But regarding the bird, in a pinch, I'm used to most limerick quirks, Etymology's always precarious, Reg, she is a Wiccan; A bird chirped fowl words for a week, A hen who resided in Reading, The patient gave vent to a howl, The best surgical brains, cheek-to-jowl, They were ready to throw in the towel, My Bubos have eaten the squirrels. They're cruel and fly soft as a moth; I'll send, too, a fart in a can: Said a lonely old owl, full of gloom, There was an old owl in Smoot I once met a man from Peru, There once were three owls in a wood, There once was a man from Peru Hello little bird. How you twitter Those costive old owls that emit An amorous owl called Carew An ornithologist, Mark, Chapter 2 finds our bird watcher, Mark, An owl cannot move eyes side to side, Hoots the owl, "To wit, or to woo? A bird-watching fellow named Ferd There was a young maid from Nepal A female grey parrot named Jill, There once was a parrot named Boo; A budgie, all yellow and green, Cockatoo is a talented bird, I once took a trip to the zoo, A straightlaced old chap named McFritter Bird thefts are happenin' world-wide;
This is file lbk
Our parrot once let out a shriek A horny parrot in the zoo, Polly, a gold-digging parrot, There was an old maid in Peru, (He already had a cunt or two - McW)
The talking parrot sounded like a rogue There once was a fellow named Ollie, The young parrot I had long ago, When someone came close to his cage, Maybe born in a bad neighborhood; Many times, though, I did him berate. He grew nastier in time, threw me sneers; How they did it, I really don't know. He had turned into a bright parrot boy. In his late teens he happened to meet Some five years have now gone away A parrot named Alex the Great, A certain old maid in Cohoes There was an old parrot of Wye, A chappie who came from New York, There once was a parrot named Huey, I'm glad to hear you're psittiscine; Many Christmas birds sing, well some SQUAWK. When John Silver returned to this shore, The clever old sea-dog Carew "My Dear," I have said to the denizen My toothbound parakeet's a rage There once was a parrot who swore; There was an old man in a garret; There was a young man from York, A geometry teacher named Don A grumpy old blackbird named Shirley At a pet shop, a chap named McCreep There once was a lady named Muir, When the swallows come back to Capistrano,
I'd have to exclaim, "It's a cinch,
The one you are seeking
Is known for its squeaking:
Serinus canaria (finch)!
--- Izzy Cohen
But bird-wise you guys are all jerks.
Your ignorance shows;
Why ANYONE knows
The Turkey came straight from the Turks.
--- Hugh Clary
Since origin's secrets are various.
But responding to Ogg,
It's thought that the dog
Is the reason for "Islas Canarias."
--- Hugh Clary
In bed she really is ticking.
And to some, it is kinky
To feather a winky;
Reg uses the whole chicken!
--- Balaclava Beauty
Which brought his dad's ire to a peak;
"You squawk like a dunce,
I'll warn you this once:
Now, dammit, Son, watch how you beak!"
--- Anon
Attended a gentleman's wedding.
As she walked up the aisle,
The guests had to smile,
In spite of the tears they were shedding.
--- Anon
One long inarticulate vowel;
"In his razor-sharp talons
My life's held in the balance.
Help me, doctor, I've swallowed an owl!"
--- Anon
With world experts in night flying fowl,
Fought almost a week,
But that hidious beak
Merely tightened its grip on the bowel!
--- Anon
When the faith-healer rang--Reverend Powell.
He advised them to pray
And came round straight away
With some string, a live mouse, and a trowel!
--- Anon
They're Great Horny Owl boys and girls,
That whooo for a thrill --
This bodes rabbits ill --
'Cause after they do it, they're churls.
--- Anon
For cute little tit-birds they froth
With hunger and rue.
I'll ship you off two.
They'll stop that loud humping, I troth.
--- Anon
Propulsion and fuel for your plan.
Too potent? I know.
The Army says so:
They're stockpiling near to Iran.
