The Blarney Stone still spins the money, There was a young miss from Killarney, I can't blame her from passing the stone. To honor Ireland's patron Saint, Donnegal's women are fair, In the middle of Dublin's fair heart, In Dublin, I have seen that sweet tart In the Emerald Isle, County Cork, If ever you're tired and weary, A sheepherder counting his flock G Adams spoke well of disarmin', (head of Sinn Fein? - McW)
In Dublin there was an old fey Mick An Irish lass in Gloccamora To Dublin, that town on the Liffey, There was a young man from the Maigue;, There is a Green Isle in the West Whilst in Ireland, they're living in hope Jonah had only one wish, To the Irish the ultimate horror, To Ireland I want to go To an island off Kerry we rode fast. There once was an Irish vacation An old Irish family called Carey, Now a warrior princess named Olga In Limerick there is a colleen To see this erotic display, Each May this colleen can afford I'm from Ireland, I must confess. You came here to learn about what? In Limerick where once I did stay, An Irish lass loves not her lover There was a Wyse Bishop named Jackson; When two Irishmen meet, it's all blather,
This is file jkm
In O'Reilly's pub, a young lass The tourist lamented, "It grieves, In Donnybrook dwells a strange race A neat Irish maiden called Greta, If your longing for Ireland is troublin', An anthropologist know just as Jim And here's to the good old Cape Clear - There's nowt wrong with Manchester, pal, However in this I'll be fair, During opening hours at our pub, For awhile, I will not be here; A summer in England did vex A jolly old tippler named Charlie, The Brits are idiosyncratic There was a young lady of Hub, Visit London and Edinburgh town; Pat and Mike loved their trip to the pub; Aberdeen, finest city of granite, (WTM 1825-1902)
A Scotsman who sat on a thistle; I offer this not to be snide, McCullough, a Scotsman named Jim, 'Tis said that the city was built There was an old man of Kirkwall The Campbells, the couple next door, An extravagant Scotsman, you say? My Erm's set off north to the border, How dare those damn Scots be so cheap! A rather odd Scotsman called Jock Jim McTavish, municipal baillie, (alderman) (crakin - nice)
A romantic extravagant Scottie, Oh Edinburgh! Wonderful city Ask a Scotsman with tartany hat In the Gaelic world the old Celts
If you kiss it, your talk flows like honey,
But if on it you sit,
You could excel at wit,
And the final results are quite funny.
--- Myler Magrath P8605
Who did everything but kiss the Blarney.
When asked why, she spat,
"Do you think I'm a bat!
Or otherwise totally barmy?"
--- Narni
It's cleanliness never's been known.
For local lads soil it
And use for a toilet;
A crime for which none will atone.
--- Liam na Beag
Nicole and Liam decide to paint
Upon their lap
An Irish map,
That Kindell and Leigha think is quaint!
--- Dick Hull
But give you a gimlet-eyed glare.
If ever you try
To capture their eye,
Be ready to prove that you care.
--- Anon
There's a wonderful work of fine art.
It's a statue fo Molly,
Complete with her trolly;
They call it "The Tart With The Cart."
--- Anon
Who sells cockles and mussels from her cart.
She's quite a fair lass
With a trim little ass,
That with my muscle I'd like to part.
--- Saint
Raven-haired young colleen, Kate O'Rourke,
Had a slithering walk,
Which made all the lads gawk
And entitle her, "Duchess of Torque."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0201
And need to be happy and cheery,
Then hop on a boat;
'Cross the Irish Sea float,
And visit the port of Dunleary.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Blundered into a big granite rock.
On shamrocks he tumbled,
Self-confidence crumbled,
He suffered numerical shock.
--- Anon
But lest ye blokes think this alarmin':
Let the English surrender
Their weapons and tender
A kiss on the arse, now that's charmin'!
--- Anon
Who always was seeking that stray trick
And specifically wowed
Most by those well endowed,
And referred to by all as a gay lick.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9111
Said, "Fuck me, but first loccadoora;"
The laws that we've got
Prohibit paid twat;
Be careful when you coccawhora!"
--- Anon
To Janet, Jim wrote: "I've a stiffy.
I'll just have a shag
In this wee padded bag.
Be there soon. I'll come in a jiffy."
--- Anon
Gaelic speaker, no doubt, and a Teague;
Has the tongue that he spoke.
Almost spoke its last croak,
Now we all share the speech of Bill Craig?
--- Archie
With abundance of provender blest;
Unconscripted and pampered,
But rations unhampered,
Yet deeming herself most distressed.
--- Anon Punch 1918 (Bibby)
Of the end of Loyalist vs Pope.
They'd all start to dance,
If given the chance
To show Adams and Paisley the rope!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But instead was eaten by a fish.
I'll bet you a buck,
With this kind of luck,
He must have been totally Irish.
--- Chris
Worse than Sodom and worse than Gomorrah,
Is surely the way
We expect them to say
Things like Jaysus, begob and begorra.
--- John Mills, Christchurch
With kids and a husband in tow.
We'll see all the green
And sights to be seen,
And fun will be had, this I know.
--- Intell
'Twas truly our link with the past.
Would stories be true?
Would Grandpa know who
Was touching his island at last?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which gave me this view of the nation:
Green Kerry was clean.
Grafitti unseen,
'Cept "Kathleen was here," in Glen Station.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lived in the big house in Tipperary.
The house attained fame,
Not because of its name,
'Twas a breeding spot of the Irish Canary!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was a champion of Upper Volga.
She sailed West to Eire
Chu Chullain to dare,
But she succumbed to his big Gae Bolga. [?]
--- Anon
Whose whole pubic area's green.
On each of her tits
A harp proudly sits,
With shamrocks to round off the scene.
