MORE
His first visit to Plettenberg Bay The Emir of Morocco once swore I found that inside the Nile Delta, But there on that same Nilish Delta, A man from Bloemfontein -- a Boer -- There's a fellow call Ob in Nigeria, In Africa, don't go to Ghana, A third grader who lives in Bucyrus Port Elizabeth appears as a dot, In Morocco there's the town of Rabat; The Ambu tribe has a fine spear. Al's daughter, Sierra Capone, There was a poor guy from Natal, A stranger who stopped in Tabriz A tourist who stopped in Tangier "On vacation we saw Timbucktoo," There was a young lady (Egyptian) There once was an ancient Egyptian Pardon me if I sound a bit rude A new guide on jungle safari I've become Afrocentric of late; While swimming across the Zambezi, While swimming across the Zambezi, They say that the girls of Zambezi An ambassador, roving the street Breathing in Bangkok is chancy; The beggars of Bangkok refuse The air in Bangkok is noxious; A diminutive friend in Benares When in India once, bless my soul, Just as if there was not a tomorrow Bora Bora! Coral reefs and sea waves! A travel agent name of Cora A Yankee who'd been to Cambodia Are you looking for boozing and ho-ing? The streets of Bombay and New Delhi In Hong Kong the merchants pursue us There was a young fellow named Si Don't forget, when you visit Bangkok, Bhopal is in Madhya Pradesh; In Rangoon, Ceylon, and Calcutta, For the fifty-odd years since partition, In Seoul live an Antipodean, Said the head Lama of Katmandu: There was an old stoker from Lee, A fisherman, name of Dan Kwan, But when they got deep into Laos, Despite all the length he had got, Poor Dan was a very slow learner In days past, Mongolian hordes A well endowed man from Nepal, I'm living on lat thirty two There was a young man from Kashmir A quake in disputed Kashmir An alluring young Indian Ranee While leafing my way through The Times, Anastasia, the Tsar's youngest daughter, The spermatozoa that Sam The land that was formerly Siam (Victor Kiam liked Remington shavers so he bought company)
Though he tried to get folks to peruse 'em, A diplomat in Singapore A sailor who hailed from Sri Lanka An Englishman, stuck in Taiwan, Halliburton, to whom risks were cool, In Thailand the wearing of socks A shapely young maid from Tibet
Filled a Joeburg Don Juan with dismay:
All those Lookout Beach cuties,
Bikini-clad beauties,
And not enough hours in the day.
--- Gill Parker
There'd be no more immoral amour.
No whores! That's an order!
Or you're for the border!
Nor scoring on porn, or what for!
--- David Morin
The tents are now made all of felta.
They dry in the heat
And don't smell of meat,
Like old and uncured camel pelta.
--- Archie
The girls have a dress with a belta.
They wont take it off,
For ary a boff,
Until your whole willy they've felta.
--- Archie
Was awfully hard to ignore.
He'd see you and shout,
"Let's have a meal out!"
Unless you were colored or poor.
--- Michael Palin
Whose gob is distinctly superior.
Which is rather good luck
For his brain's full of muck
Of a kind that is distinctly inferior.
--- Alexander Baron
But do take a hot, pleasant sauna;
A black girl by your side,
Her thighs apartheid,
Down in beautiful Bophuthetswana.
--- Ed Wolfert P8308
Has unleashed a computerized virus
Which endangers us all,
In large countries and small,
Except those where they still use papyrus.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Yet it's an excellent holiday spot.
Its beaches are grand;
There's sea and there's sand.
You're sure to enjoy it a lot.
--- Heather Sacks
I know - it doesn't seem weird at
All, but translated
To Danish (I ate it)
It means 'discount', now how about that?!
--- Anon
It's something the natives revere.
It's the main Ambu lance
In the medicine dance,
And it's worth a side trip to Zaire.
