So as you would guess, her I tell a But due to her barnyard diversion, The prince wakes, to joyful refrains, "And though bondage fills some with glee, So off troop our trio downstairs, ...A well. 'Round the top they all grope, ...But a bad tempered bird firmly caged. With Moldypox, who cries: "At last!, "What use is that tattered old crow!" The Giant and M finish work, "The key, my dear boneheads, is D. Their voices rise up to the strains... Thus Goldie and Princey now share The moral of what has occurred, You've hear of dear Sleeping Beauty Now Azul, that's naughty and rude; Sleeping Beauty, and, ah yes, The Prince. Dopey, and Sneezy, and Sleepy, Cinderella had her charmer, too, The Fairy Godmother, of course, Rapunzel let down her long hair, The same witch had Hansel and Gretel The bride-to-be, donning her dress, "And then at the altar, we'll pray, "Third, is to love him and more. Said the matron, "You're a lovely bride. "When you walk down the aisle don't look grim," An Athenian King took a bride Said the newly-wed bride to the groom, A modest young lady named Beal, A man with venereal fear, As she spread 'em once more in the sack, Hey, Spuddie, it's good to see you;
This is file lbl
Why thanks, I could use a stiff drink! You see, I've sent all my panties afar; I've still got your panties, you know, The purple ones? Or was it the red? So what will my Englishman say A newlywed man from Orillia A woman clad only in dimity, There was a young squaw of the Sioux, There was a young lady from Clyde, A lateral thinker said to his bride, A thoughtful young bride of North Lyme "How I wept," said poor newly-wed Joan, With arms open wide, the groom beckoned A lady from far Madagascar The bride of a banker in Iver, Rita and Harry are to hitch; "What sweet little ear-muffs," she cried, While on a Carribean vacation My wife is not much of a cooker, There was aa young woman from Reading, "My Dear," said the Duchess of Chichester, Pity the fellow named Cholmondeley An elderly bride of Port Jervis, My spinster-aunt cooked up a plan An eager young bride of Lahore, A neurotic from north Tuscaloosa How bashful and shy my new Mrs.; Antenuptual events for the bride About a young fellow named Fred My fat sister has one on the way; Reminds me of my cousin Flo, There was a young fellow of Ryde A practical fellow named Prater There once was a bride from Kentucky
New twist on that thing, Cinderella.
For each one will sit
On the pole; she who'll fit
Will surely get off with that fella.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Moldipox can't grip with exertion;
And H is too tight,
But G thinks she might...
"I'm coming!"'s her gleeful assertion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But straight away, the pillock complains:
"If you'd take your eyes
Away from my thighs,
You'd see than I'm strapped down with chains.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That, gals, is not the case with me.
So you'd better go
To the dungeons below,
And get from a well there, the key.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To depths where the brave alone dares,
(Or if not the brave,
Then the fool or the slave
Of lust,) to the basement and there's...
--- Tiddy Ogg
And find, passing downwards, a rope.
With crud it's congealed,
But they haul, and's revealed,
Not soap, nor the Pope smoking dope...
--- Tiddy Ogg
From below comes a voice, most enraged:
"Come back with my parrot!"
Then up pops a carrot-
Haired giant, and soom he's engaged...
--- Tiddy Ogg
A man who can fill me. You bast-
Ard, come stick it in here."
The others, in fear,
With parrot, skedaddle, real fast.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Cries Princey, his face full of woe.
Thus answers the bird:
"You shut up! You turd!
For I have the key, don't you know.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And join sisters, bird, and the berk. (??)
"Right folks, you all get
Into a quartet,"
Cries parrot, "and you shut up, jerk."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll whistle, you take it from me.
A chorus or two
Of "What'll it do?"
Should do it and then he'll be free.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The resonant frequencys gained.
A snap and a crack;
The fetters go slack,
And laddo is freed from his chains.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A life ful of joy, and the pair
Of Moldy and Red
Will spend years in bed,
Which just leaves our Holyhocks spare.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Lucinda dear, as you have heard,
If you don't give pleasure
With your little treasure,
You'll finish up getting the bird.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who slept till the prince, a real cutie,
Quickly slipped her some tongue,
Then showed he was hung,
When he shoved it right up her booty.
--- Azul
I'm glad that you are not a prude.
So now let us meet,
While walking a street,
And talk about being quite crude.
--- Archie
The story makes most people wince.
He liked getting head
From girls who were dead
And instead of plain walking, he'd mince.
--- John Miller
Had reason enough to be weepy,
Because with the dawn,
Their nookey was gone,
Purloined by one thoroughly creepy.
--- John Miller
But ended her life feeling blue.
Her virginal quim
Unsullied by him,
'Cause he only came in her shoe.
--- John Miller
Could do what she wished with a horse.
And as for the mice,
Well, that wasn't mice...
(Ask Archie, go right to the source.)
--- John Miller
Much used by her Prince as a stair.
But the witch, who was Bi
Stole him for her guy
And assaulted them both with a flair.
--- John Miller
And had them all in a fine fettle.
But just who ate who,
I leave up to you,
And who ended up in the kettle.
--- John Miller
Excitedly told her witness,
With a glorious smile,
"First comes the aisle,
And then begins our happiness."
--- Res Ipsa
For conjugal bliss every day.
And no one need guess
As to our happiness;
'They're the happiest couple,' they'll say."
--- Res Ipsa
'Course some habits of his are no more.
He'll stop watching sports,
And we'll visit resorts,
And my mother he'll learn to adore.
--- Res Ipsa
Your love simply can't be denied.
The order you get?
And you will not forget?"
"Sure: Aisle, altar, him," she replied.
--- Res Ipsa
Said the preacher. "We'll then sing a hymn.
