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I took a long trip in November From there I went south to the beach, I left Alabama, went west, From Texas I took a short flight I crossed the high Rockies by train, Then under Montana's big sky, I headed southeast back toward Dixie, Thank goodness I'm still in my prime, Now Phineas Fogg made a bet, Next Austrian, Estonian, Omani, Tunisian, then Spaniard and Libyan, I do love to sail on the sea. 'Cause I'd hate to swim to the shores, I don't mean to imply that you're cheap, If the boat that we ride in should leak, I'll flip over onto my back, Now this being said, just enjoy I'm glad that you thought to provide, Morocco's not too far from here; ...To make a water tight connection, Your back stroke is certainly strong, And as he got close I could see, First we're in a plane that won't float, This vacation so far's not drab, As they came a-brandishin' swords, It would have been of little use Now since they did leave me alive, As I followed their tracks in the sand, I've walked for what seems endless time; So now I must quick rack my brains. Untying the camels to loose 'em, To one side of the tent I did hide, Alone in the tent she stood chained; So now we run out through the dunes, From Sioux City, I'm driving back west, Now I hear, 'neath the hood, all ain't right; So, I turn up my radio's knob; Radio louder! More gas! Got more clatter! A new engine block's now in my clunk; This sure is a crappy hotel; I'd be happy to help you out, Pete; Now Carol, I'm eager to see Your room is so clean, it's like new. I'm taking up cudgels and gavels "Now look, boss, I won't go away." Apart from the flight and hotel, In India, claim you're a Swami; In Kabul, find yourself a cute Afgan, Been working away for a spell, The "chalet" I slept in was old; The mould grew in patches galore, And what could possibly be finer Around the whole place is a fence "Your motel room reeks of the dead. She gambled away all her money. Now that just doesn't sound right. I'm sorry to hear that this debtor Excuse me but Marty's chest looks It must be her, he's calling sonny, You fibber! You liar! You Jerk! Oh Marty, how could you just lie? We ladies do never expect The pain-in-the-butt 'cross the room I wish I was going away I won't stay in hovels and tents There isn't, of course one admits, At Xmas I get very bored;
To buy some new land with good timber;
Those massive tall trees,
Erect in the breeze,
Reminded me of my huge member.
--- Anon
Where I met a fine 'Georgia peach'.
She gave me nine fits
By showing her tits,
And saying, "Hey, suck one of each!"
--- Anon
Until I met up with the best
Whore Texas had had,
(She's good when she's bad!)
Who scobbed my big knob... as you've guessed!
--- Anon
To Denver and stayed for one night;
That's where I met Ina
Who had a vagina
So ugly, but damn!...was it tight!
--- Anon
Sat next to a tourist from Spain;
One night in her bunk
She swallowed my spunk,
While keeping me bound with a chain!
--- Anon
I stopped at a 'dude ranch' ... met Bly,
A housewife by day,
At night a paid lay;
Fucked me ... got divorced ... wonder why?
--- Anon
Encountered a ravishing pixie
Who was very fragile,
But, lord, was she agile;
Performed on my cock a great trick, see?
--- Anon
Makes 'Travlings' no less than sublime!
There's much more to share,
But now I won't dare;
You'll just have to wait 'til next time!
--- Anon
To do what no one had done yet:
To get 80 lays,
In 81 days,
So condom-stocked, off the man set.
--- Anon
Iranian, Turk, Pakistani,
To Saudi, then back,
Filled a crack in Iraq,
Then Syrian, Turkmenistani.
--- Anon
South African next, and Namibian,
And then went out seekin'
A fine Mozambiquan,
Then headed off for the Caribbean.
--- Anon
Do you have the crew's guarantee,
That this ship isn't leaky?
It sounds kinda creaky;
Are there life vests for you and me?
--- Anon
Of Morocco, the land of the Moors.
I swim like a rock,
So I'm afraid your cock,
Would never get into my drawers!
--- Anon
And I know your pockets aren't deep,
But if you don't mind,
The next plane ride I'll find,
One from which we don't have to leap.
--- Anon
I don't think your future's so bleak.
Just grab my inflated
And often fellated
Erection and sit on its peak.
--- Gearhart
And inject it deep into your crack;
Then do the back stroke
As I give you a poke,
You'll be safe -- for to swim I've the knack.
--- Gearhart
This boat ride with your favorite boy.
Although the ship's creaky,
It's yet to be leaky,
But still you can sit on my toy!
--- Gearhart
This fabulous way for a ride.
And it's not surprising,
The water is rising.
We'll have to jump over the side.
--- Carol
You get in the water first, dear.
Get your sail up and ready,
And please hold it steady,
So I can jump onto your spear...
--- Carol
Onto your hot throbbing erection.
On the waves we ride,
Then swim with the tide,
Using your back stroke to perfection
--- Carol
As I enjoy the ride on your dong.
But my skin's like a prune,
(Hope we get ther real soon)
Come on John, lets move this along.
--- Carol
He wasn't alone, there were three.
Each waving a sword,
As they came toward,
One swooped down and carried off me!
--- Anon
Then we jump from a leaky boat.
Now I'm on this camel;
A stinky mean mammal,
With this guy who smells like a goat.
--- Anon
And I don't mean to sound like a crab,
But kidnapped am I,
By this smelly guy,
Who thinks he's Ahab the Arab!
--- Anon
And screaming out harsh sounding words,
I had no choice, dear,
As they filled me with fear,
But to think of a plan afterwards.
--- Anon
For me to resist or refuse.
They would have just cut
Up my lilly white butt,
So I put up my hands as a truce.
--- Anon
I still had a chance to derive
A plan from my mind,
To save your behind;
This trip I intend we survive.
