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While king's horsemen, all in a bunch, Humpty Dumpty, up there on his wall, We've all heard of Little Jack Horner If I knew his ma, I would warn her, Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Now Little Jack Horner, not dumb, There's a problem for Mrs Jack Horner; We were tickled as hell to hear Gertie, Alone in a corner, quite shy, Jack Horner, they say probed a pie, Alone in a corner, quite shy, Little Jack Horner sat in a corner There was a young boy, Jack Horner, There once was a painter named Warner, To cure his bad manners, Ms. Horner The Horner's son Jack was a nut, Little Jack Horner's a prick. (I think he meant Little Jack Horner - McW)
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner Old Mary Contrary caught Jack So Jack got to goin' on Mary, Then Jill happened into the tale; Said Mary: "Come join in the fun, Quite soon in came old Georgie Porgie, Then Little Miss Muffet arrived, Till Jack's mother, Goose, woke from slumber, One day he took his right thumb, A little guy named Jack Horner, Said Gretel, the nursery rhyme star As Horner tongued Mary's wet slash If Jack were more nimble and quick, Have a glance at that sly Jackie Horner, Little Jack Horner sat in the corner, But what of poor little Jack Horner, There was a young dolly named Warner Little Jack Horny sat reading his porny, Jack's mother said, "You can grow peas, Like higglety pigglety then, The giant cried, "Fee Fie Foe Fum!" I froliced with sweet Jack be Nimble, Jack Spratt was allergic to fat; There once was a man in whose dream, The wife of Jack Sprat hated lean, Jack Sprat hated fat -- what a fuss! The Sprats once again said, "Aw, Shucks!" Jack Spratt is intensely perverted. Mrs Sprat being fat and downhearted, Jack and Jill went up the hill How Jack's and Jill's mother did rail Young Jack and sweet Jill made the climb Up the hill Jack huffed and he puffed, In Boston lived Jack, as did Jill, While noting "Oh, this is just grand," Jill said, "Jack, I suspected you'd fail." Jack and Jill up the hill went a-walking; When all of the digging was done, Up the hill did Jack and Jill HIE. There once was a young girl called Jill, Young Jack said to Jill on the hill. The truth of the story is, Jack They climbed to the top of the hill, And Jill felt the same 'bout that number, The fact of the matter is, Jack Jack and Jill went up the hill They say Jack and his best girlfriend Jill, Young Jack and his ladyfriend Jill A story about Jack and Jill Young Jack and his ladyfriend Jill
Looked on, Humpty fell with a crunch.
On the pavement, he died,
In the sun's heat, he fried
And the troopers had omelette for lunch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Didn't fit in a limerick at all.
But once he had ambled
Off and got scrambled,
The task seemed less apt to appall.
--- John Miller
And his feats with his thumb in the corner.
If I was his mom,
He'd of heard of wherefrom,
And become a small corner mourner.
--- Azul
Don't put your wee boy in a corner!
So you caught him abusing,
Left hand he was using.
Could this be why they call him Big Horner?
--- Jayne
Trying to evaluate pi.
He disclaimed rule of thumb,
Found an infinite sum,
And exclaimed "It's REAL, nary an i."
--- Anon
In the corner he pulled out his plum.
His father said, "Jack,
This scene takes me back
To when in my corner, I'd come."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
An interested person should warn her.
If Jack gets tumescent,
He'll give her a present
He got from the whore on the corner.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
That frigid bitch, got it so dirty.
For Little Jack Horner
Got her trapped in a corner,
And fucked her from ten to five-thirty!
--- G0599
The Horner kid started to cry,
For his name wasn't Jack,
And he quite lacked the knack
For thumbing a plum from a pie.
--- Norm Storer P9605
With his thumb, for a plum, But "Oh My!
How the years will produce
A much better-placed use,
For his thumb," the young maidens all cry.
--- Isaac Asimov
The Horner kid started to cry.
He'd fondled his plum,
And he started to come,
But then caught his thumb in his fly.
