Long ago in ancient Japan,
Was a geisha who dressed as a man.
Her pants were so tight
And they rubbed her just right;
When she walked you might say that she ran!
--- Richard Long

Though not all your pundits will buy it,
Those who've studied Japan verify it.
Legislators are thin
Because once they're in,
They have to stick close to their Diet.
--- A N Wilkins P9212

To the Japanese bath house he went;
(His first time, though a worldly-wise gent)
Madam fixes a tub;
He gets in and his stub
Quickly grows when he sees whom she'd sent!
--- Allen Wolverton

She's a delicate, lovely young thing;
Scrubs and dries him; his bell she does ring;
(A gown's all she wears;
Nothing 'neath it, he swears!
Oh! To have this doll under my wing!)
--- Allen Wolverton

Says the madam, "You like her? You do?
Her warm touch is exquisite; that's true;
I can tell you that she,
For a small extra fee,
Will perform a nice "wax job" on you!"
--- Allen Wolverton

Guess this "wax job", he thinks with a wink,
Must involve something hot, wet, and pink;
While the maiden's sweet charm
Gets our hero quite warm;
"Never heard it called that, I do think!"
--- Allen Wolverton

"Yes, a wax job sure sounds ticky poo;
To the tab, add it, I'll have one too!"
Then the chick doffs his robe,
Seeks his masculine probe;
(On karate, he hasn't a clue!")
--- Allen Wolverton

With her right hand, his spear she then steers;
With her left hand, she swoops on his spheres;
Her hand's edge, then, does strike
His poor 'nads; he yells, "Yiiike"!
And the wax, then, pops out of his ears.
--- Allen Wolverton

In the city they call Yokohama
With the accent penultimate, comma,
I saw parks and tea-houses
And girls in tight blouses
In kimonos and one in pyjamas.
--- H Wilson Smith P8712

The rebels have taken Kabul;
We hope they establish wise rule.
But if they repay us
With bloodshed and chaos,
They'll be swapped for a reliable tool.
--- Dr Limerick 11-13-01

Try to believe this, if you can;
There is in the Turkish land
A town and it's small
But that is not all;
It goes by the name of Batman
--- Anon

Mom and Dad bedded down in Beirut;
They mated and I was the fruit.
Their forebears were plain,
And I'm not a brain,
But you'll have to admit that I'm cute.
--- Al Willis

On dirty sidewalks in Kuwait,
The men hang around until late,
Smoking hashish with tea
For a very small fee,
While their wives stay at home with their fate.
--- Nawahl

In Iraq there's a town ('round the mid)
And I think that just maybe it
Was attacked by allies,
Then renamed (quite wise)
To the more suitable name of Hit.
--- Anon

A see saw installed in the sand,
Tripped militant troops in Iran.
A spy, incognito,
Said, That worked just neato.
I seen what I saw then I ran.
--- Anon

There was a young man of Teheran
Who had screwed every girl in his clan.
But those not so nice
He had only screwed twice,
Which is par for the course in Iran.
--- Isaac Asimov

A loose-sphinctered man in Teheran
Didn't quite make it into the can.
Moaned he, "I deplore
All the mess on the floor,
But Iran, Man, Iran and Iran."
--- Grand Prix Lim 784

Though warfare in general I slam,
Ethnic Cleansing, I think, we should damn,
As an evil infection.
Can we make an exception
For those folk from Iraq and Afgan?
--- Anon

Navel of the universe, Holy City,
Jerusalem is much more than pretty.
But down on the coast
They do like to boast
Tel Aviv is the universe's titty.
--- Esther

A young man from downtown Tel Aviv,
Says night time is the time he can live!
From theatres and clubs
To lounge bars and the pubs,
His outlook on life's take, not give.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

In Israel, when girls attend school,
In summer they dress to keep cool.
You can believe me or not,
It makes the boys hot.
They're changing the girls' uniform rule!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Young Russ told his father in full
Why he traveled to Turkey in wool.
He was tired -- and how!
On milking Ma's cow,
And he wanted to sell his tan bull.
--- Laurence Perrine P8407

