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Charles Dodgson was never indicted But Dodgson could write better rhyme There once was a woman who got We all love the late Dr. Seuss, There once was a man, Elmer Fudd, ETAOIN SHRDLU won fame; ETAOIN one time had type-- The gentry of old brobdingnag, One thing Gulliver learns from what he sees (fantod - irritability)
Hans Anderson went on a spree Ma Goosed me right here in my fiddle; Hey diddle diddle, my mouse did a piddle, I'm the dish run away with your spoon, There once was a little mermaid Paul Bunyan, of leaning romantic, Peter Pan was mistaken to peek Bragged brash Peter Pan, "I'm not old, Twleve o'clock came, and then two, On Tinker Bell mostly he'd dote, In Neverland there is a place Pan's peter was placed 'neath her spell. While chased by a croc who went "tick", "Peter!", cried Mopsy, "You scut! Rip van Winkle arose from his sleep While receiving a young hen's fine blow, There once was a G. I. named Jack, The parents of Smokey the Bear, Young Thomas, the Tank Engine said The Ugly Duckling colored black, Goodbye Mr. Schultz and fare well, Your gift was so much like haiku. It's sad that it all had to end. "Cartoons are my life," he did say, I read, (with a tear in my eye), We all know Charlie Brown; "Do you like yours tender and juicy?" There he was, at the typewriter sittin'; There once was a clumsy young lad The true flying ace was named Snoopy. We see flashes of snow falling down, The reindeer, where had they gone? The dog was a beagle, with light; His goggles were fit for an ace; Through silent and dark storm, his path; Now, Santa had plenty of guns, You're a blockhead, you are, Charlie Brown! Have you ever heard Aqua-Man There once was a man named Bruce Wayne, To Batman and Robin, "You're toast!", A buxom young lady named Dunder There was a young lad in Gotham City, There was a quite drunk and a fat man Billy Batson jumped, then yelled "SHAZAM!" To his office, he'd quietly slithered, (Mr Dithers is Dagwood's boss in comic strip)
I hear Dagwood has called Blondie dense; There once was a kiddie named Dennis, Much faster than Jack the quick Ripper; Flash Gordon, when looking for fun, Horton was looking on too Well what do you know about that! At the naturists's beach, Orphan Annie Orphan Annie, with blank eyes and scarf, PC has begun a new thrust: Slue Foot Sue was smart, coy and sassy; I found a rag doll, thought I'd chuck her, So, your smurf mate is tiny and blue; If Marvel and DC succeed (they claim to own the word "Superhero")
For molesting the maids he invited
To his Guildford chateau.
And the reason, you know,
Is that no one could catch them united.
--- Hugh Clary
(And did so, a lot of the time.)
Than poor me or you
(And Sir Kipling too)
And never resorted to slime.
--- John Miller
Some help from a writer named Scott.
It was a good fit;
Their strip was a hit,
And they work in the nude when it's hot.
--- Nigeyboy
Much more so than old Mother Goose;
Though I'll bet you don't know
(It's a shame but it's so)
He went in for vile self abuse.
--- Armand Singer P0104
That chased bunny rabbits through mud.
The higher he chased
The less pressure he faced,
And less air made him dizzy, then THUD!
--- Fred Williams
Every newspaper printed his name.
But computers one day
Took his glory away.
Why couldn't he stay in the game?
--- Albin Chaplin P9406
He came in with a bang, time was ripe.
Though he worked with the brass
He is out on his ass.
On the scrap heap, you'll now find his type.
--- Albin Chaplin P9406
Bet on who had the most cause to brag.
When the champion athlete
Won by two or three feet,
Said the spectators, "Man, what a drag!"
--- Pierce Evans
Of the Houyhnhnms, that virtuous species,
Is this sovereign prescription
For fantods and conniption:
His urine mixed with his own feces.
--- A N Wilkins P9107
And came home at a quarter past three.
He wife, all irate,
Screamed, "Why are you late?
And fairy tales won't do for me!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
'Tween thighs, it is right in the middle.
I'll give you a show
May I borrow your bow?
