L lets us litigate a tort.
M is the Missus,
N is Narcissus,
O the archaic word "Ort."
--- Chris Anton
Q is just really quite nice!
R is a Rat;
S, where I sat;
T lets me Think once or Twice.
--- Chris Anton
V is a beautiful View.
W is Wing,
Xerxes a king,
Y, the Chinese River Yalu.
--- Chris Anton
Zoonosis? Zarf? Zuider Zee?
Zombies I fear...
Zymurgy gives beer!
One last try...Zootomy!
--- Chris Anton
I can kick back and prop up my feet.
My brain took a bruisin',
Dictionary cruisin';
This is one task I will not repeat.
--- Chris Anton
Your alphabet's truly unique.
That really was clever,
But I'll bet you'll never
Be able to do it in Greek.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then beta and gamma, that's fine.
Then delta, I suppose,
But what's after those?
Don't know; need more knowledge than mine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who as someone has wittily said,
Will talk till he's blue
About himself when you
Want to talk about yourself instead.
--- Oliver Herford
Who remarked to his family, "By jingo!
I think I would go
To that animal show,
But they all talk such barbarous lingo."
--- Oliver Herford
Serves you well as device mnemnonic;
I'm sorry I cahn't
Use a suitable font,
For the symbols you're learning to speak.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
BETA, portfolio datum.
Disease we're annulling
With GAMMA globulin;
DELTA blues come from south of Rouge Baton.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
By math types is EPSILON called;
ZETA pads the fine bones
Of Catherine Jones.
ETA's missed when your takeoff is stalled.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
But the pols no IOTA will cater;
It seems KAPPA's sole claim
To alphabet fame
Is in scores of fraternity letters.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
MU's the average that's sought by surveys.
NU, to say least,
Is not wildebeest;
Don't use XI to describe how she sways.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
For circles, PI's the ratio
Of the long hike around
To straight walk on the ground,
Or if it's a pond, a straight RHO.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
TAU, UPSILON both bear the stigma
Of bein eschewed
In coinages new
For reasons remaining enigma.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
CHI-RHO's him on whom we place reliance;
PSI for psychology;
Omega precisely
Shows resistance in electric appliances.
--- Dr Limerick 06-11-01
Who has the most shocking bad manner.
Once she went out to dine
With a party of nine.
And she ate every single banana.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who doesn't know rhubarb from cider.
Once she drank up a quart
Which was more than she ought,
And it gave her queer feelings inside her.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who goes to the balls in a hack.
He thinks he can dance
And he'll caper and prance
Till his joints are half ready to crack.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who met a ferocious hyena;
Whatever occurred
I never have heard;
But anyhow, L is for Lena.
--- Oliver Herford
Who ate up twelve sheep and a shepherd;
But the real reason why
He continued to cry,
Was his food was so lavishly peppered.
--- Carolyn Wells
That his face became awfully pallid,
Knew that to avoid unemployent
And for his own enjoyment,
He should learn his Alefs, Bets, Gimels, and Daleds.
--- Shmendryck
0 temp is not greatly enjoyed.
We can all 0 in on
A number to win on.
For attacks, 0 hour is employed.
--- Derry Down Derry P8912
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