A careless old man from Blue Hill
Ate a toadstool or two and grew ill;
His doctor said, "Cy,
All the good people die,
And that's why I doubt that you will."
--- Lims Unlimited

There was an old woman of China
Who went to sea on a big liner
She fell off the deck
And twisted her neck,
And now she can see right behind her.
--- Graham Lester

A Scotsman whose toes had turned purple
Said, "Where ever I go, there's a twerp'll
Step right on my feet
When we happen to meet,
So I'm stuck with a horrible hirple." (limp)
--- Hugh Clary

A romantic young lady, Lorraine,
Day dreaming of castles in Spain,
To phantoms she talked,
As she blissfully walked
And was hit by a slow moving train.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505

It seems that a bibulous Hessian
Committed a grave indiscretion:
He washed out his eye
With a cupful of lye,
Which altered his facial expression.
--- Lims Unlimited

An unwitting old fellow named Bean
Tumbled into his washing machine;
Amidst the detergent,
He spun quite resurgent,
Emerging decidedly clean.
--- Cap'n Bean

As he stared at Sophia Loren, r

In the hospital, they
Wrote a label: "Long stay",
And put him in Wards 8, 9, and 10.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

There was a young fellow called Kamp,
Who'd sunbathe in his loo with a lamp.
But a flash in the pan
Gave him more than a tan--
The result of the wires getting damp.
--- Michael Palin

So I said to all lopsided Greg,
"Tell me, why in the world do you beg?"
He responded, "Before,
I bought that chain saw;
It cost me an arm and a leg!"
--- Anon

Up in cotton batting and tape,
I now have the grace of an grape.
I can't pet poor John,
Or Don Juan or Ron,
Until I'm in much better shape.
--- Anon

Whilst tossing his caber so large,
Which was liberally coated in marge,
Jock tripped on a divot,
Went arse over pivot;
Thank God it was all free of charge!

A blind man was crossing the street,
For some old friends he wanted to meet.
He tripped on his cane,
And slipped in the rain,
And was trampled by dozens of feet.
--- Anon

Tumbling over, a lady named Nell,
Received a large bump where she fell.
She appplied some pink balm
Which worked like a charm
And her friends said, "All's well that ends swell!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A tottering lady named Jane
Always walked with an elegant cane.
When asked, "Do you fear
You will fall on your ear?"
"Not my EAR," she replied with disdain.
--- Gladys Kay Willauer P9302

Said young Rex in his hot-air balloon,
"I shall see all the stars very soon."
Rex was right, for he dropped,
And he saw when he stopped,
Three million bright stars and a moon.
--- Anon

A man who fell down a mine
Said, "Help! Someone drop me a line!"
Down came a letter
Saying "Hope you feel better,
Dinner's as half-past nine."
--- Spike Mulligan

There once was a dandified swell
Who tumbled down into a well,
But a man heard him shout,
And at once pulled him out,
For his sentences savoured of 'Hell'.
--- The Cantab 1898 P8810

The hay hand fell off of his stack
And struck with a horrible whack.
But his wife braved the fescue
To come to his rescue.
And toted him home in a sack.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A ten year old male we call Haskall,
Was a very adventurous rascal.
He climbed on our roof,
Slipped and then -- Whoof!
He fell off and lit on his classical!
--- Roger Morris

Uncle Harry went up to the roof
To give the antenna a whoof;
When he fell to the ground,
And we lost all the sound,
I viewed it with utter reproof.
--- Anon

There was an old man of Darjeeling
Who hung by his feet from the ceiling.
He fell on his head
But felt nothing, he said,
For he'd lost all sensation of feeling.
--- Anon

The leaves crunching under my feet
Produced a hypnotical beat.
I was ambling along
And singing a song.
Then I slipped and fell down on my seat.
--- Anon

A well-hung musician named Riggs
Was climbing a fig tree for figs.
But all was not well;
On his organ he fell
And he sounded like E. Power Biggs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2262

To the station I rushed for a train;
I was late and under great strain.
On the stairs I did trip
And went ass over tip,
Landing up at the foot in great pain.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Did you miss a step there, my son?"
Asked a lady concerned; I said "None,
From summit to floor,
I count forty four;
I must have hit every damn one."
--- Tiddy Ogg