'Cause my cat wants to hey diddle diddle.
--- Anon
My rat got a doughnut stuck 'round its middle;
My hamster got measles,
And so did my weasels,
But my rabbit sat happily playing his fiddle.
--- Jayne
And you're playing a right brilliant tune
Your jig has appeal
Now I'm starting to reel;
Even Bessie'd jump over YOUR moon.
--- Anon
Who wanted legs just to get laid.
But she was quite perplexed
When after they sexed,
Her prince got his coin purse and paid.
--- Phil T
Yearned for a Babe so gigantic,
That in the spring
He might rise up and sing,
"I found her -- and she's elephantic!"
--- McCallum
At Miss Tinkerbell's naked mystique,
For her nipple-less tits
Have no chance to be hits,
And her ass is too small to be chic.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8303
Since I dwell within Never-Land's hold;
'Twould really be stu-
pid to come live with you;
I'd soon crumble to cobwebs and mold.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8509
The buffoon worried 'bout Cindy's kazoo.
Finally, Cindy came home
With a contented moan,
"Peter Peter knew what to do."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While Wendy, he'd keep her remote.
He'd Captain Hook chase.
And clinching the case,
His "fairies, if you believe...." quote.
--- Irving Superior P9111
Where Peter gives thanks during grace,
For Tink's pixie dust,
That sweetens the must
He tastes when she sits on his face.
--- Randog
The pixie dust caused it to swell.
It grew like a clapper;
He freed it from its wrapper,
And the boy, now a man, tinked her bell.
--- Vie
Hook fancied young Wendy, a chick
Who'd give him (a codger)
A jolly good roger,
Until the beast bit off his prick.
--- Randog
Fresh soaked with sex from your rut!
It's that long haired Angora,
That doe from Gomorrah!
She stole you, that estrussy slut!"
--- Tutta Gioia
To find that some people called CREEP
Had decided to crawl
'Neath a privacy wall,
And, thus, they began their deceit.
--- Anon
The rooster Leghorn gave a crow,
As a tiny young hawk
Was pulling his sock,
"I say boy, whose a'hold of my toe!"
--- Anon
Who spent lots of time in the sack.
His morale was so bad,
That he was constantly sad.
That's how he became "The Sad Sack."
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
"Of Goldilocks, Smokey, beware.
Your porridge she'll eat;
She'll sit on your seat;
And mostly, she sleeps everywhere."
--- Irving Superior P8808
To dear Annie last night in the shed,
"If you don't let me stroke
Your sweet buffers or stoke
You, I'll shunt that old boiler instead."
--- Anon
They tried to drown him in a sack.
But he escaped from harm
To Old MacDonald's Farm,
Where here and there he'll "Quack Quack Quack!"
--- Irving Superior P8701
Your pen filled with ink wove a spell.
Over all that could see
Ourselves, you and me,
In the four paneled stories you'd tell.
--- Anon
Surprising how much you could do
With a few short ink strokes,
Turning trials into jokes,
Pointing out the truths which we knew.
--- Anon
I wonder how will we contend
With that empty space.
No one will replace
Those laughs on which we'd depend.
--- Anon
It's so sad that he died yesterday.
Along with the gang,
My heart feels a pang;
I'll miss them all every Sunday.
--- Anon
This is file kjm
The Peanuts cartoon is to die.
The Red Baron's grounded,
Lucy is dumbfounded,
Goodbye Charlie Brown, goodbye.......
--- Anon
He always seems to be down.
His penis was droopy
Until he saw Snoopy's.
Now you will never see him frown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Charlie Brown asked his friend Lucy,
Then he tore off her clothes,
But Snoopy's cold nose
Made Charlie Brown's willie go droopy!
--- Writerman
It was Snoopy with what he'd typewritten...
"Good Grief," he exclaimed,
"Those words are the famed
Novel opening words of Ed Lytton."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Whose baseball playing was bad!
He said, "Oh good grief --
The game was so brief,
I dropped every ball that I had."
--- Anon
(No matter that his scarf was droopy)
The world said "Hell!
What's that awful smell?"
