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Why were you in my neighborhood? You have maligned Pete and he's mad; You picked on an old lady, too. The teenager carries a blade; There was a young lady of Minsk There once was a man from Yakutsk When the bishop of old Kalinin Your rendition has caused me to winsk, A girl from the city of Bratsk Those Russian gals seem to be gagging There's a nude beach on Novaya Zemla; There is a young lady of Omsk There once was a Chow dog from Kharkov A blonde girl who hailed from Kolotsk, A comradely miss in Murmansk, While traveling East of Murmansk, A bride from Dnepropetrovsk, There was a young lady of Russia There was that one time in Murmansk But then when we went to Irkutsk, I heard of your tryst in Dzerzhinsk A ship builders son from Gdansk There was a young boy from Murmansk In Russia, a rule is enforsched, Mused a tourist in Moscow named Fred, And another test here in Irkutsk, The maidens I knew in Irkutsk There once was a man from Irkutsk, There was a young lad of Irutsk A girl who is found on Kamchatka, Her twatka is now in Gedansk; The gangsters, the news reports said, Ludmilla Markova, a Tajik, Now you are raising my angst, My faithful old dog was named Rover, A swinger I chanced on in Minsk Their resolve though was tested at Minsk, There was a young lady from Omsk Priest-soldiers rolled into Murmansk That silly young boy from Murmansk There was a young girl from Murmansk; A girlish star-gazer, Petrova, There once were three sailors from Omsk, The Russian czar had been shot. At this question most scholars must balk: There was a young man from Polotsk Young Ivan who once worked for Pravda, She asked, "Is that old Boris Gudenov? There was a young soldier from Orsk There was an old Russian from Rostov I once took a troika to Kharkov, I once took a trip to Murmansk; The Russians remain what they are, Smirked Soviet Minister Dinkov, The Russ put a thumb to his noseki If you have to have sex in Siberia, My Svetlana's robustki gumsk There once was a man from Smolensk St. Petersburg's summer is gay; There was a young girl from Sverdiovsk, They trundled on down to Tiblisi; Euro-bore day's here again, Ruslana came first, this is true, A lad works the fields in Uzbekistan, I've moved from Murmansk to Polotsk A few klicks due south you'll find Khatyn,
It's clear you've been up to no good!
You made up some dirt;
Some feelings got hurt.
You said things I thought no one would.
--- Marlene Lewis
He's gone off to talk to his dad.
Jon's a great big bruiser.
You will be the loser.
Now why does that not make me sad?
--- Marlene Lewis
Though we thought she would not say Boo!
L'il Granny Dufret
Is looking your way;
I'd be worried if I were you.
--- Marlene Lewis
The light-footed pair want to get laid.
The gent's got a rifle
(I will get en eyeful!)
You be afraid. Very afraid.
--- Marlene Lewis
Whose behind young men like to pinsk,
Till she purchased a gun
Which made them all run.
It's weapons that made them convinsk.
--- Jan Sand
Afflicted in one of his nutsk;
It would dance all around
With a leap and a bound;
The damn thing just wouldnt stay putsk
--- Anon
Learned the age of the girl he had been in,
He performed an ablution
Of self absolution,
And with gusto went back to his sinnin'.
--- Anon
'Cause he wasn't a czar but a prinsk,
Who offered his horscht
For a bowl full of borscht,
At the Belarus Battle of Minsk.
--- Anon
Was fequently heard to say, "Dratsk!
I look like a ninny
'Cause my legs are too skinny
And my boobies are drooping and flatsk."
--- Hugh Clary
To sample a westerner's shagging.
It isn't too clear
If they are sincere,
Or whether they're just carpet-bagging.
--- Cubby
Folks catch cold, and hock up such phlem ya
Have ne'er before seen,
Both yellow and green;
And the Doc sadly says: "Do svidanya!"
--- Anon
Who orgasms much like a bombsk.
"It's worse than I thought,
For it's more like a sort
Of Chernobyl," exploded young Tomsk.
