Long ago in ancient Japan, Though not all your pundits will buy it, To the Japanese bath house he went; She's a delicate, lovely young thing; Says the madam, "You like her? You do? Guess this "wax job", he thinks with a wink, "Yes, a wax job sure sounds ticky poo; With her right hand, his spear she then steers; In the city they call Yokohama The rebels have taken Kabul; Try to believe this, if you can; Mom and Dad bedded down in Beirut; On dirty sidewalks in Kuwait, In Iraq there's a town ('round the mid) A see saw installed in the sand, There was a young man of Teheran A loose-sphinctered man in Teheran Though warfare in general I slam, Navel of the universe, Holy City, A young man from downtown Tel Aviv, In Israel, when girls attend school, Young Russ told his father in full There is no successful prescription There was a young mid-eastern sheik, The Arabs and Jews will be friends. Hafez Al-Assad won't deny In judging stag parties, please note A young man from Pakistan named Barney, A sexy young woman in Sneads Alas for the cross cupidity It may strike you and me as quite weird, I met her down-town in old Ankara, There's a question designed to perplex,
This is file jom
A Governor Phillip traversed Arsonists are burning Australia; In Australia they oft have the blues Don't want to be stomped by a roo; I've considered going tripping down under I'll thank you to leave my prize scrote At the station the skint jackaroo (broke youth) An Australian native one day Australian seasons are reverse. These limericks that you folks conceive, Any Aussie fears bushfires the most. In the great Aussie city of Perth Australia was the land of the crims; Said Joanne from Kalamazoo: A woman named Canberra Sue You republican infidels die! It's likely a cockney Pygmalion Psychiatrists say: "When an Aussie A cheerful young convict called Dahlia There once was a bloke from Australia When convicts in prison regalia He's handsome, he's virile, he's deep; A belligerent bloke from Australia There was a young man from Australia All you who have autumn or fall, We speak a language called Strine, I once met this girl from down under, The pedophiles landed in Oz A woman named Eleanor Tidney It's the Land of the Long White Cloud, Home to offspring of many a robber, An Aussie bloke knows how to foight, In Australia it's no contradiction
Was a geisha who dressed as a man.
Her pants were so tight
And they rubbed her just right;
When she walked you might say that she ran!
--- Richard Long
Those who've studied Japan verify it.
Legislators are thin
Because once they're in,
They have to stick close to their Diet.
--- A N Wilkins P9212
(His first time, though a worldly-wise gent)
Madam fixes a tub;
He gets in and his stub
Quickly grows when he sees whom she'd sent!
--- Allen Wolverton
Scrubs and dries him; his bell she does ring;
(A gown's all she wears;
Nothing 'neath it, he swears!
Oh! To have this doll under my wing!)
--- Allen Wolverton
Her warm touch is exquisite; that's true;
I can tell you that she,
For a small extra fee,
Will perform a nice "wax job" on you!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Must involve something hot, wet, and pink;
While the maiden's sweet charm
Gets our hero quite warm;
"Never heard it called that, I do think!"
--- Allen Wolverton
To the tab, add it, I'll have one too!"
Then the chick doffs his robe,
Seeks his masculine probe;
(On karate, he hasn't a clue!")
--- Allen Wolverton
With her left hand, she swoops on his spheres;
Her hand's edge, then, does strike
His poor 'nads; he yells, "Yiiike"!
And the wax, then, pops out of his ears.
--- Allen Wolverton
With the accent penultimate, comma,
I saw parks and tea-houses
And girls in tight blouses
In kimonos and one in pyjamas.
--- H Wilson Smith P8712
We hope they establish wise rule.
But if they repay us
With bloodshed and chaos,
They'll be swapped for a reliable tool.
--- Dr Limerick 11-13-01
There is in the Turkish land
A town and it's small
But that is not all;
It goes by the name of Batman
--- Anon
They mated and I was the fruit.
