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1's the arm of that bandit, the slot. 2 bits are coins that we use. 3 mice they could run, but not see. With glasses we're nicknamed "4 eyes"; There's 5 of both fingers and toes. A 6 shooter's a western-type gun. A 7 on dice or eleven With nerve number 8 we all hear, 9 holes for some golfers is game. The first of the alphabet A We designate B letter two. Now C is a letter or word. A prefix or letter is D. A direction is E when at sea, As an element F treats decay. G's known as a man or a string. Withdrawal from H brings dt's The accusative I equals 'me'. Every J has the shape of a hook. A knockout is O after K Some L's are high trains - how nifty! Small M is just medium we find.. Small N is a neuter type gender. In degrees O's a temp. we all hate. With 'x' P's an army-type store. Before 'a' (as in answer) comes Q. Three R's we all learned when in school. S means curve in the road - do not slip! A letter or word T can be. U past 'I', before 'D''s a device Vd you pick up at a bar. Every W's an upside-down 'm' You may substitute X if you choose As an answer Y signifies 'yes". I hate at the end to abuse M is for mournful Miss Molly N is for naughty young Nat O is an optimist glad P is for poor little Paul P's a poetical bore The alphabet is much too long. Let's rid ourselves first, the "w". Let's next rid ourselves of the "k" Let us next rid ourselves of the "r". To shoahten this epic foah you, V is a vain virtuoso. Her hair was like coal that's bituminous. The eyewash known as COLLYRIUM It is true that men will not make passes There was a young lady named Trish At a contest for belles in a park, A lovely young lady named Trudy Though a buddy of mine was quite lewd, he I just got an e-mail from Trudy; Well, you never do know with a whore; A young woman from Krasnoyarsk, This enchanting New Englander, All beauty parades are unreal Said a porno queen, "Yes, I take care Some men assume that I'm snotty, Fair maid, let me say in rebuttal, The curve of your calves in those heels! Despite your curvaceous behind, Well now, I admit it is true. You may think my behavior is zany, Dump all sexual paraphernalia; Let's commence an inflamed Baccanalia,
1 horse, as a town's not so hot.
It's the way on a street
Where no one can meet.
In golf it's the ultimate shot.
--- Derry Down Derry P8912
At crap 2's a sign that you lose.
As a cycle it's "bi".
As openers it's high.
It's the number of feet in our shoes.
--- Derry Down Derry P9001
The brave musketeers, they were 3.
3 'r's form school matter.
3 strikes fell the batter.
3 sheets to the wind's, from a spree!
--- Derry Down Derry P9001
4-in-hand is the noblest of ties.
With "H" 4's a club
As 400, a snub.
If yelled "FORE", you'll duck if you're wise!
--- Derry Down Derry P9001
Thank God we have only one nose!
"Take 5" is a break,
"High 5" is a shake.
A 5th's full of spirit that flows.
--- Derry Down Derry P9002
A 6 pack brings picnics their fun.
Of a doz it's 1/2
And at craps you won't laugh,
For when doubled as box-cars you're done.
--- Derry Down Derry P9002
Is like muslims in their 7th heaven.
7 league is a boot.
7 seas we pollute.
The inning for stretching is 7.
--- Derry Down Derry P9002
For an octet 8 players appear.
We play 88 keys
on a piano with ease.
An 8th note's a 'quaver,' how queer!
--- Derry Down Derry P9003
Each cat has 9 lives is the claim.
The 90 day wonder
Was a World War II blunder.
A cat-o-9-tails tends to maim.
--- Derry Down Derry P9003
Will multiple meanins convey:
It's a musical key,
The indefinite "the"
And with M it's the morn of the day.
--- Derry Down Derry P8903
With "to" it's a verb, it is true
As a bug it will buzz,
(That's not all the bug does!)
And with M it piles up in the zoo.
--- Derry Down Derry P8904
It is vision or ocean when heard.
When used as a grade
It is, I'm afraid,
No more than just average, not third.
--- Derry Down Derry P8904
With "lux" it means very fan-cy.