There is no successful prescription
For fits that are known as conniption;
They attack Israelites
On warm summer nights,
And make them believe they're Egyptian.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young mid-eastern sheik,
Did not want to appear as a freak.
To advance his knowledge,
He went off to college;
His degrees are in Latin and Greek!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The Arabs and Jews will be friends.
Imagine what the future portends,
Jewish cities without roads,
PA troops by truck loads;
I think I know now where this ends.
--- Aaron Michelson

Hafez Al-Assad won't deny
That he's wishing Husssein will soon die
In the course of the war
And open the door
For him as the region's tough guy.
--- A N Wilkins P9103

In judging stag parties, please note
The Iraqis won't get a big vote.
At the height of the din,
A large cake is wheeled in,
And out of the top jumps a goat.
--- Theo Heller P9303a

A young man from Pakistan named Barney,
Went to Ireland to kiss the stone Blarney.
It increased his talking;
He talks when sleep-walking.
He's the world's most verbal Pakistani.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A sexy young woman in Sneads
Was fond of the Persians and Medes,
For the Medes and the Persians
Were fond of diversions
And gave her some very good leads.
--- Limber Limericks

Alas for the cross cupidity
Abounding since antiquity.
It's supposed to make sense
To kill more innocents,
Because of human stupidity.
--- Fran

It may strike you and me as quite weird,
But the news, as you've probably heared:
The priority
When the Talibans flee,
Is to queue to shave off the beard.
--- Dr Limerick 11-13-01

I met her down-town in old Ankara,
Big Fatima, built like a tankara.
One thousand-one nights,
Of Turkish delights?
Uh-oh, but she gave me a wankara.
--- Anon

There's a question designed to perplex,
Politically based and direct.
Would the Turks really mind
If attacked from behind?
And would Greece help to ease the effects."
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9710

This is file jom

A Governor Phillip traversed
Sydney Harbour, he doubtless conversed
With his fellows. So what
Should we label that lot?
Aborigines. They were here first.
--- Anon

Arsonists are burning Australia;
Hitherto their life's been a failure.
Now they've got it right;
Sydney's well alight,
Blazing like a lovely red Dahlia!
--- Tony Burrell

In Australia they oft have the blues
And there's sometimes a shortage of ewes.
So they jump up and down
And head out of town,
And sexually assault kangaroos.
--- Anon

Don't want to be stomped by a roo;
Don't fancy luke-warm wombat stew.
Your beer tastes like piss,
So Davey, mate, this
Is why we're not down there with you.
--- Anon

I've considered going tripping down under
Till you cast aspersions asunder
With your "bloody"s and "hell"s
And your "fucking"s as well;
Now I think such a trip's a great blunder.
--- Anon

I'll thank you to leave my prize scrote
Alone 'cause you don't rock my boat.
I much prefer mice,
Though chickens are nice,
Or the pouch of a wild bandicoot.
--- Archie

At the station the skint jackaroo (broke youth)
Was stroppy. "Belt up!" said the crew. (angry, be quiet)
"It's potty to grouse. (foolish to complain)
Don't whinge. Use your nous. (whine, smarts)
Keep your pecker up. You'll get your screw. (wages)
--- A N Wilkins P8611

An Australian native one day
Bought a new boomerang with his pay.
But he broke down and cried,
For, however he tried,
He could not throw the old one away!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Australian seasons are reverse.
Their New Years Day, July the First.
The women there bake
The down-side-up cake.
With "Bottoms Down" men toast their thirst.
--- Irving Superior P8611

These limericks that you folks conceive,
Are obvious attempts to deceive,.
The fact that you're geeks,
And certainly freaks,
A good reason for me not to leave.
--- Kird van Koeverden

Any Aussie fears bushfires the most.
Your worldly possessions are toast;
When the air is all red,
And your neighbors have fled,
And the town you once cherished? A ghost!
--- Rory Ewins

