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Freckles are lovely on faces;
But really, they're great any places.
When a body's explored
By the eyes of amour,
Each freckle is like an oasis.
--- Heather McCabe

In a gesture some said was obscene,
A newly crowned lush beauty queen
Laid the judges for free;
Said, "They're too nice to me,
So to say "No!" to nooky is mean!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 381

Devastating and already picked,
Her laughter is bubbling and quick.
With her nifty long hair,
And her dimples, two pair,
It's a tough world, but she's got it licked.
--- Anon

Her bra size I do not know,
She is shaped like a female - Lo!
And when it is down
Her hair it is brown;
She is very pretty, though.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young maid from Delight
Whose eyes were so fiery bright,
That whenever she looked
At a man, he was cooked,
And he simmered far into the night.
--- Lims Unlimited

Great beauty possessed young Miss Fenster;
The lads that all whistled, incensed her.
And she made it quite hard
For those not on their guard,
But not one of them held it against her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2042

On the plains I met grizzled Jake Cotter
And his gal, the Shoshone Chief's daughter.
Her smile, it was broad,
And her beauty unflawed;
I had some wampum left, so I bought her!
--- Tim Tudd

Now hang on a second, just wait;
That's not me in the mirror, it's Kate.
I'm the one to the right,
Who is toned, fit and tight,
And the picture of health; I look great!
--- Anon

Her smile when Beauty granted,
I hung with gaze enchanted.
Like him, the sprite,
Whom maids by night
Oft meet in glen that's haunted.
--- Archie

Like him, too, Beauty won me,
But while her eyes were on me,
If once their ray
Was turned away,
Winds could not outrun me.
--- Archie

And are those follies going?
And is my proud heart growing
Too cold or wise
For brilliant eyes
Again to set it glowing?
--- Archie

No, vain, alas, the endeavour
From bonds so sweet to sever;
Poor wisdom's chance
Against a glance
Is now as weak as ever.
--- Archie

What a beautiful girl from Uttoxeter!
The men raised their hats and their cocks at her.
They worshipped each titty--
And she was so pretty.
The Lesbians lifted their frocks at her.
--- Gavin Ewart P9212

It's the best looking girl that I've seen,
Her teeth they sparkle so clean.
He body under a nightie
Looks just like Aphrodite;
With envy, the others go green.
--- Funny Bone

Bare legs and high heels inches high!
With cleavage and plenty of thigh,
Disgusting young tarts,
Out showing their parts,
But pleasing to many men's eye.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

From Carriage, Colorado, Miss Claridge,
As a Beauty Queen, people disparage...
They all say it's a pity,
For in Atlantic City
She'd be kidded when labeled "Miss Carriage".
--- Grand Prix Lim 973

Constance Trubble is always in view
In some kind of disturbance anew;
It's already been noted
She expects to be voted
Miss Demeanor of Two Thousand Two.
--- New Millennium Lims P0301

Constance Trubble is always, you see,
In some kind of debauchery;
It's already been noted
She expects to be voted
Miss Demeanor of Two Thousand Three,
--- Arthur Deex P0301

Constance Trubble you'll find evermore
In some conduct that most folks deplore;
It's already been noted
She expects to be voted
Miss Demeanor of Two Thousand Four.
--- Arthur Deex P0301

Constance Trubble will always connive
Constance Trubble, always in a fix,
Constance Trubble, considering Heaven,
Constance Trubble, while out on a date,
Constance Trubble, that frail clinging vine,

Constance Trubble is at it again.
--- Arthur Deex P0301

The BLACK USA is OK,
But WHITE USA is a NAY.
To no one's surprise,
The best compromise--
Why not a Miss GREY USA?
--- Irving Superior P9110

Our beautiful world so diverse,
Has beauty contests so perverse,
That is seems it's only
The thin and the boney
Or Earthlings win Miss Universe.
--- David Miller

The mud bath can cure, so say some.
Restores you when you're on the bum;
But before I plop in,
Want to know who's been
There before me; and what has he done?
--- Anon

A gorgeous young woman named Steiner
Walked in to the Chesapeake Diner,
And all of the guys
Felt their boners arise,
For her beauty could not have been finer.
--- Cap'n Bean P9811

A thrifty young lady from Gault,
Had assets with nary a fault.
A forgetful old banker
Neglected to thank her
For depositing much in her vault.
--- Macsam

My Maggie is babe number one.
Her eyes can see souls or just stun.
She know of the danger,
And keeps me part stranger.
I'm really glad she's not a nun.
--- H Welchel

A senora who strolled on the corso
Displayed quite a lot of her torso.
A crowd soon collected
And no one objected
Though some were in favor of more so.

(corso - promenade)
--- Anon

There once was a woman so fine,
Her look and her touch were divine.
The men would line up
For a sip from her cup,
And each one would pray, "Oh be mine!"
--- Nogoody2shoe

That physical fitness nut Corso
Likes flexing his well-muscled torso;
Most onlookers swoon
As when Bing used to croon --
A sexy Greek god, only more so.
--- Armand E Singer 240A

Hey Mike, good advice, thanks a lot.
But I'd rather fuck ones that are hot.
I'll keep the ugly for sucking
And the beauties for fucking;
Prettier the face, prettier the twat.
--- Anon

You don't know a face from a twat?
That's quite a problem you've got!
You can smell the difference
With olfactory inference,
If you remove from your nose all the snot!
--- Anon

She wiggled and swayed as she strode
Down the street; she looked gorgeous. I slowed,
Then I walked on behind,
With no thought in my mind;
Didn't notice the hole in the road!
--- Peter Wilkins

