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A limerick's a pattern of rhyme I'm sorry I stepped on your toes, With five little lines of verse To be a true limerick fan, Another good Texan, by thunder! Dweebs from down under, by thunder, Regarding what you put in the can, A limerick is a five line story; You're perfectly right to repeat Now count out the rhythm now, can we? Edwina, we all have thick skin. The limerick is neat and concise, It's long and it's knobbly and large, In a limerick a word can be neatly Moaned a limerick neophyte, Flynn, When I was a gassoon of five, He said: "Cunt, like limerick stew, ..."We don't want stuff regurgitated, A slave to the limerick grind; A limerick made without rhyme The poet just couldn't decide. Knock knock, and the old door bell chimes. I notice you're good with a rhyme, But maybe it's British you speak! And please don't forget that it's true, But all things do pass, given time, In Australia our accent, it's true, Sometimes my rhymes do come to aught Though entering chrysalis fillers Our favorite rhyme is "Nantucket" -- These rhymes at times are just diluted; One last one 'fore I goo. I've problems with finding a rhyme; A willingness to hear accents Of love, I'm a lauder and hymner, ex- There was an old man of Dunnoon A limerick writer named Heim, Composing a lewd limerick With limericks, don't forget rhyme; There was a young fellow from Limerick I was looking for something sublime, Dear Child, I'm not really to blame, Since your name will not rhyme, it can't go They say "orange" you can't possibly rhyme; Darling, I'm sorry that your inj- It is said that the name comes from Limerick When my energy's utterly spent A man picking flowers on Popocatapetl, We all should know that a limerick, A limerick writer named Pete It's often the case, I confess I decided while flying a four-eng- In truth," wailed a bard from Twin Cities, Oh dear! I'm addicted to Limericks! I dreamed that I gave up the Limerick, The last word of line one is "Rhyme A." All hail to the town of Limerick, If defined in the usual way, A limerick composer named Pitt Though not very bright, she liked Billy; As a poet, a young man named Buck, A mexican family whose A maiden from Jaun-les-Pins In rhyming I'm very partic'lar; When your sex starvation is grim, Rick, A limerick has rules like the rest: I'll assume that the question's sincere
Specific to a certain time.
You must keep the beat;
Try not to defeat
The normal syllabical chime.
--- Tutta Gioia
Or seem to be thumbing my nose.
If my being pedantic,
Makes you nervous and frantic,
That has charm of its own, I suppose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
One can express ideas so diverse,
To let loose and let fly,
Make us laugh, make us cry,
Or write something to be called perverse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sing "Popeye the Sailor Man."
That makes it clear;
The lines you put here,
You've got to chuck into the can.
--- John Miller
Keep up the good work and I wonder
How we could do worse
Than write scads of verse,
And out-do thos dweebs from Down Under.
--- John Miller
In such an ode, 'tis easy to blunder.
If we, hale a verse,
Both obscene and perverse,
They may read it in awe and with wonder.
--- John Miller
I suspect that it didn't quite scan.
But I had a stroke
And I almost did choke
When I read "Popeye the Sailor Man."
--- John Miller
It's funny or sexy or gory.
Certain lines must rhyme
Every single time,
And the meter is so mandatory.
--- Tom Patton
That limericks have rules we must meet.
But for those that ain't willable
To count every syllable,
It's easier to count out the beat.
--- Edwina Leer
And next, you'll be soon to demand we
Start making them rhyme,
So I'll stop you in time,
Returning my head up Myfanwy.
--- Hugh Clary
We need it for the game that we're in.
Don't ever say sorry
Or we'll start to worry
'Bout places that you might have been.
--- Archie
Yet crammed with delectable spice.
There's no need for pomposity
Or extraneous verbosity
When a four-letter word will suffice.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0026
Like an elephant's whang or a barge.
It's harder than clay
And erupts every day,
With a crunchy volcanic discharge.
--- PeterW
Inserted to fit in discretely.
