The Supreme Court ruled "Sodomy NO! -- There was a Texan on the High Court, The Supreme Court was taken aback In a trial unexpectedly tense, A handsome young fellow called Lance "The big corporations are mergery The teen suspect was terribly confused An impartial judge from the states Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw, Praise for Zoe, a hooker, was sung Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw Said the Mafia Don, "Ain't it grand? Out in old Langtry, Texas, they've sung PHILADELPHIA LAWYERS trudge The only girl juror, Miss White, Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw A legless old lady of Strand A cop who was known to be crass, "I was raped," said the lady of Lyme -- When a judge is seen flouting the law, Our prison's security's poor; In court, a young fellow named Kell A rapist deflowered Miss Grace There once was an attorney named Ben, Brit solicitors, Spenser and Mark, The privilige of lawyer and client A lawsuit's resulted, I see, I once had a trial with Bill Shankly -- A lawyer employed some odd science What's the differrence 'twixt lawyers with clients A lawyer who lacks the reliance The rooster, as well known in science, Study constitutionality
This is file iym
A prominent law firm in Maine For sheer bloody gumption and cheek, To her he awarded the lot. So here I am, broke and dismayed "Though they're Doctors of Law," Mr. Moore Could have picked a better employer. A cannibal fellow named Dean, There once was a lawyer in Leeds When lawyers dine out, don't you know, A lawyer is one who would trim A lawyer once had the capacity Salute the PHILADELPHIA LAWYER Lawyers use words in strange ways, Whereunder, whereat and wherefore -- The LSAT made me freeze! There once was a case set for trial. The first time the case was not reached, We hoped to be tried in July, I scheduled the case for September, Plaintiff's a dialysis center, My client finds it a hard pill A trial date I'd like set in stone. Thank you for scheduling the trial, On the back burners, the case it did sit; My client is now all aglow; I was fully prepared to begin. It's time to pick up my quill, We've had too many jokes about lawyers. Lost in a haze of oration, "We're not just a sweatshop," they claim. For reducing partner's income, A shyster gets no sympathy from me; Neanderthal man, it is said,
To the gas chamber loonies won't go --
You can have an abortion
Though it may cost a fortune.
And P.S. BURGER TO GO!"
--- Arthur Deex P8607
Who had a marvelous way with a tort.
His manner was gruff
Till he was caught in the buff
And, I must say, a sleezy resort.
--- First Monday TV P0202
When the Principal nailed up this plaque:
WE SUSPEND THE STRICT RULE
AGAINST PRAYER IN THIS SCHOOL
IN EVENT OF ATOMIC ATTACK.
--- Arthur Deex P9108
She swallowed the state's evidence.
This proved her, she thought,
Not guilty of aught.
Here was true innocence -- in a sense.
--- Laurence Perrine P8501
Had over a hundred Great-Aunts.
He kept some in drawers
And some under floors,
And the judge never gave him a chance.
--- Michael Palin
And in need of a radical surgery,"
Said the Judge in a fury,
"For trial by jury
Is fast turning to trial by perjury."
--- Laurence Perrine P8501
When the judge said, "We are not amused
By your outrageous plea
That we set you Scot Free,
Because as a babe you were abused.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9603
Was a kindly old magistrate.
When in his small town,
The breeze caught his gown,
And his horsey got out the gate!
--- Anon
Spoke on church and our state law;
With mucous gurglings
'Bout feminine fur-things,
While checking the palms of each paw!
--- Anon
By locals and commuters far flung.
Being endorsed by Judge Bean
Made Zoe feel like a queen,
'Cause that jurist was clearly well hung.
--- Rick Kaplowitz P9208
Did await the stage to Wichita;
And moon-ward, such howling
'Bout wild pussy-prowling!
They wanked and they yanked; rubbed cocks raw!
--- Anon
We sent Vinnie to Law School as planned.
Thereby we've had surcease
Since he's been our mouthpiece.
Now he's called our Judge Learned 'Black' Hand."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0001
Of the exploits of Roy Bean and flung
Wide praises with twitting,
While somehow omitting
That the "Hangin' Judge" was quite well hung.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Though legal nooks, till brains' a sludge!
But not in same drawyer
As the Washington lawyer,
Who knows not the law, but the judge!
--- Gunjan
Was housed with the men overnight.
Next morning she smiled,
"Last night was just wild --
This jury is really hung right!"
--- David Miller
Snuck into a strip joint in Wichita;
Their disguise did unravel
When the Judge whacked his "gavel" ;
Said: "Titties! Oh, zipitty doo-dah!"
--- Anon
Was raped by a rotter named Rand.
But the Judge set him free
For he said, "I can see,
She has no leg upon which to stand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2322
Arrested a fine looking lass;
She persuaded the judge
With some fine homemade fudge,
And a piece of her wonderful ass.
--- Cap'n Bean P0800
"The trial," said the judge, "would take time."
In his chambers he went
With the lady and spent
Some time in reconstructing the crime.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2174
It is something that sticks in the craw;
It is always absurd
And CORRUPT is the word --
Such a magistrate ought to withdraw.
--- R J Winkler P8501
I blame it on old Justice Moore.
With sentence erroneous
On fellows felonius:
"Lock the key, throw away the door!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Found matters did not go too well.
Though the jury agreed
That he should have been freed,
They found 'innocent' too hard to spell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111
And the jury was trying the case.
Said His Honor, Judge Beggs,
"You may spread out your legs;
I must see where this foul act took place."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0460
Who's considered the oldest of men.