--- Anon
"Over field, town and village I zoom;
But I don't get to know
The folks down below;
I call out 'to whit', but to whom?"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who lived inside of a boot;
He sat in the gloom
While saying, "To whom,"
And showing he'd not give a hoot.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who taught birds to talk at a zoo.
He coached a brown owl,
A recalcitrant fowl,
Who said only -- you guessed it -- "To whooo..."
--- Monique de Plume TP9804
Who always sang hymns when they should.
What the words were about,
One could never make out,
But one felt it was doing them good.
--- Anon
Who owned a big owl who went "Whoo."
So loud was his peep
That no one could sleep,
So he hit that damned owl with a shoe!
--- Karen and Debbie
And squawk as you flutter and flitter.
Oh look! There's a tawny
Owl looking real horny
And ... WHUMPH!! That's got you up the shitter.
--- Anon
Painful hoots, when on perches they sit.
Like marksmen, strabismal,
Whose aim is so dismal,
They shoot but infrequently hit.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9710
Was courting another, named Lou.
When it started to rain,
He said with disdain,
"I'm going. It's too wet to woo."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Went out in the park for a lark.
He heard an old owl
With an uncontrolled bowel,
That went "poot 'stead of "hoot" in the dark.
--- Pierce Evans
And the foul old owl in the park,
That went "poot" 'stead of "hoot"
And the "poot" it would shoot,
Went unerringly straight to the Mark.
--- Pierce Evans
Although she can open them wide.
She must turn her head
To see if you're red,
Or tell if your frenches are fried.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0105
That's the question. Which ought I to do?
To wit: that's to study.
To woo: that's the body.
I know which that cockdoodler'd doo!"
--- Lance Payne P8405
Was indulging his hobby, I've heard;
When besmirched by an owl,
He suppressed a loud howl --
And continued his watch undeterred.
--- Five Line Frolics P0201
Who had practically no bush at all.
The reason, she said,
Was on top of her head
Perched a thatch-eating yellow macaw.
--- Anon
Was feeling terribly ill.
Her beak got encrusted,
Then rusted and busted,
The problem was barnacle bill.
--- Anon
He was bossy and obnoxious too.
Then a cat came along,
And poor Boo was gone.
But the cat can now talk! This is true!
--- CattKidd
Found a sleeping young nudist, named Jean,
So he built a warm nest
On the slope of each breast,
In the cleavage that ran in between.
--- Cap'n Bean P0501
Who can squak or can talk to be heard.
This bird with a crest
Is unlike the Redbreast,
Who can't say a mumblin' word.
--- Tony Davie Collection
Just to view grumpy creatures that flew.
I saw a canary
Who's very contrary,
And a crabby old blue cockatoo.
--- Irish
With his dumb parrot shares a bed-sitter.
But McFritter's not glum,
'Cause his parrot keeps mum,
For he loathes birds which chatter or twitter.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Pet parrots are plucked, roped and tied;
And though not a whopper,
He'd be, except for copper
'Chicken nuggets'...Kentucky Fried.
--- David Miller Q
So that no one could hear himself speak.
But now we can hear
Since a bright engineer
Fixed a volume control on its beak.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Fell in love with a gay caribou.
He slipped out one night
In seach of delight,
Saying "Do you fancy an odd cockatoo?"
--- Bill Wall
Said, "Sugar Dad, I want a carat!
To hell with the crackers,
Give me some smackers,
And a condo instead of this garret."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9306
Who'd a dog and a cat and a gnu.
From a sailor named Harrot
She bought an old parrot,
And he threw in a young cockatoo.
--- L0886P
And spoke with a superior brogue.
He was far from refined,
Didn't care how he dined
And was once seen eating a toad!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who went off to buy a Border Collie.
But in the High Street
He was swept off his feet
And came back with a Pretty Polly
--- Funfax Limericks
Was vulgar; put on a bad show.
