MORE
You must have heard old Vicar Morehouse Working each day is a bitch; An amazing relief you'll derive, It's early; it's only just four, A fat acrobat named Louise, Then a cable looped into a crimp, Breathing helium, Louise observes I sit at work day after day For thirty-four years I was hired Making photos has long been my trade I love Photoshop, for you see, An overwhelmed fellow named Gaster Well Gaster, we know how you feel; If you really can't kick the work scene, Social Security is for those 62, You'll tire of just sitting around; You can volunteer for some charities; This job is starting to bore; At this job I will never get fat; For my new job I don't care a spit, The man was accused of a crime; The judge was very deep; A puzzled old judge in Swift Current She stood in her splendor, quite nude: There once was a Judge named Macrae, (Kingston Court, 4/11/03)
County District Attorney, said Melanie A plaintiff with dogged endeavor "The Fifth Amendment," jurist Neff, Barked Circuit Court Judge Brandon Dee, Said a bright young attorney-at-law, The arm of the law may be short To some broad said Hizzoner Judge Geer, They tried a young wastrel named Drury, There was a young lady from Bucharest, The judges in Halifax courts In justice, I must say injustice Said the judge when he heard the complaint, These wise words from judge Rupert Young, A cross-posting netizen, Janet, As expected, someone chose to sue, From his sentence the Judge wouldn't budge. The judge seemed too proud and too stern Our second-string quarterback, French, I ponder on three strikes and out. Just what the hell's going on? John, who is hunky and young, In her chambers as Justice O'Conner In court stood the cockster, George Ray, The case on appeal reached Judge May; For prowess like this, a bouquet.
A poetic burglarr called Lime A judge of immense superstition Ruled circuit-court judge Robert Chase, There once was a pretty chorine "The meek, hiring bright legal lights," There once was a defendant named Irving (Judge Thomas McBride in Irvings appeal on nude conviction)
I think it would be rather fun A judge known as Sandra O'Connor, Now, maybe I have a few smudges, A fugitive, face PALE with zeal, A recluse from around Pasadena, Some cannibals thought it quite queer The question at hand seems to be "What If an answer is needed official, A female lawyer named Fort Some prefer language to be phonetic "For purloining one loaf of bread, The Judge (without missing a beat)
Who said, "Heaven sends from its storehouse
The sun for enjoyment
And help with employment
Of working each day in Life's whorehouse!"
--- Travis Brasell
It certainly won't make me rich.
But serving my time
In the company line,
Is better than life in a ditch!
--- Squat
If you ever see the dead come alive.
Red tape and dust'll
Become hustle and bustle;
It's a government office at five.
--- Anon
And they're clearing a path to the door.
The nitwits and eggheads
Scatter paper and cobwebs.
"We'll do more tomorrow, I'm sure."
--- Bob Watson
Liked to go on the trapeze.
But a big scary bear
Bit her rump in the air,
And spare parts went flying to Belize.
--- Vertech competition
And she fell and developed a limp.
So she made a concession,
As a part-time profession,
She would hire herself out as a blimp.
--- Vertech competition
She can fly, so she swoops and she swerves.
Although felling abused,
Being roundly accused
Of depleting strategic reserves.
--- Vertech Competition
And time seems to just tick away.
I'm trying my best
Though I've lost my zest
To work for my end-of-month pay.
--- Lightbulb
And did just about what's required.
Now I've done my bit
And don't give a shit,
Because I am early retired.
--- SFA
(Though my fortune I still haven't made).
While film is OK,
Airbrushing's passe
Since digital has made the grade.
--- ROE
I can make myself perfect for free!
I can make myself thin,
Lose my double chin,
And make my tits quadruple D!
--- ROE
Said, "My life is such a disaster.
This world's a rat-race
And it's hard to keep pace,
'Cause the rats all keep getting faster!"
--- Observer
You'd better go get a new deal.
Slow down, take your ease,
As through life you breeze;
Jump off of the old hamster wheel.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For want of those nice piles of green,
Like me, set your gaze on
A job in liason --
I'm the liaisiest person you've seen.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who are tired of the work that they do.
You can work some, I know,
But don't make too much dough.
They'll remove the excess with a screw.
--- S C Saint
That leads to a burial ground.
So you'll need stimulation;
No, not self-immolation,
But something that keeps you around.
--- S C Saint
The days will go by in a breeze.
And at age 95,
When you're still alive,
You have the SS by weewees.
--- S C Saint
After lunch I started to snore.
I will pass the time
By writing a rhyme,
But I think that I must practice some more.
--- Goofing
The boss should go shit in his hat.
I'd feel more at ease
Working at Mickey D's;
All I'd say is "You want fries with that?"
--- Goofing
At the zoo where I'm shoveling shit.
My only relief
Is when I take a brief
Suck on the oragutan's tit...
--- Jack
A big one, no nickel and dime.
As the trial began,
The judge said to the man,
"This is, for you, a trying time."
--- Kirk Miller
My lawyer was a creep.
No one was scoring
And it was so boring,
That the jury just fell asleep.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Couldn't figure a proper deterrent;
For the culprits he saw
Who were breaking the law,
Looked the same as the people who weren't!
--- Charles Moreau,Kinston86b
Said blind Justice, "My hearing's grown crude;
When they said 'Election'
I mis-heard 'Erection',
But I guess either way I got screwed."
--- Anon
Who said to a bloke, Doyle, today,
"A menace you are,
With those guns in your car.
Five years for you. Take 'im away!"
--- Alexander Baron
Had committed an outrageous felony,
In the court of Judge Drury,
And in front of the jury,
And was guilty of other miscellany.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Had won, for his lawyer was clever.
But it wasn't for real
For there was an appeal,
And the case through the courts dragged forever.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111
"Takes so much time there's no time left.
