In poetry, scansion's the aim, Thank you for the helpful advice; Freedom of Speech's what it's called Now the shoe is upon the wrong foot! It is right to whrite three anapests Once an ass, who likes sonnets, I saw The problem with writing a verse But please don't threaten assault, Just once in a while, with great tact, The limerick is Irish haiku; When I write to my sister or friend, My neighbors have learned what I write, A limericker, sometimes, iamb, To refresh on what lims are about, I get in a pattern; I'm stuck. I doubt that your readers can stanza With regard to the rhymes I'm purveying, A manic academic fanatic I'm sorry if that's sounding crude 'Twas here that he made quite a splash Agreeing with what the Sage sees, It certainly is revealing, how Poor fellow uses verse as a crutch, All the other foot types are a sham, It is just the natural way, But now, I have to point out, On reading this stuff, one would think, It's easy to speak with the beat, Be damned! It's a new way to write But I sit here and read, what the heck? Now really, you people have got This limerick form conserves space, I think I've gone limerick mad;
This is file iqm
To deal meter and scansion a smack A limerick writer in training, The limerick's a well know device, Our discussion of rhythm and teat While the limerick's known for its contents, Since limericks never do last, Sweet ladies, I hold you all dear, Use three anapest feet, then align Iambics beginning a line, But I do so enjoy when you write Hexamter here are askew, The limerick form is a cow Since confession is good for the sole, "A limerick ain't just about rhyme!" The RHYthm must BE anaPEST, Lines ONE, two and FIVE have three FEET, When RHYming with FEMinine ENDing, A STRONG stress must NOT be emPLOYED ReMEMber to HEAR with your EAR! BeFORE we all TAKE a long LUNCH, I've become a bit disappointed Some poets have master the style; I'm looking, unable to see If you wonder why I don't indent, So who was the guy to invent And who likes the capital letter, If you've a penchant for rhyme, If you're a lamer or cheater, Your time still is lame? -- Eat some bran; A doctor I really must seek, Don't worry about what your friends think. Mr Lear, I'm the Akond of Swat; I learned limericks from an old nurse:
And meter's the name of the game.
Adhering to rules
Divides poets from fools,
And avoids having newsgroupers flame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Now my limericks sound much more nice.
It's all in the rhyming
As well as the timing,
And choosing a subject of vice.
--- KJ
And added to that I'm big-balled.
The ones who dispute me,
Go ahead, try to shoot me, (with limericks, of course)
If you're thinking it's crap that I've scrawled.
--- Nawahl Razak
Prepositions cannot end a long foot.
The grammarians sing
"Now that sort of thing
Is a thing, up with which, we'll not put!"
--- Scott Oliver
As a limerick's line form suggests.
Then there's two lines with two
Where the topic turns blue,
So the last line can finish with breasts.
--- Virge
Go "hee-haw" in fourteens, without flaw.
But another donkey
Liked the limerick and he
Went "haw-haw," then "hee-hee," and then "haw!"
--- Prof M-G
Is that it has to be terse.
The words have to rhyme
With meter in time,
To a theme that is slightly perverse.
--- Donald McGill
Though my statement was somewhat at fault.
Just live and let live
With the take and the give,
And bring all this stuff to a halt.
--- Donald McGill
You can alter the foot, if it lacks.
If the humor demand it,
And scansion can stand it,
You resort to the foot amphibrach.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The rhyming is easy to do.
Forget all that jive
About five, seven, five,
And lets have some fun, me and you.
--- Mikey TP9901
I try not to use words that offend.
But like baseball's first inning,
It's just the beginning;
With limericks, it's how it will end.
--- Bob Birch
And it's made them a little uptight;
They're spooked that my verse
Is so grim and perverse;
Now they're locking their windows at night.
--- Cap'n Bean P0311
But a furriner sometimes will slam
My misuse of feet --
But they're indiscreet,
Anapest, and I don't give a damn.
--- John Miller
Eight pages of rules I print out.
My head, now is reeling
And I have the feeling
The stressing I'm messing, no doubt!
--- Emma Mara
To change has not brought me much luck.
I'll learn, mark my word!
And will not be deterred,
Anapest sure to be, you'll upchuck.
--- Emma Mara
Fast pace of this pun bonanza,
So I'll go fack a dactyl
Till it jabbers a quacktyl
At my assonance sex-travaganza.
--- Hugh Clary
It's a bestial urge I'm obeying.
Every word of it's true,
And it's more fun to do,
Than to write about. Know what I'm saying?
--- Anon
Was joking, a geezer to panic.
No joking, a jerk,
No rhyme, no work;
You're testing my patience titanic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But Malo said lims should be lewd
When he ruled the roost.
He liked ladies juiced
And naked and very well screwed.
--- Anon
And set himself up for a bash,
Which I found a pain
'Cause I wanted Jayne -
Her tits and her flesh and her gash.
--- Anon
The tired old limericks just tease.
We know Fuck it and Suck it
Both rhyme with Nantucket,
But come up with something new, please!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Even innocent subjects like cows,
When in limerick form
Are the subject of porn;
This is no place for a lady now.
--- Anon
For seduction and loving and such.
But a pen is too weak
And leads him to weep --
It's not meant for holding up such.
--- Anon
For the purist (who does give a damn);
The trochee and the dactyl
Are most often impractical;
And so on, I think, thus I amb.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To speak with a limerick sway,
And spend all your time,
Just looking for rhyme,
And hoping the girl wants to play.
--- Archie
That rules you must not ever flout.
Who writes prose in this place,
Get a slap in the face
With a partially frozen trout.
--- Ericka
You two have been driven to drink.
