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A hardware shope salesman called Randalls, A nerdy young gamer from Utrecht There once was a rank pranky cranky, The langugage of English I wish In Baghdad I met a glad bag lad. In Gorgeous George's gorgeous Georgian gorge, A popular singer named Tammy A spinster once kept a pet hog, Of all the names ending in "ini", A middle-school student named Marty, From the bench said the senile Judge Percival, You really mutht be quite a dunth I once knew a girl named Dolores I'm your secret lover Jack Chumley, Peg. I just lie there at night wide awake They say that the folk from 'round Limerick Said an old lady pickling figs If a man pickling figs is a pickler, A penman who penned pentatettes A limerick writer named Symes A half-poet Frenchman speaks strange; There once was a man, who though hated, There once was a Scotsman on Venus A poet found he could no more enj- My name is King Willy of Orange. Well, it's yawn, and it's "ho" and it's "hum" again; I suppose that I'll risk sounding boring; G- An eccentric lover of oranges A xenophobic lover of oranges A gun-toting chap called Scott J Pickled pepper picker Peter Piper So huge the appetite of Phil, Said a fellow from North Philadelphia A pert pepper-picker named Bickle, Old Webster turned plough into plow, Some people claim no rhyme for pregnant, I have strayed very far from my home. I really don't like to exhume Loam is wunna doze woids When I eat ripe grapes that are purple, If you're in a bar, then some twerp'll He called it his own rhesus thesis: To rhyme orange, you'll find is unreal, I have a canary who'll chirp all A speedy young collie named Rick Sage, sorry about the mistake! A sailor by the name of C. Phelp Regarding the question of shagfest, As rhymes for shagfest and fragfest, A porn actor, Long Jonathan Silver, Six Sikhs asked the steward to fix Mrs Malaprop, known near and far, A street-sweeper swept a steep street There was a young Jap in a syndicate, When Terry asked Mary to marry, A swift thistle-sifter can sift With money, the writer was tight, How should warnings be passively aired, It's no trick to fix wicks or mix wax; My clock said "eleven to two" A rater who worked in a mine, Blushed young Chinese maiden, Minerva, (Chinese have problems with "l" and "r")
A recalcitrant milk-maid named May There once was a Halloween witch, That bottle of perfume that Willie sent That sexy gal, Hannah Witkowski,
Was confronted by a dame with four candles.
She said, "Take these back --
'Cause my idiot son, Jack,
Bought them though I told him fork handles!"
--- H Myers
Got involved In Real Life in a shagfest
While his friends playing Wargasm
He discovered the orgasm
With a lady who´s known as the fragfest
--- Anon
Who tried to outflank hanky-panky;
She could always sustain
Her own moral campaign,
Except with a frank lanky Yankee.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8511
'Twere phonetic, and not mash and mish.
And according to Shaw,
There's no order or law,
Because GHOTI, it seems, sounds like FISH.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2840
He had found a doodad, first he had had.
I helped him with his bag
Which we both had to drag
To his pad where his dads a bag dad.
--- Tom Patton P0502
Gorging orgies and orgy gorging forge
A horde of Ladies whoring
To the Lords of Hades snoring,
When George's gorgeous orgied gorgers gorge.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was nominated for a Grammy.
When tense she would fret
And break into a sweat.
Getting the Grammy made Tammuy so clammy.
--- Anon
Which she took for runs with her dog.
While off on a jog
With her dog and her hog,
She got lost in a bog in the fog.
--- Mike O'Conner
I think I prefer Tetrazzini;
I was fond of her voice,
But I have a hard choice
Between Tetrazz- and Pucc- and Cellini.
--- Limber Limericks
Renowned for his excellent party,
Was late everyday
So his teacher would say,
"Again Party-Marty, you're tardy!"
--- DS
"Young man, Counsel claims you'll get worse or I'll
Send you to jail,
So I'll put you on bail."
Now wasn't Judge Percival merciful?
--- Anon
To think not a word rymeth with month.