When I stand by the altar
The groom must not falter."
"Ah yes," said the bride, "Aisle, altar, hymn."
--- Casey Renn P0204 P8702
But was shocked that her thing was so wide.
She'd been open to traffic
That was heavily Sapphic,
And with standing-room-only inside.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8308
"Bring it on back to the room."
Said groom, with lament,
"I can't 'cause it's lent."
She said, "For how long, and to whom?"
--- Observer
Once protected herself with great zeal,
But when she'd been wedded,
The thing that she dreaded,
Was a boon of enormous appeal.
--- Anon
Had intercourse in his wife's ear.
She said, "I don't mind,
Except that I find,
When the telephone rings, I don't hear."
--- G0584
A worn out young bride simpered, "Jack,
The back seat of the car
I found more fun by far...
Now I'm calloused all over my back!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 170
So tell us all, Kiddo, what's new.
Likely as not
You'll soon tie the knot
With Gary, congrats, here's brew!
--- Arden
(Among other stiff things, I should think...)
He arrives on the morrow
And I've got to borrow
Some knickers to wear under this mink.
--- Cheryl
I know this might sound quite bizarre,
But I can't deny
Any crotch-sniffing guy
Who prefers my scent to caviar!
--- Cheryl
That you sent nearly six months ago;
Though they're tattered and torn,
Now I've sniffed 'em and worn
'Em, they gave me a boost down below!
--- Peter Wilkins
Did I send them to Paris instead?
Now I'm all confused
But still quite amused,
At the thought of those drawers on your head!
--- Cheryl
When he finds me unclothed in this way?
Perhaps he'll just grin
And think it's a win-win
Situation, and we'll play all day.
--- Cheryl
Had the physical size of a Gorillia.
He told his new bride,
"Get on top and astride.
The other way 'round, it might kill 'ya."
--- Alex Heydon P0506
Displaying a warm magnanimity,
Is bound to create
Between her and her mate,
An ever-increasing proximity.
--- Limber Limericks
Who married a blond lad named Lou.
They were so good in bed,
It mattered not she's red,
Yellow, black, pink, white, mauve or blue.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who suddenly became a bride.
She had asked for protection
From her boyfriend's erection,
But what he heard was, "Come on inside!"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
"May I take you onto one side?"
But she, a logician,
Made sure her position
Would show no 'De Bono' applied.
--- H Myers T9801
Said, "Although sex is simply devine,
As I told Aloysius,
Between douches and dishes,
I'm in hot water most of the time."
--- G0154
"When I found my man had to be shown
On very large charts,
The site of all parts
Of every erogenous zone."
--- Isaac Asimov
His bride to come hither, he reckoned
That he'd not be denied,
But she tiredly implied
She could not stay awake for a second.
--- Observer
Consented to marry a Lascar.
Her friends thought 'twas naughty,
But she was past forty,
And he was the first man to ask her.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Took on a small bet for a fiver,
Straight after the marriage,
She stripped in the carriage
And drove from the church like Godiva.
--- Harold C Bibby
Rita's a tart, and Harry is rich.
He thinks she is funny,
And she just wants his money,
As half she'll get, once he's been ditched.
--- Mushroom
"I'll wear them in winter, outside."
"Not ear-muffs," he laughed,
As he whanged out his shaft,
"They're knee-pads, my lovely sweet bride."
--- Peter Wilkins
A man met a beautiful Haitian.
Then he put a gold band
On third finger, left hand,
And cut off her circulation.
--- Observer
But she is a very good looker.
Though the meals that she serves,
At times get on my nerves,
She saves me the cost of a hooker.
--- Bob Birch P0410
Who said, "I won't screw with no wedding!"
To get this gal laid,
I made her bridesmaid,
And gave her what wifey was dreading!
--- Frank Fazed
To the blushing young bride as she kissed her,
"You have marvelous luck,
He's a wonderful fuck!
You can take it from me and my sister!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose bride was exceedingly colmondeley.
He went off to bed
With the best man instead,
While the bridegroom just sat around glomondeley.
--- John P9807
Was quite understandably nervous,
When her apple-cheeked groom,
With three wives in the tomb,
Kept insuring her during the service.
--- Ogden Nash P0203
To capture a man in Japan;
Her plane crashed on the way,
But a card came today
And it's signed Mrs. Orang-utan.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8408
Found her husband a terrible bore.
She'd expected of him
That he'd tickle her quim,
But the bastard did nothing but snore.
--- G1572
Was afraid for his bride, lest he lose her,
'Cause he hadn't the strength,
Not to mention the length
That was sine qua non to enthuse her.
--- Keith MacMillan A012A
She blushes beet-red at my krs.
She hasn't the heart
To sneeze, burp, or fart;
And denies that she poops or she prs.
--- Emily
Involve "showers" from which she can't hide.
She must ooh! at each nightie
And act young and flighty,
Without a scintilla of pride.
--- Mimi
And his non-drinking bride it is said
That he got her impassioned
With a single old fashioned,
But then she rolled under the bed.
--- Limber Limericks
The poor bitch will get hitched today;
And won't be first bride
To down the aisle glide,
Carrying more than just a bouquet.
--- David Miller
Who worked out the timing just so.
Pre-marital bedding
Meant she had the wedding
And baptism done in one go.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who was terribly shocked at his bride.
She said she was reading
A book on 'Good Breeding' --
Which proved to be really 'Bell's Guide'.
--- R Davies (Bibby) P0103
Wed a quad amputee from Decatur.
The poor girl was blind,
But he said, "I do find
The percentage of twat is much greater."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2915
Who thought herself terribly lucky
Whenever her hubby
Would play with her nubby,
Instead of his rubberized ducky.
--- Norm Storer