At twelve, we went 'round in a gang, Scoutmaster Stout deftly scouted 'Twixt Brownies and Boy Scouts I'd rather Small children can count up to ten My little one, she's one great big grin. Her grin is a thing of great beauty. The small ones all know how to con, A good friend once told me, "'Tis the duty A horror of pink cotton candy, My mother believes me exchanged His grip on real life was quite loose; The 'Cat in the Hat' was his favorite; A Victorian father named Udgeon, (dudgeon - ill humor, resentment)
The NRA says he can bear (NRA - National Rifle Assoc claims the right to bear arms)
The boys of today at age ten Patiently I waited for weeks "Bubbee!," she cried with a grin, Three days we frolicked and romped; The toys are all neatly stacked. I love when they come for visit. A Girl Scout came to John's door; While older Girl Scouts can be fun, As being prepared was his motto, Something I think will amuse, My daughter was five -- yesterday? So now I tell you and your man, But if you have loved her just right, Why thank you, your lim's really nice, In a fit of unusual dolor, You punched little sister once more? A horrible brat from Belgravia, My neighbor asked me to baby sit; I went to the bathroom alone.
This is file kjl
He said that he wanted to eat He thought that he would have some fun; The police came and arrested me; I'm Tommy, and I can sure pucker Has anyone seen my Lolita? Well, the kids really get in my hair, The newborn thought it ain't fair, Now, young hoods are considered 'way cool' My five year old's just started school; A comely and gentle young lass There once was a dad from St Paul He looked and he saw and behold! A ten-year-old charmer named Dee Modern girls, the elevens and twelves, The reason I called up today, My kids like to build with their blocks; Six year old Jimmy O'Doole "It is time," Dad told pre-schooler, Dan, Our little neighbor next door, To bring up a child with good rules, Earth Mother Molly McGee When Jenny was but age seven, "How many boats do you see In the old days, the children were mild, An immature lad of Quebec, A mother who had a bad kid "Our tortoise is gone. Did you know?" Little kids still in grade school are faced Liquoring kids works just dandy; There once was a toddler named Dash The gift shirt for the boy was in blue, There was a young lady from Ottawa, A well-known Ballina hatter, There once were some breeders from Maine
Causing havoc by swearing and bang-
ing on doors and made faces
At girls with their braces.
Their bra-straps we gave them a twang.
--- Peter Wilkins
The bums of his Scouts, but he shouted
Out loud, "There's a cunt
On this one, up front!"
And so the young Brownie was outed.
--- John Miller
Have Brownies; from what I can gather.
If I could just fit in
There's probably less shit in
The place I'd be leaving my lather.
--- John Miller
On their fingers and thumbs, only when
I am counting on mine,
I can reach twenty-nine
Before starting over again.
--- Funfax Limericks
I know giving in is a sin.
But she's so darn cute,
I'm irresolute.
Can I say that without chagrin?
--- Bonnie
As "Auntie", I see it's my duty
To spoil the grinner,
And usually her dinner,
With cookies and candy-type booty.
--- Marlene Lewis
And big grins they often will don.
They're laughing at us
And that's a big plus
For them, or the goodies are gone.
--- Archie
Of a grandparent to give in to the cutie.
The trick is to wait
Till it's getting late,
So the parents come for "Bouncing Beauty!"
--- Hilde na Beag
Slipped down the throat of young Mandy.
She waved and she sputtered;
Her parents they fluttered,
But her brother he thought it was dandy.
--- George Cook
At the hospital rather than changed.
She said that the others,
My sisters and brothers,
Were never so nearly deranged.
--- Larry Dahl
The small child often thought "What's the use?"
Yet he brightened his days
With the comical ways
Of a doctor named Theodore Seuss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He would read every word and just savor it.
Once a girl came to look,
She soon asked for his book
And so what did he do? Yes, he gave her it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose offspring provoked him to dudgeon,
Used on Saturday nights,
To turn down the lights,
And chase them around with a bludgeon.
--- Edward Gorey
Any weapon he chooses, so there!
If this eight-year old brute
Meets the wrong gang, he'll shoot --
For he knows he's too young for the chair.
--- Norm Storer P9601
Have sex over and over again.
A very high ratio
Have had fellatio
And they take their licking like men.
--- Thomas Patton P9601
Just to hear my Emily speak;
The sight of her smile
Made it all worthwhile;
When she hugged me my knees went all weak.
--- Anon
As I hurried to quick let her in,
And reached for the other,
Her sweet little brother,
Who kisses with drool on his chin.
--- Anon
My house shook with every stomp!
She cried when she left;
I too, nearly wept
With relief, I confessed to her Mom.
--- Anon
The trashcan is no longer packed.
With smelly old diapers
And worse looking wipers,
And fragrance my house doesn't lack.
--- Anon
Though there's never a chance just to sit.
When two babies cry,
You can try and try,
But two year olds like to throw fits!
--- Anon
She was out to sell cookies galore.
He said, "None for me,
But I'll buy happily
A Brownie, or two, or a score."
--- Joe Long
The price of their cookies can stun;
While Brownies are nice,
I find at the price,
Their cookies are too underdone.
--- John Miller
A virgin the scout laid in his auto.
A condom was used
And no fluid oozed,
Except from her busted tomato.
--- Vie
Give children free access to booze.
they'll be too pissed to play,
Or to get in your way,
And crawl off to have a quick snooze
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Now she's three and twenty? -- no way!
But the years have flown,
And how she is grown,
And now is a mum since this May!
--- Archie
Enjoy her at five, while you can.
She'll not be there long,
She'll grow big and strong
And leave you for some hairy man.