--- Prof
All Ireland is willing to pay.
The women to view her,
The men folks to screw her:
She's available July to May.
--- Prof
To go on vacation abroad,
Along with a peer
Who loves her most dear.
Yes folks, you've guessed, I'm that lord.
--- Prof
I'm drinking no more and no less.
I came here to learn
And will likely return
With a master's degree in B.S.
--- Dirruk
The learning channel it's not.
We're here, not for knitting
But merely bullshitting
About chicks, pricks, boobies and twat.
--- Dirruk
I aimed for a romp in the hay,
But couldn't have guessed
How green and how blessed,
How charming the land of the lay.
--- Armand Singer
So much as she loves his love of her.
Then loves she her lover
For love of her lover,
Or love of her love of her lover?
--- Linda Marsh Coll
On subjects he had many cracks on;
With the poets of the Maigue
He was not at all vague,
Though his name was not Gaelic but Saxon.
--- Henry Lorton
Talk of Blarney, the Guinness, or heather.
Their families and ways
Back to the good old days;
They don't even mention the weather.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Reacted to Seamus's pass
By kicking his throat,
Then started to gloat,
"You picked the wrong lass to harass."
--- Anon
That no part of my story deceives.
In Ireland, you see,
They serve shamrock tea;
Some water well-boiled with three leaves.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
So far from the Queen - what disgrace!
But they strive to be merry,
With pre-dinner sherry --
And they toast her, and roast her, with grace!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Was so short, she was less than a metre.
When told that her figure
Would not grow any bigger,
Said small packages always stay neater.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Have a Guiness; a pint black and bubblin'.
You're still missing the isle?
Have two more, wait awhile,
Look outside and your view will be Dublin.
--- Anon
Said the Irish have always been dim.
But as for the Welsh,
They're nothing much else,
Than Irish that learned how to swim.
--- Friar TP9806A
Where long after midnight flows beer.
And the Capers so gay
Work twelve hours a day --
At free grants and free dole they just jeer!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Near there was born this young gal.
Our beer is better,
But our climate is wetter;
Pros and cons of each I could tell.
--- Joy Clare
British beer is beyond compare.
I've tried twenty-five,
In pub, bar, and dive,
Not one has equivalents here.
--- Mike Patterson A4
There is plenty of drink and good grub.
If you want just a nibble,
The Younger Miss Tribble
Runs our ball games and Cockfighting Club.
--- G0164
I'll be off sucking down English beer
In the land of the Bard.
Hope I find something hard;
If I do you'll all hear me cheer.
--- Cheryl
Three American girls from South Hex.
Excessively British,
The men were quite skittish,
And much preferred dartboards to sex.
--- G0663
Engaged in a pub in a parley,
With a wink said, "I think
That your drink's turning pink;
A sign of inferior barley."
--- Cyber Geezer
And their driving is rather erratic.
There may not be sun
But the pubs are great fun,
And the sausage and mash aromatic.
--- PeterW
Went with her beau to the pub.
But her Momma espied her,
To the bathroom, she hied her,
And Oh! how she made that girl scrub!
--- Anon
Try Newcastle Ale which is brown.
And Lancashire's great.
(If you're offered a plate
Of black pudding, then try not to frown.)
--- PeterW
It was like having a sip at the club.
The joke of their lives:
It was their poor wives,
Who laid out the cash for their sub.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With a number of thoroughfares which span it,
And some bridges they say,
Quite like the one o'er the Tay
Near by Dundee, fairest town on the planet.
--- William Topaz McGonigall
Got up quickly, with a short whistle.
"If I knew not before,
Now I'm very sure,
That my sit-upon's not made of gristle".
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
But as merely a joke that's "inside."
I think it's amusing
For Scots to be using
"Bonnie" to describe the River Clyde.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Disliked Brits, but not on a whim.
He said, "They're not bright,
But when seen in the light,
Some's not bad, like HER or like HIM.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By men with the rocks in their kilt.
So those phallic skyers
Were really not spires,
But boners no woman could wilt.
--- Anon
Who could scarcely speak English at all.
But nevertheless
He was quite a success
At the last Caledonian ball.
--- Randall Davies P0900
Are over-sexed people, I'm sure.
And it sounds by the shrieks
And the way their bed creaks,
That the Campbells are coming once more!
--- Michael Horgan P0410
Who'd be willing to pay his own way?
Though told with conviction,
This story's pure fiction!
They'll not give you the time of day!
--- Tiddy Ogg
To keep those damned Scotsmen in order,
And see how they're built,
There under the kilt,
But the mean bastards just can't afford her.
--- Anon
Poor Ermintrude's price ain't that steep,
At least when compared
To dimes that I've spared,
To shepherds for time with the sheep!
--- Anon
Insists upon wearing a frock,
Though the cold winter breezes
That blow 'round his kneeses
Have frozen the end of his cock.
--- Michael Horgan
Would dance up a storm at a ceilidh. (party, dance)
He'd birl and jig (twirl)
After taking a swig
Of a swally that's crakin and ale-y. (swally - beverage)
--- Rory Ewins
From Glasgow went wooing the totty. (dazed)
They thought he was dotty
And snotty and potty
To call himself Donald Quixote.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of sweet Caledonian titty.
On every street
There are girlies in heat
With the choicest selection of kitty.
--- Peter Wilkins
'Bout the noumbers, and where tae start at,
And he'll say (for a bevvie
Of Belhaven heavy),
Och, ane is the one for a' that.
--- David Morin
Dined on haggis and sometimes on smelts.
Their nights were all fair,
Thanks to the highland air,
And the fact they'd knocked back a few belts.
--- Jim Weaver Collection