--- Peter Wilkins
That no one could stop up the barkov.
On the Black Sea one day,
He missed the gangway,
And made a nice lunch for a sharkov.
--- Ericka
Went down to the local shopsk,
To buy underwear,
Twelve gigarubles a pair,
And each one had a hole in the crotsk.
--- MrMalo
Was careful in making her plansk.
With her passions unchained,
It was clearly ordained,
She'd end up with a mansk who was Dansk.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
I banged a sweet lovely, a Dansk.
He pelvic gyrations
Were a cosmic sensation,
And left me enslaved and entranced.
--- Ward Hardman
Whose honeymoon proved rather roughsk,
Having failed with a "Nyet!"
To fend off each new threat,
Screamed, "Dimitri! Enough is enoughsk!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who screamed so that no-one could hush her.
The noise was so bad
That her husband went mad,
And at last, down the loo tried to flush her.
--- Loads & Loads Lims P0104
When Tiddy and Peter played pranksk.
They stole all my clothes;
It was forty below.
I nearly wound up with froze flanksk.
--- Ericka
I seem to remember I putsk
Some hot stuff inside ya,
But trying to ride ya,
Got sucked in as far as my footsk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Where Tiddy's cold poker couldn'tsk
Awake from its slumber,
Bereft of some lumber.
You placed Peter's percy withinsk.
--- Randog
Paid loads to a stripper to dansk,
And strip to the buff,
But he left in a huff,
When she wouldn't get out of her pantsk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who, from sexual play, never shransk.
But none of the egg-ers
Ever got preggers;
That poor Russian boy just shot blansk.
--- Ericka
'Cause many a wife's been divorsched
For serving a meal
When the beets lack appeal;
They're forbidden to heat a dead borscht.
--- Hugh Clary
As he humped young Natasha in bed:
"I am prosperous, true,
But I so love to screw,
That I've ended up here in the Red!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Where floozies yelled, "Show us your nutsk!"
They said, "We decline;
Prefer things bovine!
So please present Bessie's big buttsk."
--- Anon
Were swingers -- No if, ands, or butsk.
For them, coexistence
Meant red-hot persistence
In nightlong Siberian rutsk.
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver
Whose dong measured more than a footsk.
He lived on brown coal
And when girls grabbed his pole,
He came; they got covered with sootsk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who lusted for Irma the slutsk.
She laughed at his pleading
For fumbling and kneading,
Then gave him a kick in the nutsk.
--- Peter Wilkins
Can be had for a bottle of vodka;
I wanted to tarry,
But the chick was so hairy,
I never located her twatka.
--- Travis Brasell
She's opened it up for romansk.
So take your full flask
Of vodka and ask
This hairy chick to dropsk her pantsk.
--- Travis Brasell
Wanted Russia's top anchorman dead.
Ours needn't fear
From their wanting that here:
It would just be a waste of their lead.
--- DC Dave
Whose habits were anthropophagic,
Was chewing the dong
Of Hi Fong from Hong Kong,
When she choked and she died. Very tragic!
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file kym
Expecting something from Murmansk.
Instead all you wrote,
About a girl and a scrote,
Were tales of Ludmilla, a cransk.
--- Archie
Until that sad day he went nova.
He nosed up the skirt,
And then died in the dirt.
He'd sniffed at Ludmilla Markova.
--- Archie
Stripped fast to her White Russian skinsk.
As I fixed my square stare
On this hip Russian bare,
I felt out, but quite soon I was insk!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
When after much vodka and ginsk,
At a whorehouse they saw,
Standing there in the door,
Three floozies a-flashing their quimsk.
--- Anon
Who came like a hydrogen bombsk;
Her pleasure was heard
Over more than a third
Of old Russia, from Moscow to Tomsk.
--- Peter Wilkins
In rows upon rows of big tansk.
With celibacy,
They all did agree...
"When we needs to cum we just wansk!"
--- Anon
Loved playing fun practical pransk.
