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A careless old man from Blue Hill There was an old woman of China A Scotsman whose toes had turned purple A romantic young lady, Lorraine, It seems that a bibulous Hessian An unwitting old fellow named Bean As he stared at Sophia Loren,
r There was a young fellow called Kamp, So I said to all lopsided Greg, Up in cotton batting and tape, Whilst tossing his caber so large, A blind man was crossing the street, Tumbling over, a lady named Nell, A tottering lady named Jane Said young Rex in his hot-air balloon, A man who fell down a mine There once was a dandified swell The hay hand fell off of his stack A ten year old male we call Haskall, Uncle Harry went up to the roof There was an old man of Darjeeling The leaves crunching under my feet A well-hung musician named Riggs To the station I rushed for a train; "Did you miss a step there, my son?" A sailor who sailed on the Clyde, Until Brad was fifteen, he was prone A muscular maiden from Cutter There was a young girl called Elize, A Welshman named Llewellyn A plump little maid from Bellaire There was an old maid from Brewer To arrive at the party, Miss Kate A practical joker from Fairbanks There's a glazier by the name of Beck, There was a young lady named Hannah A housewife called out with a frown, A daring young man on trapeze An eccentric old woman of Rye There once was a young boy named Jim, As lightly I run down the stairs Since I don't think my leg will need stitchin', Good people all, both great and small, The thunder dread, crack'd round my head, Good ladies, and gentlemen fat, I have a sensational bruise; Oh Lucy! I picture it so: Carl had a treacherous slip; Side rails were raised on Carl's bed, So let me a little digress, An unclothed young freshman named Claude In the way only bold streakers can, Now proceeding according to plan, Deprived of his prime motivation So he pressed on 'til nigh unto dark, He's been chased and was frazzled and slow, One onlooker observed, "My, what style, Now that Claude's got a good second wind, But he'll finish the mission with ease, If ever your temper should snap. Amish are not kown for looting The date of a student from Clark In life, you should certainly try I met a maid in Bloom There was a young fellow named Pitts An old man with a bushy grey beard,
Ate a toadstool or two and grew ill;
His doctor said, "Cy,
All the good people die,
And that's why I doubt that you will."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who went to sea on a big liner
She fell off the deck
And twisted her neck,
And now she can see right behind her.
--- Graham Lester
Said, "Where ever I go, there's a twerp'll
Step right on my feet
When we happen to meet,
So I'm stuck with a horrible hirple." (limp)
--- Hugh Clary
Day dreaming of castles in Spain,
To phantoms she talked,
As she blissfully walked
And was hit by a slow moving train.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
Committed a grave indiscretion:
He washed out his eye
With a cupful of lye,
Which altered his facial expression.
--- Lims Unlimited
Tumbled into his washing machine;
Amidst the detergent,
He spun quite resurgent,
Emerging decidedly clean.
--- Cap'n Bean
In the hospital, they
Wrote a label: "Long stay",
And put him in Wards 8, 9, and 10.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who'd sunbathe in his loo with a lamp.
But a flash in the pan
Gave him more than a tan--
The result of the wires getting damp.
--- Michael Palin
"Tell me, why in the world do you beg?"
He responded, "Before,
I bought that chain saw;
It cost me an arm and a leg!"
--- Anon
I now have the grace of an grape.
I can't pet poor John,
Or Don Juan or Ron,
Until I'm in much better shape.
--- Anon
Which was liberally coated in marge,
Jock tripped on a divot,
Went arse over pivot;
Thank God it was all free of charge!
For some old friends he wanted to meet.
He tripped on his cane,
And slipped in the rain,
And was trampled by dozens of feet.
--- Anon
Received a large bump where she fell.
She appplied some pink balm
Which worked like a charm
And her friends said, "All's well that ends swell!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Always walked with an elegant cane.
When asked, "Do you fear
You will fall on your ear?"
"Not my EAR," she replied with disdain.
--- Gladys Kay Willauer P9302
"I shall see all the stars very soon."
Rex was right, for he dropped,
And he saw when he stopped,
Three million bright stars and a moon.
--- Anon
Said, "Help! Someone drop me a line!"
Down came a letter
Saying "Hope you feel better,
Dinner's as half-past nine."
--- Spike Mulligan
Who tumbled down into a well,
But a man heard him shout,
And at once pulled him out,
For his sentences savoured of 'Hell'.
--- The Cantab 1898 P8810
And struck with a horrible whack.
But his wife braved the fescue
To come to his rescue.
And toted him home in a sack.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Was a very adventurous rascal.
He climbed on our roof,
Slipped and then -- Whoof!
He fell off and lit on his classical!
--- Roger Morris
To give the antenna a whoof;
When he fell to the ground,
And we lost all the sound,
I viewed it with utter reproof.
--- Anon
Who hung by his feet from the ceiling.
He fell on his head
But felt nothing, he said,
For he'd lost all sensation of feeling.
--- Anon
Produced a hypnotical beat.
I was ambling along
And singing a song.
Then I slipped and fell down on my seat.
--- Anon
Was climbing a fig tree for figs.
But all was not well;
On his organ he fell
And he sounded like E. Power Biggs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2262
I was late and under great strain.
On the stairs I did trip
And went ass over tip,
Landing up at the foot in great pain.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Asked a lady concerned; I said "None,
From summit to floor,
I count forty four;
I must have hit every damn one."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was so drunk he fell over the side.
