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A friend of ours living in Venice, His Croatian tour guide was a hit; On the ferry boat ride to Hvar, The idyllic old island Hvar A virile young fellow from Gallion, Deep 'neath the Isle of Capri, On foreign affairs when in Pisa; A call girl from Rome known as Lisa A Boston girl, visiting Napoli My sweetie's a native-born Etnan; One night when we played table tennis, In Naples a man named Mountbatten Make your next vacation to Pisa; In Italy the river Po There once was a werewolf in Rome Rome was not built in a day; A person from fair Oklahoma, An extremely shy Roman from Thrace There was an art-lover named Lisa The tale that Pisa's tower has cracks, In Pisa, they've straightened the tower Galileo propounded the power I think you have misplaced the scene; I'm certain it was not our Juliet, If you've got enough cash to see Venice on, (benison - blessing, benediction)
At school I was made to take classes There are men from the north of Helsinki It's an old Scandinavian custom American's hardly can tell The Vikings, in contrast, were kind, I suppose, that accounts for the way At what do you think you are driving? The girls in the south were all Angles, Never think of a Lapp as a sap, Old Hengist the Viking was coarse, A cousin of Hengist unzipped Old Hengist had taken by force, A Scandiphile girl in Zagorsk, A curious lady of Norway The Bishop of Bergen complains A poor Viking moaned, "Oh, alas! Said a man from a northernly region, An eager young man from Stockholm, There once was a man from Helsinki, Some ladies I met in Smolensk, In Sweden's old region of Gotland, In Sweden's old region of Gotland, The Swedes have all sat on their tushies The Chamber of Commerce in Sweden Said a Spaniard, with little illusion, If only Big Bertha would ask, My lover once said with aplomb Though bigger than average I'm not, Been working, dear Carol, I fear My homage to Catalan, bona- My vacation is over and done, Got our first Christmas card today, An aeronaut chap, Spaceman Sid, My vacation was spent in Torbay. In two weeks now I'll be in Spain; A cute girl from Spain once asked me (not a clue - McW)
I'm of two minds over Spaniards. Dear Chuck, he with minimal brain, But god knows why Spain for he shan't But anyway, Spain was the prize. So "Chuck", I said, "Very well done. "Now *that*, Chuck, depends where you go."
Found a guru who taught him what Zen is.
Meditating, my pal
Fell right in a canal;
Those flooded old streets are a menace.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
Full of energy she never quit.
Her Zagreb and Dubrovnik
Gave him a big kick;
What he really liked best was her Split.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
The distance was not very far.
But the many wind spurts
Blew up the girls' skirts,
Causing views that were fit for a Czar.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
In our diary rates a big star.
On our walk near the shore,
We saw nipples galore,
'Cause nobody there wears a bra.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
Who was hung like a champion stallion,
Said, "I've tripped the world 'round
And from practice I've found
None can match the hot female Italian.
--- Grand Prix Lim 562
The Blue Grotto is reached from the sea.
With awe it will fill you,
Overwhelm you and thrill you,
You'll soil yourself, I guarantee.
--- Theo M Heller P9411
If girls tilt their heads that means she's a...
Head tilting's the cue
And that means that you
Can VENI to VICI like Caesar.
--- Irving Superior P9407
Will take Mastercard also Visa.
She'll even take checks
For real kinky sex,
Performed in the Tower of Pisa.
--- David Miller
Succumbed to a Latin, quite happily.
Her dream turned to dust,
The affair was a bust;
For the Latin made love rather crappily.
--- Don Boen P8201
She's forty, but still, she won't pet none.
In times of great need,
I walk into tall weed,
And daydream about a wild wet nun.
--- Anon
Overlooking the Grand Canal, Venice,
Cried a stout gondolier:
"Look what I gotta here!"
It was Neil and his lovely wife Glenys.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Had purchased some porkers to fatten.