--- Al Willis TP9804
Giggled constantly while on the phone,
With a boy named Bart,
But if he was smart,
He'd leave young Sierra Leone.
--- Anon
Who met once in Egypt a gal.
Sue lived in the sewers,
Unaware, like most wooers,
A sewer was Suez canal.
--- David A Brooks Q
Heard women were eager to please;
Although they seemed willing
They flunked all the billing
For all they would do was to tease.
--- Philo Logue P8407
And bedded down with the fat old Emir,
Failed to see the town's sights.
She said, "Ali's delights
Beat all the dam sights they have here!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 922 G0679
He told a friend over a brew.
The guy asked him, "Where's that?"
"I don't know where it's at.
My wife chose it," he said, "and we flew."
--- A N Wilkins P8709
Who merits a word of description:
"Cat-head-owl"; (heiroglyphic
Translated "Terrific"
As found in a Memphis inscription.)
--- Pighooey
Who wrote limericks by way of encryption.
According to critics,
He used hieroglyphics,
And signed them with Tutank's inscription!
--- Rick Limer T9712
But the African problem's not food.
The facts folks ignore
Is the place is at war!
Bags of grain will not mellow the mood.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Got lost and then said that he's sorry.
The porters revolted;
That's when they all bolted,
Shouting, "Bwana, where the fuck are we?"
--- Tom Patton
It's more likely to get me a date.
It's not really sneaky
To wear a dashiki,
But my prospects respond to the bait.
--- Mimi
A croc met St Francis of Assisi.
Said Frank "From my hand,
You may eat. Understand?"
Now he wishes he spoke Crocidisi.
--- Prof M-G
"Hi-ho!" seven dwarfs crocs sang easy.
"We're Bashful the croc,
Joined by Dopey and Doc,
Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy!
--- Anon
Are beautiful, cheerful, and easy.
Well I'm warning you now
It will cost you a cow
For an easy Zambezi ain't free, see?
--- John E Maywood
In Ankara's sweltering heat,
Was approached by a maid
Who was neatly arrayed
In only three-eighths of a sheet.
--- Lims Unlimited
It's safer to try necromancy.
To do outdoor tasks,
You need good gas masks,
Unless it is asthma you fancy.
--- Timothy Torkildson
To leave my smug lifestyle asnooze.
Wherever I turn
With money to burn,
They're lined up in unholy queues.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Enough to make you uncoxious.
When you inhale,
Your lungs turn to Braille
And start to leak fluid that's toxious.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Was recently caught unawares;
It's now Varanasi,
And sometimes it's Kasi!
Indian place names are complex affairs.
--- Bob Turvey P0605
I went forth on a sightseeing stroll
And was tempted to utta'
"Since this is Calcutta,
Whereabouts 'round here is the Black Hole?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9809
I would risk a flight to Bora Bora;
Traveling with the estranged,
The bizarre and deranged,
Rather than journey through Tora Bora.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202
So I called "Cut-Rate-Travels-by-Dave's."
But Dave misunderstood --
How did I know I would
Spend two weeks in Ben Al's Four-Star Caves?
--- William Nesbit P0202
Took my order for Bora Bora.
I was highly insensed
Ending up in those tents
In Afghanistan's Tora Bora.
--- Tom Patton P0202
This is file jqm
Gave lectures from various podia.
He said, "Over there,
If your skin is too fair
A lot of them won't say Hellodia!"
--- John Mayood P0206
Bangladesh is where pleasure is flowing.
With Moslem gals, treats
Occur under their sheets;
You won't care if you're coming or going.
--- Arthur Deex P9702
Are terribly crowded and smelly.
While down in Calcutta
They sleep in the gutta;
I know 'cause I seen it on telly.
--- John Dole P9612
With beautiful objects to woo us,
Such as ivory and jade
And some things that were made
In a factory outside of St. Louis.
--- Doctor P9109
Who said, "Western maidens, good-bye.
I will chase Orientals
For their lewd incidentals."