So let defendants stand
And raise their right hand,
And for the Fifth, say simply 'F'."
--- Irving Superior P8501
"A flasher's disgusting to me;
Inadequate closure,
Indecent exposure;
Two years in the clink, I decree."
--- Armand E Singer 399
"A judge should be looked on with awe."
"Aw, shucks!" said the judge,
"Such flattery's fudge."
But he dwelt on that syllable, "Aw."
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Or long, of dissimilar sort.
Whatever the length,
It always has strength
To force an appearence in court.
--- R J Winkler P8501
"You've been caught twice this week, so I hear;
To encourage repentance,
I must hand down this sentence:
You are tried and found wanton -- one year."
--- Armand E Singer 10
Condemned by unanimous jury:
The judge cried, "Three cheers,
I give you ten years;
You've fucked the whole state of Missouri."
--- Armand E Singer 523
This is file izm
Got tossed into jail on a fluke arrest.
The judge said in court,
"You tart! It's a tort!
For that was the vice squad that you caressed."
--- William F Orr TP9802
Are easily put out of sorts.
Their procedures are crude,
They're dyspeptic and rude,
And they don't know their writs from their torts.
--- East Coast Lims P0310
Not about to be covered with rust is.
Any judge will affirm
Who has served for a term
How hard the attempt to be just is.
--- Laurence Perrine P8501
"I've attempted to show some restraint,
But with your ribald tongue
You ought to be hung,"
And the scoundrel asked, "Who says I ain't?"
--- A N Wilkins P8606a
"Soon that fag case decree will be sung.
Well, we types from Missouri
Don't just seek a hung jury,
We say, `Watch how the jury is hung'."
--- Armand Singer
Sends porno all over the planet.
Many lives are enriched
By those cocks, cunts, and tits;
But Bill Clinton's decided to ban it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(You guessed it, the ACLU)
'Cause fee speech is important,
The judge said, "No enforcement!"
So for now, Janet can continue.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He bore toward the lawyer a grudge,
Who had followed the rule:
Make the Judge out a fool,
Or make a fool out of the Judge.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Though he lawfully judged my concern.
But after the trial
He brooked with denial
But he tried me from prow unto stern.
--- Lance Payne P8501
After sitting four years on the bench,
Saying, "Clearly God wills
I develop my skills,"
Studied law, and still sits on the bench.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
That could give judges real clout.
Would it be abused
Or properly used?
It needs jurist's prudence, no doubt.
--- Larry J Davis P9406
I was summoned to court as a pawn.
I didn't get called
And fully appalled,
My whole day is quite simply gone.
--- Karen
Was placed on a jury in Dunn.
The judge said, with a sigh,
"I can in no way deny
That the jury now truly is hung."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Disrobed, a nude man fell upon her.
Said her husband, "Embrace
The bare facts of this case.
Do I sully your honor, Your Honor?"
--- Laurence Perrine P8607
Convicted of lech-majeste;
The judge, disapproving,
Voiced visibly moving,
Said, "Sentence is life plus one day."
--- Armand E Singer 496
His honor said, "Life? There's no way!
No if's, and's, or but's,
The lower court's nuts!
I'm voiding his sentence today --
--- Armand E Singer 497
Told of his exploits in rhyme.
The judge said, "It's wrong
To make sentences long,
But I'll make an exception this time.
--- Prof M-G
Believed months' names have a mission.
In March, hiked each day,
Gave permission in May,
And in August showed stately condition!
--- Prof M-G
"Paternity suits sound so base;
With no bone of contention,
With a name I won't mention,
He's no way proved guilty: next case!"
--- Armand E Singer 363
Who slipped on a wet lima bean;
It happened, alack!
Before Nine Men In Black,
Who declared her performance obscene.
--- Limber Limericks
Said the oilman, "for lengthly court fights,
May inherit the earth,
For all that it's worth,
But they won't get the mineral rights."
--- A N Wilkins P9004
Who found his conviction unnerving.
But with a record that's bare,
It's impossible to declare
Whether Irving's appeal is deserving.
--- Thomas McBride P8509
To bugger old Justice McMunn.
A tricky thing lust is:
One may do the Justice,
But he must not be seen to be done.
--- Anon
A woman of learning and honor,
Once roused Warren Burger
To such passionate turgor,
That Justice decended upon her.
--- P Chernoff
With elbows, I've got a few nudges.
But it makes me sick
That those offering dick,
Are usually politicians and judges.
--- Cheryl
On a ledge tried to strike a PLEA deal.
But the court clock struck two --
With a LEAP he was through!
One might say, "Overturned on a PEAL!"
--- Heather L Preston
Being served with a paltry subpoena,
Dropped the thing in the john,
And assumed thereupon
A remote, uncompliant demeanor.
--- Keith MacMillan A023A
That a verse-spouting judge showed no fear.
When ready to dine,
They hung up a sign:
"Poetic Justice served here."
--- Macsam
It is when the judges rule ye." What
Indeed, I might ask,
But the odious task,
That of ruling by Juristic Fiat?
--- Hugh Clary
I'll suggest one beyond my initial
Poor jab at a joke,
In believing a bloke
Might subsume Oligarchy Judicial.
--- Hugh Clary
Caused an uproar in Judge Crater's court.
With her bottom quite bare
The Judge did declare
"I said, can I please see your TORT.
--- Fred Cohen P8503
And their energy, mostly kinetic.
As for justice and truth,
What is truth, forsooth?
As to justice, that should be poetic.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0306
Eighteen months hard labour," the Judge said;
Answered the old hag,
"I don't like to brag,
But can do that standing on my head."
--- David Miller Q
Replied "Your suggestion's real neat.
To mend your bad ways
I'll add ninety days...
It'll help get you back on your feet."
--- David Miller Q
MORE