--- Norm Storer P9605
Extracting cube roots of infinity;
An assignment for boys.
This will minimize noise
And produce a more peaceful vicinity.
--- Anon
Who played with his plums in the corner.
Said his father, "That's bad.
When I was a lad,
I preferred a massage at the sauna."
--- Fiona Pitt-Kethley
Who painted himelf in a corner.
His mood, pederastic,
His appetite, drastic,
For pie, plum and Little Jack Horner.
--- Ed Potts P8503
Told her son to go sit in the corner.
But as he passed by,
He snitched a plum pie,
Which he ate with his thumbs just to scorn her.
--- Laurence Perrine P8701
He cornered himself in their hut.
They offered him pie,
To which he said "Why?
I've got my damn thumb up my butt!"
--- Travis Brasell
Believe me, the guy makes me sick.
He never reached in a pie;
He reached in his FLY
And pulled out the world's smallest dick.
--- Pretty Grimm
Happily pounding away.
Along came Miss Muffet,
Who decided to buff it,
Which blew all the cobwebs away.
--- Steve Garlaounis
Horner with thumb up his crack.
He pulled out his thumb,
And said wanna plumb?
And Mary laid down on her back.
--- Jon Gearhart
And he did not dawdle or tarry;
Got right to the humpin'
And I'll tell you sumpin':
His pumpin' sure wet Mary's hairy.
--- Jon Gearhart
She came upon them with her pail.
Said Jill: "Let's go fill
This here pail on the hill."
Said Jack: "Nah, your pail's gettin' stale"
--- Jon Gearhart
For our orgy's only begun."
So Jill shed her knickers,
And Mary did lick hers,
While Jack kept on firin' his gun.
--- Jon Gearhart
To join in this fast growing orgie.
Then Little Boy Blue
Came and joined in, too,
And stuck his tongue in each gals' gorgie
--- Jon Gearhart
And on her Boy Blue quickly dived.
Then Little Bo Peep
Came in with her sheep,
And their orgy thrived and it thrived.
--- Jon Gearhart
And came downstairs to this great number.
She screamed: "Get out now,
Before I show how
I beat little brats with hard lumber!"
--- Jon Gearhart
And jammed it way up in his bum.
When he pulled it out,
His mother did shout,
"Don't eat that, Jack, that ain't a plum!"
--- Gearhart
Sits around all day in a corner.
When mum caught him wanking,
She'd not give him a spanking;
She figured he'd like it, the porner.
--- Gearhart
"On the first date, I never go far."
So little Jack Horner
Drove around the first corner,
And screwed her right there in the car.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
She thought, 'Hey, he owes me some cash'.
So she cornered Horner,
Now Jack's just a mourner,
As she hacked his plums in a flash.
--- Anon
He'd not have lost half of his dick.
If he had just paid her,
He'd still have it later,
But it was hacked off by that chick!
--- Anon
Playing fierce pocket pool in the corner.
With finger and thumb
He pulls out his plum,
Boasting "Good for a spot on Time-Warner."
--- Armand E Singer P0102
Eating a nice hair pie.
He stuck in his thumb.
She said, "Are you dumb?
Let me know if you're ready to try!"
--- Richard Long
Who sits all alone in the corner,
With jealousy wracked
Of the others who've jacked,
Growing hourly more sad and forlorner.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file klm
Who was trapped by a guy in a corner.
She looked mighty glum
When he stuck in his thumb
And asked, "Can it be you're Jack Horner?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 728
Beating his meat with a sigh.
He gave a sharp cough
Which yanked his wang off;
He thought what a swell way to die.
--- Jhymn
But we'll have no more beanstalks here, please.
When that giant fell flat,
His nose hit our cat,
And he broke several tiles with his knees.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
She consorted with gentlemen ten.
They all nulled her void
While I only toyed
With jackin' my beanstalk again.
--- Anon
And Jack replied, "Me not so dumb.
When next he goes, 'Fee Fie!'
Then down the beanstalk go I.