When he "Soo-wee'd" the swine
Only one came to dine,
For the other ones only spoke Latin.
--- Cyber Geezer
Town's got many a bosomy tease-a
You still have to pay,
But may shout "Hooray!"
In Pisa they'll always take VISA!
--- Marlene Lewis
Through Po-land tends to gently flow
Till Polacks 'Po-land' hear.
Will Warsaw interferre
When southward Polack 'Paisans' go?
--- Irving Superior P8909
Who lived in an old catacomb.
No gastronomical purist,
He gobbled up tourists,
Small cars, shoes, and old Kodachrome!
--- Charles Barsotti
There was reason enough for delay:
The workmen all knew
That when they were through,
It would burn to the ground anyway.
--- Lims Unlimited
Quite fervertly wished to see Roma.
But when he got there
He just sniffed the air
And suddenly fell in a coma.
--- Ernest B Mainze P8411
Lay for hours in a sexual embrace.
When begged by the whore,
Will you please now withdraw!
He said, "Firsta you turna your face."
--- David A Brooks Q
Who scoffed at the Tower of Pisa.
She said when she went,
"Nothing that bent
would ever be likely to please her."
--- Chris Young
Of misrepresentation it smacks.
Many ponder the meaning
Of the old tower's leaning,
Which could be explained as parallax.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110
With great engineering power.
Well, wouldn't you scoff
If Juliet fell off,
When she leaned to take Romeo's flower?
--- Tony Burrell
Of gravity on that same tower.
Did Julie fall off,
She would ding on her doff,
Just as fast as a feathery flower.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Our Juliet there has not been.
The damsel of Pisa
Awaiting her geezer,
Was surely the other, Eileen.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But maybe some other cocette,
Someone was up there
And having a tup there,
But Romeo was not there yet.
--- Dennis Hammes
Hire a Grand Canal gal as your benison.
But after you fondle her
On the poop of the gondola,
Remember to lay a few pennies on.
--- Conrad Aiken
In Latin. The problem, alas, is
Amo and amat
And amas and all that
Does not impress Italian lasses.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who think teetotalism is kinki,
So the long nights pass by
With loud burps and the cry
of "Lesh 'ave anuvver li'l drinki."
--- Bob Turvey P0109
To make maidenheads pop when they bust 'em.
That's why Swedes and Norwegians
Crown northernmost regions,
And virgin old maids so disgust 'em.
--- Grand Prix Lim 382
Where the railway excursions are swell,
But any Norwegian
Confirms there's a legion
Of return tickets issued to Hell. (NOR)
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8805
But kept all the girls they could find
With exceptional looks,
As mothers and cooks,
And left all the uglies behind.
--- John Miller
Scandinavian girls look today.
While Brits, by and large,
Look as good as a barge,
Though I'm told they're a pretty good lay.
--- John Miller
They all look the same when muff-diving.
And as for their faces,
Would you look at such places,
The Paper Bag Industry's thriving.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who love to hang on to what dangles.
Make sure they are true --
Lest ere they are through
They feed them right into the mangles!
--- Archie
This is file kbm
For they've oceans of passion on tap...
Lappafloozies bewail
Ever waving a tail,
Or they'll get a flail in their Lapp lap.
--- Grand Prix Lim 830
And took all his women by force.
They didn't complain.
Historians explain:
Old Hengist was hung like a Norse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His trousers and out his meat whipped.
Laughed Ingrid, "Though Nordic,
Your freshly-bared poor dick
Is not very amply equipped!"
--- Randog
An old nun he caught in the gorse;
"My God!" she cried, thrilled,
"I am now fulfilled,
And feel Like I could eat a Norse."
--- David Miller
Invited to do something coarsk,
Replied, "I have likings
For boardings by Vikings,
But you, sir, of coursk, are not Norsk.'
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Was wondering, "What does the score say?"