With "light" it amuses,
With "bate" it confuses,
With "flate" it will set some air free.
--- Derry Down Derry P8904
It's a heart test when used with "KG"
As a grad, I'll attest,
It's "excellent," the best
Also m times c squared equals E.
--- Derry Down Derry P8905
Its degrees tell the heat of the day.
In music it's "LOUD."
And you'd be less than proud
Of that grade, I would venture to say!
--- Derry Down Derry P8905
As a force it's a powerful thing.
G's also are riches
To put in your britches.
When exclaimed, G can mean anything.
--- Derry Down Derry P8905
And tritium consists of H3s.
Put h in P_D
For a graduate degree.
As a measure, it's height, if you please!
--- Derry Down Derry P8906
It's also an organ to see,
It's a beam for a home,
An ego alone,
Or a 'ID' if combined with a D.
--- Derry Down Derry P8906
Its a walker defying the book.
It is frequently heard
As a raucous blue bird.
Before P it will deal with a crook.
--- Derry Down Derry P8906
Which means 'thousand' to measure or weigh.
It's a constant for chem
And the weight of a gem.
In Russia it's cash of the day.
--- Derry Down Derry P8907
In Latin it also means fifty.
When followed by 'BOW'
It's a joint, and we know
The British save Ls to be thrifty.
--- Derry Down Derry P8907
With A it's a super schooled mind.
With S (do not hiss)
It is Mrs. or Miss
Or disease of a serious kind.
--- Derry Down Derry P8907
With OV it's the month of November.
It's Napoleon as king,
A direction to wing.
Nth degree is too much to remember.
--- Derry Down Derry P8908
Our lungs with O2 we inflate.
O's a wizard with "z"
And a birth with a "b".
Before "k" O means everything's great!
--- Derry Down Derry P8908
With 'm' it's post-noon, not before.
With 'b' it is lead,
It's what's done in the 'head'.
It's played softly in musical score.
--- Derry Down Derry P8908
It's a line that the British all do.
It's a quart with a 't'.
As q.v. it's "which see".
Most often it's followed by 'u'.
--- Derry Down Derry P8909
Rx is the pharmacist's tool.
Before 's' and 'vp'
It means 'please answer me'.
That it's right and not left, knows each fool.
--- Derry Down Derry P8909
When doubled it stands for a ship.
It makes plurals of nouns.
As a size it abounds
And with 'p' it is short for "post script".
--- Derry Down Derry P8909
The beginning of golf is a tee.
"To a T" is perfection.
Tea's a better selection
Than coffee or milk is for me.
--- Derry Down Derry P8910
So lovers won't have to think twice.
As a sheep, spell it ewe,
As a turn, simply 'U',
As a valentine 'you' would be nice.
--- Derry Down Derry P8910
Vw's a kind of a car.
V also means 'volt',
An electrical jolt,
It's the best sign for victory, by far.
--- Derry Down Derry P8910
3/4 of which is an 'n'.
It's used for a "p"
If preceding 'c'.
On a door it will keep out the men.
--- Derry Down Derry P8911
For those sums, yet unknown, that we use.
With 'mas' it's a season,
With 'rated' the reason
For my losing this rhyme - Please xqqq.
--- Derry Down Derry P8911
This is file lbm
As a word it's a question I guess.
Big Y stands for "Yale".
It is also the tail
That regular adverbs possess.
--- Derry Down Derry P8911
A letter not eZ to use.
I know what it's for:
In cartoons it's a snore,
And it's found in all zebras and zoos.
--- Derry Down Derry P8912
Who likes to be thought melancholy.
She's limp as a rag
When her sisters play tag,
For it's vulgar, she says, to be jolly.
--- Isabel Bellows 1884 P9608
Who sat on his father's best hat.
When they asked if he thought
He had done as he ought,
He said he supposed 'twas the cat!
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who doesn't know how to be sad.
If he wakes up one day
In Hades, he'll say,
"Well, really, it isn't so bad!"
--- Oliver Herford
Who doesn't like study at all.