His friends weren't amused
And they all accused
Him of needing to be on some transk.
--- Anon
She was really built like a tansk.
If on you she'd jump
For a good soldid hump,
Then, if you survived, you'd give thansk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Once thought she had simply gone nova.
It wasn't a quasar
But the new Commisar,
Coming over and over and over.
--- Archie
Whose names were Jack, Terry, and Tomsk.
They hung out with hookers,
'Cause they weren't good lookers;
With regular girls, they just bombsk.
--- Ericka
In Prussia the Kaiser was not.
Does that mean the Prussians
Were nicer than Russians,
Or was one and wasn't one caught?
--- Irving Superior
"Just how does a smart Russian Jew talk
To a dumb Russian Jew?"
He talks, it is true,
Long distance -- by phone -- from New York.
--- Arthur Deex P8404A
Who had, for to pee in, no potsk.
The Shiite militia
Said "Igor, we wish ya
Would not leave a trail of wet dotsk."
--- Ericka
Thought sheep shagging wrong, and he'd havda
Fuck squirrels instead.
So he took one to bed...
Lost his nutsk! Have you heard a tale dafda?
--- Tiddy Ogg
Do you think, at his age he'll have woodenov?
I'll make the man's day."
Then cried in dismay,
"Oh heavens, I've gone pulled his pudenov!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who'd give up his kingdom for a horsk.
(And wife for a saddle)
In the midst of a battle.
'Twas Czar Richard the Third, of coursk.
--- Travis Brasell
Who needed to get himself tossedov.
He searched all of Orsk
For one willing whoresk,
But all of them kept their legs crossedov.
--- Anon
Met a young man. We struck sparkov.
Was he a great lay?
Not really, 'cause they
All look the same in the darkov.
--- Ericka
Bought vodka, for which I gave thansk.
The wife ran away;
Good riddance, I say.
I'll settle for booze and a wansk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A peace-loving people, not far
From the ancient regime,
Where oppression's the theme
From Romanove to commie-tsar.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9305
"The wonderful angles I think of!
I'll rent me a dacha
And screw my girl Sasha --
Sex heaven's what I'm on the brink of!"
--- Armand E Singer 470
When young Olga suggested they hoseski...
He just KNEW that the witch
Had the Stalingrad itch,
So he shot off his load in his clotheski.
--- Grand Prix Lim 643
Here's the important criteria:
When having a boff --
If your balls drop off --
It's COLD!
--- PeterW
Will nibble my schwaanz 'til I cumsk.
When it's snowing all day,
In the bunksk I will stay;
When I go out my pudski gets numbsk.
--- Allen Wolverton
Whose dong was so long that is bensk.
Said he, "I would try
To do up my fly,
But the state of my comrade prevensk."
--- Ericka
Golden domes take the sun's bright array
And cast it around,
Costing ruble nor pound
Throughout the night's Arctic day!
--- Sumaq
Who liked to take all her clothes offsk.
Thats probably the reason
She's the hit of the season
At parties; she's easy to boffsk.
--- MrMalo
From the vodka and gin they felt queasy.
They stripped to their socksk
And got off their rocksk,
'Cause girls in Tiblisi are easy.
--- Anon
But this year, no need to complain.
A leather clad dolly,
Sang rock songs quite jolly
To win the prize for the Ukraine.
--- Robin T Cox
But the voting was wholly askew.
While the leather-clad jigged
On the stage, votes were rigged
To repay good neighbors their due.
--- Robin T Cox
Out so long in the sun that his neck is tan.
But a week in the sack
With a frisky Kuzak,
Is the way that he's hoping to wreck his tan.
--- Stargazer
And here I will stay 'til I rotsk.
They've got what I need
To thrive and succeed;
The vodka is cold, the men hotsk.
--- Ericka
Where Canadian babes aren't forgotton.
You can practice lim-craft,
Polish Ivan's hard shaft,
And pursue other fetes misbegotton.
--- RanDog
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