She referred to the fact
That the screwiest act
Was performed by herself as a door-lay.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9702
That women within his domains,
Have dallied with legions
Of horny Norwegians,
And Heaven know how many Danes.
--- Paul Bowman
These horns are a pain in the ass.
The Saxons shout 'Moo!'
And 'Who's milking you?'
And offer me handfuls of grass."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
"I found in the south, sex is legion.
And I could avail
Myself of some tail,
But I prefer a Norwegian collegian."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
After giving his girl a walk home,
Would coerce her surrender,
Then over he'd bend her,
And ram his hot throbbing cock home.
--- MrMalo
Whose dilly was awfully dinky;
One eighth of a pound,
At a half inch around,
And not quite as long as your pinky.
--- MrMalo
Had passionate yearnings for gentsk;
And since all their needs
Were served by the Swedes,
They hollered for men who were Svensk.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Plagued by rodents and mice, was a pot land.
But deductable cats
If held for hunting rats,
And a farmer's appeal made it hot land.
--- Cyber Wizard
Plagued by rodents and mice was a knotland,
But held hunting the cuss,
Some deductable puss,
And the farmer's appeal made it hot land.
--- Cyber Wizard
And let the rats turn them to woosies.
So to poison they turn
And the carnivore's yearn,
But it's good they're supporting the pussys!
--- Cyber Wizard
Has tourist brochures most misleading.
They've changed Sweden's name
But spelled it the same.
Now Sweden, they claim's S. W. EDEN.
--- Irving Superior P8709
As he felt on his head a contusion,
"The thugs from South Spain
Are not only a pain,
They are also a snare Andalusian!"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
I'd really quite fancy the task
Of helping her bigger
Than average figure
Squeeze onto a minuscule Basque.
--- Peter Wilkins
As he dived on me like a bomb,
"I know you're a tease
But please, help me please,
Squeeze into this JUMBO condom."
--- Wobbly
I'd happily give you a shot,
At squeezing your peter
That's long as a meter,
Right into my minuscule twat.
--- Carol
For almost the whole of this year;
And though rather tired,
You reply has inspired
Me to hump you right now from the rear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Fide language of fair Barcelona;
Some speak it in Spain
And in France. (This plain
Way of writing's my Orwell persona.)
--- Anon
Spain's hot sunny beaches were fun.
The food's always great,
The wine is first rate,
But now I weigh close to a ton.
--- Carol
With Christmas still one month away.
This doesn't seem right;
We go to Spain tonight
For our late summer holiday.
--- Tony Burrell
Would never do what he was bid.
When told to pass Mars
And go on to the stars,
He nipped off with his girl to Madrid.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
I had hoped for the sun every day.
With grey clouds and rain,
I said never again.
From now on it's Majorca, Ole!
--- Arthur Pattafy
Sorry if I'm being a pain.
Tapas, sangria
You'll hear me cheer
Unless, of course, I see some rain.
--- Anon
For lessons in English for free;
"How do you spell 'sexed'?"
She asked, quite perplexed,
I taught her to spell it: I-T.
--- Anon
Some flamenco charm - their young lads,
But generally turds
Whilst chomping through thirds
Of plates of bulls ears and gonads.
--- Anon
Has passed English For Dummies again;
Yes; he's now at Grade 3
And as happy can be,
'Cause he's won a vacation in Spain.
--- Anon
Be too happy out there 'cause he can't
Speak the lingo at all,
Though I seem to recall
That a relative lives there -- an aunt.
--- Anon
Coming third in the class -- no surprise
That dear Chuck won 'cause
I discovered he was
In a class with but two other guys.
--- Anon
That's the best thing you ever have won."
And he beamed and went red;
"I've heard rumours", he said,
"That in Spain, it's all sand, sea and sun."
--- Anon
"It's the Costa del Packet, you know;
And my friend, Lucky Jim
Says it's heaving with quim.
I said, 'Quim Jim? What's quim?" He said. 'Oh.'
--- Anon
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