But he's learning to speak
In Latin and Greek,
And is going to take German next fall.
--- Alpha of Child 1884 P9608
Who recites his own lines by the score.
The ladies, poor dears,
Are all moved to tears,
And strong men are moved -- to the door.
--- Oliver Herford
Some letters ought not to belong.
They should be excised;
The whole thing concised,
Thus leaving a grouping more strong.
--- Irving Superior
Let's use in its place the "double u".
Then next let us try
To understand uuhy
The double u uuill just as uuell do.
--- Irving Superior
A "c" in its place is ocay.
That four letter uuord
That succs uuhen its heard,
Seems nicer uuhen uuritten this uuay.
--- Irving Superior
Instead let's be using the "ah".
Now, hip-hip-hooahay
Though easy to say,
In spelling is iahahegulaah.
--- Irving Superior
As soon as I "0" into "cue",
I'm ahesting my mind
Uuile leaving behind
An alphabet of tuuenty tuuo.
--- Irving Superior
If you ask, "Pray what makes your hair grow so,
Do you think it's a sign
Of genius divine?"
He replies, "I don't think so, I know so."
--- Oliver Herford
Her eyes were exquisitely luminous.
Her complexion so light,
It stood out in the night,
Like a boiled egg white, it's albuminous.
--- Steve Anderson
Is just great hogwash to Myriam,
Whose sexy eye kohl,
Enhanced by a mole,
Meets any beauty criterium.
--- Daniel Ford
At intelligent girls who wear glasses;
With one small exception,
These pass all inspection,
With big tits and cute little asses.
--- Ann Gasser P9003
Who was granted her every wish.
A small win on Lotto,
And then she got Blotto.
But the daughter's a bit of a dish!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The lights were turned out as a lark.
But infirm Jude McNeal
Who was known for his feel,
Picked the winner himself in the dark.
--- Albin Chaplin
Possessed exceptional beauty.
Her hair gold and fine,
her face was divine
But her cunt! Now that was a cutie!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Pretended he'd never been screwed. He
Was truly a liar!
Now his dick is on fire,
He should never have tried it with Trudy
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It said, "Asshole, I'm telling you true, see,
If you don't cut this shit
I'm having you HIT!
Go pick on poor Mary or Judy."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So of her I will say nothing more;
Else I might wake up dead
With a hole in my head,
And my guts spread all over the floor
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So beautiful, people would ask,
"With a face like that,
Please don't wear a hat,
Or goggles, a veil or a mask."
--- Anon
On our beaches loved to meander.
Her garb, we confess,
Left nothing to guess,
While the sun had to blush as it tanned her!
--- Dr Wryme TP9802
And lacking in real man appeal.
I once had a grope
Of one UK hope,
But found she had nothing to feel.
--- SFA
To give everyone reason to stare.
But the play of my parts
Is all for the arts,
Or I just couldn't bear what I bare."
--- John Ciardi
'Cause of my beauty and body.
They do not approach
In fear of reproach,
Thus missing out on a hotty.
--- Goin2
Perhaps I am being too subtle.
My intentions perverse
Are concealed by my verse.
Such lecherous intents I must scuttle.
--- Ward Hardman
I'm tempted to cop a few feels.
I'll risk a hard slap;
"Please sit on my lap,
And share what your taught blouse reveals!"
--- Ward Hardman
My worship for you is your mind.
Your beauty of lyric
Can make me satyric.
You treasure, there're few of your kind!
--- Ward Hardman
I do have a genius IQ.
Completeley divine,
A female Einstein,
Who give an intelligent screw.
--- Goin2later
To be wild over you 'cause you're brainy,
But the thought of your genius
Has engorged my poor penis,
And has made it all purple and veiny.
--- Ward Hardman
Shed the last of your come-on regalia!
Let the power of your brain
Work its legerdemain,
As we pair "high IQ" genitalia.
--- Ward Hardman
And enjoy a depraved Saturnalia,
As our coupling's delight
Brings a glow to the night,
That is seen all the way to Australia!
--- Ward Hardman
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