And his chase ended up in a Thai.
--- Isaac Asimov
The ex-pats are a bit of a shock.
If they've no watch or clock,
On your door they will knock,
And shout: "Got the time on ya cock?"
--- Kevin Hale Q
It's a city where memories are fresh
Of the havoc once wreaked
When some holding tanks leaked,
And the culprits all prayed to Ganesh.
--- Rory Ewins
There is always more percha than gutta.
But a surplus of percha
I don't think will hurcha,
As much as a shortage of butta.
--- Lims Unlimited
India-Pakistan head to perdition.
They'll accelerate
And crash through the gate,
In a big glow of nuclear fission.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02
Who drank like a common plebian;
Reformed, he now dances
To envious glances:
Not tipsy but terpsi-Korean.
--- Armand E Singer 685
"These American kids never screw.
They drop out on hash,
And are useless for gash--
This is strictly between me and you."
--- G1122
So dirty and grimy was he,
That his mates washed him clean,
In the ocean so green,
And that's how we got the Black Sea.
--- John Tuckwell
Would ride in his leaky sampan,
Up the River Mekong
And peer through the throng,
As nude girlies danced the can can.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Poor Dan caused a bit of a chaos,
When Madam Sarong,
On account of his dong,
Thought he was a Rhinozeraos.
--- Danube
'Twas so thin, in any girl's twat,
It just flapped around.
Solution he found:
He Thai'd the damn thing in a knot.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But her treatment made him grow firmer.
Then she wanted much more,
This despicable whore,
So he had but one choice, overturn her.
--- Danube
Would westwards rush, ravishing broads.
With Genghis, the genius
Who proved that the penius
Is mightier, far, than the sword.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Won first prize at a masquerade ball,
By draping his lingam,
In lengths of white gingham,
As a spire on the great Taj Mahal.
--- Bob Giandomenico
West gazing and looking for you.
The Indian Ocean
Gives me a new notion -
Nude girls on the beach take my view.
--- Anon
Who shouted one day, "Over here!"
But from so far away
That he's still there today,
And will be forever, I fear.
--- Michael Palin
Has clearly been mighty severe.
So perhaps those disputing
Will give up their shooting,
Now that there is just nothing there.
--- Jarmo
Enticed a young soldier to tea.
He said "Jolly spiffin!",
When offered some tiffin,
And more when she sat on his knee.
--- Val burns P0609
I read the bizarrest of crimes.
It appears in Rangoon
A man sued a baboon.
Not funny, but be fair, it rhymes.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Was thought to have hid from the slaughter,
By some who would rather
She'd rule like her father.
My theory? The Bolsheviks caught her.
--- Anon
Injected in girls in Siam
Got 900 with child
Which made them so wild,
Sam departed Siam on the lam.
--- Grand Prix Lim 203
Played host to vacationing Kiam.
He tried to trade shavers
For sexual favors --
That boy is more desperate than I am!
--- Scott Oliver
His devices did naught but confuse 'em.
He should know the men there
Never have any hair,
And the women, who have it, won't use 'em!
--- Scott Oliver
Was promoted to ambassador.
He held his nose high,
So it tickeled the sky,
But on earth he was simply a bore.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was first mate on a giant oil tanker.
He thought it a bore
To go screwing ashore,
So he stayed on the ship. What a wanker!
--- CeeJay
Exhorted himself, "Carry on!"
And with bosom aglow,
He carried on so
That they carried him off to Ceylon.
--- Lims Unlimited
Once swam laps in the Taj Mahal pool.
Later he would surmise
His last stunt was unwise.
He discovered the ocean was cruel.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9702
Is considered to be orthodox.
But shoes in this clime
Are surely a crime.
Does anyone want some Reeboks?
--- Timothy Torkildson
Was known as "the mountain sextet."
That's all that I heard,
And I give you my word,
I haven't discovered why yet.
--- Limber Limericks
MORE