A "C" might appear to be first, Though Archie's solution's obscure, To alt-arts-limericks I flit, Though sensitive folk hold their noses, While having your afternoon nosh, I had hoped that this was a prank; Ignorance clogs up my head. I've just checked out all my resources; My Webster's is fifty years old. But Websters gives us "sore feet"; At first, I'm a spasm of pain, Although I may not be the champ, I cramped in my brain; tried to see. I missed it and felt like a dolt, There's amps, and there's coulombs and watts; A crossword compiler called Moss A crossword compiler called Brown Complete, I'm the proof of your reign; A king wears it perched on his head; There's really no more I can say; I'm making my way to the town, I do not mean to put you down, There once was a fellow named Knott You're close but you're not close enough; Of Emmet I had never heard; Kiss, you may go top of the class, When five, I'm a stock that's for sale; When five, I'm certain it's SHARE; Price comparing, a German Professor I tell all these riddles, "Get hence, A gentleman wanted to bang A babe with a bit of panache By the genius of Hugh, I'm amazed
This is file kql
Said the crass, overconfident elf, On the phone, to the randy young fellow, There once was a pedophile gent Alas, I've been gone out Sis Chrissin'; Invented by Mr James Watt's "Christianity's Son of the Boss," "It's crescent shaped rolls that I want" My first, in providing you hints, I think if I had a man's book Right there, I'll sumbit a small squeak It seems my charade is a mite So, in hopes of a massive upheaval, It seems, then, my first try was fiction. So now it's not totally back ter Once again, with a genius Confucian, With riddles, I'm always quite dense If good crossword solvers be found, You must have been hitting the sauce, Five adds to four plus eleven,
t The language has got out of hand Five hundred begins and is last, This one is real easy to see, Yes, David, Notorious Hebe, a Or is it not king, but a knave, I enjoy getting any new word In class I will pass to and fro, In piroot was I here indulging, G ilt by the sun's gentle fire, In ajewehy store at Fort Ross, Half a dozen the ancients then synched I think I observe here an omen, Once again it's the Oggie that earns From my try at your neat little puzzle,
An "H" could be then the worse.
An "A" then must be;
"Shirt" ends with a "T",
So a "chat" purrs its way through your verse!
--- Chris
The answer he got, I am sure,
And so did young Chris:
The prize, folks, is this:
A sackful of barnyard manure.
--- Chris
To see what fine prize my wit
Has quite nicely earned.
And so now I feel burned;
I now have a big sack of shit!
--- Chris
There's many a gardener supposes
In gold's weight it's worth,
When spread on the earth,
For wonders it does for the roses.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I looked close and then I said, "Gosh!"
Though you do not moo,
What you've got isn't new.
I think you are suffering from closh!
--- Archie
I'd take off your panties and spank
What I then inspected.
But closh has infected
You now and it's udderly rank!
--- Archie
I suppose I shall now be shot dead.
This rumor of closh?
It's all bosh 'n' tosh
Who will join me for chips 'n' ged?
--- Kiss Karen
What I've found is giving me pauses.
That simple word "closh"
Has beaten me, gosh,
It's different in two major sources.
--- Archie
My Oxford is never so cold.
Closh is there given,
As cattle are riven,
With diseases, nasty and bold!
--- Archie
With Oxford "sore neck" does compete.
Just which of these two
Applies quite to you--
For that jibe I should now be beat!
--- Archie
Beheaded, a cloverleaf lane;
Again, I'm a source
Of electrical force;
Once more, a enlisted man's bane.
--- Hugh Clary
While sitting by light of this lamp,
I did not hit "Next"
'Til, no longer vexed,
I did indeed come up with "cramp."
--- Scott Oliver
It's climbing a steep ramp for me,
Yet I'm still the champ!
(Unless I over-amp
Or someone here calls an MP!)
--- Cyber Wizard
Unworthy of joining this cult
Of masters of words;
But come on, you nerds,
Electrical force is the VOLT!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of electrical terms there are lots.
Like farads and ohms,
But whereever I roams,
I like girls with powerful twats.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who found himself quite at a loss
When asked, "Why so blue?"
Said, "I haven't a clue.
I'm 2 Down to put 1 Across."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0203
Who found himself wearing a frown
When asked, "Why so green?"
Said, "I think it's my spleen.
I got 6 Across what I 8 Down."
--- John Dole Odd BodkinP0203
Curtailed, I will gobble your grain.
Beheaded, the chore
That you ply with an oar.
Once more, I'm the sound of your pain.
--- Hugh Clary
And a black bird has to be fed;
In water, get traction
Performing this action;
When hammer hits thumb, it is said.
--- Observer
I figured it out the same way.
Observer's reply
Is much better than I
Could have made, so to him goes the day.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My sorrows this evening to drown.
For failing to boggle
Observer and Oggle,
'Cause the answer, most surely, is "crown".
--- Hugh Clary
Or cause you to wear a big frown.
But your question there,
Is faulty, I swear.
It seem that you've misspelled "clown".
--- Cyber Wizard
Who enjoyed himself a whole lot,
At various times
Solving cryptogram rhymes
And here are the Limericks he got.
--- George W Wilson P0505
These cryptic type clues, they are tough.
Just five little letters
They will break the fetters -
The word's in the first verse and stuff!
--- Archie
It appears it's a dialect word.
A dictionary
Answered the query,
You clever cat who ate the bird.
--- Kiss Karen
But take good care, as me you pass.
Emmet was correct
Though in dialect,
For I can't keep my hands off your ass!
