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Sweet Sue penned a short 'Dear John' "I'm sorry but..." blah blah "...the end" A French maid, who was quite put upon A firebug by the name of Larsen If the letters "Dear John" should occur, A buck with two does and a fawn, A john costs a lot nowadays; The mail brought another Dear John; "Dear John," her sad letter began, Dear John, eight years together," wrote Vi, Brad's hardware is simply revolting; A dealer in tractors named Fetter, Since Slow John was a little naive, "Dear John" was the letter I got, 'Dear John' means of love you're bereft; Of Alden was Standish too fond. Dear John means that she has good-byed. The romance they once shared was gone, "That pillow ain't yours," he replied. "Bathroom fixtures are costly", said Ron, Suzanne, in pursuit of a mate, John Alden, pro Standish, raved on, Donald Trump with Ivana now gone, Town Clerk to F. & G.P.: [?] Sir - How strange that so many head teachers (The Teacher, 27 June 1969 three verses snuck in)
Engaged as I am in a college But how should I welcome some sign Dear Prof., In reply to your note, All flights that are leaving today From the Clerk of the Joint River Board. That this House asks for a freeze Dear Commodore, Will you say when Dear Officers, be resolute; In the shed at the end of the mews, By bare and disputed majority The train that was due to depart If, when you have travelled by jet Admin. Memorandum to Staff. Please note the new list of prices. In future, by Senate decree, When cars are left here for repair, Miss Manners has made this deduction I am not Miss Manners, I'm meaner! Miss Manners says ladies should hum, Miss Manners says teach by example, As you suck my dick's massive crown, Miss Manners says men would be lacking Well, Miss Manners is just for the birds! Miss Manners, I'd say, is a twit; Miss Manners I think that you're wrong, Miss Manners says, those in glass houses, Speaking as one who disrobes Miss Manners says gents should refrain Miss Manners once said in this place, First, open a sliding glass door, Miss Manners says ladies should brace Women should have more finesse To the limerick I give this toast: Now this treatise has neither you see; Two trimeters, rhyming, begin There once was a man named Bruce, Those refusing a limerick to scrawl, With adjusting my organ support, (submitted in five vertical lines)
"'Tis a contest," Sir Arthur decreed... Iambic pentameter sounds In this little war of the rhyme,
To her soldier at war long gone.
Said for old times sake,
With John's dear friend Jake,
She was going to carry on.
--- Dorman John Grace P9505
"I hope..." blah blah blah "... comprehend."
Blah blah blah "...too far"
Blah blah blah blah blah
"Remember, I'll still be your friend."
--- Irving Superior P9505
By her beau, a Frog name of Jean,
Of a mind quite dismissive,
She did sent him a missive,
Belles lettres, a Dear John of Dijon.
--- Thomas G Keller P9505
Was convicted of female arson.
He dropped a match
In his fiancee's snatch;
She sent him a Dear Johnny Carson
--- Tom Patton P9505
Do not think too harshly of her.
Although love is gone,
Instead of "Dear John"
The bitch could have written, "Dear Sir:"
--- Irving Superior P9505
Relieved themselves on the back lawn.
Which can give one a pause,
For reflection, because,
They're making the yard a 'deer john'.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505
The style or the comfort conveys
That you give a shit
And freely admit
That a dear john's deserving of praise.
--- Al Willis P9505
I think is was sent by Yvonne.
Or maybe dear Fay
Was the sender today--
No wonder they call me Don Juan.
--- Norm Storer P9507a
"Please understand this if you can.
My new boyfriend, Rex,
Gives emoticon sex;
So do Steve, Alexander, and Dan."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Were lovely. But last night in a bar I
Met a fellow named Cliff
Whose cock's almost a fifth
Of an inch longer that yours is. Goodbye."
--- Michael Weinstein P9505
The screws he delivers are jolting.
He's nuts! He's obsessed!
So a card, I've addressed,
To nail him by writing, "I'm bolting!"