Instead of a Free-Fry, Fro From."
--- Irving Superior P8701
Whose cock was the size of a thimble.
But I was sure glad
To find out that he had,
A long tongue to make a girl tremble.
--- Jeanie
There are many around just like that.
Because of this state,
He had a clean plate,
Which was eaten by his wife, Pat.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He gobbled up mountains of cream,
Then dreamt he died fat;
Though his name was Jack Sprat,
And the skinny half of the team.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
But her spouse was a skinny machine.
So he called Tommy Tucker
To come over and fuck her,
While Jack gave her tonsils a sheen.
--- Hugh Clary
Now that seems quite silly to us.
When asked why this was,
He replied, "It's because
Of my wife -- she's the size of a bus."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
When the wife, who was fat, favored fucks,
While Jack, who was thin,
And too short to get in
To her blueberry box, favored sucks.
--- Hugh Clary
He hung from his heels and converted
From Jew to Islam,
While praying, "I am
Now ready for virgins, inverted."
--- John Miller Q
She had suddenly up and departed;
For her mate, as a rule,
Took his miniscule tool,
And was finished before she had started.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack got down.
It's all over town,
How he screwed Jill and he taught her.
--- Richard Long
After she'd observed their downhill sail.
And when they had landed,
Clearly empty-handed,
They had come to rest beyond the pail.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
As in that old nursery rhyme.
On the hill Jack then caught 'er
As Jill bent for the water;
What broke was her hymen this time.
--- Bob Birch P0208
But then he was rudely rebuffed.
He discovered that Jill
Was really a pill.
Put mildly, he was more than CHUFFED.
--- Norm Brust
Who gained mgh on a hill.
In their liquid pursuit,
Jill exclaimed with a hoot,
"I think we just climbed a landfill!"
--- David Morin
Jack tripped on some trash in the sand.
He changed his potential
To kinetic, torrential,
But not before grabbing Jill's hand.
--- David Morin
Jack replied, "Jill, I beg you, don't rail.
I've had my fill
Of that dangerous hill,
And my broken crown's beyond the pale."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0101
On the way they did plenty of talking.
They went to get water,
Not things they'd not oughter;
Besides Jack didn't want Jill a-squawking.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With Gardener Jack, Jill had much fun.
His own fertilizer
He sprayed up insider her
And now she's expecting a son.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I don't think I need tell you why.
But they never reached bliss
Because Jack stopped to piss,
And his pecker got caught in his fly.
--- Norm Brust
Who said to her Jack, "You're quite ill.
It's quite absurd;
Whoever has heard
Of a well on top of a hill."
--- Anon
"There's a hole in my bucket." Said Jill,
"Yes, I drilled it for you
'Cause I'm sick of your goo;
Use the pail if you're desperate to spill."
--- Anon
Told Jill he was great in the sack.
So she went up the hill,
In hopes of a thrill,
But he shot, the first smack in her crack.
--- Hugh Clary
Where young Jack lay on top of young Jill.
After humping a bit,
He just had to admit,
Fucking buckets was more of a thrill.
--- Anon
In the midst of it, dropped off to slumber.
When all's said and done,
She found it more fun,
When using a juicy cucumber.
--- Anon
Had long wanted Jill on her back.
So he told her some tale
About filling a pail,
And then bungled this plan of attack.
--- John Stanley
To smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high,
Unzipped his fly,
But Jill said: "I don't wanna."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
One nice day went climbing a hill.
If water they were after,
Then why all the laughter,
And how come Jill took her pill?
--- Isaac Asimov
Took a bucket and went up the hill.
She said, "Stop that laughter,
I know what you're after --
And you know just what you must fill."
--- Norm Storer P9605
After they fell down the hill.
Jack was dead,
His eulogy read,
And Jill was stuck with the bill.
--- Jaymo Jamison T9711
Took a bucket and went up of the hill.
He said, "I have brought her
To carry the water,
So I won't be blamed should it spill."
--- Norm Storer P9605
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