--- Archie
Beheaded, a tortoise I trail;
Once more and you readers
See a hundred square meters;
Then with two, I'm a tone of the scale.
--- Hugh Clary
The Tortoise, I know, beat the HARE.
A hundred M square
I know as an ARE,
And RE is the third tone, so there!
--- Liam na Beag
Of two cushions selected the lesser.
"A foam pillow in brown?"
Said the Teuton, "Nein, down --
It's a gift that is for a cross dresser."
--- Arthur Deex P0208
Begone foolish question, my pens-
Ive time is spent here.
I sit on my rear
While my thinking is helped with incense."
--- Archie
A girl from the neighborhood gang,
But once she was fed
And gotten in bed,
She would only gnaw on his wang.
--- Hugh Clary
Provided me romps for my cash.
I could bugger her bum,
Have a header with hum,
Or simply a shag from her gash.
--- Hugh Clary
With these limerick riddles he's raised,
And though they've brought fame
And world-wide acclaim,
This daze-fun has left him unfazed.
--- Observer
To the girl, "I'll provide you with pelf,
And this sexual display
Will stand up and obey,"
She said, "Tell it to stifle itself!"
--- Observer
Said sexy Maria Costello,
"When you get here, knock.
And the door I'll unlock...
There's no doorbell at the bordello!"
--- Observer
Who took a young girl to his tent.
Unable to bury
His dick past her cherry,
He decided to tend to her dent.
--- Hugh Clary
I knew not what a game I was missin'.
Not sure how to play;
Would you care to say?
You know I'll be silent and listen.
--- Hugh Clary
Incredible brain, steam robots
Based on the idea
Of the front and the rear,
And the shape of Mrs Watts twats.
--- Archie
Was a clue that left him at a loss,
Till he found he could use
"The King of the Jews",
For nailing 1 Down, 2 Across.
--- Jerry Nordal P0206
Cooed the shapely, urbane debutante.
"Didn't rush off to town
And just scarf 1 Down;
I relaxed when I 8 Across-aunt."
--- Arthur Deex P0206
Discloses I'm one of the gents;
My second's recital
Is a role that is vital;
Complete, I commit an offence.
--- Hugh Clary
Explaining 'bout words, there I'd look.
Unless I am wrong,
It's three letters too long
In my def. in line one, else I'm stook.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Bout that secret word that we seek.
I'd guess "homosexual"
Would be here, ineffectual;
If not, then to me, it's all Greek.
--- Observer
Unclear to those solvers despite
My efforts to pack it
With contrivants to crack it,
Since neither response appears right.
--- Hugh Clary
A hint ought to offer reprieval
From the ardors I've wrought,
And I offer this thought:
My whole is a doer of evil.
--- Hugh Clary
Though logic worked in my depiction,
The man is a male,
And to tell a good tale,
He'd need, I averred, good male-diction.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The drawing board, so having whacked a
New brain cell in head,
I'll venture instead,
To hazard the guess, malefactor.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Senor Ogg has the proper locution
To answer the term
For this cranial worm.
Malefactor's the proper solution.
--- Hugh Clary
And though concentration's intense,
I can't play this game.
And this one's the same --
It just doesn't make any sense.
--- Ericka
Then NASA'd like them to call 'round.
A problem they've got;
When things get too hot,
The just cannot get 7 down.
--- Scott C
Or feeling foolhardy, to toss
Us so tasteless a poem
'Bout folks who came home
In a state -- I mean states, 6 across.
--- Scott C
Plus twice that, plus two and plus seven.
I hope you don't mind,
The number you'll find
Sends me and my woman to heaven!
--- Uncle Beer
With phrases that ought to be banned.
A couple we read
Spent one night in bed;
So why is it called a one night STAND?
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0402
And a five in the middle is cast;
Then the first we are getters
Of numbers and letters,
Revealing a King of the past.
--- Hugh Clary
With the first and the latter "D".
He was a great king,
But did David sling
A blade... this is confusing me.
--- Carol
Vaquero with pene arriba,
Killed Goliath by slinging
As stone, and then swinging
Like a dashing young blade with Bathsheba.
--- Hugh Clary
Who kept a dead queen in his cave?
Oh heck, what the deuce!
I hereby deduce
Carol's right. It's Michaelangelo's Dave.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or old one that I haven't heard.
Research is a hoot
I like to piroot
Shiny bits like a curious bird
--- Archie
As it's helping my database grow
Could it be you
Are growing too,
As past you I frequently go?
--- Kiss Karen
Though my pants soon seemed to be bulging,
When you dropped your books,
And gave me free looks
At your black satin covered impulging.
--- Archie
U nder the spell of desire,
E ager to please
S ummer's fine breeze,
S weet'ing the air of the byre.
--- Kiss Karen
I sought out the help of the boss.
In selecting a necklace.
I felt rather reckless,
And put 50 Down 4 Across.
--- Arthur Deex P0205
With six of their brothers now linked;
Then give them five hundred,
When, if you've not blundered,
The answer is clearly distinct.
--- Hugh Clary
With answer in charcters Roman,
And Actress Miss Leigh
Will show her ID,
And flash it this way in the gloamin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The kudos for solving the turns
And twist of my riddle.
So I'm confidant Tid'll
Remember the wife of Tom Sterns.
--- Hugh Clary
My chagrin I attempt now to muzzle,
But I am just livid:
The answer's not VIVID?
I'll be off to some soothing beer guzzle.
--- Ward Hardman