If a limerick can not,
For a word, find a spot,
Then that word will be wasted completely.
--- Albin Chaplin P9405
"I don't even know how to begin."
Said his girlfriend, "Don't pout,
If it's hard, work it out,
And if you have a joke, work it in."
--- Anon
My grandad, no longer alive,
Pulled my ding-a-ling,
While reciting that thing,
Then showed me the way to muff dive.
--- Anon
Is best when it's fresh and it's new,
And not wholly worn
And ragged and torn,
So fella I'm saying to you..."
--- Anon
From ages when cavemen were fated,
To fuck brontosauri;
So tell us a story,
That's new, fresh and what you've created."
--- Anon
These things are rotting my mind.
At first a diversion,
But now through pervision,
I think all day long in rhyme
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Exists not in space or in time.
Be you ever so clever,
You'll flunk this endeavor.
Even church bells must end with a chime.
--- Laurence Perrine P9007
"It's such a dilemma!" he cried.
"Must all my poems rhyme?
Surely not all of the time?
Or else my professor has lied."
--- Tony Davie
"Who's there?" Cries Miss Limerick-Grimes.
"It's Anna, that's who."
"Oh yes, Anna who?"
"It's just anapestical rhymes."
--- Anon
Well, three out of five of the time.
To me, if it's "arse",
It's rhyming with "parse";
I'll go on with this, given time.
--- Anon
I've not heard such greatness all week.
Apparently "Class"
Just don't rhyme with "ass".
Is it snootiness? Are we just weak?
--- Rich
Whatever it is that you do.
Give me some gloss
And good dental floss;
I'm really confused through and through.
--- Rich
To rhyme, with the pie of key lime.
Is it different to spell,
Is this clear as a bell?
Or are we just not worth a dime?
--- Rich
Though similar, is quite different too;
'Cause when we say "class"
It does rhyme with "arse"
And an "ass" is a donkey like you.
--- David Miller
But am I discouraged? I'm not!
Pronoun, adjective, verb;
If it rhymes, that's superb!
Hey! I just do what I ought.
--- Barb
Should not be pronounced caterpillars,
And although butterflies
Do not leave for the skies,
Correct sounds are sure limerick killers.
--- Prof M-G TP9806
Goes with "pluck it" and "shuck it" and "bucket."
"Suck it"'s abused,
Even "Truck it" get used,
And of course you can always just -- chuck it!
--- John Miller 0011
And the scanning is oft convoluted.
But the humor is there,
And my meaning is clear,
Thus my aim is quite constituted.
--- William K Alsop Jr
I'm addicted you see, does it shew?
A limerick is done,
When the last word is one
Of the rhymes with the first line or two.
--- Anon
I fail at it time after time.
So of my depravity
With a female cavity --
Do you mind if I simply mime?
--- Anon
This is file irm
Boosts humor of rhymes these hacks sent.
So take grains of salt,
If not little malt,
And chuckle at verse from back vent.
--- Daniel Ford
cercizing my wit with a glimmer, ex-
tolling old lovers
Beneath untold covers,
Leaving loons, lust and lies for my Limericks.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8505
Who always ate soup with a fork.
For he said, "As I eat,
Neither fish, fowl, nor flesh,
I should otherwise finish too quick."
--- Gunjan Saraf
Who loved prehistorical time,
Explored his thesaurus
For "melgalosaurus",
Discovering more than one rhyme.
--- R J Winkler P8505
Is hardly a difficult trick.
Once you've mastered the stunt
Of ramming a cunt,
There's nothing to rhyming a dick.
--- G2402
It's overlooked much of the time.
This newsgroup gets worse
On ill-conceived verse,
(Though good ones are tuly sublime).
--- Buzzard
Found that green fields made him quite hysteric.
So he sold off his farm
And flew off to the charm
Of regions much more esoteric.
--- England's Humor Sig P9012
And have taken a great deal of time.
But "whimper"'s a word
That I've often heard,
But I can't find a word that will rhyme.