His enemies pants were all poopy.
--- Marlene Lewis
On Dowling, of Caroline-town.
For through the white snow
She saw from below,
The great Santa drawn by a hound.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Had something peculiar gone wrong.
The price of feed up?
Or simply bad luck?
Or bought short while buying was long?
--- Anon
The flashlight was held with jaws tight.
A silk scarf he wore,
His guidance a chore,
But thank goodness, the light was sure bright!
--- Anon
He flew way up there in first place.
A sole supporter,
He looked for stray mortar,
But thank goodness, there wasn't a trace.
--- Anon
A night that was cold, full of wrath.
The forces of evil
Resisted that beagle;
He pushed them aside with a laugh.
--- Anon
A sandwich of ham between buns.
He watched for the word
Of that wicked red bird,
The Red Baron! Shoot him for once.
--- Matthew Montchalin
You're the stupidest kid in our town.
When holding the ball,
You repeatedly fall
For the trick, and you flip upside down.
--- Rory Ewins
Could fit in his ass his whole hand,
Right up to the wrist,
Then give it a twist;
Rumor is that he likes it with sand!
--- Coolbreeze
Who had a great deal of fame.
When the Bat Signal called,
In his costume he dolled,
To fight the cruel and insane.
--- Planet Kilmer
Said the Jester, "That's no idle boast!"
But (you guessed it) the caped
Crusaders escaped,
How much did you say the film grossed?
--- Anon
Said Batman had plenty of thunder,
But her young sister said
As she left the Bat bed,
He was not near as sharp as Boy Wonder.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0122
Whose parents were kill (what a pity).
But while dressed as a bat,
He dropped me in a vat.
And I think that that's pretty shitty.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Met a nun on a walk in Manhattan;
He pushed her right down
And then danced around;
"I thought that you were tougher, Batman!"
--- D'Arcy
On the boulders below he did slam;
Soup-man's lawyers had struck,
Now poor Bill's out of luck;
All that's left now's a blob of red jam!
--- Anon
When the boss raised an arm and come-hithered.
"So why are you late?"
Said the bigwig, irate.
"Well, I really can't say," Dagwood dithered.
--- Hugh Clary
Her inanity quite beyond immense.
When she urged with exactness
That the two of them practice
Safe eating and use condiments.
--- Hugh Clary
That most people nicknamed "the Menace."
Gave Margaret a shove
When the girl called him "love";
Plus, a girl then beat him at tennis.
--- Anon
Than Sally, the Randy fan flipper;
La creme de la creme;
Le Flasher supreme;
Flash Gordon, the great comic stripper.
--- Irving Superior P8806
Poked Dale with his little space gun.
Murmured she, "I'm not shy,
But quick, button your fly--
In comics that just isn't done!"
--- G2596
And saw the cat covered on goo
"All is not sunk,
I'll stick in my trunk"
And was shocked when he pulled out a "Who!"
--- Anon
I musta thought, "Krazy Kat"
Who loves mouse Ignatz
And never wears hats,
But always get smacked with brick bat.
--- Arden TP9806
Feels a need to secrete that's uncanny;
So a dirty old man
With an all-over tan
Gets a look at her nooky and cranny.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8312
Is prone to make some people barf.
But Anny is handy
When playing with Sandy
And Sandy says thanks with his, "Arf!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8208
"Superlative names are unjust!"
Now Differentially Enabled
Man, miffed and mislabeled,
Has hung up his cape in disgust.
--- Virge
Pecos Bill was struck dumb, eyes glassy.
Widow-maker not.
Sue's plan he did spot.
But Pecos just saw that great chassis.
--- Anon
But I looked at her mouth, all a-pucker.
Into her mouth sewn,
I pulled out a stone.
Raggedy Ann -- just a cotton rock sucker.
--- Ericka
Most likely 'cause the surf is too cool.
Maybe Papa needs heat...
You'll get a better treat;
Try a hot tub to enhance his tool.
--- Anon
In owning the words we all read,
They should be embarking
Quite soon on trademarking
Their hero, know only as "Greed."
--- Virge
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