Billable hours show,
He made all kinds of dough,
And he must be nine hundred and ten.
--- Tom Patton
Maintained chambers dank, must, and dark.
The place further graced
By the wizened gaunt face
Of Dickensian Rogers, their clerk.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9702
Allows folks to be calm and reliant,
So they get good advice;
Now we all should think twice
And assume a large eavesdropping giant.
--- Dr Limerick 11-09-01
From an incident as strange as can be....
For I truly must say,
It's a very odd day
When a bicycle falls from a tree!
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
At the end he just looked at me blankly.
Said: "You're no Roger Hunt,
In fact, I'll be blunt;
You're absolute rubbish, quite frankly!"
--- Kevin Hale Q
To rig up a hen-like appliance.
As he makes out his bill,
He enrages it till,
It's the chicken that's clucking defiance.
--- John E Maywood
And roosters that crow with reliance?
Both are noisy, both loud,
Both strut, both are proud,
But a rooster, you see, clucks defiance.
--- Ed Potts P8508a
To do the right things for his clients,
Fails again and again
Like a rooster or hen
Who is evermore clucking defiance.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9412
Rules the barnyard by clucking defiance.
Whereas lawyers in courts
Are working at torts
And their time is spent fucking de clients.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2283
And learn about partial legality,
But from the start
The greater part,
Has always been seen as morality.
--- Lims Unlimited
Always highlights its positive strain,
For there's nothing impossible
And no bridge is uncrossable,
In the office of Couth, Ept, and Ane.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
They had me in chambers last week.
...For using my pecker
On some marriage wrecker,
My wife won divorce from the Beak.
--- SFA
She took me for all that I got.
This just isn't nice.
It's too high a price
For cooling a gal what was hot.
--- SFA
And all 'cause my pecker had strayed.
Do I feel remorse?
You're joking, of course!
My pecker, it must be obeyed.
--- SFA
Complained, "They can't seem to assure
That lawyer or clerk,
Despite all their work,
Will ever develop a cure."
--- A N Wilkins P8503
This position has traits of a voyeur.
But it fills my purse
And it could have been worse.
Might have chosen to be a damn lawyer.
--- Anon
With an appetite whetted and keen,
Found a lawyer to eat,
But was forced to retreat,
When he found they are too hard to clean.
--- Jim C Carpenter
Whose conveyances fitted all needs.
"It is likely," he said,
"They will say when I'm dead --
'He's done a good many good deeds.'"
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
They have split-fee soup, just for show.
They dazzle their guest
And I can attest
That the entree is broiled squid pro quo.
--- Al Willis P9604
From the language all words that are slim.
He will always prefer
To "He died after her"
To aver that "She predeceased him."
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
For tenacious perspicacity.
But his love of mendacity
Would belie his veracity
Whenever he practiced loquacity.
--- Anon
Whose sharp tongue treats law like a sawyer.
He must be quick witted,
In sharkskin suit fitted,
And charming as any Charles Boyer.
--- Daniel Ford
When turning in a nimble phrase.
Each meaning vexes,
Logic of LEXIS,
But earns them substantial fee raise.
--- Chris Papa
I'm certain that I can find more
Of words loved by lawyers,
Just like my employers,
Who write stuff like that - what a bore!
--- Anon
And the thought made me weak in the knees.
But the Princeton Review
Improved what I could do,
And the high score I got was a breeze.
--- Dr Limerick
Again and again for awhile.
Though ready to go,
The system was slow.
Five delays from the court it compiled.
--- Anon
I stood up and I made a speech
Said it only was June,
And still far too soon,
To give up and go to the beach.
--- Anon
Which did not seem pie in the sky.
But the case had no sex,
Nor is it complex,
So the judge just kept passing it by.
--- Anon
Came October and then came November.
Once time we came close,
But we ended morose,
'Cause we did not get reached nor remembered.
--- Anon
With my client the plaintiff did enter
A contract in dispute.
About whethere it's moot
If the water is paid by the renter.
--- Anon
That despite by incredible skill,
That he is upset
'Cause I cannot get
The other side to pay the bill.
--- Anon
So I've written to you on my own.
I'm pleading in verse
Since I can do no worse
Than I've done up to now on the phone.
--- Anon
Which had sat and languished awhile.
With the trial date in ink,
The other side blinked,
And moved their offer a mile.
--- Anon
The parties would not move a bit.
Till their feet touched the kettle,
The case wouldn't settle.
To quote Henry Higgins, you did it.
--- Anon
In the future he'll have far more dough.
I'm always amazed
How a trial date will raise
An offer which once was so low.
--- Anon
I'd worked hard so that we would win.
If you could have listened:
My opening glistened.
Now we'll never know what would have been.
--- Anon
Draft a contract or maybe a will.
While I'd rather write rhymes,
It takes up my time,
And for poems my partners won't bill.
--- Anon
They are sober and decent employers.
They don't always marry
Their blonde secretary,
But the are, prima facie, enjoyers.
--- John E Mayhood P9805
I indulged in some wild contemplation.
Would I still be in court
Still discussing this tort,
If I'd chosen, instead, arbitration?
--- Mimi
"We're the law firm with a big name!"
Don't have time to sweat;
Associates get
Two-thousand plus hours, or blame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"He cost me a dollar, the bum!
Got to fire his butt,
So I get my cut
Of his tiny salary, then some!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They fuck you and still want a fee.
They prolong it together;
They're birds of a feather;
You're broke, they go to Waikiki!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Eschewed this profession so dread.
He settled his fights
And property rights,
By use of a club to the head.
--- Chris Papa