--- Bob Birch
If this verse appears futile and tame,
It's awfully hard
On a limerick bard
To meet an unrhymeable name.
--- Langford Reed P0503
At the end of a line, dear, and so:
I'll Margaret enter
In this verse in the centre.
With jolly good luck, cheerio!
--- Langford Reed P0503
'Tis easy, and the method sublime!
The secret, young fellow,
Say "Mixed, red and yellow!"
Try it; it works every time.
--- Chris Anton
Ury forfends fun, she said more in j-
Est than in shock,
When a bee stung his cock,
And it swoll up as big as an orange.
--- Anon
(A place that's Hibernian, not Cymric:)
I'm not too impressed
And beg to suggest
That the legend is probably chimeric.
--- C Bibby
In confining my lyric intent
In strict rhyme and meter
To make it sound sweeter,
Should I say "it's been penned" or "been pent"?
--- Laurence Perrine P8505
Decided to send S R Crockett a petal.
When asked would it keep
Through its trip o'er the deep,
He said, "Yes, If I carefully lock it up, it'll."
--- Maurice Healy, K C P0204
Is a psychological gimmerick.
Through our defences it peels
'Til our psyche reveals,
And we laugh at ourselves 'til we hemmerick.
--- Charles K Watkins
Wrote limericks that he thought were neat.
When told, "They don't rhyme!"
He said, "Your fault, not mine,
Because you're reading not right nor complete!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That my rhymes don't rhyme in the U.S.
And I think they're okay
But my wife says, "No way!"
Limeyricks I should call them I guess.
--- Graham Lester
Ined plane that I couldn't rhyme "orange ".
To dream that I could
Or should, was as good
As hanging my hopes on a door hinge.
--- John Miller
"I'm sick of good rhymes for big titties;
It's not just cocaine
That rots a man's brain --
It's penning erotical ditties."
--- Armand Singer
My friends wish that I would turn stummer; "Ick!"s
And "Yucko"s abound
When I start to expound
On the schticks and the tricks that I hymn fer kicks.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
A prospect that seem rather grim, eh, Nick?
But rhymme's a seduction
That caused reduction
And my girl now complains I've a slimmer dick.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
Treat the second line just the same way.
Line three is "Rhyme B,"
And make line four agree;
Line five: back to "Rhyme A," okay?
--- Norm Storer
Which profices a cognomen, generic,
For a species of verse
Which, for better or worse,
Is supported by layman and cleric.
--- H L Reed
As a verse from rhymed aabba,
God himself, a logician
With lots of ambition,
Can't write unrhymed limericks, No Way!
--- Laurence Perrine P9007
Liked rhyming "to wit" with "left tit,"
Or "love", "of," and "shove,"
With "thin rubber glove,"
And verses that ended in "shit."
--- Armand E Singer 806
For him she would wear panties frilly.
She'd raise uup her skirt,
That brazen young flirt,
And Lil's frillies thrilled silly Billy.
--- Anon
Was utterly lacking in luck.
He tried limericks lecherous,
But found rhyming quite treacherous,
And to rhyme "Buck" and "luck" left him stuck.
--- Isaac Asimov
Rhymes were more visual that those,
Even though they were rough,
They still made lots of dough
Of the poems what were penned by Jose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would pray every night for a man,
To roger her twat
With his big you-know-what,
(Because 'prick' doesn't properly scan).
--- Michael Horgan
You might even say I'm a stickler.
Rhyme babies with ladies,
And I'll wish you in Hades!
Such rhymes stink (please excuse the vernic'lar).
--- Don Boen P8201
And you find your hand on her quim, Rick,
Don't move too fast,
Let the Thrill last
And write about it in a limerick.
--- Ed Wolfert
A-A-B-B-A rhymes the best;
Two feet in lines B,
While the A lines have three;
And all feet have the form anapest.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or likely you'd not persevere
But a lim is unique
With a form that is sleek,
And rules that we have to adhere.
--- Anon
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