Got me often quite mad,
Because all that he said
Was foul language in a constant flow.
--- Dirruk
He got furious and in his wild rage,
The bird slapped its wings,
Shouting horrible things,
In the guest's or the visitor's face.
--- Dirruk
Raised in the poorest neck of the wood,
Where his friends were tough;
Got used to play rough.
Threatening others as much as he could.
--- Dirruk
Made it clear, no more would tolerate
His behaviour so rude.
Become no misfit, dude!
Change your manners before it's too late.
--- Dirruk
All I'd say fell on just two deaf ears.
But I kept a cool stance;
Gave him still one more chance.
Sent him to boarding school, a couple of years.
--- Dirruk
Though the progress was painful and slow.
Now a likeable bird
In his nice green shirt.
His teachers said we can knead him like dough.
--- Dirruk
When he showed up, spread laughter and joy.
Went into peanut trade;
Proved that he was just made
Of the purest and precious alloy.
--- Dirruk
"Ein Papagei", fair-feathered and sweet.
Gave him a good feel;
He fell head over heel
For her charms and her Austrian treat.
--- Dirruk
And I'm more than happy to say:
Got a nice telegram;
Parrot's wife became mom --
The couple has a young Parragei.
--- Dirruk
Is renowned for the size of his pate.
He knows different from same,
And all colors by name,
And is able to count up to eight.
--- Prof M-G T9711
In despair taught her bird to propose;
But the parrot, dejected
At being accepted,
Spoke some lines too profane to disclose.
--- Archie
Whose humor was naughtily sly.
When asked, he would squawk
As he went for his walk,
And say, "Sure I can talk! Can YOU fly?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Tried to teach a parrot to talk;
But, what a curse!
It worked in reverse;
Now he goes around saying "Squawk!"
--- Spike Mulligan
Who said, "The poems on this page are all phooey,
When you say them, your lips
Do somersaults and backflips,
And end up all crumpled and gooey.
--- His Peace
I trust his vocab's not obscene.
But if I heard of a thrush
Saying something to blush,
I'm sure he'd appear on your screen!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then there are, of course, birds that can talk.
The latter speak highly
Of others, if wily,
But of Puffins, most Parrots say, "AUK!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
His parrot was eighty -- or more.
The bird could still speak
But its voice was so weak,
It could only croak, "Pieces of four!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Said: "My parrot looks fierce, that is true,
But he's quiet and tame;
Polly Styrene's his name,
'Cause he's made out of plastic and glue!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Of kitchen, my own bedroom citizen;
The bubble and strife,
You know her, my wife;
"Your nagging becomes almost psittacine!"
--- Archie
When gas he can't disengage,
Till he poots on his perch
And with one mighty lurch,
Shoots straight through the top of his cage.
--- Rowdy Rob
Its four-letter words you'd abhor.
I simply can't quote 'em
For fear you would note 'em.
But listen! He's swearing some more!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
He practiced to talk like a parrot.
On the street one fine day
When he asked for the way,
They said "Back to your garret, you parrot!"
--- Mike Crowley P0606
Whose budgie began to squawk,
So he said with a grin,
As he pushed the beak in,
"I only like budgies that talk."
--- Malcolm Farrow
Kept a parrot encaged on the lawn.
The cage door was ajar
And the bird had gone far.
"I wonder where has my parrot gone?"
--- Tom Patton P0409
Complained, "Though I'm always up early,
I can't find any bugs,
Caterpillars or grubs,
And the worms that I catch are too curly.
--- Funfax Limericks
Said, "Canaries might sing me to sleep.
I'm a poor man, you know--
Is the price of them low?"
Sang the birds, "Yes, we're all going cheap!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Whose mind was so frightfully pure,
That she fainted away
At a friend's house one day,
When she saw some canary manure.
--- L0724
There's an unholy problem with guano;
The padre can't use,
Any shotgun: Church rules,
Just a water-proof wide hat, you know.
--- Anon