For all the fair thekth
Grow beathth and not pecth,
And are built not with prickth but with cunth.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who really could have used a thesaurus.
Her vocabulary
Was quite stationary
At five thousand words moreorless.
--- Monique de Plume
I love you because your're so comely, Peg.
I miss your kissing,
But what I'm really missing
Is, you won't learn how to play mumbley-peg.
--- Ed Wolfert P8405
I can't sleep, what I need is a break.
I've been racking my brain
But I still can't explain
Why mustache doesn't rhyme with must ache.
--- Tom Patton P0203
Saw a time when they needed a trim wick.
The factory made them too wide
For their lamps and they tried
To trim every thick to a thin wick.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0104
To another one nickeling wigs:
"Aren't we fickle
To nickel and pickle
When we could have been tickling pigs?"
--- Cyber Geezer
And for nickeling wigs was a stickler,
And he tickled a pig
Would he then be a big
Wig-nickeling, fig-pickling, pig-tickler?
--- Cyber Geezer
Was panned for his punned epithets.
Penned he to his panners,
"It isn't good manners
Panning penmen unpenning pent pets."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712
Said, "I'm so frustrated at times:
I can do -ock and -uck,
But with -unt I get stuck.
I'm really quite hopeless with rhymes."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Ungoverned, he tends to derange
His thoughts through his sinuses,
Achieving two minuses,
And so rearranges 'orange.'
--- Tom Bishop
An expert in citrus was rated.
Once I gave him an orange,
He: one sniff, then "Tis foreign J-
affa is where it originated.
--- Dennis Jesperson
Whose jewels were a joke. Just between us
He hid 'neath his sporran j-
uicy fruit such as orange,
And cherries he'd plucked with his penis.
--- Anon
oy rhyming his limericks, for ing-
enuity failed him;
This sad fact assailed him:
In English there's no rhyme for orange.
--- Godling's Glossary P9808
My dick ne'er again shall go whoringe.
I've lost my prepuce.
The tips all chartreuse.
You see, it's been smashed in a door hinge.
--- H Welchel
It's slow and that challenge has come again.
As I've mentioned before, eng-
ineers can't rhyme orange;
So this dropout will have to write some again.
--- Anon
ee whiz, what is left but adoring? J-
ust allow me a paean
To my dear lima bean --
Love'n'kisses, your fond, Navel Orange.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
Extracts their juice with syringes
His doors used to squeak
But now they just leak
'Cos he's put all the juice in the door hinges.
--- Anon
Met a girl who gave his heart twinges
The girl was called Jez
Jezebel, so he says
But he said 'Go away 'cause you're foreign Jez'
--- Anon
Often ate much lemon parfait.
It tasted so good,
He thought that he should
Hold a parfait soiree on Tuesday.
--- Anon
Pined to pack his pecker in a porker
He poked a porkers pucker
With his pickle pickers pecker
Now he's Peter Piper Porker Pucker Poker.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
No filled full plate should Phil full fill.
(Full Phil meant --
Fulfillment)
So Phil filled plates until fulfilled.
--- Irving Superior P8402
To his sweetheart, "I'm glad that I felphia--
And now I've been sacked,
I'm quite pleased by the fact
That you don't mind my being on welphia!"
--- Norm Storer
This is file kol
Picked the pick of her peppers to pickle.
But the peppers she picked
Were so pebbled and nicked,
That she peddled her pick for a nickel.
--- Lims Unlimited
So why not a bough into bow,
And rough into ruff,
And tough into tuff
And certainly cough into cow.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But rulers on thrones must be regnant.
So do not despair
Or pull out your hair,
Or jump in the pond, you'll get stegnant.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I have travelled from Moscow to Rome.
I have learned to say "some"
And to rhyme it with "come."
But please tell me how to say "loam."
--- Al Willis
An old argument, but I assume
That you want the truth:
Unless you're uncouth,
You will say it to rhyme well with "bloom."
--- John Miller
Done all kindsa ways by us noids.
Some say loam,
Can be swept widda broom,
But the loam in my home's fulla toids.
