MORE
If you're planning to speak to the British, The Briton has made quite a mark, If you travel from Scratby to Oby (areas around Norfolk)
In Waterford town on the dole, (TD = ? -McW)
Voltaire's Norman cook named Montross In the UK, we rhyme Philistine They're a disciplined lot are the Bicester, The old Roman fortress of Corbridge An encyclopaedia found in schools A babe from American Fork We British live on a small island, Well, I'm down the old England's south coast, Just south is the old Isle of Wight; Is that the young fellow from Wight, (SC - lighthouse on Isle of Wight)
There was a young lady of Penge, On Salisbury Plain vandals impinged Out at Stonehenge we saw the big rocks When the wind comes from the south, The sweet little girlies of Surrey The names all appear old and and quaint, Asheville is cunning. It would The absolute essence of Britishness? From West Country Dorset, I be; The sea-wise people of Weybourne (areas around Norfolk)
Your limerick did sadly evoke I quite understand your objection I ain't pulled the wool since my niece Some people think British food stinks, A strapping young builder from Wymondham (areas around Norfolk)
Ah, yes! I will crap in the grass, Excuse me, but this isn't right; When traveling, I always try There was a young man from Alnwick, Of Daphne from Ashton-ON-Lyne, Been working in dismally gritty But soon I'll be off and away Oh what a sad piteous verse! No nurses in Edinburgh City? Some things I just can't resist; I'm off to the City of Titties; I have heard that the girls out in Bucks
(Buckinghamshire) The busy square mile of the city In London I'd throw in the tower In Cringleford there is a hitch On the Thames in Eton, I note While digging his garden in Garboldisham, (areas around Norfolk)
There was an old man of Ghent, A postman in Leeds, Sam MacLean, "Not Leeds!" I protested in vain, The trouble with Leeds is the spotty The hookers of Leeds are a fright; Back home now I'm kind of like working Oh bugger this work I be doin'; In Bradford the rainfall is worse; So much for Big Bertha - though willing 'Twas in London I lived as a lad; A young lady named Minny Cooper It's darkly Satanic and grim, Maybe a verse here and there I earn a living in London's old city; I'm sorry to have such a moan, I've heard of this city of Kent In Nottingham, heaps of old slags Should a Brit do offense 'gainst the Crown, Toastmasters are good at a speech. How sad for to see Baltimore! In the Gaeltacht of sweet Ballingearry,
Be sure to avoid using Yiddish;
They'll look you askance
And there is some chance
This will make you feel terribly shitish.
--- Norm Storer P0508
Since Noah abandoned the ark.
Now such is his lust,
Even God wouldn't trust
An Englishman whilst in the dark.
--- Anon
And you are in a hurry, then oh be
Sure your route will be
By Hemsby or Filby
Or Ormsby but never by Scroby.
--- Anon
At last I have reached my life's goal.
With a hundred a week,
No TD has the cheek
To ask me to work, bless their soul!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Found England an absolute loss;
"In that nation, one sees
More religions than fleas,
And yet they have only one sauce."
--- A N Wilkins P8605
With the great German river, the Rhine.
So you Merkins must rough it,
Or tell me to stuff it,
If to you it ain't sounding fine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And the Huntsman is always called Mister.
When a girl from the Fernie
Addressed him as Ernie,
They all gathered 'round her and hissed her.
--- Anon (Bibby)
Was designed with a terrible flaw which
Kept enemies out,
Of that there's no doubt.
It had a big moat and no drawbridge.
--- Janet Muggeridge
Describes the way of fighting duels.
First it's best in the yard,
Then both say, "Be on guard!"
Then Britannica waives the rules.
--- Tom Patton P0302
Could diddle before she could talk.
Now she's in the U.K.
And the Englishmen say,
"Wow! Can that American Fork!"
--- Hugh Oliver A116C
And happy are we in our own land.
The WORLD WARS WE WON,
SHOVE THAT UP YOUR BUM.