--- Mark Levy P9505
Was spurned by his wife for one better.
The insensitive slut,
To pour salt in this cut,
Then wrote him a curt "John Deere" letter.
--- Bob Giandomenico
His poor mother, though knowing he'd grieve,
Said, "I'll not sugar-coat
This missive Jane wrote;
As for you, dear John, just let her leave."
--- Mark Levy P9505
And my reputation is shot.
She measured my dong,
And she sang me this song:
"Little Things Still Mean A Lot."
--- Al Willis P9506
For somebody else she has left.
Since life now will suck,
You "fuck fuck fuck fuck",
One each for that lousy 4F.
--- Irving Superior P9505
Their friendship went (you know) beyond.
And then came Priscilla,
An Alden pants filla,
So nobly, Miles Standish, "Dear John-ed."
--- Irving Superior P9505
If doubtful, more proofs are supplied.
No "...love you" refrains;
No "...miss you" tear stains;
No condom coupons are inside.
--- Irving Superior P9505
So she wrote him a letter: "Dear John,
Enclosed is your key.
Please return to me
My pillow, with tear-stains upon!"
--- Observer
"Those stains ain't from tears that you cried.
I'll swear to Judge Judy,
'Twas all about booty.
And furthermore, my name is Clyde!"
--- Observer
"And my budget is now nearly gone."
So he sat down and wrote,
Sears and Roebuck a note,
Complaining about his dear john.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505
Was never at loss for a date;
But, approaching the altar,
She always did falter,
And she sent Dear John Letters bulk rate.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9504
"He's handsome, successful, well-born.
The truth was divulged
When Alden's pants bulged,
So "Speak for yourself," she "Dear John-ed."
--- Irving Superior P9505
Has Marla to help carry on,
But Ivana won't quit,
Writing notes in a snit;
Their purpose, of course, to jeer Don.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9505
Since spending has been far too free,
It's clear that we're fated
To be higher rated,
So save on all servants but me.
--- Harold C Bibby
Make statements whose dominant features
Imply that they must
Have the deepest mistrust
Of all but head-teacherly features.
--- Harold C Bibby
Of education, I don't claim the knowledge
To tell every head
How to make his own bed
And this I most fully acknowledge.
--- Harold C Bibby
That those who so strongly opine
On a job they've not tried
Could so modestly hide
Their omniscience quasi-divine.
--- Harold C Bibby
We find you are far too remote.
To cut out conjecture,
We're cutting your lectures.
The Class (by unanimous vote).
--- Harold C Bibby
May well be hi-jacked on the way --
But don't lose your nerve,
For we shall still serve
A pleasant cold meal on a tray.
--- Harold C Bibby
Employees should note that the Lord
Of the Manor of Mews
Has not paid his dues.
His flooding should thus be ignored.
--- Harold C Bibby
On prices and wages and fees,
And points out the need
For an action with speed,
To double the pay of M.P.'s.
--- Harold C Bibby
I may take firmer steps with the men?
The whole lower deck
Looks like an old wreck.
I. Whippem, Lieutenant, R.N.
--- Harold C Bibby
Act not as the brute nor galoot.
In the face of true beauty
Remember this duty --
Your privates must rise and salute.
--- Brian Belge
This is file ium
There's a bucket of old bolts and screws,
And right at the back
You will see a large stack
Of old junk that perhaps you can use.
--- Harold C Bibby
We must now give united priority
To support of each faction
That takes direct action
Against all established authority.
--- Harold C Bibby
At 8:10 is not likely to start.
We're working to rule:
You'd best get a mule
Or a bike or a horse and a cart.
--- Harold C Bibby
And been by our courier met,
The sands are black silt,
The hotel's not yet built;
We trust you will not be upset.
--- Harold C Bibby
I regret an unfortunate gaffe
By which every tutor
Received from computer
An incomprehensible graph.
