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I hope that you'll dance with no clothes, In '69 I was jail bait. A difficult form we admit A good limerick's got to rhyme, Practice is always telling; Most non-limerick stuff I view bleakly; (old joke tri-weekly,try-weekly,try-weakly)
When a five-liner happily hums The time spent with limericks is fun Your rhymes fail to glitter with glamour; The limerick's never averse If our verse betimes goes beyond the pale, Your iambs and dactyls expressed The limerick, now cybernetic, In the North and the South and the West, The limerick should always be terse, A limerick may play the part The LIMERICK's been long on the scene, Your tight definition of verse Three stresses for first line rhyme one, From tension and into release A limerick, just to be sure, We thought that the limerick was dead. Philologists chose to delete What's wrong with limericks, my dear? Oh thank you for leaving, dear wife, I'm sorry, dear Grandma, you're ill, Dear Husband, I'm writing today You've worked here for forty five years? I hear celebrations are due; Best to start right off with a fuck, I was once told that metrical feet Once you've got a good notion with pith I'm a creature with thirteen feet! (a limerick of course)
Some limericks are bound to offend The limerick is no sacred cow -- A limerick's a poetic antic Anapestic, lines 3-4 in dimeter, A low-minded poet named Mick Though the limerick can not be deaded, A limerick that's penned 'squeaky clean' The limerick when written with grace, The limerick doesn't take long; "A limerick packs laughs geographical, What other poetical genre, The limerick secret is FUN; As a limerick-lover I'm new, In a limerick, lines one and two rhyme; Ditty dab, ditty dab, is the form Each limerick presents mental pictures The limerick has five lines sublime, All limericks do have a key; The good ones are bad, but not rickety; Fundamentalists always will tell us The limerick is a tool of Satan; There's a metrical scheme to put feet in it, These verses in series confound The limerick's the work of the Devil, A limerick's by nature JOCUND, The words from Tiddy were good. Some limericks are so Goddam apt The limericks that I try to do In writing a limerick -- the test -- When out on a date with Miss Best, While Adam was holding Eve's hanza My apology's really sincere, I hate to be telling you this, Since the weak between strong beats are double,
And that I can stand pretty close.
I'm sure you'll look fine
Like back in '69,
When we ended up coming to blows.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So, Tiddy, my dear, I hate
To go burst you bubble,
But man, you're in trouble!
Apologies now are too late.
--- Marlene Lewis
And written with dactyls with wit.
To find a key word
That's not too absurd,
On a line, itself sounding legit.
--- Anon
Be off-color without too much slime,
The rhythm should breeze
Right along through the sleaze
And should get to the punch-line in time.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505
It can keep your limericks from smelling.
So now that you've learned
How a limerick is turned,
Perhaps you could practice your spelling.
--- MrMalo
Most newbies write limericks quite meekly.
'Twixt sex and bad rhymes
(Both together, sometimes)
At least we do try it: Tri-weekly!
--- Anon
With those neat triple-time ta-da-dums,
(Though it's anyone's guess
Why two lines have one less),
It appeals to us limericking bums.
--- Mary Sullivan
In the land where word magic is spun.
Read 'em or write 'em,
Critique 'em or cite 'em.
What we do's always wittily done.
--- Esther Koch
Their beat makes me stutter and stammer.
You never endeavor
To be funny or clever,
And you really should work on your grammar.
--- Jerry Nordal
To expressing itself in a terse
Economical style,
And yet, all the while,
The limerick's always a verse.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505
It's proper for our editor to rail.
Our subject's not sunny?
Our excuse is "it's funny!"
And funny should always prevail.
--- Norm Brust
The genius of Keats and the rest.
But for quivering quims,
And lascivious whims,
The anapest's clearly the best.
--- TuttaGioia
Has come to be peripatetic,
In hex or in plain...
(Error message again!
This renders me quite apoplectic!)
--- Wilbur Skeels P9804
And the East, if you look for a jest
In a poem that is slick,
I say the limerick,
Is the poetic form that serves best.
--- Tom Matkin
It hasn't the time to coerce,
But then the last line
Should reveal your design
To make the best use of one verse.
--- Ron Price
Of a matron, stiff, proper, and smart;
But, if you would please her,
Just tickle and tease her;
At heart he's a bit of a tart.
--- Lance Payne P8505
We find it a verse fore serene.
Both smart and concise,
Exceedingly nice,
And once in a while may be "clean."
--- Chris Papa
That fits with this rhyme-scheme so terse,
Excludes those of us
Who try to discuss
A series of subjects diverse.
--- Anon
And again, three stresses rhyme won.
Two stresses, rhyme two,
Who stresses, rhyme too,
We finish, three stresses, rhyme fun.
--- Daniel Ford
Is the way that a limerick can please.
It's usually quite whimsical
And often quite quimsical,
But why dot all I's and cross T's.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8807
Should have five line and no more.
But if you are slick,
You can do it with six,
While others require only four.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"We're rid of the thing," critics said.
But of course they were wrong
For the limerick's a song
That comes from the glands, not the head.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
The quintain as now obsolete,
But lines that are five
Are spryly alive
As limericks, giving a treat.
--- R J Winkler P8505
It's poetry, that much is clear.
A limerick rhymes
And conveys as it chimes
Many deeply-held feeling sincere.
--- Peter Wilkins
To live with your mother in Fife.
Your sister's a dish
And we'd both like to wish
You the best for the rest of your life.
--- Peter Wilkins
And likely to stuff it, but still,
I hope you don't mind
Holding out 'til you've signed
This new codicil here to your will.