Better late than not lending a hand.
--- Peter Morgan
About which there ain't much to boast;
Except for the heather
And gorse, and the weather,
Which for Britain, is drier than most.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On clear days it's well within sight.
The winds, it is plain,
Drop there all the rain,
And leaves us comparatively bright.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who gave all the girlies a fright,
By claiming his dong
Was as fat and as long
As the famous St Catherine's light.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Politically out on the fringe.
She was given some fluid
By a randy old Druid,
And now she's the toast of Stonehenge.
--- Bill Wall
And last year's Winter Solstice was dimmed
By malevolent spawn,
Dimming the light of dawn,
Leaving modern day Druids unhEnged.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204
And one of them there even talks.
If you ask it politely,
He'll tell you that nightly
The Druids dance 'round in their socks.
--- Graham
Over the shield-bearing Saxons stout,
It drives waves up Skiddy,
Makes high Calad Nit giddy,
Pounding the grey-green of Shannon's mouth.
--- Rumann Mac Colmain P0107
Are anyone's after a curry;
But girlies from Berks (Berkshire)
Prefer toffee-nosed jerks
To be up 'em and out in a hurry.
--- Peter Wilkins
Though confusion's a common complaint.
There's counties named Essex,
And Sussex and Wessex,
But a county named Nussex, there ain't.
--- Anon
Run trucks through my nice neighborhood,
To build them an armory
With arms, from a farmery
And a park, but I don't think they should.
--- Lian na Beag
A resolute absence of skittishness.
(They ruled all the waves
And never were slaves.)
And an upper class known for its twittishness.
--- Rory Ewins
'Tis very perceptive of thee;
But phrases like, "Well
I be buggered", Michelle,
Be a-comin' from 'eifers, not me.
--- Anon
Can tell what the state of the ebb 'n'
Flow of the tide is
By checking how wide is
The crafty old sea-spiders webbin'.
--- Anon
Bad memories of old Basingstoke.
I cornered a lass
Who showed me her ass,
But found out that the lass was a bloke!
--- SFA
To Basigstoke tarts; my direction
Is out of such towns,
And on to the downs,
If wooly twat's your prediliction
--- SFA
Bent over and parted her fleece.
She saw my carbuncle
And quickly yelled "Uncle!"
Which hastened my manhood's decease...
--- SFA
But I'll have to try it, methinks.
Besides, I have learned
Where strange food is concerned,
I'll eat anything with enough drinks.
--- Cheryl
Was proud of his massive pudendum.
Its gargantuan size
Easily won him first prize
In a big nationwide referendum.
--- Anon
And piss in each creek that I pass.
And then to be cute,
Each night I pollute
The cunt of a clean British lass.
--- Anon
Us people of York are not tight!
And when troubles come,
'Ay Up!' and 'By gum!'
Will silence all mili-try might.
--- Anon
Local foods, and some bring a sigh;
Yorkshire pudding can cause
Terminal pause,
And tears are brought to the eye.
--- Mike Patterson A3
Who picked up a fork, looking manic,
Said, "I'll ask them in Warkworth
Just how much this forks worth,"
And everyone started to panic.
--- Janet Muggeridge
This is file jlm
I must say that she's mighty fine,
Men from Manchester
And even from Chester,
Pine for her part that's feline.
--- Anon
And gloom-laden Birmingham City,
Where most of the women
Are terribly grim 'n'
The rest are decidedly shitty.
--- Peter Wilkins
To Edinburgh City and pray
That hundreds of lasses
With cute little asses
Will teasingly lead me astray.
--- Peter Wilkins
You need, my boy, a big strapping nurse.
But Glasgow has few,
And I hear from McGrew,
That Edinburgh City is worse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
No comforting matronly titty?
No nipples, no teats
In those desolate streets?
No surprise?, then a piteous ditty.
--- Peter Wilkins
I love limeys, I truly insist.
