Though SPA is a watering place
Where one can take leisure with grace.
There are some, I hear,
With habits quite queer,
Like layering mud on the face.
--- Chris Papa

Those warm rushing waters of SPA
Help many a damsel to thaw
In winter's deep cold,
Or so we are told;
Is it just slick salesman's chutzpah?
--- Daniel Ford

I might as well get forty winks,
Forgetting the horse hips
And those actors slack lips,
Which seem to have missed all the synchs!
--- Chris Papa

Spavined by lifetime of tillage,
Of years Father Time took at pillage,
He said to his wife,
"Enough of this strife.
It's time for retirement village."
--- Chris Papa

There was a young lady exquisite,
Who said she had a SPECTRAL visit.
She was treated with scorn
Till her child was born.
If not then the ghost's, whose is it?
--- Chris Papa

Control of message by SPIN DOCTOR
Is often done without a proctor.
To check on the lies
Being fed by spies,
Who ought to be labeled concocter.
--- Daniel Ford

SPIN DOCTORS are out, never doubt 'em;
Sans shame, their slick slogans, they shout 'em.
I fear there's no cure;
Of this I am sure.
We'd all be better off, without 'em.
--- Chris Papa

Some DOCTORS are experts at SPIN.
And others are experts on skin.
The latter need appointments
Before they give ointments.
The former are happy to take you in.
--- Norm Brust

Some words can be recommended,
But others not comprehended,
Quite vociferous.
Coiner should be apprehended.
--- Darryl

The bluish new pill, in a jifferous,
Has a result that's SPLENDIFEROUS.
That Viagra thing,
Will cause instant Spring,
And help make an organ quite stifferous.
--- Chris Papa

Long-needled trees SPLENDIFEROUS,
Mugo pines are coniferous,
Through which winds swish,
While we're catching fish,
Cleaning air most odiferous.
--- Daniel Ford

When "laid back" is the name of the game,
I'll quick opt and accept the blame,
Though others may vex
To prefer one sex,
And hope laid-back one is a dame!
--- Chris Papa

The Vikings were good at SPOLIATION;
Their pillage was quite a sensation..
The lived by the sword,
And got final reward
Ablaze on a long ship cremation.
--- Chris Papa

The items we label "miscellaneous"
Are often merely extraneous.
Though they'd not be missed,
We put them on the list --
An act that is more or less SPONTANEOUS.
--- Norm Brust

SPONTANEOUS combustion yields
To those in the detective fields.
And arson is found
From ash on the ground,
Some started by those that wear shields.
--- Chris Papa

Some murders occured near the borders--
They picked up a spy in his quarters.
'Twas not all SPONTANEOUS;
They found subcutaneous,
A radio chip giving him orders.
--- Bob Dvorak

Reverend Spooner, who never lacked words,
Would, none the less, always hack words,
With certain shifts slight;
He'd bring forth delight,
Phrasing his fragments bass-ackwards.
--- Chris Papa

In tracking animals by their SPOOR,
I confess my record's rather poor.
I see the droppings,
Footprints and floppings,
But I would rather savor liqueur.
--- Daniel Ford

It's bad enough TV ads spruik,
Employing a badly dressed kook,
But worst of all,
Which on my ears fall,
The music which might make you puke.
--- Chris Papa

Told to beat until it was SPUMESCENT,
His batter to make her a present.
He tried very hard
But quickly got tard
Before it was even tumescent.
--- J'Carlin

Think of what has no tumescence?
Decidedly lacking nascence!
Yes, cold feet on back
Makes ardor quite slack
And results in no SPUMESCENT!
--- Barb

Frothy, foamy, even SPUMESCENT,
The head on beer is evanescent
And disappears soon
In the local saloon,
Like souffle 'mid dancers incessant.
--- Daniel Ford

What's a poor guy gonna do,
Who asks for a SPUMESCENT brew
At his favorite bar?
The real chances are
They'd add penile discharge, or two.
--- Chris Papa

A lady with less sense than SPUNK,
Inquired of the muscular hunk
If his well-defined pecks
Were better than sex,
Since his jock strap had visibly shrunk.
--- J'Carlin

There once was a SPURIOUS spy,
A boastful incompetent guy.
He let the gals know,
He was so macho,
But once hung, his neck was awry.
--- Chris Papa

A youth whose origins were SPURIOUS,
Said to his mother, "I'm curious.
Is my dad the baker
Or the candlestick maker?"
"It's the butcher," she said, "I'm quite sure he is."
--- Norm Brust

On their first date, she got very curious
And then found out he was so SPURIOUS.
He feigned great affection;
Results? An infection!
She was, how you say it, quite furious!
--- Barb

She was false, deceitful, and SPURIOUS,
And her charges were very injurious.
But what hurt the most:
Her trip to the Gold Coast,
Which left me feeling penurious.
--- Daniel Ford

Ted was a tightwad, not SPURIOUS;
Born to be super penurious;
On date the dumb bloke
Said, "You pay. I am broke."
Friend glared a message injurious.
--- Elois

Discarded, rejected or SPURNED,
Scorned woman has her fury earned,
But I'm surmising,
Current downsizing
Leaves many similarly burned.
--- Daniel Ford

Old adage indelibly burned,
That is for all time to be learned,
Advice from the jury,
"Hell hath no fury,
Like that of a woman who's SPURNED!"
--- Chris Papa

What's happened to old Woman's Lib?
It's fizzled just like a wet SQUIB.
Rhetorical hoo-hah;
The burning of bra;
Have we gone back to old Adam's rib?
--- Norm Brust

The fellow who was to adjudicate,
Asked why we wanted to separate.
I said, "It's plain to see,
Could it any simpler be;
What we have her is a stale-mate."
--- Gunjan Saraf

