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There was an old lady of Cheltenham The Madame told Sandy McNail, "It's 'Safety First' in our bordello," A madam opined in Key West, An old brothel-keeper named Sam With a dollar, a man did presume There was a young madame named Lena, Young Debbie; who's still at St. Trinians; ...and offer their cute little asses Said old Madam Flo in Fort Erie, A madam who came from the Andes, There was an old bawd named McBride, Said the kind madam, "Now don't you fret it. The Madame at Mustang Ranch "Our new insurance won't cover "Worker's Comp doesn't pay for VD; "Also look for the obvious bumps, A practical madam was Garrity; Twenty cents was the sum of my dough No banging for my buck you say, Said a kindly male hooker named Cliff, Okay. If you sign a receipt A sailor on leave became hot; In the rottenest dive in Cawnpore Still a virgin at age forty-two, A methodical fellow named Wade, In Britain, Ms. Hunt (known as Bridey) There once was a fellow named Phil, My daddy said, "Don't trust him, Kay -- The rest of the story you know; A TV repairman named Peak, A detective from central Mauritius His sexual orientation One night on a Sheffield slag heap, Got my credit card statements today, So I guess I'll go walking the street Ninety-eight thou, less six hundred... Well, did you pay all your bills? So I see that now you are curious; Well, I put on my old flasher's mac, ...To an old spreading cedar-wood tree, "Oh, do me," she cried, "I'm aflame." She pleaded, "More pleassure and pain." We were at it from three until seven; The fee I collected was fat. ...On her ass with her legs in the air I've finished giving all my report; I'm glad that you got your bills paid. Pete offered his service for free I could become some battered wreck, There once was a man named Peter, There was a young fellow named Hiram A lustful young fellow name Mattis Put down your vermouth, my old girl; In spite of a wasting disease, A dusky young maiden from Goa "My job as a stud, is a grind," That elegant gigolo, Price, A smelly, repulsive old maid A gigolo shouldn't be spurned A sad-eyed young pimp named Leander A woman in Briarcliff Manor What used to stay up, now needs fluffing; There was a poor person called Stone While walking, a fellow named Glick There is a male hooker named Plumber, A fetishist fellow named Yost
Said, "Cunts? Why of course, dear, I dealt in 'em.
I thought it my duty
To make 'em so fruity,
My clients used simply to melt in 'em."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
"Yes, we offer a high type of tail...
But there's no cut in prices
If you tear off two slices...
We're retail her, Man, not wholesale!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 750
Said Madam Dullvulva, "so fellow,
When you pay your money,
Go screw any honey
Whose cunt has been painted bright yellow."
--- Travis Brasell
"The quick coming customer's best.
You get the same dough
For the fast or the slow,
But the fast come and go, and you rest."
--- Grand Prix Lim 861 A
Placed ads to engage a madame.
Then he tried at least fifty
And they all were quite nifty,
But not one passed his stringent exam.
--- Albin Chaplin
To approach an old whore of Khartoum.
So his dollar she took
And she gave him a book,
Then she showed him the self-service room.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3007
Who ran her house in an arena.
She charged ten bucks a throw
To observe the whole show,
And for this she was served a subpoena.
--- Albin Chaplin
Rakes in the dough from her minions.
They're sixteen years old
And they do as they're told,
As they travel around the dominions...
--- Anon
To all but the lowest of classes;
And charge if you please
Quite exorbitant fees.
You should see all the dough they amasses!
--- Anon
To the new whore she hired, "Listen, dearie,
I have one strict rule:
You must squeeze the guy's tool,
And if it pulls off -- you be leery!"
--- G2012
Had rooms full of girls that were dandies.
And some girls in a ward,
If that's all you'd afford,
And some girls in a room for the standees.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1429
Whose beautiful girls were her pride.
They had no inhibitions
And knew all the positions.
And she took laundry in on the side.
--- A N Wilkins P8604
My girls never care how they get it.
They'll be happy to screw
Any way you want to."
"No they won't, 'cause I want it on credit."
--- Martin Wellborn P9205a
Tells all her girls in advance,
"If he is dripping,
He's not to be getting
Anything into your pants."
--- Gearhart
Any VD from a lover.
Follow the rules
And don't be the fools.
Make sure each one wears a slipcover.
--- Gearhart
You're on your own there, as you see.
Each one of you
Knows what to do --
Ask first, if it stings when you pee.
--- Gearhart
Before he gets into your wumps.
Even a rubber
Can't always cover
Your ass against festering stumps."
--- Gearhart
The brothel she ran was a rarity.
She ran newspapaer ads,
Charged half-price to young lads,
And was open on weekends for charity.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1814
When I dropped in to see Madame Flo...
She hollered, "You creep!
We don't sell that cheap,
So now that you've come, you can go!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 146
Across on your pond side today?
For you that's alright,
But it's my delight
To always allow them to pay.
--- Anon
"You may think that it's clean `cause it's stiff;
I know I'm a temptor,
But caveat emptor;
It so happens I'm riddled with syph."
--- Armand Singer
On billing me after my treat,
I'll start with the wooing,
Progress to the cooing,
And finish by screwing you, sweet.
--- Anon
Thought a hooker would just hit the spot.
But the tarts were away,
(Except those who were gay.)
He sighed, "No matter, bottom or twat!"
I asked a boy, "When do you whore?"
He replied, "Sir, at seven,
And suck cocks till eleven;
Then we bugger from midnight till four!"
--- G0935a
And unhappy old maid of Purdue,
Trapped a midnight intruder
Who reluctantly screwed 'er,
Then charged her ten dollars when through.
--- G1551
Could recall every girl that he'd laid.