--- Archie
It won't come as much of a fright.
For a choice you once made --
Like you, she'll make the grade,
And in white, she'll make a great sight!
--- Archie
She's truly my sugar and spice.
The tooth fairy thief
Stole all her front teeth,
But a nice shiny coin will suffice.
--- Jayne
Young Percival leapt from his stroller.
He ran off unheeded;
His nursemaid proceeded
To giggle and none could console her.
--- Paul Hoffman
How MANY more times, Theodore,
Must I tell you
Not to hit Sue?"
Teddy, wide-eyed, ventured...Four?
--- Tutta Gioia
Drove his parents to thoughts of the Savior.
"By Jesus," they swore,
"We can't stand any more
Of this son of a bitch's behavior."
--- John Ciardi
This kid could give Mother Teresa a fit.
The little brat
Microwaved the cat;
And twice filled his diaper with shit.
--- Puff Adder
When I came back, he'd my cellular phone.
As I took it away
Saying, "That's not for play",
I found he had dialed porn in Rome.
--- Puff Adder
And he liked potatoes and meat.
He wanted cake
And a big milk shake,
Then he barfed all over my feet.
--- Puff Adder
He found and fired his fathers gun.
The report was so loud
That it drew a crowd,
The neighbors called 911.
--- Puff Adder
I was glad to be in custody.
If it's all the same,
I'll take all the blame;
He should not be my enemy.
--- Puff Adder
When promised a big all-day sucker;
You see, though I'm four,
I know how to score
With the woman I call Mother Tucker.
--- Norm Storer P9602
There's no one I've met who is sweeter.
I fear she has left
Me alone and bereft
Of a hot clenching cleft for my peter.
--- Peter Wilkins
But I cannot afford an Au Pair
To rattle their brains,
Till they stop being pains
And protect me from getting the chair.
--- John Miller 0161
To be held upside down in the air.
"What have I done
To get slapped on the bum
And exposed to the chill of the air.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
If they rumble or burn down the school.
But when I was a lad,
I was 'evil' or 'bad'
If I farted or played with my tool.
--- William N Nesbit P9601
She thinks she's incredibly cool.
She knows all the ploys
Of the naughty young boys.
I tell you, my daughter's no fool.
--- H Welchel
Thought kids were a pain in the ass.
"They just scream and holler;
They're truly a bother
So I hope you don't mind if I pass."
--- Anon
Who didn't like children at all.
He wondered how he
Had turned up with three,
When he really'd not want them at all.
--- Anon
She had tits that had broken the mold!
He thought, "Oh, to touch...",
But didn't do such,
For, alas, she was just twelve years old.
--- Anon
Was kind to her young playmates three:
For two or more nickels,
She'd tickle their pickles,
Which swelled to the size of a tree.
--- Armand Singer
Put their morals on very back shelves.
They dress up like trollops
And they get their wallops
By playing with each other and selves.
--- Thomas Patton P9601
Is because I have something to say.
Your dog craps in my yard
And it sure makes it hard
To clean up the kids after play.
--- Kent B Hake P9606a
They make castles and cities and docks.
Though they make lovely floors,
Working archwise, their doors
Just collapse like an old pair of socks.
--- Anon
Would openly fondle his tool.
His sex talk with the priest,
Did not faze him the least,
So in church he would play pocket pool.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9604
"That we talk about sex, man-to-man."
Dand said, "Certainly, Dad.
I would be more than glad.
Now, what is it you don't understan'?"
--- William N Nesbit P9603 a
An inquisitive kid to the core,
He always asks why?
I give it a try,
But I end up with questions galore!
--- Clinton Jones
The parents should study at schools.
To raise pigs, one need knowledge
Which you get at a college,
But most families are raised by damn fools.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2775
Thinks children ought to be free.
She lets them run 'round,
Spring loaded and wound.
I hope she don't move in near me.
--- Anon
Her thighs were a source of pure Heaven.
She's still learning yet
And it's my bet she'll get
Even better by the time she's eleven!
--- Anon
Afloat in the tub, dear Marie?"
She said with voice small,
"I see them all!"
As she managed her fleet on that sea...
--- Tutta Gioia
Unlike many today who are wild.
Now the law has avowed
It's no longer allowed
To be on spanking terms with your child.
--- Observer TP9901
When pouting would grab his wee neck;
And his parents were sure
That he'd never mature,
For the blood, in his brain, was in check.
--- Anon
Stuffed him into a bin, with the lid.
When the rubbish-men came,
She said, "Well I'm game--
You can take him away!" And they did!
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Said a boy to his mother, with woe.
"How can I tell?"
When I knocked on his shell,
And said: 'Are you there?', it said no.'"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
With temptations which must be embraced.
When they use Art supplies.
What kid then never tries
As he smells his paste, not sneak a taste.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0108
Some aunties may give them candy.
But when they're a pain
And your going insane,
Duct tape will then come in quite handy.
--- Karen
who went from happy to sad in a flash.
Things would be swell,
Then he'd start to yell --
It seems consistency gave him a rash.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
So his friends knew his age that day too.
On the back, plain to see,
"Not for child under three,"
But on the front in big print was "I'm two!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whose husband,'twas said, thought a lot of her.
Which to give him his due,
Was probably true,
For he'd sired twenty brats, all begot of her.
--- G1700
Had two sons as like as don't matter.
To the former he said:
"Run along now to bed,"
But the young man replied, "I'm the latter."
--- Anon
Whose spoiled young brats were a pain.
They always let out
Some ear-splitting shout,
That made all the neighbors complain.
--- Anon