But when I look close,
I do spot the prose --
Provided I read and don't blink.
--- Archie
And surprising just who you can meet,
When spreading the word
Amongst all the herd,
While sitting right there on your seat.
--- Archie
Our limericks! Plain out of sight!
But all of the rest
Won't go for this test,
And complain and claim it is a fright!
--- Cyber Wizard
No matter the form, it's all dreck.
But don't get uptight,
I'll still read and write,
As long as you pick up the check.
--- Cyber Wizard
To stop writing prose in this spot.
Just look at the FAQ
And get back on the track,
And then I won't have to get hot.
--- Ericka
With ample room left for the chase
Of excellent quests,
Like fondling the chests
Of gals who squat down on my face.
--- Travis Brasell
My speech is incredibly bad.
Having feet, anapest,
But you know the rest;
Not to rhyme this last line is forbad.
--- Elliot Schilling P0205
And to warp rhymes, takes a sure knack.
The hazards are scary;
The poet can't tarry,
For oftimes the envelope shoves back.
--- Bruce
Was found with some poets complaining.
"I have all the time
To write a great rhyme.
I'll search for the rules without straining."
--- Al Willis
But one should take care and think twice
When discussing things panderous,
To not be too slanderous,
For then you are skating on thin ice.
--- Andrew Purdom
In this art form would not be complete,
If we didn't give tips
On the use of one's lips,
To embrace its full passion and heat.
--- Virge
It's quite frequently fancy or nonsense;
Should the reader be antsy,
There's nonsense and fancy,
But the rules may not seem to be constants.
--- J Maynard Kaplan P0212
Permit me to say to this cast:
Like sex, when you do it,
It's quick, so get to it,
And pump out your damn limericks fast!
--- Anon
And your goodness and honor revere.
If some limericks you read
May offend, let me plead,
I'm not as they make me appear.
--- Warrick Elrod
Them in triplicate, ending at nine;
To the trimeters (rhymed)
Add two dimeters (rhymed);
Then combine, intertwine and refine.
--- R J Winkler P8505
If anapests follow, are fine;
Embellish the text
With dimiters next --
Each trimeter, part of a trine.
--- R J Winkler P8505
Outrageous puns quite "out of sight".
So now, let's not shirk
Turn out some fine work,
And keep people happy and bright.
--- Fred Cohen P8505
Pentameters likewise taboo;
Iambics in place
With trimeters grace,
A mixture of anapests, too.
--- R J Winkler P8505
For struggling poets (and how!)
Finding rhymes is a curse;
The metre is worse;
Anapestic feets don't fail me now!
--- Anon
And I'd rather my clodhops stay whole.
I'll admit that I don't,
Not to say that I won't,
Salute if it's run up the pole.
--- Anon
We've heard this now thyme after thyme:
It's five lines well planned,
So meter, when scanned,
Avoids the appearance of chryme.
--- Anon
With ACcented SYLlables STRESSED;
When THIS is not DONE
No HEARTS will be WON,
And WE will leave REALly dePRESSED.
--- Anon
No MORE or no LESS makes them SWEET;
Lines THREE and four DO
Have FEET of just TWO
Which TAP out the TIME of the BEAT.
--- Anon
The STRONG stress must LEAD the atTENDing
Last SYLlable SOUND
Or IT will be FOUND
To GRATE on the EARS -- quite ofFENDing!
--- Anon
To START off a LINE when it's TOYED;
One WEAK stress will DO,
Or you MAY start with TWO:
Any MORE and the SCANsion's deSTROYED.
--- Anon
Let ACcents in SYLlables SEAR
Your BRAIN with their STRESS
And SOUND to imPRESS...
Then LIMericks RIGHT will apPEAR!
--- Anon
There's ONly one THING left to CRUNCH:
When WRITing line FIVE,
For LAND'S sakes aLIVE,
Please END with a KNEE-slappin' PUNCH!
--- Anon
With limericks somewhat double-jointed.
'Cause try as I might,
The scanning's not right;
But fingers, from here, won't be pointed.
--- Frank Fazed
Producing sharp rhymes for a while.
But then extra words
Just pile up like turds,
Creating a big smelly pile.
--- Frank Fazed
A touch of word economy.
I beg, I implore...
Less really is more.
I'll ask, once again, is it me?
--- Frank Fazed
Just consider the effort I've spent,
Since I did take the time,
Finding words that would rhyme,
That explains where my energies went.
--- Bob Birch P9808
The rule saying I must indent.
And it does seem fair
To be docked for an error
On limericks I've already sent.
--- Bob Birch P9808
I guess he must think they look better?
It would save me a stroke,
Were it not for that bloke,
And I'd just use those caps for the header.
--- Bob Birch P9808
But half the words are out of time,
da Dah da da Dah
Should be your man-tra --
The time of your slime soon will chime.
--- H Welchel
I beg you please, correct your meter.
Squish up the words --
Smear them like turds --
As long as the beater is neater.
--- H Welchel
Go sit for a day on the can.
And shit like you wrote --
A few lines will float --
Maybe that rare loaf will scan!
--- H Welchel
For I find everytime that I speak,
I'm talking in rhyme
Nearly all of the time.
My friends think that I am a freak!
--- Robert Hunt
They might think that you need a shrink.
Just hang out with us,
No one makes a fuss,
'Less your rhythm is way out of sync!
--- Marlene
I am gracious and fat
In a very tall hat
And I'm heating a very large pot --
You know why, and for whoom, and for what.
--- Ethel Talbot Scheffauer
Five lines, bawdy and terse.
With sex she subdued me,
With poems seduced me,
Just like going from bed to verse.
--- Sam Pittman TP9806