Their forebears were plain,
And I'm not a brain,
But you'll have to admit that I'm cute.
--- Al Willis
The men hang around until late,
Smoking hashish with tea
For a very small fee,
While their wives stay at home with their fate.
--- Nawahl
And I think that just maybe it
Was attacked by allies,
Then renamed (quite wise)
To the more suitable name of Hit.
--- Anon
Tripped militant troops in Iran.
A spy, incognito,
Said, That worked just neato.
I seen what I saw then I ran.
--- Anon
Who had screwed every girl in his clan.
But those not so nice
He had only screwed twice,
Which is par for the course in Iran.
--- Isaac Asimov
Didn't quite make it into the can.
Moaned he, "I deplore
All the mess on the floor,
But Iran, Man, Iran and Iran."
--- Grand Prix Lim 784
Ethnic Cleansing, I think, we should damn,
As an evil infection.
Can we make an exception
For those folk from Iraq and Afgan?
--- Anon
Jerusalem is much more than pretty.
But down on the coast
They do like to boast
Tel Aviv is the universe's titty.
--- Esther
Says night time is the time he can live!
From theatres and clubs
To lounge bars and the pubs,
His outlook on life's take, not give.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
In summer they dress to keep cool.
You can believe me or not,
It makes the boys hot.
They're changing the girls' uniform rule!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Why he traveled to Turkey in wool.
He was tired -- and how!
On milking Ma's cow,
And he wanted to sell his tan bull.
--- Laurence Perrine P8407
For fits that are known as conniption;
They attack Israelites
On warm summer nights,
And make them believe they're Egyptian.
--- Lims Unlimited
Did not want to appear as a freak.
To advance his knowledge,
He went off to college;
His degrees are in Latin and Greek!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Imagine what the future portends,
Jewish cities without roads,
PA troops by truck loads;
I think I know now where this ends.
--- Aaron Michelson
That he's wishing Husssein will soon die
In the course of the war
And open the door
For him as the region's tough guy.
--- A N Wilkins P9103
The Iraqis won't get a big vote.
At the height of the din,
A large cake is wheeled in,
And out of the top jumps a goat.
--- Theo Heller P9303a
Went to Ireland to kiss the stone Blarney.
It increased his talking;
He talks when sleep-walking.
He's the world's most verbal Pakistani.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was fond of the Persians and Medes,
For the Medes and the Persians
Were fond of diversions
And gave her some very good leads.
--- Limber Limericks
Abounding since antiquity.
It's supposed to make sense
To kill more innocents,
Because of human stupidity.
--- Fran
But the news, as you've probably heared:
The priority
When the Talibans flee,
Is to queue to shave off the beard.
--- Dr Limerick 11-13-01
Big Fatima, built like a tankara.
One thousand-one nights,
Of Turkish delights?
Uh-oh, but she gave me a wankara.
--- Anon
Politically based and direct.
Would the Turks really mind
If attacked from behind?
And would Greece help to ease the effects."
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9710
Sydney Harbour, he doubtless conversed
With his fellows. So what
Should we label that lot?
Aborigines. They were here first.
--- Anon
Hitherto their life's been a failure.
Now they've got it right;
Sydney's well alight,
Blazing like a lovely red Dahlia!
--- Tony Burrell
And there's sometimes a shortage of ewes.
So they jump up and down
And head out of town,
And sexually assault kangaroos.
--- Anon
Don't fancy luke-warm wombat stew.
Your beer tastes like piss,
So Davey, mate, this
Is why we're not down there with you.
--- Anon
Till you cast aspersions asunder
With your "bloody"s and "hell"s
And your "fucking"s as well;
Now I think such a trip's a great blunder.
--- Anon
Alone 'cause you don't rock my boat.
I much prefer mice,
Though chickens are nice,
Or the pouch of a wild bandicoot.
