Though all work and no play makes jack, Perhaps we are out of new lims, The time spent in writing a rhyme, 'Twould appear Edward Lear had no peer "The Irish connection," says Jean, (on Irish claims to have invented the limerick)
Professional Irishmen stand Some say limerick writers are smart, I don't need a computer or mouse; There one was a limerick writer Edward Lear raised his glass in a toas A severe lack of feminine lims, The biographer, Viven Noakes, There is a young old one called Art, We know not how limericks started There was a young fellow named Reed, (preamble to 'The Complete Limerick Book', 1924)
There was a young man from Peru. "It's lierature of the absurd!" Writing limericks is daily TRAVAIL. In Elysium, a Tablet appears (comment on Westminster Abbey Lear installation )
Limerick, spelt with one 'M' A limerick's not virgin, you fear, I tried to come up with a ditty There was a young man who said: "I'd It's really a matter of knack; On some limericks I stumble and curse You labor from midnight to morn, Oft while driving from home to the lab, I wish I could pen a good limerick If in traffic I'm stuck on the road, A limerick's easy to write I've been lurking around for a while, This limerick writing's an art, Things can always get worse than they seem;
This is file ipm
On occasion while writing, I swear, I have a limerick addiction, When my poems are staring to grow, I don't require voyeurism to write There are some here who just seem to drool, Are there some here that get out their bits? Will these rude words, my clean mind convert? I've not written poems for some time, This holiday, before we begin Let vocab lightly echo Roget; Limericks you should not confuse I stare at this monitor dumbly; A limerick has only five lines; There are some who find LimGen sublime, The words that spew forth seem quite bright; So I'll watch and I'll learn and I'll take Is limerick writing an art At a web site called Toastpoint.com, (Toastpoint used to have ongoing contests)
The fact is, your poem is perverse. In "How to Write Limericks" by Rose, Now some of my rhymes are absurd. In order to get things to rhyme, A limerick's a damn fine excuse A maddening pet peeve of mine A well-written limerick is lewd, I can't seem to think straight no more, I have the same symptoms as Jon. From the first joke that ever was told, Mourned a limerick written by Aiken, There once was a fellow named Dave Some say it all stared with Lear, While decoding an old Dead Sea Scroll, Imagine at getting a peek We assembled those wee bits of parchment
It also makes for pain in the back.
So take a little time
For funny word rhyme,
Ere your sleepy head his the sack.
--- Daniel Ford
And need to be writing new hymns.
But call this a fluke,
Then I will just puke
At tales likely written by Grimms.
--- Archie
Is often considered a crime
By mate who's neglected...
She felt so rejected,
She called me "a bucket of slime!"
--- Anon
Writing verse, humor-wrapped, bringing cheer.
His Nonsense in rhyme
Caught on in due time;
Pioneer whose penned words persevere.
--- Lims In Limelight P0206
"Is obviously there to be seen."
But just let me be pert:
Aren't we conned for a cert
By blarney, told by a colleen?
--- Tony Butler P8501
By the statement that it was their land
Where the limerick was born,
That the verse (not the porn)
Issued straight from St. Patrick's own hand.
--- A N Wilkins P9106
Setting scanners and rhymers apart.
While others do jeer
And say with a Lear,
The writer is just an old fart.
--- Fred Cohen P8505
I don't need an encouraging spouse.
Takes pencil and paper
To make limericks caper;
Don't need Samson to bring down the house.
--- Esther Koch P9911
Whose limericks got shiter and shiter.
'Twas nowt he could do
But run himself through;
'Twas the fate of the poor little blighter.
--- Anon
t. I've finally done something to boas
t. Limericks one forty four,
All clean, but no more,
At last I have written a gross.
--- Fred Cohen P8505
Our AJL home's lacking wims.
No more will the girlies
Give us our fun whirlies --
I think that we've worn out their quims.
--- Anon
Discovered a Learian hoax
About 'Danish Descent.'
Lear did not repent,
The dottiest of all masterstrokes.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9706
Who likes limericks straight from the heart.
He plans his day's times
To suit his day's rhymes;
I don't think he is terribly smart.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
And hope that we never are parted
From verses we treasure
In moments of pleasure,
That rhymes likes these have imparted.
--- R J Winkler P8505
Who said, "there's a need, a great need,
For a limerick book."
So he maid one--and look,
Here's the book that he made, now proceed.
--- Langford Reed P9709
Where he's from doesn't matter to you.
But in limerick convention
It's worthy of mention,
And it may help the rhyming out, too.
--- Laurence Perrine P8505P
The critics in chorus concurred.
I thought how their theory
Would strike Edward Lear? He
'd say, "Nonsense! Their theory's absurd!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8505
We do try hard not to go stale.
But try as we might,
To be funny and bright,
There are times when our rhymes simply fail.
--- Norm Brust
With remarks one assumes to be Lear's;
"I think it's quite great,
Not too long a wait,
Only just over one hundreed years."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8808
Is as Irish as Jerusalem.
On whom do we blame,
This mistake in the name,
A man or cherchez la femme!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Sans the intercourse that you revere.
But in its heyday,
'Twas merely child's play
That began and ends with a LEAR.
--- Limerick Savant
That was clever and clean and still witty.
But my failure was utter;
My mind's in the gutter.
Every one I came up with was shitty!
--- John Miller 0014
Quite willingly swallow my pride,
And admit that my verse
Went from bad to much worse,
But at least I can say that I tried."
--- Richard Long
The scansion must not be too slack.
The question of rhyme
You'll pick up in time.
Soon, like me, you're a hack!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For the meter and rhyme are perverse.
They should have the right beat
And should stand on their feet--
They'll be better by far if they're verse.
--- Albin Chaplin P9207
Consuming a gallon of corn.