My mother, God rest her,
Was born in Manchester;
Other blots on my past, I won't list.
--- John Miller
That's Bristol, the Mecca of cities,
Where girlies wear vests
Which cling to their chests,
And charge nowt for a poke of their kitties.
--- Anon
When they're dancing, do waddle like ducks.
But their organ down south
Is as good as a mouth;
Well at least I've been told that it sucks.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of London's not specially pretty,
But well worth a visit
For spotting exquisite
Young ladies with bountiful titty.
--- Peter Wilkins
Those ladies I'd want in my power.
Unlike Henry Eighth said,
I'd yell "On with the head!"
And generate quite a nice shower.
--- Ward Hardman
And their name they may now have to ditch.
To lie is rewardless;
Their village is fordless,
And really should be Cringlebridge.
--- Anon
A cafe, a "lo-fat", afloat;
And near by, a banner
Said "Dress Roman Manner!"
So I hid in my toga, a goat.
--- David Miller
A man found some gems, so he polished 'em.
Sadly he garbled some,
And then he marbled some,
And finally gave up and abolished 'em.
--- Anon
Who used to sleep in a tent,
The tent was so small,
He could not sleep at all
And he forgot what the word sleep meant.
--- Hazel Dunn
Oft talks of the boxes he's seen,
While walking his beat,
But yet has to meet
A one that ain't festering green.
--- Anon
When told I must visit again;
It's not only grim,
It lacks quality quim,
And it always chucks buckets of rain.
--- Anon
Unkempt and unsavoury totty;
The most one can say,
On a very good day,
Is that camels are rather less grotty.
--- Peter Wilkins
Asked one I encountered last night.
"A handjob for free
In the gents while you pee?"
"Not likely!" I said, and took flight.
--- Anon
'Twixt patches of snoozing and lurking,
Composing these verses
And ogling nurses;
Pretending, in fact, I'm not shirking.
--- Anon
Yon nurses I'd rather be wooin'.
If not, then Big Bertha
I guess may be worth a
Wee visit for billin' and cooin'.
--- Anon
I done caught a dose from a nurse.
Now back here in Penge,
I'm potting revenge,
Too gruesome to tell in this verse.
--- Anon
She told me her fee was a shilling.
It seems that she too
Won't consider a woo
Or a cooing or two before billing.
--- Anon
As a town it was not all that bad.
Then out to the styx,
We moved, when I'm Six;
Now, I barely miss it a tad.
--- Anon
Had learned how to swear like a trooper!
On her way home one night,
And not feeling bright,
She got lost in a London pea-souper!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Forbiddingly gloomy and dim.
It's Manchester city;
And equally gritty
Is Manchester's quota of quim.
--- Peter Wilkins
Will occur to me out of thin air,
So I'll scribble it down
While commuting to town,
Though at work, I have no time to spare.
--- Peter Wilkins
I don't take the car, it's too shitty;
I travel by train.
It seems less of a strain,
But it's dirty and grimy and gritty.
--- Peter Wilkins
But I've sat here this week on my own,
Without dreaming up verses;
I'm tired and the curse is
I can't even get me a bone!
--- Peter Wilkins
But confess that I never went.
So I guess it's unfair
Since I never went there,
To hope that I never get sent.
--- Anon
Are offering "quality" shags,
Which frankly are crap;
For the catching of clap,
And the crabs are but some of the snags.
--- Anon
The entire legal system comes down
On the sad miscreant,
Who is tried, sentenced, sent
To drive taxicabs in London Town.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204
They spray and they dribble and preach.
But give them some bread
And they'll scratch at their head
And burn it like Brits on the beach!
--- Newsworthy
Where the Irish are now to the fore.
God be with the old days
And our dear British ways --
But, alas and alack, they're no more!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Where the Gaels of both sexes are airy,
If you want to make love,
It's OK from Above.
If you do it through Irish -- be wary!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
MORE