--- Harold C Bibby
All sandwiches, rolls and cream slices
Are up 10%,
And we cannot prevent
An increase in prices of ices.
--- Harold C Bibby
I shall greet Student Reps. on one knee.
This is not lack of guts
(Which the Senate rebuts)
But a sign of our wish to agree.
--- Harold C Bibby
Our charges are modest and fair.
And owners may rest
Quite content that we test
All work that is done with great care.
--- Harold C Bibby
And offers it for girls' instruction:
All women well-bred
Will give men great head,
If every blowjob includes suction.
--- Travis Brasell
She is not like me, she is keener.
If men want some suck,
They're quite out of luck.
I pass them the vacuum cleaner!
--- Michelle
While sucking to make their man come.
She says that the reason
Is that it's so pleasin',
Unless, of course, the gentleman's numb.
--- Jeanie
So because you are so ample,
I will volunteer
For your hum, my dear;
Get started and give me a sample.
--- Travis
I hope with my load you won't drown.
This one you can follow
As my semen you swallow,
Hum "Yo Ho! Just blow the man down."
--- Travis Brasell
Politeness, if when they are snacking
On women's bare tits
And hair-covered clits,
To slobber and make sounds of smacking.
--- Travis Brasell
I like hearing flattering words
And smacking's just fine
If on me you dine.
I'd offer you seconds...or thirds!
--- Anon
'Cause we're Speaking In Tongues, just a bit;
Good gals like that a lot;
Need to know that they've got
Such heavenly boobs, buns and clit!
--- Allen Wolverton
To complain about slathering, strong.
Now the root of your fears,
Is it's simply been years,
Since you've had in your mouth, someone's dong.
--- Chimera
When the ire of the neighbors it rouses,
For the sake of propriety,
To avoid notoriety,
Should be careful when changing their trouses.
--- Hugh Clary
By the window for fun (no bathrobes),
I find it a gas
To wiggle my ass,
As the neighbors admire my fine globes.
--- Jeanie
From leaving their ladies in rain;
If ladies get wet,
On this you can bet,
Their pussies will rust and cause pain.
--- Travis Brasell
"A gal who wears panties with lace
Wants all guys to treat her
With boffing, then eat her,
Plus squirt some love juice on her face.
--- Travis Brasell
When running away from a whore,
Or else you will sever
Your dick, then whenever
You piss, it won't aim like before.
--- Travis Brasell
And gobble the goo with some grace;
If you swallow the slurry,
You won't have to worry
About getting a hit on your face.
--- Hugh Clary
When swallowing -- 'twould be less mess.
As Monica knows,
The evidence shows
That hastily gobbling stains dress.
--- Travis Brasell
May you always find victoms to roast,
May your scansion be true,
And your topics be blue,
And your audience always en-grossed.
--- Norm Storer
It's bland as a poem can be.
But it does have five lines
And the requisite rhymes,
So it serves as example from me.
--- Fred Cohen P8505
The anecdotes limericks spin;
The dimeters (2)
A trimeter too,
Complete the narration therein.
--- R J Winkler P8505
And I'd like to hear his excuse,
For his horrible crimes
Of both lacking in rhymes,
And of limerick meter abuse.
--- Par Svensson
Certainly sit behind the eight ball;
A site suspicious
And not propitious
For the future of language, at all.
--- Daniel Ford
I divined how to make limericks short.
My solution so solemn,
Is to write in one column.
Tell me what do you think of it, sport?
--- Albin Chaplin P9104
A challenge I readily heed.
But Lord cut me some slack,
If in humor these lack,
Or if metre or rhyming they need.
--- Bob Birch P0900
Like fox hunters riding to hounds.
It's snobish. Elite.
A symphonic beat.
I'd rather shoot limerick rounds.
--- Marlene Lewis
Iambic just ain't worth my time.
I'll dance to the beat
Out here in the street,
Where the limericks just cost a dime.
--- Marlene Lewis
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