He recorded each poke,
Every thrust, every stroke,
And precisely how much he'd been paid.
--- Isaac Asimov
Says, "Me and son Mike ain't so tidy--
So for for seventeen pence,
I've hired two gents
To clean me and Mike Hunt every Friday."
--- Norm Storer P9212
Dark and handsome, and dressed fit to kill.
He had a technique
That left my knees weak --
Until he presented the bill!
--- Kaylin
If you do, there will be hell to pay!"
But Phil was my star.
(I even bought him a car;
He took that when he went away.)
--- Kaylin
I learned my lesson a long time ago.
So girls, take my advice;
You'd better think twice;
Neer marry a damned gigolo!
--- Kaylin
Was called by two sisters antique.
He repaired their resistors,
Then screwed the two sisters,
So they asked for repairs every week.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1376
Became unduly suspicious
When an old whore appeared
Wearing moustache and a beard,
An illusion not thought quite propitious.
--- Mike O'Conner
Requires some clarification.
He's straight or he's gay;
He can go either way,
As long as he gets compensation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0402
This is file hzm
The boffing near put me to sleep.
She mentioned a price;
I muttered "No dice!",
Then told her I never come cheap.
--- Anon
And they're long as my arm and they say
I'm to settle them now;
But I cannot see how,
For there's hundreds of thousands to pay.
--- Peter Wilkins
And convice all the women I meet
That I'm hung like a horse,
(I can prove it, of course.)
And suggest that they're in for a treat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Divided by five...'less I've blundered.
At the end of the day,
You'd have earned all that pay;
Nearly two thousand twats you'd have sundered!
--- John Miller
How many chicks paid for your thrills?
Did you take some time
To feed them your line?
Or just screw them sans any frills?
--- Marlene Lewis
I'll tell you but you will be furious;
So don't breathe a word
Lest you get overheard,
For kicks at my nuts are injurious.
--- Peter Wilkins
And I gave my old man a good whack
'Til it glowed in the dark
Then I went to the park
And I stood in the bushes, my back...
--- Peter Wilkins
Where I waited until about three.
Then along came a chick
Who said "Give us your dick!"
And I charged her my usual fee.
--- Peter Wilkins
And my god, did she scream when she came.
Surprised? No, of course
Not; I'm hung like a horse,
And there's nothing about me that's tame.
--- Peter Wilkins
So I did her again and again.
For my care and trouble,
I asked her for double
My fee and she didn't complain.
--- Peter Wilkins
She asked would I stay 'til eleven.
By now it was light
And she looked quite a sight
So I took her yet further to heaven.
--- Peter Wilkins
When I found she'd enough, I said, "That
Is your lot, my dear chick,
Now get off of my dick."
And she staggered about and fell flat...
--- Peter Wilkins
And I laughed but continued to stare
As she fingered her muff.
Had she not had enough?
I don't know but I left her right there.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'd collected enough from my sport.
So I had a quick wank
'Fore I went to the bank.
Now girls, you can have me for nought.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'm sad for that chick that you laid
Low from your attention;
(The kind I won't mention)
At least you had got a good trade.
--- Marlene Lewis
To curious little old me!
I've got a bad heart;
It would not be smart;
Such excitement must just kill me.
--- Marlene Lewis
With hickeys all over her neck.
Or Ericka might
Just punch out my light.
It's safer just watching, by heck!
--- Marlene Lewis
Who said, "Ma'am, I charge by the meter.
Same cost, fast or slow.
Have both, so you know --
Speedometer and odo-meter.
--- Jim
Whose wife was a nymph and would tire 'im.
So he hired simply scads
Of unwary young lads;
When they failed to produce he would fire 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2109
Seduced an old maid through the lattice.
She offered to pay
But his answer was nay;
He insisted the first one be gratis.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1369
Life's short, so give it a whirl!
Meet the young Bryce --
For a fair price,
He'll do you until your toes curl.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
O'Reilly went down on his knees
Before altars of gods,
Whores, boys, and small dogs --
And all this for very low fees.
--- G1774
Invited me upstairs to show her
A kinky position
For having coition,
Then gave me a tenner to blow her.
--- Michael Horgan
Said Miles, "But I really don't mind;
My job has its perks,
Occasional jerks,
And getting a head and behind."
--- Travis Brasell
Remarked, "Now, it may be a vice,
But one thing I know,
This fucking for dough
Is something exceedingly nice."
--- G1854
Was a virgin who longed to get laid;
She found a man, Reid,
Who, to screw her, agreed,
But he had to be handsomely paid.
--- Cap'n Bean P0101
Because of the tricks he has turned;
You may choose to jeer,
But surely it's clear:
His money is really hard-earned.
--- Norm Storer P9703
Found it rather hard going, to pander.
For queer after queer
Cocked an eye at his rear,
Which they'd price with the greatest of candor.
--- G0994
Engaged a young student to fan her;
He had scarcely begun
When she started to run,
But I'm happy to say he outran her.
--- Lims Unlimited
It's harder to hide that he's bluffing.
And all of the work
Just to make her pubes perk,
Leaves Julian huffing and puffing.
--- Randog
Who had to pay off a large loan.
When told prostitution
Might be the solution,
His answer was: "Well, I'll be blown!"
--- Chris Young
Was stopped by a shapely young chick.
He complained, "I declare
I have no cash to spare.
If you pay me, I'll give you a lick!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1860
Whom fate truly dealt a real bummer;
Since diseases beneath,
Cost him all of his teeth,
He must make ends meet as a gummer.
--- Armand Singer
Loved a wealthy young girl on the coast.
He confessed that her bust
Excited his lust,
But her checkbook was what he loved most.
--- A N Wilkins P8708
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