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"Princess," said the Frog, "do not wince. Maybe there is a reason he's pissed; One morning, a handsome young frog, And now, her own doubts to convince, And now she has washday-red hands; Now she knows that she's been a fool; There was an old bullfrog from Prague Young Natalie went for a jog, 'Twas sunup and still fairly dark, She dropped the beast, wholly dejected; A flash, and to no-one's surprise, So though our Nat's filled with alarm, They live as a couple, adult; Now if the above tale you should vex, So Nat has bred no tadpole litter, That gal bore a pup, full of hairs. Said Mama Bear, "Hold on, now, boys; Said Baby Bear, "Don't spoil the fun! As Goldilocks hid 'neath the stair, "Ah, Goldilocks," said Father Bear, I asked Goldilocks about bears: I asked Goldilocks about bears: Goldilocks has lots of guys. Growled Pa Bear, "Someone's been in my bed!" Goldilocks was prowling at night, Said Baby Bear, "Sister's too tight, Said Goldilocks, "I have a hunch, In his gruff voice, Great Papa Bear said: I'm Hickory Dickory Doc; I'm Hickory Dickory Dyke; I'm Hickory Dickory Dick; I'm Hickory Dickory Duck; I'm Hickory Dickory Deke; I'm Hickory Dickory Duke; I'm Hickory Dickory Doke, I'm Hickory Dickory Dack, I'm Hickory Dickory Deck, I think John is courting the stork! Hey, Hickory Dickory Dude! I'm Hickory Dickory Doo I'm Hickory Dickory Ducket; Enough of this Grandfather clockery! Grandfather, you claim to be sick Then Grandpa starts flicking his Bic She's Hickory Dickory Does; Like hickory dickory dock, Hickory Dickery Dock Hickory Dickery Dock, Sing hickory, dickory, deg, Well, hickory, dickory, dock, Hickory, dickory, dock; I'm Hickory Dickory Dunt; Hickory dickory dock; Hickory, Dickory, Dock! I'm Hickory Dickory Daisy; Hickory, dickory, dock, Hickory dickory dock; Hickory Dickory Doc; Humpty Dumpty, it's true, had a fall. There once was a fly on the wall H. Dumpty, 'tis said, sat a wall, An egg (Humpty) straddling a wall, A body there next to the wall Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, The Captain said to his platoon, On the ground poor old Humpty is slumped,
I'll convince you that I am a Prince!"
So he changed -- into tights
And demanded his rights,
And nobody's heard of him since.
--- Gina Berkeley
There is quite a lot he has missed.
Guess that's why he's fond
Of his place in the pond,
Awaiting his turn to be kissed.
--- Jean Fox
Was singing with joy in the bog,
When his song short was cut
By a randy young slut,
Who carried him home at a jog.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She did something she's never done since.
That frog she now kissed;
With a flash and a mist,
In the loo stood an ugly old prince.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She's scrubbing those pots and those pans.
She's sweeping the foor,
And acts like a whore,
As the slave of that evil old man.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Should have left the frog in his pool.
As she washes the dishes,
She fervently wishes
To be a fairy astride a toads tool.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who sat by the road on a log.
"Come and kiss me," he cried
To a princess he spied;
So she did and turned into a frog.
--- Raymond Driver P9705a
While dawn mists swirled up from the bog,
And spied on the road
A fat warty toad,
And picked up and kissed that damn frog.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With no-one to see, in the park
The happening strange...
The amphibian's change
To a hairy two headed aardvark.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The ant-bear it's savior inspected:
"Oh well, honey since
You wanted a prince,
I'd better be as you expected."
--- Tiddy Ogg
A prince stands in front of her eyes.
But happy e'er after?
Oh no, things get dafter:
He's still a half-frog, eating flies.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And fears that she'll come to great harm,
Because he's so callous,
She lives in his palace,
The site of a huge maggot farm.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He shows that he's sure worth his salt,
When he hops in to bed,
And before long, 'tis said,
A huge tadpole swarm's the result.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With describing such cross-species sex,
Relax folks, for I'm
Assured froggie slime
Has hallucinogenic effects.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And when she came round, with taste bitter,
She'd learned, shut your gob,
And don't ever slob-
Ber over no pond-dwelling critter.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They're gone, not forgotten, and there's
A plot in the wood,
Where the cottage once stood,
Marked Goldilocks and her forebears.
--- Anon
It's okay to play with your toys.
But you must be quelling
Her groaning and yelling,
'Fore hunters are drawn by the noise."
--- Anon
I'll want her when Papa is done.
When Papa is through
He'll take care of you,
While I finish what he has begun."
--- Anon
Mother Bear shouted out, "I declare!
Father Bear, please explain
This irregular stain,
And these fair pubic hairs on your chair."
--- Peter Wilkins
"I've been looking for you everywhere.
I want ten pence, my pet,
For the porridge you ate,
And I've got a small bill for a chair..."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Did she like them alone or in pairs?
She said, "When I'm hooking
And nobody's looking,
I offer menage cut-rate fares."
--- Norm Storer P9605
Did she like them alone or in pairs?
She said, "When I forage
For beds and/or porridge,
I'd rather find none in their lairs."
--- Norm Storer P9605
Pinnochio's one, I'm advised.
She sits on the puppet,
And stick his nose up it,
And makes the poor fellow tell lies!
--- Ogden Nield
"And mine," Ma said, "Look at that spread!"
Baby bear, most polite,
Gently put out the light.
"Nighty night, folks," was all that he said.
--- John Miller 0110 a
When three bears came into her sight.
Father Bear's was too small;
While Mom had none at all.
