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To those needing rhyme words for Cards, At night when I'm lying abed, There's a wretched, untalented guy, There once was a fellow called James, Note: Jarmo makes no excuse Two hobbies has Frederick Hines. So familiar to me was his name, When prompted to write a Limerick, The TV this evening was boring In order to sex educate, Your sex life, it seems to be dead; Why lightbulb, you seem pretty bright. This limerick game is so hard, I thank those who patiently waited How often I've studied what Izzy I possess an ambiguous name, There was a young fellow named Don; It's so sad that you've lacked for diversion I'm elated to offer that I'm If one touched by the limerick curse I've used up the locations that rhyme Compared to an average limericker, "We've visitors here all the time," There was a young man who said, "Blow it! So what are the "ground rules" on this? A failed limerick writer, Demyers, One day in the Emerald Isle, We English are patient enough, My limericks are done on the spot; Marsha, yes it's Balto again. Anon was the first, I believe, It's been a very long while, I must say; How to write a good limerick you've shown, While I'd deem it somewhat of a crime A man with a price on his head A MAVERICK limericist An effete poetaster of Corning, Most limericks here are hysterical, There are Internet viri and worse, There once was a young man who said: There was a young fellow named Frank Of lately it seems I've been greedy, I know if Bill does take his time, The spouse of a limerick writer The limerick form is a hoodoo, A limrist whose metre was vile, There are others here who write better; A young fellow that people called Dick A huge list of names old and young, (McW tallied the most prolific authors and sent to AJL)
About limericks, there's this CANARD "They've rejected both me and my best," Though you can't really say I'm a pillar For the moment I'm here, just lurking. Guess he took a vacation to Oz. Shave? Why, not, sir, for years, This morning as I lay in bed, The limerick's a form of great art Last month I wrote "up on Mars", This web site is warmly inviting; Shall I write out a limerick poem? I'm writing a lim that is clean; We Pentatette fans mourn Al Willis; Al, keep writing your rimes. (In praise of Al Willis)
Al Willis has written his last; Al Willis is, sadly, deceased; Al is gone -- but his gems will remain. Though Arch here has opened a kettle
In insane asylums, the guards
Will show you the cell
Where verse writers dwell,
Right next to the limerick retards.
--- Irving Superior P8612
A limerick just pops in my head.
I chuckle with pleasure
And joy beyond measure,
But next day, there's nothing instead.
--- Monique de Plume
Who was born of a sow in a sty,
And his limerick verse
Is appallingly worse!
If the quality's good, it is I.
--- Ward Hardman
Who liked to make puns and play games.
He liked limericks best,
And was never a pest,
But he knew lots of folks with weird names.
--- Dena Norton
For Limerick form overuse.
Nor for his views
Or attemps to amuse,
With targeted textual abuse.
--- Jarmo
He, limericks and fishing combines.
When out on a pier
And musing on Lear,
He fishes while using five lines.
--- Irving Superior P9203
I wondered to what was his aim.
After Barbie departed
Lim writing he's started?
I think he is one and the same.
--- Anon
A rhyme I just couldn't pick.
Though I thought really hard,
(I'm not much of a bard)
The last line had to end with a kick.
--- Anon
And soon I was sleeping and snoring;
And that's why I'm here,
Well past midnight I fear,
Writing verses exceeding deploring.
--- Anon
I went to a sex surrogate.
Twelve lessons--four weeks.
Of homework she speaks.
My limericks this month will be late.
--- Irving Superior P9409
Last limerick, that's what you said.
Your bulb may not be bright
But the problem? Its white!
Methinks you should change it to red.
(Maybe socially, though, not quite right)
But the mail is so slow
You've some waiting to go...
I hope you can keep busy at night.
That my typing fingers are jarred.
So I think it is best
To take a short rest,
Or else I'll be writing like Ward.
--- SFA
For this poetry to be updated.
A pox on the rest
Who think it'd be best
If I were locked up and sedated.
--- Phil T
Has written on Usenet, he's busy
On multiple groups,
To enlighten us troops,
But reading his lims makes me dizzy.
--- Anon
And that's why I chase after fame,
For the name, "Robin Kay,"
Sounds male, WASP-y, and gay,
And I want folks to know I'm a dame.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
His limericks ran on and on.
As more subjects arose,
The more he'd compose.
His ideas just never are gone.
--- Bernard Gluck
From our limericks' calls of perversion.
You were worried, I'll bet,
That we'd crashed in a jet,
Or had undergone Christian conversion.
--- Joe Long
Equal to the task of a good rhyme,
Since I'm the possessor
Of a Word Processor,
Many monkeys and much idle time.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805a
Should insist that he read you his verse,
Make post haste for the door
For he doubtless has more
Bad habits, maybe some even worse!
--- William N Nesbit P9605 a
With limericks and names all the time.
There's little to do
Except write a haiku,
Or think of a suitable crime.
--- Mike O'Conner
A greeting card verser is sicker.
To write saccharine
And never obscene
Needs ulcers with linings much thicker.
--- Irving Superior P8612
Said Janet, "But still it's a crime
Tiddy Ogg never came,
Randog's just a name,
And -=H=- still refuses to rhyme."
Something is wrong and I know it.
For I try all I can,
But I can't rhyme or scan,
So I'll never make it as a poet."
--- Richard Long
"Politically Correct," or amiss?
Much humor, you see,
Barbs both you and me;
Yet we on each other shan't piss.
--- Q
Unwilling to join the keep-tryers,
Quit way too early,
Then got quite surly
When his story got no willing buyers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I was writing haiku by the mile.