--- Irish
My long-lasting, bad-smelling burp'll
Near rival the farts
Of H's fine arts,
For endurance, loudness and squirple.
--- Anon
Tell you a hiccup or burp'll
Cause cramp in the toes,
And a wart on your nose,
And then turn your genitals purple.
--- Anon
To give all the apes reese's Pieces.
Because, if you don't
It won't become wont,
To stifle the apes' recess sneezes.
--- Dick Ford
So the effort is lacking appeal.
You'll do well, I deduce,
If you rhyme with the juice,
Or perhaps find a rhyme with the peel.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2827
Day long when he knows Wyatt Earp'll
Be on the TV
In a film and you see,
He will chirp till he turns himself purple.
--- Peter W
Collects sticks from the hicks as his trick.
He finds on his climb
Half a dozen each time.
See how quick, slick Rick picks six sticks.
--- Anon
It was an honest mistake -
Ooops! I did it again!
I'm living in sin!
A flogging I will have to take!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was ensnarled in a sea of sea kelp.
The poor fellow died,
Because no one tried
To rescue C. Phelp or seek help.
--- Tom Patton P9803
And finding a rhyme such as fragfest,
I'm reminded of Gulliver
Who settled in Dulliver,
A suburb outside Brobdingnag West.
--- Anon
Let's look for the place that is best
We would be blessed
With old Budapest
But I'd rather be warm in Key West!
--- Anon
When putting it all in you Jill, ver
-Balized she was sweet,
When taking his meat
And he'd never yet gotten his fill 'ver.
--- Paul Dukas
Them a nice little stew at 6:06,
But the wind blew a gale
And they rushed to the rail,
For six Sikhs were seasick at 6:06.
--- P8209
Confused nouns in a fashion bizarre.
To her a soup tureen
Became a "soup latrine."
Seminar she pronounced, "samovar."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011
That was sleek with a slick sheet of sleet;
His feet did a flip
On a freshly swept strip,
And he slid down the street on his seat.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who refused, his opinions to vindicate.
He stoutly denied
That his statements implied
What they seem on the surface to indicate.
--- Peter Mathieson
Prudent Mary asked Terry to tarry.
To vary from Norm
Would be very bad form!
And, Marry! Too merry for Mary.
--- Laurence Perrine P8405
Scarcely sixty-six thistles per shift,
For the stickly stiff bristles
That stick from thick thistles,
Set the unsifted thistles adrift.
--- Lims Unlimited
But at tying knots he was all right.
For when he wore a shoe,
You knew it was true,
That the tight writer tied it right tight.
--- Keith Gilman P0109 P0107
"Now it's March?...Let the Ides be bewared!"
Or "the Ides be beworn!"
You can see that I'm torn...
Oh excuse me... should I have said teared?
--- Prof M-G TP9802
I'm sick of thick chicks in slick slacks;
For kicks, I stack sticks,
Pick flax, or pack bricks,
Sack tacks, or axe ticks, or track yaks.
--- Lims Unlimited
But my wife said "That just will not do!"
"You're 9 minutes off!"
She said with a scoff,
So I turned it to two to two, too.
--- Anon
The states metal ranks to assign,
Said: "If you're looking for silver
You may seek though you will, Ver-
monts at the end of the line."
--- Dennis Jespersen
"Confucius well knows I deserve a
Gold award from my folks,
For the cruelest ofjokes:
They named me to rhyme with my verva.
--- Armand Singer
Was expelled from the dairy one day,
For her milk product sales,
With her thumb on the scales,
Which they said was no way to weigh whey.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9504
Who tickled King George with a switch.
The bailiff said, "Dear,
I'd cut off your ear,
If I knew which witch used the switch."
--- Vertech Limerick Contest
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold,
They quarreled, I'm told,
Over that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.
--- Anon
Adores the tunes of Tchaikovsky;
"When I'm feeling glum,
Swan Lake makes me come,
Especially when played by Stokowski!"
--- Ward Hardman
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