But the 'Little' Bear, his was just right.
--- Phil T
And Mama Bear gives me a fright,
But I found a new game
When Goldilocks came.
She's a keeper and does it just right!"
--- John Miller
Though I satisfy most of this bunch,
If I can't figure how
To turn on this sow,
I'm afraid that she'll have me for lunch."
--- John Miller
"Just what have you got in your bed?
If you can't make her squirm
With your undersized worm,
How 'bout I just eat her, instead?"
--- John Miller
Well I was, but I'm not under lock
And key, for malpractice,
But why? Well the fact is
I poked all the girls with my cock.
--- Cyber Wizard
Though female, it's girlies I like.
With them, I'm fulfilled-o,
With help from a dildo,
So fellow, please all take a hike.
--- Cyber Wizard
The gals like the size of my prick.
Until we try screwing,
At which time they're ruing,
They can't get it in; it's too thick.
--- Cyber Wizard
And when I am down on my luck,
And can't find a drake,
Well then, I will make
It with roosters who're good for a fuck.
--- Cyber Wizard
I stopped in the woods for a leak.
And while thus engaged,
An eagle, enraged,
Swooped and took off my dick with his beak.
--- Cyber Wizard
This is file kmm
That I have lots of sex is no fluke.
The girls that I ate
Just simply can't wait,
And submit with no sign of rebuke.
--- Cyber Wizard
And it's virgins that I like to poke.
But I've stopped in the main,
Because of the pain;
The last time my pecker got broke.
--- Cyber Wizard
And I like them both yellow and black,
And all shades of tan,
And get all I can,
Through seduction or frontal attack.
--- Cyber Wizard
This may be the last one, by heck.
'Cause this load of manure
Has lost its allure,
And I'm tired of writing such dreck.
--- Cyber Wizard
Seem all the gals he want to pork.
Sex is his claim to fame,
Or else my own name
Isn't Hickory Dickory Dork.
--- Cyber Wizard
You're wonderfully lusty and lewd.
Please do it once more;
Do it more 'til you're sore
From being remarkably crude!
--- Marlene Lewis
And I am one hundred and two.
Just 'cause I'm an old 'un
Don't mean what I'm holdin'
Can't still be erected anew.
--- Anon
I married a gal from Nantucket.
I killed her and gave her
To old Dave the raver;
He took her corpse home for to fuck it.
--- Anon z
No Hickory-Dickery-Dockery!
You games-playing mice
Had better think twice
Or prepare for some dodging of crockery!
--- John Mayhood P0211
Of our clock-running hickory shtick.
It is quite the reverse --
You should order your hearse,
If you do not stop mocking our trick!
--- John Mayhood P0211
And waving his hickory stick.
"I'm much stronger than you!
I could tear you in two!"
The wee mouse said, "Aw, I been sick!"
--- John Mayhood P0211
On first dates she flashes her fuzz.
But it's loose and green,
Say guys who have seen,
"It looked not much like what it was."
--- Anon
Her fingers had run up my cock,
But on stroke number one
I fired off my gun,
And never got into her frock.
--- Anon
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one
And down he run,
Dragging sore balls and cock.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A mouse ran away with a clock.
But his dong was a gong
Nearly twelve inches long;
When he used it, she went into shock!
--- John Miller 0048
The mouse clawed its way up his leg;
The mystery's solved,
No clock was involved --
It nibbled the end of his peg.
--- Armand E Singer P0102
It seems I've a hole in my sock.
But in my own defense,
If it makes any sense,
I will not be touching your cock.
--- Anon
The mouse ran up the clock.
She got knocked up
And then had a pup,
Without any help from a cock.
--- John Miller
It's often been said I'm too blunt;
When shagging a lass
With a loose piece of ass,
I scream, "Room for six down in front!"
--- Anon
So sounds the old town clock.
It peals on the hour
From its old limestone tower,
And it doesn't tick, nor does it tock.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Here's the latest report on the clock,
Where those meddlesome mice
Made it tick, tick, tick, thrice
Every time when it needed to tock!
--- J Maynard Kaplan
I drive all the teen-age boys crazy.
I often seduce 'em
So that I can use 'em,
To chew my pubes short 'cause I'm lazy.
--- Anon
A mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one
And down he run,
Hickory, dickory, dock.
--- Lims Unlimited
A mouse fell into the wok.
The menu read,
"Stir-fried, grain-fed"
Hickory dickory dock.
--- Timothy Torkildson
A bitch was sucking my cock.
The clock struck two;
I shot my goo,
And wiped my dick on her frock.
--- Anon
The crack, I am told, was quite small.
His dress was not fancy
Or extravagancy.
He was not baroque, not at all.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That brave Humpty Dumpty saw fall.
Down to save her, he leapt...
But that leap was inept,
Now he won't reassemble at all!
--- M Mestert
Then Humpty, it's sad, had a fall.
Reassembly won't work,
So King's horses, men, clerk,
Had fried eggs in the morning for all.
--- Liam
Deciding the right side to fall.
"It depends how I sit --
Turning round -- opposite --
Is there really a right side at all?"
--- Monique de Plume
Lay broken, quite dead from the fall;
Inspector Astute
Cried out for pursuit,
"Each clue should be clear to us all."
--- Anon
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses
And all the King's men,
Used eggyolk for sexlube to bugger their friends.
--- Anon
"Humpty Dumpty will fall about noon.
So there's no need to sigh
That food prices are high,
For eggs will be coming down soon."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
By Alice summarily dumped.
Since his fall from the wall,
He's missing one ball
And his woody's been drastically stumped.
--- Anon
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