--- Archie
Was stroppy. "Belt up!" said the crew. (angry, be quiet)
"It's potty to grouse. (foolish to complain)
Don't whinge. Use your nous. (whine, smarts)
Keep your pecker up. You'll get your screw. (wages)
--- A N Wilkins P8611
Bought a new boomerang with his pay.
But he broke down and cried,
For, however he tried,
He could not throw the old one away!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Their New Years Day, July the First.
The women there bake
The down-side-up cake.
With "Bottoms Down" men toast their thirst.
--- Irving Superior P8611
Are obvious attempts to deceive,.
The fact that you're geeks,
And certainly freaks,
A good reason for me not to leave.
--- Kird van Koeverden
Your worldly possessions are toast;
When the air is all red,
And your neighbors have fled,
And the town you once cherished? A ghost!
--- Rory Ewins
It was not an occasion of mirth
When a visiting guy
Said, "I'm happy that I
Am here, very near Forth of Firth."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9702
We sent them back there for their sins.
To get their own back,
They send TV crap,
And a cricket team that always wins.
--- Tony Burrell
"I think drastic measures are due.
Get no kick from my dildo;
To down under I will go
And buy me a didjeridoo."
--- Anon
Kept an opal inside of her shoe.
She raised wombats for sale
That she'd ship out by mail,
And she played a mean didgeridoo.
--- Woody Dykott
With my anger I will not be shy!
You think I'm just joking,
Since I do like provoking,
But on such outrage I fie.
--- Bob Mornington
Would not have said Aussies spoke alien.
But the shiela'd be wrong
If she fell for the prong
Of a dill, if not drongo Australian.(idiot,if not worthless)
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8611
Who normally show himself bossy
To spammers and fools
Who break limerick rules,
It's reasoned he's drunk from the saucy.
--- Travis Brasell
Said, "Diggin' your way out can't fail ya!"
He dug for a week
Then gave a great shriek,
When he came out in Sydney, Australia!
--- Elizabeth Dowall
Who dropped Latin words without failure
And while sharing a berth
With some ladies from Perth
Said, "I'd sure like to get inter alia."
--- Martin Wellborn P0409
Were shipped off for "life" in Australia,
One hardly could guess
That Australia's success
Would be built on foundations of failia.
--- Laurence Perrine P8611
An Australian who doesn't like sheep.
He'll give you a hop,
A day and night bop,
Yes, Skippy will make your pulse leap!
--- Anon
Is afflicted with gross coprolalia.
But since he speaks 'Strine',
It is hard to opine
What is meant by the words that assail ya.
--- Maledicta Monitor P9202
Equipped with the right paraphernalia.
He made love with glee
In his house by the sea,
And if you went near him, he'd nail ya.
--- Music Jones
Down here a new Spring starts to call.
Hormones start to rage,
We're out of our cage --
If it moves then it's screwed, it's a ball!
--- Anon
Where the rain comes down like the 'rine,'
And the 'line' is a 'loin' --
But my boots in your groin
If you imply that my speech is 'in sine'.
--- Don Laycock P8611
When I committed a rather bad blunder.
Her question still stings --
Do you know Alice Springs?
I replied, "Really -- I hope you have shunned her."
--- FCA TP9804
Overjoyed at the country because
The bushmen had tots
That gave 'em the hots,
And sheep they could fuck without pause.
--- Anon
Had a fondness for meatpies with kidney.
She was raised out in Perth;
'Twas the town of her birth,
But she was always partial to Sydney.
--- Woody Dykott
A fact the residents are all proud.
The Maoris, you see,
They must disagree,
It's the land of the Wrong White Crowd.
--- Larry Brash
The bastards of prince and of pauper,
Aboriginal Australians,
Marsupial/mammalians,
And descendants of Wilkins Micawber.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8611
And duck with all of his moight.
He's dexterous and skilled,
And never gets killed;
You could say that he is adroit.
--- Rory Ewins
To say freedom flows out of restriction.
It's with pride that they say
Of their forefathers' day,
"Our founders were men of conviction."
--- Laurence Perrine P8611