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Could it be that they haven't a clue Their computers do all of their thinking They've got 'Cover Their Asses' disclaimers, Accountants keep track of the means, An accountant, accounting with vigor, Our accountant, I fear, is a fount The specialty publisher, Hooker, Costs of living are rising and founting, Your career isn't quite non-existent, There was an old banker named Bierce "Our bankers," observed Mr. Bart, When her mother asked why she would quarrel Young laurel's account's in arrears But don't think young Laurel is rude; When Janet went down on young Laurel, A sycophant butler named Sig, For all of his technical drivel, That often sued columnist Kramer, The County Recorder's small niche, An electrical engineer, Burkitt, The other day I had designed There was a surveyor from Kent When asked about fraud, Mr Hoff, Professions: beliefs in a creed Insurance men are nowt but crooks, In sailing days, ships would arrive, Truth be told now, the editor confesses; Incredibly busy and keen A trainee hotelier from Brest Another short Sunday today; I hope it's a five-star hotel An impetuous maiden named Marion, This working from home is no fun, I guess it's now time for a beer; An architect scaled his designs, "Why not build a church?" you inquire. In Norway, surrounded by pig- This lack, on their hearts, took a toll, Now trolls, kids, despite what you see But duty means that she must call, ...Like London's millennium folly." So soon then the bridge lay quite shattered; A farmer comes in his Daihatsu; "And nanny, we'll get milk from you; And with the demise of the goats, She ferries the people across And soon she is living real fine, The moral? There's plenty to choose; (in honor of the millennium footbridge shut down 2000)
A great architectural joss Taj Mahal's famous builder once quipped, An architect living in Wessex I hope that dad's job is okay. I hear that this same idiotic An architect sat back and laughed. The Scottish-born architect Adam (Robert Adam, 1800's)
Hushing students, Librarian Lear There was an old person who listed, A librarian working at Nooksack Librarians know lots of neat stuff. There once was a quiet librarian, A librarian learning to cook, The librarian should have been sacked The children's librarian, Joan, A librarian of great renown, There was a young lady named Marion A young man who lived in Home Hale, There is simply is no way of hiding,
About what it is that they do.
Was the whole sorry bunch
All gone out to lunch,
When the Master explained what he drew.
--- Bob Leclerc
While they sit and just stare without inkling,
And wait for that tool
To spit out a jewel,
They can sell for the cash to go drinking.
--- Bob Leclerc
To protect their fat checks from the blamers.
When the drawings are shitty,
It's a real fucking pity,
We must deal with these arrogant lamers.
--- Bob Leclerc
Mostly working behind the scenes.
They're extremely attentive
And anal retentive,
From counting and not eating the beans.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Came across an unususal figure.
He pursed up his lips
With his hands on his hips,
And his eyes just got bigger and bigger.
--- Martin Guy
Of deception. Say, what's this amount
He deducted? Just look!
We must bring him to book,
And his bookkeeper, bring to account.
--- Anon
Well known in his trade as "Cook Booker",
Had a more famous brother.
Who was? Why none other
Than the CPA known as "Book Cooker."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304
Indebtedness constantly mounting.
But when no one today
Wants a bookkeeper's pay,
There's surely no taste for accounting.
--- Hugh Clary
But the top of the ladder is distant.
In collegiate terms,
If your pay-slip confirms,
Your professorship rank is assistant.
--- David Morin
Whose heart was like flint -- hard to pierce.
But a fly that was trapped
In a web and was wrapped,
Brought tears to his eyes something fierce.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2448
"As servants do play a fine part.
They give thoughtful advice
And make great scrifice,
And they all have our interest at heart."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2433
With suitors, young bookkeeper, Laurel
Said, "Mama, because it's
I hate the deposits,
Not to mention an early withdrawal."
--- Hugh Clary
And treasure chest's empty, she fears.
Enormous rigidity
Will bring her liquidity
To fill up her cache, it appears.
--- Randog
Her words shouldn't be misconstrued.
Her heart holds the fires
Of Sapphic desires:
Of Janet, her thoughts are quite lewd!
--- Scott Oliver
The latter moaned, "God, I love oral.
Please flick your skilled tongue
From clit to my bung,
And I'll come much more than a whore'll.
--- Randog
Spilled soup on his employer's wig.
The servant got busted
But was so disgusted,
That on leaving, he showed him the fig.
--- Jeff Wisnia
This lad's reputation will shrivel:
He can't measure loads,
He can't design roads --
As an engineer, he's just not civil.
--- Norm Storer P0007
That gossip, namecaller, defamer;
Relates peccadillos
On couches with pillows,
But always inserts a disclaimer.
--- Armand Singer
Should help work go, without a hitch.
That's not working out,
And that's without doubt,
'Cause this one is really a bitch.
--- Anon
Was asked to design a new circuit,
But he failed to produce
And became a recluse:
"Since I cannot work it, I'll shirk it!"
--- Norm Storer P0012
A circuit that was much maligned.
"Hey, I did my best
But it did not pass the test."
I guess I'm just out of my mind.
--- Anon
Whose theodolite got rather bent.
The result you can see
On the A423
Which never goes quite where they meant.
--- Michael Palin
A funeral director, would scoff.
"I say thank the Lawd
There's no such thing as fraud.
Our trade calls it a R.I.P. off."
--- Tom Patton P0001
Or jobs and a hope to succeed;
However defined,
Regardless of kind,
The motive in common is NEED.
--- R J Winkler P8503
As they try to get you on their books.
On your own life you're betting,
With no hope of getting,
Your cash from their grappling-hooks.
