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The Supreme Court ruled "Sodomy NO! --
To the gas chamber loonies won't go --
You can have an abortion
Though it may cost a fortune.
And P.S. BURGER TO GO!"
--- Arthur Deex P8607

There was a Texan on the High Court,
Who had a marvelous way with a tort.
His manner was gruff
Till he was caught in the buff
And, I must say, a sleezy resort.
--- First Monday TV P0202

The Supreme Court was taken aback
When the Principal nailed up this plaque:
WE SUSPEND THE STRICT RULE
AGAINST PRAYER IN THIS SCHOOL
IN EVENT OF ATOMIC ATTACK.
--- Arthur Deex P9108

In a trial unexpectedly tense,
She swallowed the state's evidence.
This proved her, she thought,
Not guilty of aught.
Here was true innocence -- in a sense.
--- Laurence Perrine P8501

A handsome young fellow called Lance
Had over a hundred Great-Aunts.
He kept some in drawers
And some under floors,
And the judge never gave him a chance.
--- Michael Palin

"The big corporations are mergery
And in need of a radical surgery,"
Said the Judge in a fury,
"For trial by jury
Is fast turning to trial by perjury."
--- Laurence Perrine P8501

The teen suspect was terribly confused
When the judge said, "We are not amused
By your outrageous plea
That we set you Scot Free,
Because as a babe you were abused.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9603

An impartial judge from the states
Was a kindly old magistrate.
When in his small town,
The breeze caught his gown,
And his horsey got out the gate!
--- Anon

Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw,
Spoke on church and our state law;
With mucous gurglings
'Bout feminine fur-things,
While checking the palms of each paw!
--- Anon

Praise for Zoe, a hooker, was sung
By locals and commuters far flung.
Being endorsed by Judge Bean
Made Zoe feel like a queen,
'Cause that jurist was clearly well hung.
--- Rick Kaplowitz P9208

Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw
Did await the stage to Wichita;
And moon-ward, such howling
'Bout wild pussy-prowling!
They wanked and they yanked; rubbed cocks raw!
--- Anon

Said the Mafia Don, "Ain't it grand?
We sent Vinnie to Law School as planned.
Thereby we've had surcease
Since he's been our mouthpiece.
Now he's called our Judge Learned 'Black' Hand."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0001

Out in old Langtry, Texas, they've sung
Of the exploits of Roy Bean and flung
Wide praises with twitting,
While somehow omitting
That the "Hangin' Judge" was quite well hung.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509

PHILADELPHIA LAWYERS trudge
Though legal nooks, till brains' a sludge!
But not in same drawyer
As the Washington lawyer,
Who knows not the law, but the judge!
--- Gunjan

The only girl juror, Miss White,
Was housed with the men overnight.
Next morning she smiled,
"Last night was just wild --
This jury is really hung right!"
--- David Miller

Judge Hemp & Reverend Lockjaw
Snuck into a strip joint in Wichita;
Their disguise did unravel
When the Judge whacked his "gavel" ;
Said: "Titties! Oh, zipitty doo-dah!"
--- Anon

A legless old lady of Strand
Was raped by a rotter named Rand.
But the Judge set him free
For he said, "I can see,
She has no leg upon which to stand."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2322

A cop who was known to be crass,
Arrested a fine looking lass;
She persuaded the judge
With some fine homemade fudge,
And a piece of her wonderful ass.
--- Cap'n Bean P0800

"I was raped," said the lady of Lyme --
"The trial," said the judge, "would take time."
In his chambers he went
With the lady and spent
Some time in reconstructing the crime.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2174

When a judge is seen flouting the law,
It is something that sticks in the craw;
It is always absurd
And CORRUPT is the word --
Such a magistrate ought to withdraw.
--- R J Winkler P8501

Our prison's security's poor;
I blame it on old Justice Moore.
With sentence erroneous
On fellows felonius:
"Lock the key, throw away the door!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

In court, a young fellow named Kell
Found matters did not go too well.
Though the jury agreed
That he should have been freed,
They found 'innocent' too hard to spell.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111

A rapist deflowered Miss Grace
And the jury was trying the case.
Said His Honor, Judge Beggs,
"You may spread out your legs;
I must see where this foul act took place."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0460

There once was an attorney named Ben,
Who's considered the oldest of men.
Billable hours show,
He made all kinds of dough,
And he must be nine hundred and ten.
--- Tom Patton

Brit solicitors, Spenser and Mark,
Maintained chambers dank, must, and dark.
The place further graced
By the wizened gaunt face
Of Dickensian Rogers, their clerk.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9702

The privilige of lawyer and client
Allows folks to be calm and reliant,
So they get good advice;
Now we all should think twice
And assume a large eavesdropping giant.
--- Dr Limerick 11-09-01

A lawsuit's resulted, I see,
From an incident as strange as can be....
For I truly must say,
It's a very odd day
When a bicycle falls from a tree!
--- Cap'n Bean P0209

I once had a trial with Bill Shankly --
At the end he just looked at me blankly.
Said: "You're no Roger Hunt,
In fact, I'll be blunt;
You're absolute rubbish, quite frankly!"
--- Kevin Hale Q

A lawyer employed some odd science
To rig up a hen-like appliance.
As he makes out his bill,
He enrages it till,
It's the chicken that's clucking defiance.
--- John E Maywood

What's the differrence 'twixt lawyers with clients
And roosters that crow with reliance?
Both are noisy, both loud,
Both strut, both are proud,
But a rooster, you see, clucks defiance.
--- Ed Potts P8508a

A lawyer who lacks the reliance
To do the right things for his clients,
Fails again and again
Like a rooster or hen
Who is evermore clucking defiance.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9412