The last line comes neatly,
You pass out completely,
And thus is a limerick born.
--- Playboy Book Lim
With the news read, I take a first stab
At the limerick -- which poem
Oft improves driving home...
But at other times calls for rehab.
--- Prof M-G TP9806
To Tessie the queenly old timber tick
Before time and the breeze
And the ticks in the trees
Snuff out and blow out and dim her wick.
--- William K Alsop P8910
I see guys lose their patience, a load.
But while they blow their stack,
I just calmly relax,
And think up another bad ode.
--- Anon
And provides a brief respite,
From sonnets and plays
On cold winter days,
And also on hot summer nights.
--- Anon
And some of the rhymes made me smile.
Then I thought to myself,
Let's hop down from the shelf
And discolor the group with some bile.
--- MrMalo
But I'm just not feeling too smart.
With meter and rhyme,
I'm doing just fine;
The humor is the hard part.
--- Peter Derr
I'm inventing a limerick machine.
And when I am done,
Where today I wrote one,
Tomorrow, one hundred fifteen!
--- John Miller 0039a
Comes a haunting thought quite hard to bear.
Did my rhyme accompli
Spring pristine out of me,
Or did I see the fifth line somewhere?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407
Rhyming from fact and from fiction.
I lay away in my bed
With rhymes filling my head.
How many more have this affliction?
--- Funny Bone
And my pen in the night casts its glow,
And my mind's in a place
Where ideas give chase,
It is then that my limericks flow.
--- Cap'n Bean P0508
(He typed with a great deal of spite).
It doesnt need to be stiif,
To write down a riff,
But if I merit it, please give me a sight!
--- Anon
At lyrics that stiffen their tool.
If you get writers block,
With the state of your cock,
Does it make you a lecherous fool?
--- Anon
(I'm not averse to the sight of some tits)
Do I need lots of fame
To acquire their name?
Or should I sit here just squeezing my zits?
--- Anon
Will I end up just one more pervert?
Oh damn, do your worst,
If I am to be cursed,
But make sure your rhyming will divert.
--- Anon
For I could think of no shit that would rhyme.
"Ha!" said my muse,
"Here's a fucking excuse:
Your the world's first limerick mime!"
--- Jeeves T9710
To visit our holiday kin,
For whatever it's worth,
I'll prepare for the dirth
Of limericks in here again.
--- Anon
Fool around with odd rhymes every day.
Let word gems decorate
What your brains fabricate;
Next come plot twists, then, final okay.
--- Esther Koch
With things like tobacco and booze.
I am not addicted,
Hooked or inflicted.
I CAN QUIT ANY TIME THAT I CHOOSE!
--- John Miller
My grey-matter flaky and crumbly.
Then quick as a flash,
A few lines I off dash,
Then relapse into senselessness numbly.
--- Anon
The first two and last one all rhyme.
Lines four and three
Must rhyme perfectly,
While the rhyme is somewhat like mine.
--- VOL 1
Because they have taken the time
To think up something clever,
But others could never
String three words together that rhyme.
--- Anon
Then I think? Am I sure? Is this right?
To spend all your time
Watching limerick rhyme.
Shit! I'll have to stay up all the night!
--- Anon
A page from a mag...Take a break
And I'll watch and I'll holler
I'm sure you'll all foller
And I'll sit here and think...for fucks sake.
--- Anon
That Muses see fit to impart?
Some deem it the craft
Of those who are daft,
Dispensing their thoughts ala carte.
--- R J Winkler P8505
There's a menu to choose first lines from.
Add four more of your own,
Whether nice or off-tone,
And get starred if they shine with aplomb!
--- Prof M-G
To your scansion, I am adverse.
For only great fools
Flout a limerick's rules;
You have taken a turn for the verse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Inside of one's shredder one throws
A Webster's, then takes
Some shreddings and makes
Them lie in five half-even rows."
--- Irving Superior P9304
I try to avoid a cuss word.
Rhyme and meter take over,
And I'm a pushover
For "titty" and "pecker" and "turd".
--- Al Willis T9707
You not only must take the time,
To get in some schtick;
For a good limerick,
Is witty, upbeat and sublime!
--- Coolbreeze
For lingering over the juice.
But the trouble with that
Is that after you've sat,
The limerick don't wanna let loose.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
Is completing the very last line
Of an otherise terse
And symetrical verse,
So I just write it first--it works fine.
--- Mike Dale
Vile, disgusting and crude.
If you find it hard
To play the bard,
Try writing them while in the nude!
--- Van
And writing's becoming a chore.
I start but then block,
And my brain's like a rock,
And my lims smell like hermit Dave's whore.
--- Gearhart
My creative spark is all gone.
If only dear Carol
Would lube up my barrel,
Choice limericks thenceforth I would spawn.
--- Anon
The topics have never grown old.
E.g., Aristophanes
Spoofed sex, drugs, celebraties;
Don't pretend that you do something bold.
--- Anon
"Sometimes when at night I awaken,
And think but for Lear,
I wouldn't be here.
O how by that thought I am shaken."
--- Conrad Aiken
Who to cute little rhymes was a slave.
He's no longer surviving
Since he read them while driving
And the last thing he read: Burma-Shave.
--- Don Moore P0301
But limeral history's not clear.
For in Ireland's small cities,
They sang of firm titties,
Though no one's quite sure of the year.
--- Bob Birch
I came on a passage quite droll,
Which in limerick form
(Which is hardly the norm,)
Told of Pete and his two-cubit pole.
--- John Miller
Of lims Aramaic or Greek.
Who'd guess the Essenes
Had the ways or the means
To write of a thing with such cheek.
--- Tom Allen
To find out what our church patriarchs meant.
But like e-mail today,
What it all seemed to say,
Merely advertised penis enlargement.
--- Tom Allen