Unlike all the poof and the queers,
Who walk around looking at rears,
Appearing in tales
And causing great gales
Of laughter, when they reach our ears.
--- Archie

My favorite limerick bits
Are when we're discussing big tits.
For forty four D's
And thirty eight C's
Attract both my lips and my mitts.
--- Archie

I'm sorry for the prose I have wrote;
I feel like a clumsy old scrote.
I know you write poems
For great leaned tomes
But my talent's less than a mote.
--- Archie

For me, it's the play of the words
That separates whey from the curds,
Though I seldom would quarrel
With topics amoral,
Such as incest, or buggering herds.
--- Anon

Our poetry's simply sublime
And inspiring in meter and rhyme;
It expresses but nought
Of intelligent thought,
But uses up acres of time.
--- Peter Wilkins

While the limerick's known for its content,
It's frequently fancy or nonsense;
Should the reader be antsy,
There's nonsense and fancy,
But the rules may not seem to be constant.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

The limerick life is impure
And has never been subject to cure.
Its topics are wild,
Anatomically styled --
A versified form of manure.
--- Archie

The moral of the story is this:
The tales of a mister or miss,
When lascivious or crude,
Are nothing but rude;
But witty is never remiss!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

There was a young lady of Where?
Whose limerick likings most share;
Old faithfuls like these
That are certain to please,
For they always seem to have been there.
--- E O Parrot

A good limerick reminds me of you,
My Darling: small waist beneath two
Starting points to begin a yen
For a trip through rhymes feminine
To find at the bottom a screw.
--- Don Moore P9106

I laugh and I laugh till I cry,
Gasping for breath ere I die.
It's always the naughty,
Outageously bawdy
Limerick that does it for I.
--- Mike Perry

The next time you find yourself start
To put down this venerable art,
Instead set your mind
To creating a rhyme
About a bishop who's eating a tart!
--- Tim

You may think my limerick unsightly;
Maybe you think it quite rightly.
Though I sweated and fretted,
I never regretted.
If you don't like my limerick, then BITE ME!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

Rowdy Jack's new obsessions sure are (fish)
Rather strange, maybe even bizarre (fish)
But a limerick so good,
Don't you think that it should,
Net that maritime minstrel a star (fish)?

(Comment to Toast Point Sage on a previous rhyme)
--- Stargazer

A poem of five lines and a rhyme
Scheme AABBA and a climb
Down to depths of depravity
In each body cavity,
Is my favorite, limerick sublime.
--- Fred Cohen P8505

The cloth of the limerick's coat
Is cut from the groin of a goat.
So throttle your noses,
And don't expect roses,
You won't hear a word you can quote.
--- Joseph Kesselring P8312

Limerick writing's no cinch.
Sometimes one gets in a pinch.
It's rather a strain
To wrack one's own brain
In order the fifth line to clinch.
--- Macsam

Said the thoughtful old Dean, looking haughty:
"The real funny things are all naughty.
Clean humor is boring --
No sex and no whoring --
Folks only laugh when it's bawdy.
--- G2310a

The limerick's a lot like a shoe --
It follows whatever I do.
Quite often I put
In my mouth my left foot.
My limericks come out that way too.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

Your limericks now are sent in;
Today we'll find out who's to win.
The best ones we'll share
With you, live on air;
And the rest go straight in the bin.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The limerick that has the appeal
Is penned by the quill that's facile
In the sordid, grotesque,
And in bawdy burlesque,
And in contorted reports imbecile.
--- Albin Chaplin P8502

Pat Kain was all up in a snit,
'Bout the evil of Limericks, the twit.
He's up in high dudgeon,
The sorry curmudgeon,
But I really could not give a shit.
--- Sandy L

We may start then with Solomaon's Song;
It is scripture, so quoting's not wrong.
Sol's a very good bard,
Though he made some things hard.
(The hardest was Solomon's dong.)
--- Sandy L

If you pull me, I'll chase you to bed.
I rejoice in you, toes to your head.
I remember you love
More than wine, my sweet dove.
And upright I will love thee, I said.
--- Sandy L

This newsgroup's in need of some verses;
Some limericks with subtle reverses.
So make up your mind
To craft well designed
Innuendoes with cute terse inverses.
--- J Gould

Cybergeezer, through motives quite chaste,
Was arrested for showing bad taste,
Accepting at times
Some exceeding bad rhymes,
While letting some good go to waste!

(cybergeezer runs limerick page -'was arrested' is mandated)
--- Regina Cuta

Look guy, just wipe off that grin;
My patience with this has worn thin.
Of all limericks writ,
Seems just two make a hit,
In minds that have gone a bit dim.

(Dave and Nantucket)
--- Annie Jay

Though some limericks today are risque
And are viewed by a few with dismay,
It's as sure as you're born
That this stuff seen as "porn"
Is undoubtedly destined to stay.
--- R J Winkler P8505

Our existence would be that much grimmer ex-
Cept for the solace of limericks.
A fact that's unknown
To two groups alone:
The drearier dons and the dimmer hicks.
--- Robert Conquest

You writers should not turn out birds
Of a feather to Legman's coarse herds,
Who go for vile gore
Or a downtrodden whore,
With ailings too loathsome for words.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8512

At Harvard, a randy old dean
Said, "The funniest jokes are obscene.
To bowdlerize wit
Takes the shit out of it.
Who wants a limerick that's clean?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 500 G2310

You may well curse it and moan,
But it has long been well known.
With its meter and rhyme
And subject sublime,
That the limerick's the epitome of poem!
--- Tim

Limericks, tasteful and clean,
Are not a big part of my scene.
But if they have screwing,
Or other such doing,
I find them erotic and keen.
--- Anon