In the great Aussie city of Perth
It was not an occasion of mirth
When a visiting guy
Said, "I'm happy that I
Am here, very near Forth of Firth."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9702

Australia was the land of the crims;
We sent them back there for their sins.
To get their own back,
They send TV crap,
And a cricket team that always wins.
--- Tony Burrell

Said Joanne from Kalamazoo:
"I think drastic measures are due.
Get no kick from my dildo;
To down under I will go
And buy me a didjeridoo."
--- Anon

A woman named Canberra Sue
Kept an opal inside of her shoe.
She raised wombats for sale
That she'd ship out by mail,
And she played a mean didgeridoo.
--- Woody Dykott

You republican infidels die!
With my anger I will not be shy!
You think I'm just joking,
Since I do like provoking,
But on such outrage I fie.
--- Bob Mornington

It's likely a cockney Pygmalion
Would not have said Aussies spoke alien.
But the shiela'd be wrong
If she fell for the prong
Of a dill, if not drongo Australian.(idiot,if not worthless)
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8611

Psychiatrists say: "When an Aussie
Who normally show himself bossy
To spammers and fools
Who break limerick rules,
It's reasoned he's drunk from the saucy.
--- Travis Brasell

A cheerful young convict called Dahlia
Said, "Diggin' your way out can't fail ya!"
He dug for a week
Then gave a great shriek,
When he came out in Sydney, Australia!
--- Elizabeth Dowall

There once was a bloke from Australia
Who dropped Latin words without failure
And while sharing a berth
With some ladies from Perth
Said, "I'd sure like to get inter alia."
--- Martin Wellborn P0409

When convicts in prison regalia
Were shipped off for "life" in Australia,
One hardly could guess
That Australia's success
Would be built on foundations of failia.
--- Laurence Perrine P8611

He's handsome, he's virile, he's deep;
An Australian who doesn't like sheep.
He'll give you a hop,
A day and night bop,
Yes, Skippy will make your pulse leap!
--- Anon

A belligerent bloke from Australia
Is afflicted with gross coprolalia.
But since he speaks 'Strine',
It is hard to opine
What is meant by the words that assail ya.
--- Maledicta Monitor P9202

There was a young man from Australia
Equipped with the right paraphernalia.
He made love with glee
In his house by the sea,
And if you went near him, he'd nail ya.
--- Music Jones

All you who have autumn or fall,
Down here a new Spring starts to call.
Hormones start to rage,
We're out of our cage --
If it moves then it's screwed, it's a ball!
--- Anon

We speak a language called Strine,
Where the rain comes down like the 'rine,'
And the 'line' is a 'loin' --
But my boots in your groin
If you imply that my speech is 'in sine'.
--- Don Laycock P8611

I once met this girl from down under,
When I committed a rather bad blunder.
Her question still stings --
Do you know Alice Springs?
I replied, "Really -- I hope you have shunned her."
--- FCA TP9804

The pedophiles landed in Oz
Overjoyed at the country because
The bushmen had tots
That gave 'em the hots,
And sheep they could fuck without pause.
--- Anon

A woman named Eleanor Tidney
Had a fondness for meatpies with kidney.
She was raised out in Perth;
'Twas the town of her birth,
But she was always partial to Sydney.
--- Woody Dykott

It's the Land of the Long White Cloud,
A fact the residents are all proud.
The Maoris, you see,
They must disagree,
It's the land of the Wrong White Crowd.
--- Larry Brash

Home to offspring of many a robber,
The bastards of prince and of pauper,
Aboriginal Australians,
And descendants of Wilkins Micawber.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8611

An Aussie bloke knows how to foight,
And duck with all of his moight.
He's dexterous and skilled,
And never gets killed;
You could say that he is adroit.
--- Rory Ewins

In Australia it's no contradiction
To say freedom flows out of restriction.
It's with pride that they say
Of their forefathers' day,
"Our founders were men of conviction."
--- Laurence Perrine P8611