It was lucky for him
He knew how to swim,
Or he'd have gone out with the tide.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
To dribble, burp, shit, fart and moan;
"Brain damage" Mum said,
"From dropping on head."
(But she knows the poor bastard was thrown.)
--- David Miller
Flung open her window and shutter
With such a strong fling,
That her body took wing
And landed head-first in the gutter.
--- Limber Limericks
Who frequently wanted to sneeze.
One day in the street
She sneezed herself off her feet;
In the fall she then fractured both knees.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Dug a dungeon to dwell in.
But forgot to dig stairs,
And arrived unawares
In his cell; poor Llewellyn fell in.
--- Anon
Fell twenty-one steps down the stair;
When I asked, "Are you bruised?"
She replied, "You're confused;
I spent the whole time in the air."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who fell right into a sewer.
And then when it rained,
I was thoroughly pained,
For then I was sad that I knew her.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was rushing because she was late.
As she sped through the door,
She slipped on the floor,
And that is how Kate met her fete.
--- Al Chaplin
This is file hmm
Rigged trip wires to pull off mean stair pranks,
And as victims fell down,
Ripping trousers and gown,
He'd laugh at the blood on their bare flanks.
--- Armand Singer
Who slipped and then fell to the deck.
As he went through the glass
Shouted, "This might sound crass;
Oh my God I've a pane in the neck!
--- Tom Patton P0506
Who slipped on the peel of banana.
She wanted to swear
But her mother was there,
So she whistled the Star Spangled Banner.
--- VOL 3
When surprised by some callers from town,
"In a minute or less,
I'll slip on a dress"--
But she slipped on the stairs and came down.
--- Anon
Once tumbled and missed with his knees.
As he flew to the ground,
He felt honor-bound
To shout, "Clear the way, if you please."
--- Weekly Science
Jumped off her roof hoping to fly.
But her plan was unsound,
And she smashed to the ground,
With broken bones and a black eye.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who fractured his right lower limb.
He leapt into a pool
Without water, the fool.
Good heavens! He must have been dim.
--- Anon
I trip over a couple of chairs.
"Who the fuck left them out!"
(Oh, I'm sorry to shout,
But those chairs caught me quite unawares.)
--- Anon
I'll stop all this swearing and bitchin'.
For soon it will heal.
Time for breakfast I feel;
I'll just limp down the stairs to the kitchen.
--- Anon
I'm blind and cannot see,
To my surprise,
I lost my eyes,
Beneath a great oak tree.
--- Archie
And stunned me with Aright;
Then quickly came
The lightning's flame,
And made me dark as night.
--- Archie
I am poor as any fine rat.
Your purse don't shut,
But kindly put,
Some money in my hat.
--- Archie
It's really amazingly grues-
ome: I fell on my tail
And now it is gail-
y arrayed in yellows and blues.
--- Lucy
'Twas me from the rear, don't you know?
My artistic dirk
Left colorful work.
You're now fit to hang in a show.
--- H Welchel
He skidded and busted one hip.
Doc said with a grin,
"We can put a pin in
And soon you can do a backflip."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
For it's safer post-op, it is said.
But when they were raised,
The doc was amazed,
When Carl flipped onto his head.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
For Carl, I confess, is a mess.
He's now chained to his bed
To mend his sore head,
And will be there a while, I would guess.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Was running a turn 'round the quad,
When an angel on high
Sent a bolt from the sky
And dismantled his lightening rod.
--- Don Tidwell
He attacted a crowd as he ran.
While spectators did gawk,
That electrical shock
Rendered Claude just a flash in the pan.
--- Mary Sullivan
Lets flesh out this tale, if we can.
Both his kit and kaboodles
Are limp-ass wet noodles,
But man, he does have a nice tan.
--- Pete Patterson
And caught in this odd situation,
With his kit and his gear
Being nothing to fear,
He looked for a warm comfort station.
--- Don Tidwell
When he found a remote roadside park.
Now the story's still told
How, bedraggled and cold,
The invincible Claude left his mark.
--- Mary Sullivan
When he fell on a bench, sinking low.
Then this intrepid runner,
With aim like a gunner,
Engraved his full name in the snow!
--- Don Tidwell
Wearing naught but a vertical smile.
When he's done with the race,
We'll forget the lad's face,
But not lightly dismiss his profile.
--- Mary Sullivan
The crowd lingers to cheer him on in.
They expectantly await
Him, to witness his fate,
As he huffs and he puffs 'round the bend.
--- Mary Sullivan
As, in a flurry of elbows and knees,
He gazellefully flits
With his pieces and bits
Being bandied about in the breeze.
--- Mary Sullivan
You should make no attempt to affrap,
Which is to say, strike,
Anyone you dislike,
As they might affrap back with a strap.
--- Anon
Nor voices raised up in harsh hooting,
But when Elder Luke Knopp
Hear clop, clop, BANG! clop,
He said, "Oh Lord, one more drive-by shooting."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609
Would munch on her ear in the dark.
His teeth causing pain
Led her to complain
That his bite was much worse than his bark.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208
To laugh a bit more than you cry.
But I will recant,
And I know that you can't,
If a bully should blacken your eye.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who took me to her room;
She had two beers
Then boxed my ears
And hit me with a broom.
--- Limber Limericks
Whose big-breasted girl gave him fits.
When one time he got naughty,
She applied her karate,
And she busted his jaw with her tits.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0581
Stood his ground when a teen gang appeared. a
As they lay bruised and bleeding,
And the neighbors all smiled as they cheered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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