This is file jum

My Dear Wife, when asked to hear
The limericks included here,
Would kneel and pray
In hopes that they
Would exit out her other ear.
--- Irving Superior P8505

Then scorn not the limerick either,
Though as Tennyson said, who know why the
Fuck such a rhyme
Makes the Grim Reaper, Time,
Such a markedly blither old Scyther.
--- Anon

The limerick's more suited to fun
And clever word play, and the pun.
The cadence is wrong
For a teary love song,
Or to brag of a battle just won.
--- John Miller

Limericks are not intellectual;
For the most part they're quite ineffectual.
But with a flick of the nib,
And a wit, oh so glib,
They'll imply something fightfully sexual!
--- Emmanuel Lamprecht

Composing a limerick line
Gives pleasure that few can define.
And verses that rate
As "good!" or as "great!"
Are treasures -- I wish they were mine.
--- R J Winkler P8505

I have written some limericks quite fateful,
Malicious and vicious and hateful;
But I've torn up the jokes
That would sicken most folks,
And humanity ought to be grateful.
--- VOL 7 a

It may speak of fucking and shit,
Of asshole, of cunt, cock, or tit.
But no matter how clean
Or how greatly obscene,
A good limerick has to have wit.
--- A N Wilkins P9106

Yes, crude is the limericks's intent,
And lewd at its best we consent.
But us ladies of breeding,
When doing the reading,
Heard most of them in the convent.
--- Donna B a

A limerick's for breaking the rules,
For showing up churls, prigs, and fools;
'Tis for flashing one's voc-
Abulary, as spoke,
And exposing and honing one's tools.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505

Of all the limericks ever writ,
The bawdy ones -- half raw, half wit --
Are worst when read aloud.
So poets, if you're proud,
On hearing one, you should 'shhh' it.
--- Irving Superior P8505a

The limerick's a verse form spectacular,
That uses a slangy vernacular
To tell dirty jokes
And make vicious pokes --
Though some of them suck just like Drackular.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505a

The limericks that men like the best
Are morally banned and suppressed.
But the orally sprout
For there's rich soil about
And they leave all the ladies distressed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0003

A limerick contest is fine;
Even better t'would be if t'were mine --
Not the contest to run,
But my place in the sun,
With a zinger to end the last line.
--- Frederick Cohen P8305

If you don't find them funny, I'm sad.
If you don't pay your money, I'm mad.
These pert limericks
Play rediculous tricks.
When you laugh at them, Honey, I'm glad!
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

Of all the verse forms used by men,
The limerick is -- from one to ten --
Perhaps about a three.
Five lines then mentally
Exhausted we lay down our pen.
--- Irving Superior P8505

Sighed a saddened young lady named Conner,
"In a limerick, where is there honor?
If a miss ever strayed
Into one as a maid,
In the last line the lechers were on her!"
--- Lance Payne P8505

A limerick smacks some of smut,
Or something that comes from the gut.
I don't care for clean;
Give me slime and green cream,
That smells like an overused slut.
--- Bill Ron

There are limericks wholesome and glad;
There are limericks bawdy and bad:
But as long as they're droll, some,
I relish the whole sum,
As I like girls both clad and unclad.
--- Lance Payne P8505

Though I've searched from Sumatra to Kush
For what drives away blues with a push;
Nothing else worked as well
As the berries that fell
Off of the limerick bush?
--- William N Nesbit

A mystery thus-far unsolved:
Why do limericks sound so ribald?
Over matter and mind,
It's an art form you'll find
Leaves persnickety listeners appalled.
--- Derrick Jones

There's a subtle new craze in dispersal
The world around. Now, your rehearsal
Is advised; best prepare
All your limericks with care.
This next fashion will go loonyversal!
--- Doug Harris

An erudite monsieur from Brest,
Knows his limericks are always the best.
For with rhyming renditions,
And anal emissions,
One's own always beats all the rest.
--- Frank Bohan

With syllables two or else three,
(Whatever it happens to be),
To lim-er-ick freaks
A lime-rick bespeaks
Delectable moments of glee.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505

The risque verse has its attraction;
The ribald may give satisfaction;
But I never have fancied
The nastily rancid
Or verses of sick putrefaction.

(I just collect them, I make no moral judgments - McW)
--- Harold C Bibby

The limerick, like drugs, is addictive,
And it often is cruel and vindictive.
Backed by laws that are bold,
It must needs be controlled
By a doctor's prescription restrictive.
--- Al Chaplin P9408

There once was a limerick named Zed
Whose meter went right to his head.
In fact, his great meter
He confused with his peter,
Which is why he was no good in bed.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505

There once was a lassie named Cass,
Who wanted to prove she had sass.
She thought sex a gimmick;
She'd make up a lim'rick,
But she screwed up the rhyme scheme, alas!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I only save limericks sublime;
So far this year I've saved nine.
What's hard to swallow,
Is six came from Malo,
And none of the suckers were mine.
--- John Miller a

I've limericks writ by the score;
My friends ask me, "Whatever for?
You call yourself 'poet'
But not one'd know it,
Since you don't write real poems any more."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505

The limericks that I like the best
Are those that put morals to test,
On things biological
And matters illogical,
Which are all in a nutshell compressed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0004

In writing a limerick that clicks,
The bawd and the subtle should mix;
With subtlety first,
In writing a verse,
Use language that our fancy pricks.
--- Irving Superior P8505

If the object of rhyming is pleasure,
To the reader our searching for treasure,
And a limerick suffices
To keep seeker from vices;
Is it classified penance or leisure?
--- Julupa

In limericks, he would disperse
Allusions that made his foes curse.
But subpoenas soon came
With his claim to defame,
And the damages sought were perverse.
--- Anon