The rooster, as well known in science,
Rules the barnyard by clucking defiance.
Whereas lawyers in courts
Are working at torts
And their time is spent fucking de clients.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2283

Study constitutionality
And learn about partial legality,
But from the start
The greater part,
Has always been seen as morality.
--- Lims Unlimited

This is file iym

A prominent law firm in Maine
Always highlights its positive strain,
For there's nothing impossible
And no bridge is uncrossable,
In the office of Couth, Ept, and Ane.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

For sheer bloody gumption and cheek,
They had me in chambers last week.
...For using my pecker
On some marriage wrecker,
My wife won divorce from the Beak.
--- SFA

To her he awarded the lot.
She took me for all that I got.
This just isn't nice.
It's too high a price
For cooling a gal what was hot.
--- SFA

So here I am, broke and dismayed
And all 'cause my pecker had strayed.
Do I feel remorse?
You're joking, of course!
My pecker, it must be obeyed.
--- SFA

"Though they're Doctors of Law," Mr. Moore
Complained, "They can't seem to assure
That lawyer or clerk,
Despite all their work,
Will ever develop a cure."
--- A N Wilkins P8503

Could have picked a better employer.
This position has traits of a voyeur.
But it fills my purse
And it could have been worse.
Might have chosen to be a damn lawyer.
--- Anon

A cannibal fellow named Dean,
With an appetite whetted and keen,
Found a lawyer to eat,
But was forced to retreat,
When he found they are too hard to clean.
--- Jim C Carpenter

There once was a lawyer in Leeds
Whose conveyances fitted all needs.
"It is likely," he said,
"They will say when I'm dead --
'He's done a good many good deeds.'"
--- Laurence Perrine P8503

When lawyers dine out, don't you know,
They have split-fee soup, just for show.
They dazzle their guest
And I can attest
That the entree is broiled squid pro quo.
--- Al Willis P9604

A lawyer is one who would trim
From the language all words that are slim.
He will always prefer
To "He died after her"
To aver that "She predeceased him."
--- Laurence Perrine P8503

A lawyer once had the capacity
For tenacious perspicacity.
But his love of mendacity
Would belie his veracity
Whenever he practiced loquacity.
--- Anon

Salute the PHILADELPHIA LAWYER
Whose sharp tongue treats law like a sawyer.
He must be quick witted,
In sharkskin suit fitted,
And charming as any Charles Boyer.
--- Daniel Ford

Lawyers use words in strange ways,
When turning in a nimble phrase.
Each meaning vexes,
Logic of LEXIS,
But earns them substantial fee raise.
--- Chris Papa

Whereunder, whereat and wherefore --
I'm certain that I can find more
Of words loved by lawyers,
Just like my employers,
Who write stuff like that - what a bore!
--- Anon

The LSAT made me freeze!
And the thought made me weak in the knees.
But the Princeton Review
Improved what I could do,
And the high score I got was a breeze.
--- Dr Limerick

There once was a case set for trial.
Again and again for awhile.
Though ready to go,
The system was slow.
Five delays from the court it compiled.
--- Anon

The first time the case was not reached,
I stood up and I made a speech
Said it only was June,
And still far too soon,
To give up and go to the beach.
--- Anon

We hoped to be tried in July,
Which did not seem pie in the sky.
But the case had no sex,
Nor is it complex,
So the judge just kept passing it by.
--- Anon

I scheduled the case for September,
Came October and then came November.
Once time we came close,
But we ended morose,
'Cause we did not get reached nor remembered.
--- Anon

Plaintiff's a dialysis center,
With my client the plaintiff did enter
A contract in dispute.
About whethere it's moot
If the water is paid by the renter.
--- Anon

My client finds it a hard pill
That despite by incredible skill,
That he is upset
'Cause I cannot get
The other side to pay the bill.
--- Anon

A trial date I'd like set in stone.
So I've written to you on my own.
I'm pleading in verse
Since I can do no worse
Than I've done up to now on the phone.
--- Anon

Thank you for scheduling the trial,
Which had sat and languished awhile.
With the trial date in ink,
The other side blinked,
And moved their offer a mile.
--- Anon

On the back burners, the case it did sit;
The parties would not move a bit.
Till their feet touched the kettle,
The case wouldn't settle.
To quote Henry Higgins, you did it.
--- Anon

My client is now all aglow;
In the future he'll have far more dough.
I'm always amazed
How a trial date will raise
An offer which once was so low.
--- Anon

I was fully prepared to begin.
I'd worked hard so that we would win.
If you could have listened:
My opening glistened.
Now we'll never know what would have been.
--- Anon

It's time to pick up my quill,
Draft a contract or maybe a will.
While I'd rather write rhymes,
It takes up my time,
And for poems my partners won't bill.
--- Anon

We've had too many jokes about lawyers.
They are sober and decent employers.
They don't always marry
Their blonde secretary,
But the are, prima facie, enjoyers.
--- John E Mayhood P9805

Lost in a haze of oration,
I indulged in some wild contemplation.
Would I still be in court
Still discussing this tort,
If I'd chosen, instead, arbitration?
--- Mimi

"We're not just a sweatshop," they claim.
"We're the law firm with a big name!"
Don't have time to sweat;
Associates get
Two-thousand plus hours, or blame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

For reducing partner's income,
"He cost me a dollar, the bum!
Got to fire his butt,
So I get my cut
Of his tiny salary, then some!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A shyster gets no sympathy from me;
They fuck you and still want a fee.
They prolong it together;
They're birds of a feather;
You're broke, they go to Waikiki!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Neanderthal man, it is said,
Eschewed this profession so dread.
He settled his fights
And property rights,
By use of a club to the head.
--- Chris Papa


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