But I craved a sensation --
Limerick metric elation --
Every other form 'twas mis'rabile.
--- Buckaroo
Though we often find Yanks a bit bluff.
We do not offend
With verses we've penned
On musicians and other such stuff.
--- Alastair Thompson
The one simple talent I've got.
My agent, when paid,
Ran off to get laid.
The royalties have not been so hot.
--- Frank Fazed
My heart's broken, I'm really in pain.
To get me in shit
With the Sage is the pits.
I beg you don't do that again!
--- Anon
This naughty verse form to conceive.
But then they were not
All juicy and hot;
The lims were quite tame, you'll perceive.
--- Anon
The way this life goes, I'm away.
So now I am back
To launch my attack,
In the form of a limerick a day.
--- Nawahl Razak
(I had to ring friends on the phone)
Wiz is funny as hell
And if I'm careful, well,
I can claim it as one of my own.
--- David Miller
This is file ilm
To have writer's block in a rhyme,
It would be less perverse
To first run out of verse,
Than have earlier run out of time.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105
Was no poet, most folks often said.
He won't rob your purse
But he murders his verse,
Till you pay him to stop it, instead.
--- Erin Hinds
With fourletter words, never missed.
He emboldened his rhyme
With much vulgar grime;
Now all of the censors are pissed.
--- Chris Papa
From the moment he wakes in the morning,
Is obscenely obsessed
(He has often confessed)
By a passion for limerick porning.
--- Keith MacMillan AO17B
Some have a cut, quite chirurgical.
But savant's are different,
As they do represent,
Subjects that seem mostly political.
--- Q
Such as punsters and people who curse.
But then up from the mist
Rises the limercist,
Thought by some, polymorphous perverse.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0109
"I have always been bored when I've read
Poems Byronic,
So I find it ironic
When limericks pour from my head."
--- Richard Long
Whose limericks are of a high rank.
He'll rhyme and he'll scan
As few other can,
Which is pretty good for a Yank!
--- Sue Mitchell
Of space for my Limericks seedy.
Apologies, of course,
I'm really a horse,
And was nobbled with something real "speedy"!
--- Anon
He'll find some clean words that might rhyme.
Some say his are stronger,
But remember mine longer,
For it's hard to forget smut and slime.
--- Bob Birch P9912
Was arrested for trying to slight her.
He spoke only in prose
And everyone knows
He did it on purpose to spite her!
--- Pecos Bill
I start out composing a lulu
That is bubbling with fun,
But as soon as I'm done,
I find that I've written a booboo.
--- Limber Limericks
Admits to his wife with a smile,
"My weak endings are phoney...
Syllabic baloney,
But we!...Don't we finish in style!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Their lims work out right to the letter.
They might give more thought;
I know that I ought,
But, perfection is such a fetter!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Tried composing a good limerick.
Since he spent so much time
Without finding a rhyme,
He deserved, in the end, a swift kick.
--- Book of Limericks P9804
From Jim to this group has been flung.
I know quite a few,
And I'm in there too.
Still rhubarb will thrive on such dung.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That says they all should be barred,
Or of those that write 'em,
Be sure to invite 'em
To ride poles all feathered and tarred.
--- Chris Papa
Said Tom Becket, the sad limericist.
"More than just a scant few,"
Said, as did Henry II,
"Who will rid us of this anapest?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of this newsgroup, my verse serves as filler.
I at least try to post
When it needs it the most --
But I wonder, just where is John Miller?
--- Scott Oliver
My muse doesn't feel much like working.
So I thought that it's best
That I give it a rest,
While I practice the fine art of shirking.
--- John Miller
He's gone south of the equator because
He's gone looking for Dave,
His bare face for to save.
He's done shaved all the hair from his jaws.
--- Scott Oliver
But what drives my poor wife to tears
Is not on my face,
But total disgrace,
The stuff that grows out of my ears.
--- John Miller
And poetry ran through my head,
I thought I could say
Something special today,
But I just wrote these limericks instead.
--- Ray Gessler
And it has been. of course, from the start.
For better or worse,
We've married this verse.
Well, nobody said we were smart.
--- Neal Wilgus P8505
And was rewarded with one of your stars.
But at the end of my fun
I then had to run
From my wife screaming, "I'll show you scars!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Its editor savvy, exciting.
A man of seniority
And a world-class authority
On the science of limerick writing.
--- Anon
Our troll "Jim" has inspired a huge tome.
One could truthfully say
I can write them all day,
From the dawn to the fade of the gloam.
It's hard, if you know what I mean.
I've gotten a start,
Easys' that part.
The hard part is what's in between.
--- Anon
His limericks often would kill us.
It will take us a while
To catch up to his style,
An accomplishment that would fulfill us.
--- John E Maywood
They're raunchy, just right for our times.
I think you are blessed
With a taste for excess
And a talent for violent crimes.
--- Gerard Van der Leun
I hear that his life has now passed.
Though he is now gone,
His poems live on;
Our limerick flag's at half mast.
--- Cap'n Bean P9901
His limerick writing has ceased.
I enjoyed what he wrote;
He's a great one to quote;
I hope that he's resting in peace.
--- Cap'n Bean P9901
Turn an empty glass down. We feel pain.
But there's laughter up there;
His rhymed wit was so rare,
And our loss is St Peter's sweet gain.
--- William N Nesbit P9902
Of worms such that some folks, I bet'll,
Think his license (poetic)
Is slightly chaotic.
His courage should earn him a medal.
--- Anon
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