--- Peter Wilkins
To ask for divorce, if I may;
But now I'm with Roger,
Caressing his todger.
I'll write to you later, Okay?
--- Peter Wilkins
And now you're retiring? Well, cheers.
Whoever you were,
I allowed us, dear Sir,
An excuse for a couple of beers.
--- Peter Wilkins
A baby! Good heavens, dear Sue.
I certainly hope
It will learn how to cope
If it turns out as ugly as you.
--- Peter Wilkins
Unless the lim needs a quick suck.
Then slam some spuzz home
And hope that the tome
Makes laughter and prudes to upchuck.
--- H Welchel
Were to help me to stay on the beat;
And talk of how lines
One, two, and five rhyme,
Three and four ending sounds, too, repeat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then you rhyme it with something like "myth,"
Rhyming on a bit more
In lines three and four,
Matching up with the first in the fifth.
--- Anthony Euwer P8912
Though naughty at times, always neat.
I'm constructed of lines
That my species defines,
And I end with a trick that's a treat!
--- Laurence Perrine P8508
This is file itm
Because of the fact that they tend,
If they don't run amuck,
To be like a good fuck.
The climax comes right at the end.
--- A N Wilkins P9106
It's a verse form profane, boy and how!
It allows us to worship
Our he-ship and her-ship;
Let the service begin, starting NOW!
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
With undertones that are semantic.
It's best if it's rude,
Or crude, or just lewd,
And its meter is frequently frantic.
--- Laurence U
With trimeter 'round the perimeter;
Its rhyming display:
A-A-B-B-A.
Its last line must flash like a scimitar.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505
Preferred the verse form "limerick":
It used words like "thumping,"
Rhymed "humping" with "pumping,"
And featured the vulva and prick.
--- Armand Singer P9811
In 'The Limerick Fringe' it's beheaded,
Is doubled, extended,
Unrhymed or up-ended,
Or else to the haiku is wedded.
--- E O Parrot P8701
Oft results in its wit being lean.
So please mention a prick
Or an oversexed chick
To ensure that your poem's obscene.
--- Limb Rick
Will have thirteen feet, each in its place.
If there be more or less
You've created a mess
And the limerick falls flat on its ace!
--- Al Chaplin
It's about the same as a song.
Except for the meter
That's very much neater;
Weak strong, weak weak strong, weak weak strong.
--- Elly Webb
And oftentimes themes biographical,
Into space that is tight,
Pledged sleazy downright."
Says an analist paleographical.
--- Anon
Extolls the great smarmy entendre?
Or alternate, runs
To excess of puns,
I leave to with pleasure to pondre.
--- Chris Papa
Just think of a topic or pun;
You put it to verse,
And with out-ringing curse;
Consign it to POST NOW when done!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But I yearn to make rhyme that is true.
If it could find courses,
And limerick resources,
My poems would scan less askew.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If they both have nine beats, it's in time.
Three and four lines have six,
And they match; they don't mix.
And if five matches one, it is fine.
--- John T and Donna Burt
Of the rhymes that are shared in the dorm.
A story is told
That is often quite bold,
In all truth, sex absurd is the norm.
--- John T and Donna Burt
In all of the verses and scriptures.
In many you'll find
A lascivious mind,
Extolling our sexual fixtures.
--- Anon
The first, fifth, and second ones rhyme.
It also is true,
The other two do,
So write one if you have the time.
--- Ron Price
They must rhyme harmoniously.
And the stories they tell
Must be clever as well,
And sometimes quite bawdy they'll be!
--- Warrick Elrod
Their meter goes clickety-clickety
Through five lines of verse,
Growing steadily worse,
And ending "Hot diggity dickity!"
--- Lance Payne P8505
(The ones who are overly zealous)
Our rhymes are not dandy,
They're overly randy;
But I think they really are jealous.
--- Frank Fazed
Of that there can be no debatin';
With peckers and twats
And of impure thoughts,
And a whole lot of good fornicatin'.
--- MrMalo
And a small fit of rhyming to sweeten it,
Two short lines that may
Help it get underway,
And a last line with some trick or treat in it.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505
With terms exponential, unbound,
(Regardless of wealth,
Their sickness or health)
The rex and regina uncrowned.
--- Nick
Who tempts us and leads us to revel
In all sorts of sin,
And attempts to get in,
And dealings not quite on the level.
--- John Miller
And frequently samples the fund
Of rude humor and wit
And will frequently flit
Into subjects by all WOWSERS shunned.
--- J'Carlin
I seem to have been understood.
But the irony's lost
When languages cross
And grammar fucks up the mood.
--- Duncan
And the meaning is so damn well wrapped,
That when all is in place,
It explodes in your face,
And you laugh so damn hard you'll have crapped.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505a
Are too short or too long or not new.
The rhymes that I puts
Don't have the right foots;
Could grammar be my problem too?
--- Anon
The meter must be anapest.
If not, then forget
Your brilliant concept.
The ruling is strict (and a pest).
--- Irving Superior
A man quoted limericks with zest.
This disturbed the girl so,
That she told him to go,
And she called him a bore anapest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0005
She kicked him quite hard in the panza:
"You don't like my peter?"
Asked he. "Dear, your meter,"
Said she, "has sure wrecked the last stanza!"
--- Anon
Pathetic as it might appear.
I feel truly ashamed,
As I often have claimed
To be writing the best metre here.
--- Par Svensson
But puns in here must have a fizz.
A five line aeration
For correct narration
Or else you will only hear "Hiss!"
--- Archie
In order to stay out of trouble
In Limerick's Hallways,
Remember to always
EmPHAsize the CORrect sylLAble.
--- Jerry Nordal
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