--- Anon
At ports on the Mersey or Clyde,
And there on the quay,
The wide-boys you'd see,
Taking bets on just who had survived.
--- Anon
To avoid great expense and worse messes,
Disregard what you've heard.
It is foolish, absurd;
No one ever dared yell, "Stop the presses!".
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Writing technical gubbins I've been.
Although home-working stuff
Is exceedingly tough,
I've not lost my self-discipline gene.
--- Anon
Said his training allowed him no rest.
Pursuing his trade,
He'd been chef, boots and maid;
One thing he'd not been was a guest!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Quite soon I'll be going away,
To work like a dog
And my gray matter flog,
For a minimal pittance of pay.
--- Peter Wilkins
With personal service as well;
But knowing my luck,
In the sticks I'll be stuck
In some dingy and seedy motel.
--- Peter Wilkins
Antidisestablishmentarian,
Took a rabbit, a bear,
And a pig to the fair,
And posed as a veterinarian.
--- Cyber Geezer
When outside there is glorious sun.
So I'm getting a tan,
Thinking hard as I can
Of excuses to leave work undone.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file ifm
I've a six-pack of Budweiser here.
(Wanders in...opens fridge,
Picks up can...what's that squidge?
Something cold and left-over, I fear.)
--- Peter Wilkins
Was arrested and paid some stiff fines.
His blueprints were damp,
'Bout the size of a stamp,
And smelled of inferior wines.
--- Millie Blonder
An architect can't be a liar:
The reason I sow
Little homes in a row
Is I'd rather align than aspire...
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Eons, live three goats, high on a ridge;
A great game they'd learnt,
But happy they weren't.
They needed a fourth one for bridge.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So rousing themselves for a stroll,
Way down from their eyrie,
'Til feeling quite weary,
They came to a bridge, with a troll.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In books, are just nice as can be,
Just misunderstood;
And this one's real good
And calls herself Rosa Trolle.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In tones rather loud: "Hey you-all!
That trip-trap vibration
Over my habitation
May cause the whole structure to fall...
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Hey Hey," said the goats. "Oh how jolly!"
They thus with indecency
Found the right frequency,
And tramped, Yelling "Troll, get your brolly!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
The troll, Rosa, cut, bruised, and battered,
While on the far shore
Where they'd ne'er been before,
The goats mocked and giggled and chattered.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"A billy goat! I'm gonna catch you!
I've got a grain mill
And filling the bill,
To drive it, I need strength and that's you.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And baby, I reckon you'll do
To make some kid gloves,
Which my missus loves.
And also a nice tasty stew."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The troll looks across the great moat.
And gathering her wits
And all of the bits
Of the bridge; she soon builds her a boat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That stream at a reasonable cost.
As business expands,
She takes on more hands,
And rakes in the cash as the boss.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As head of a transport combine.
Owns buses and trains,
Owns trucks, ships, and planes,
And lives in a schloss on the Rhine.
--- Tiddy Ogg
One: Ferrymen must have their dues.
Two: Building your pile,
Chose substance, not style,
Or your reputation you'll lose.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who rejoiced in the name of De Swoss
Said, "I'd like to embellish
My buildings with trellish,
And as many jazz colors as poss.
--- F J Osborne (Bibby)
"Mausoleums are normally skipped
For a measure of pleasure,
But I treasure the leisure
Of my wife and some tail from the crypt."
--- Hugh Clary
Constructed some houses in Essex;
His custom built splits,
With his clients, were hits,
But his best were some grand geodesics.
--- Cap'n Bean P0900
I heard, on my way out to play,
He couldn't erect,
But he's an architect.
Poor dad, he'll get it up some day.
--- Pthirus
Firm of architects towers erotic
By willing the bankers
For something they hankers:
A building that's gherkin psychotic.
--- Anon
"I know my new plans seem daft.
On each of the floors
There's no windows or doors --
But at least I've got rid of the draft."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Would design mighty mansions and clad 'em
In stone and in brick;
All the nobs got in quick,
So to boast at their banquets, "We had 'em!"
--- Anon
Whispered "Silence," and "Quiet please, dear."
To keep them in line,
She had printed a sign
Warning all that "SHHH HAPPENS" here.
--- Wormdirt TP9804
And numbered each book that existed.
They said to him, "Dewey!
Decimals? Phooey!"
"They do have a point," he insisted.
--- Richard Long
Discovered a way to get books back:
If you kept them too long,
She sang a short song
And posted your name on a crooks' plaque.
--- Limber Limericks
They can find it when bosses are tough.
How deep is the sea?
Could you find it for me?
I can! I'll find it sho'nuff.
--- Earl and Moniz
A sweet little octogenarian,
Who behaved with aplomb--
Until she got home,
Where she turned into quite a barbarian!
--- Paul Lusch P9405
Could not do so without her cookbook.
Soup, meat, and/or fish,
In fact every known dish,
How to cook, in her book she must look.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Because order and system she lacked.
But she never was fired
For the reason she was hired;
The books weren't, but the girl was well stacked!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Has nary a child of her own.
But moms bring their moppets
To hear her do poppets:
And don't pick them up till ther're grown.
--- Tom Marlowe
Was heard to remark with a frown,
"Our exalted director
Wields power like a sceptor--
The next thing he'll want is a crown!
--- Linda Kay
A disestablishmentarian,
Who purchased a gun,
Put her hair in a bun,
And became a Montana librarian.
--- Cyber Geezer
Went to Acle one day for the sale.
He waved to his mate,
And discovered too late,
He had purchased five acres of kale.
--- Ida Thurtle
From groups that deserve a good chiding.
They're the ones we know well,
They're trying to sell,
That GOD-DAMNED aluminum siding.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8301
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