This is file jjl

Deprived of a lush piece of tail-mate,
Crushed convict confided with jail-mate
That he'd do in a pinch.
Reply, "It's a cinch,
Cell-sharing is at a STALEMATE."
--- Chris Papa

A husband once tempted his fate,
Got hit on the head, wife irate,
Had caused a bad feel,
To feminist zeal,
Now there's a STALEMATE, from fresh mate.
--- Chris Papa

Brought to a standstill is STALEMATE,
Placed in check by bars on the gate,
With no place to go,
Just pace to and fro,
Like lion who's become inmate.
--- Chris Papa

STALEMATE's also negotiation
Locked in one place by an oration;
Needs arbitrator,
Hurry and waiter,
Who'll jumpstart a new mediation.
--- Daniel Ford

Boxed in a corner in STALEMATE,
Husbands who argue with female mate,
Note Rule Number One:
"She's always right, son!"
Especially when your love sails late.
--- Daniel Ford

And if sometimes she is wrong, think you,
For all other cases see Rule Two.
Which is, just for fun,
"Refer to Rule One!"
Future situations you'll eschew.
--- Daniel Ford

Pornography makes up most of my spam,
Those guys with the 'hidden' videocam.
My filter tries to stanch,
Most of this raunch,
Though some does spill over the dam.
--- Norm Brust

The bloggers helped STANCH the stuff from
Dan Rather, now perceived a bum,
Who, without remorse,
Became biased source,
And to Democrats would then succumb.
--- Chris Papa

With rigid world view STANDPATISM,
Proponents play like priapism.
They're always upright
But rather uptight;
Dyfunctional stiff rheumatism.
--- Daniel Ford

STANDPATISM, poker game stuff,
For players is position tough.
May hearald win call
Or simply be gall
Of someone who can really bluff.
--- Chris Papa

STAR CHAMBER legality waives,
In sending some rogues to their graves.
But attorneys weep,
At what they can't keep,
For all of the fees that it saves.
--- Chris Papa

Teen's innocent date with a friend
Meant parent's STAR CHAMBER at end.
Professed lack of trust,
Accuings unjust,
Do seem to rebellion portend.
--- Elois

The set of sneezing, STERNUTATION,
Can be a source of consternation.
When in concert halls,
The performance stalls,
As an act of strong confutation.
--- Daniel Ford

Explosive sneezing, STERNUTATION,
Is oft companion of flexation.
Be careful when bending,
For at table ending,
Your forehead may gain indentation.
--- Daniel Ford

His fetish caused much consternation
With very intense concentration.
He'd fill up her muff
With pepper and snuff,
For a climactic STERNUTATION.
--- J'Carlin

Reviewing with pencil of red, it
Should oft give the writer the credit.
A non-flaw detected
Should not be corrected,
And STET does undo any edit.
--- Bob Dvorak

Writ STET, is an ancient conceit,
That editors think really neat,
Since it gives permission
To fix a condition,
That was there and couln't be beat.
--- Chris Papa

To "let it stand," editors write STET,
Overcoming some previous fret.
But there's also a sense
Of implied return tense,
To "as it was" before edit set.
--- Daniel Ford

Copyreaders are prone to fret
When writing standards are not met.
So they correct the proof,
But they even can goof;
So they go back and mark it STET.
--- Norm Brust

A printer a lady had met,
And, printing, his font had soon set.
But finding no fun
In so short a run,
The lady, correcting, cried "STET".
--- Nick

If your nose is stuffed, you can pick it.
If your lip is sticky, you can lick it.
But if partner you lack
When you've an itchy back,
Man, that is a STICKY WICKET.
--- Norm Brust

DWI's STICKY WICKET, (driving while intoxicated)
As cop will issue a ticket,
And you'll go to jail,
If then you will rail,
And tell the gendarme to "Stick it!"
--- Chris Papa

A STIGMA of Chevy van, red,
Of peace signs and food for the head,
A victim of time,
And bongs and cheap wine,
A follower of the Greatful Dead.
--- Karen

Branded forever with STIGMA,
Jean D'Arc became an enigma;
All passion spurning,
Her heart was burning.
At stake was soul of kerygma.
--- Anon

A STIGMA is not a nice thing,
A mark that new troubles will bring.
It sets one apart,
So others can start
To darker convictions then cling.
--- Chris Papa

Though obviously not the first
Such victim to be so coerced;
She delayed going home,
Dear sweet, rich, confused Patty Hearst.
--- Observer

To those with distinct taste to roam,
No captor you'll face
In any straight place,
If you just decide to stay home.
--- Chris Papa

The stony demeanor so STOLID
Reflects those people with a doll id,
Who can't imagine
Sex without bad gin,
In a bedroom they see as squalid.
--- Daniel Ford

When facts will offend, just STONEWALL.
You'll fine it a effective stall;
They'll be mad at you,
But when it's all through,
Forget just what started it all.
--- Chris Papa

A STOOL PIGEON in mob talk is "rat".
You can't get any lower than that.
If you talk to cops,
Look out for two wops,
One just might have a baseball bat.
--- Norm Brust

A STOOL PIGEON once spilled the beans,
'Bout stuff from the Maria's scenes.
Result of this folly,
He gone, and by golly,
Is quite busy pushing up greens.
--- Chris Papa

Now STRAKE maybe side of a ship,
Or way to say "stretch" that is hip.
Or else it means streak,
Just like a nude freak,
At Princeton mid-winter's cold nip.
--- Chris Papa

Be assure that I have no need
Of STRAMONIUM or any other weed.
A martini or two
The trick will do.
I don't need another habit to feed.
--- Norm Brust

If you smoke locoweed the cops come,
Or else EMT's, you'll get some.
For a few weird sensations
And hallucinations,
Taking the poison's just dumb.
--- Chris Papa