--- Anon
Across this broad, bare, lifeless land,
Grew afraid what I'd find.
Would they treat you unkind?
This trip ain't worked out like I planned.
--- Anon
The heat is intense in this clime.
As I top a tall dune,
I see that I'll soon
Arrive to avenge for their crime.
--- Anon
(A headache results from such strains.)
The camels are tied
To a post just outside
The tent by the ends of their reins.
--- Anon
To make them all scatter I goose 'em.
They snort, grunt, and run
Off into the sun;
The noise attracts Ahab's dumb twosome.
--- Anon
As the two men emerged from inside.
Three camels they chased
As away they now raced,
And inside of the tent I did glide.
--- Anon
To ravage her there I abstained.
With seconds to act,
Grabbed the keys and unshack-
led her there and saved her again!
--- Anon
This is file kvm
Away from Ahab and his goons.
They've not noticed yet,
That you've escaped pet;
They are just two stupid baboons!
--- Anon
To the Golden State, land I love best;
My old Chevvy is purring;
Like perfect for touring;
Nebraska's no sweat, so I'd guessed.
--- Anon
There's a knocking like something's not tight;
Then I think: "What the Duece?
Hell, a rod can't be loose;
I just worked on that engine last night!"
--- Anon
Music drowns out that ominous throb;
Also put on some speed,
Maybe not a smart deed;
Cuz the car's running rough as a cob!
--- Anon
Suvva gun! What the hell is the matter?
Man, I'm getting in dutch;
Better push in the clutch!
About then's when my teeth start to chatter!
--- Anon
See the wreckage I've saved in the trunk;
Lots of steel, twisted up
Work of Art? I'd say "Yup;
Looks like Salvador Dali got drunk!"
--- Anon
There's no one to answer the bell;
No chambermaid, porter,
Or owner's young daughter...
Good heavens; I'm home for a spell.
--- Peter Wilkins
I can keep your room tidy and neat.
And answer the door,
And then around four,
I'll make you a nice little treat.
--- Carol
What treat you are planning for me;
In fact, I'm so keen
Than I've kept my room clean
In the hope I can have it at three.
--- Peter Wilkins
Now, I've lots of time, it's just two.
So please close your eyes,
Here comes the surprise.
The treat that I'm making is you!
--- Carol
Against these unwarranted travels
I'm having to make
For the company's sake,
Lest my mind, if I have one, unravels.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Yes, you will, like I told you -- today."
"I resign, you can stuff
It." "Okay, that enough --
If you do, you can do without pay."
--- Peter Wilkins
Entertainment expenses as well,
I shall claim, with no shame,
Under Food -- for a dame --
Maybe two if I'm lucky as hell.
--- Peter Wilkins
In Japan, show your date origami;
For a Catholic Spaniard,
Wear a cross on a lanyard,
And in Rome just pull out your salami.
--- Dick Potts P8511
And stealthily pull off her caftan;
In France, drop your pants,
And beg for romance,
In Greece, just bend over an ashcan.
--- Dick Potts P8511
But the horrible hovel from hell
I was booked in to stay,
Was by far and away
The most hellish since Bate's Motel.
--- Peter Wilkins
Like a monastery cell, awful cold.
It was furnished with junk
And a metal-framed bunk,
But the piece-de-resistance was mould.
--- Peter Wilkins
On the walls of the bathroom for sure;
But much worse was the fungus
Exceeding humungous
That grew 'neath the bed on the floor.
--- Peter Wilkins
Than supper at night in the diner?
A greasy pork chop
And inedible slop
In a soup-bowl of secondhand china.
--- Peter Wilkins
Which is awesome and truly immense,
And to keep people out
There are turrets (no doubt
With machine guns) for added defense.
--- Peter Wilkins
There's stench from the floor and the bed.
Its dank with no heat,
And furthermore, Pete,
It smells," Tom instinctively said!
--- Observer
Please don't laugh, because it ain't funny.
She's paying the hotel
By doing the no-tell,
With some old guy calling her Sonny.
--- Marlene Lewis
Are they doing the nasty at night?
With his bifocal glass,
He should look as her ass,
While she holds it up next to the light.
--- Jeanie
Is chained to her debt like a fetter.
But, oh, what the hell,
Next time will you tell
Poor Bonnie she needs to learn better?
--- Travis Brasell
Like something squished it flat with some books.
Her sonny-flat chest
Should just lay to rest
Suspicions that she is one who hooks.
--- Bonnie
'Cause I am a well-endowed honey.
I've really learned well --
So Trav, what the hell,
Do want to give me some money?
--- Bonnie
I do not do that kind of work.
My boobies ain't flat,
Except the one that
Is making the rest of you smirk.
--- Marlene Lewis
And expect all these guys to buy.
Your boobies ain't flat.
If you were a gnat,
That statement you could dignify.
--- Bonnie
These guys to buy what they detect.
By using their eyes,
They use open flies
And check it out when they're erect.
--- Marlene Lewis
Has got me quite sunk into gloom.
Takes me fifty tries
To match her replies.
I wish she'd ride off on her broom.
--- Marlene Lewis
On holiday later today;
Alas and alack,
Though, for work I must pack,
Else I might get the sack and no pay.
--- Peter Wilkins
And spend a mere 25 cents;
Instead, as befits,
I'll stay at the Ritz
And thus rack up expenses immense.
--- Peter Wilkins
A Midlands Hotel called the Ritz.
It's fantasy time
For the purpose of rhyme,
And I bet where I stay is the pits.
--- Peter Wilkins
Away, I wish I could afford;
By boat or plane
Or even by train,
To a warmer place, somewhere abroad.
--- Anon
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