"Oh, dear! Are you hurt?", she did say
Let me help you up; come this way!
You silly old goose,
Don't watch my caboose,
Even though I've a saucy sashay.
--- Arden

This is file lam

There was a young girl named Laraine
Whom no one could think of as plain.
The fellows pursue her
In order to screw her,
Again and again and again.
--- Isaac Asimov

I worship your beauty effulgent,
Sweet maiden, so please be indulgent;
Just give me a kiss
Or a moment of bliss,
With your hand down my underpants bulgent.
--- Anon

A strapping young beauty named Shirley
Said, "I really don't mind being burley.
I'm not itty-bitty;
Nonetheless I feel pretty,
'Cause my hair is so shiny and curly."
--- Anon

A delectable maid from Carlisle
Could knock a man down with her smile,
And whenever she grinned,
She stirred up a wind
That tumbled him off for a mile.
--- Lims Unlimited

The story is told of Miss Treadwell
Whose beauty was making her head swell,
So she covered her face
With a piece of black lace,
And died when she couldn't be fed well.
--- Alsops Foibles

Beth is a very fine chick;
She's the one I decided to pick.
With brown hair and eyes,
In a five foot three size,
With her I've decided to stick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a maid of such graces,
That her curves cried aloud for embraces.
"You look," said McGee,
"Like a million to me,
Invested in all the right places!"
--- Anon A

A young Maltese girl from Valetta,
Was so perfect, she couldn't be better.
In a contest for eyes,
Much to her surprise,
First prize went to a girl with a sweater.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The facts about beauty are known,
And well-learned by those who are grown.
Beauty is thin;
It lies in the skin;
While Ugly goes clear to the bone.
--- Anon A

Exuberant Sue from Anjou
Found that fucking affected her hue.
She presented to sight
Some parts pink, some parts white, (Nipples pink, bottom..)
And others quite purple and blue. (Her asshole was..)
--- G0507

Butt-ugly is not what it seems,
Like when you get scared in a dream.
But one should not smarm
Another one's charm.
It's relative: what makes you cream?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I've fallen for many a lass
Who had a nonentity ass,
Or irregular bits
Like lopsided tits,
Yet naught in my mind could surpass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

At times I think I like big clits.
The next thing I know it's small zits.
But then a tooth-gap
Will make me drip pap.
This beauty thing's for hypocrites.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady of Lister
So pretty that everyone kissed her;
I waited in line
Till a quarter to nine,
But then it was dark, and I missed her.
--- Lims Unlimited

There's a maid in our county named Bruno
With the face and the figure of Juno;
I do not know all
That caused her to fall,
And I won't tell you all what I do know.
--- Alsops Foibles

A contest for beauty was won
By a mademoiselle from Verdun,
Whose personifications
And improvisations,
And specifications were fun.
--- Lims Unlimited

With the "skeleton look" all the rage,
And most beauty contestants teenage;
In the future you'll see
The promoters will be
Tossing fetuses on to the stage.
--- David Miller

From the Number Nine Penwiper Mews,
There is really abominable news;
They've discovered a head
In the box for the bread,
But nobody seems to know whose.
--- Edward Gorey X

That's some news! They've discovered a head
In the box for the bread, and I said:
"It sounds like a mess.
I cannot but stress,
A wrong head in the box, ain't well bred.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8411

From the Number Nine Penwiper Mews,
There is really abominable news:
They have found a dead wench
With a terrible stench,
That everyone thinks is her cooze.
--- Hugh Clary

Washington Irving's ACEPHALOUS
Horseman, purveyor of death callous,
Tormenting bane
of Ichabod Crane,
Found an ingenious test of gallus.
--- Daniel Ford

From then on, in the hollow sleepy,
Farmers told of the legend creepy,
Of phantasm feared,
Teacher disappeared,
Intended to leave maidens weepy.
--- Daniel Ford

Wear shades when you look at Pierre,
The guy with the hole in his hair.
From the top of his head
Where the hair has been shed,
He's reflecting a dangerous glare!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old man who said "Drat!
I must instantly purchase a hat."
But he found none which fitted
For, as he admitted,
His head was enormously fat.
--- Anon

To manage to keep up a brain,
Is no easy job, it is plain.
That's why a great many
Don't ever use any,
Thus avoiding the care and the strain.
--- A Euwer

I've thought and I've think and I've thinked;
Mind's blank, so to be quite succinct,
Analysis will
Show activity's nil...
My brains cells are now all extinct.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The little you do with your brain
Is certainly causing you pain.
It's quite plain to see
That counting to three,
Is causing those spasms again.
--- Canadian Spirit

It's Dr. Trepanning again,
With medical students to train.
"Our subject today
Concerns matter that's grey,"
He said, tossing each student a brain.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Now study these carefully, please,
And give them a delicate squeeze;
Although of mixed sex,
You can see the effects
Of a limerick writer's disease."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Your studies, like mine, will divulge
That the frontal lobotomy bulge
Is caused by a quirk
In the way that they work,
And the madness in which they divulge."
--- Peter Wilkins

I had this advice from Aunt Annie:
When choosing a pal be quite canny.
Avoid if you can
Any very short man;
His brains are too close to his fanny.
--- Arthur Deex P0111

I had this advice from Aunt Annie:
When choosing a pal be quite canny.
Avoid if you might
Any gal who is slight;
Her brains are too close to her fanny.
--- Arthur Deex P0111

Were a brain salesman's prices confused?
"Einstein's: 25 cents", he enthused.
"For this pol's; twenty grand"
No, those prices were planned.
The politico's hadn't been used!"
--- Prof M-G


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