A sailor who sailed on the Clyde,
Was so drunk he fell over the side.
It was lucky for him
He knew how to swim,
Or he'd have gone out with the tide.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Until Brad was fifteen, he was prone
To dribble, burp, shit, fart and moan;
"Brain damage" Mum said,
"From dropping on head."
(But she knows the poor bastard was thrown.)
--- David Miller

A muscular maiden from Cutter
Flung open her window and shutter
With such a strong fling,
That her body took wing
And landed head-first in the gutter.
--- Limber Limericks

There was a young girl called Elize,
Who frequently wanted to sneeze.
One day in the street
She sneezed herself off her feet;
In the fall she then fractured both knees.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A Welshman named Llewellyn
Dug a dungeon to dwell in.
But forgot to dig stairs,
And arrived unawares
In his cell; poor Llewellyn fell in.
--- Anon

A plump little maid from Bellaire
Fell twenty-one steps down the stair;
When I asked, "Are you bruised?"
She replied, "You're confused;
I spent the whole time in the air."
--- Lims Unlimited

There was an old maid from Brewer
Who fell right into a sewer.
And then when it rained,
I was thoroughly pained,
For then I was sad that I knew her.
--- Lims Unlimited

To arrive at the party, Miss Kate
Was rushing because she was late.
As she sped through the door,
She slipped on the floor,
And that is how Kate met her fete.
--- Al Chaplin

This is file hmm

A practical joker from Fairbanks
Rigged trip wires to pull off mean stair pranks,
And as victims fell down,
Ripping trousers and gown,
He'd laugh at the blood on their bare flanks.
--- Armand Singer

There's a glazier by the name of Beck,
Who slipped and then fell to the deck.
As he went through the glass
Shouted, "This might sound crass;
Oh my God I've a pane in the neck!
--- Tom Patton P0506

There was a young lady named Hannah
Who slipped on the peel of banana.
She wanted to swear
But her mother was there,
So she whistled the Star Spangled Banner.
--- VOL 3

A housewife called out with a frown,
When surprised by some callers from town,
"In a minute or less,
I'll slip on a dress"--
But she slipped on the stairs and came down.
--- Anon

A daring young man on trapeze
Once tumbled and missed with his knees.
As he flew to the ground,
He felt honor-bound
To shout, "Clear the way, if you please."
--- Weekly Science

An eccentric old woman of Rye
Jumped off her roof hoping to fly.
But her plan was unsound,
And she smashed to the ground,
With broken bones and a black eye.
--- Warrick Elrod

There once was a young boy named Jim,
Who fractured his right lower limb.
He leapt into a pool
Without water, the fool.
Good heavens! He must have been dim.
--- Anon

As lightly I run down the stairs
I trip over a couple of chairs.
"Who the fuck left them out!"
(Oh, I'm sorry to shout,
But those chairs caught me quite unawares.)
--- Anon

Since I don't think my leg will need stitchin',
I'll stop all this swearing and bitchin'.
For soon it will heal.
Time for breakfast I feel;
I'll just limp down the stairs to the kitchen.
--- Anon

Good people all, both great and small,
I'm blind and cannot see,
To my surprise,
I lost my eyes,
Beneath a great oak tree.
--- Archie

The thunder dread, crack'd round my head,
And stunned me with Aright;
Then quickly came
The lightning's flame,
And made me dark as night.
--- Archie

Good ladies, and gentlemen fat,
I am poor as any fine rat.
Your purse don't shut,
But kindly put,
Some money in my hat.
--- Archie

I have a sensational bruise;
It's really amazingly grues-
ome: I fell on my tail
And now it is gail-
y arrayed in yellows and blues.
--- Lucy

Oh Lucy! I picture it so:
'Twas me from the rear, don't you know?
My artistic dirk
Left colorful work.
You're now fit to hang in a show.
--- H Welchel

Carl had a treacherous slip;
He skidded and busted one hip.
Doc said with a grin,
"We can put a pin in
And soon you can do a backflip."
--- Edwin J Weinstein

Side rails were raised on Carl's bed,
For it's safer post-op, it is said.
But when they were raised,
The doc was amazed,
When Carl flipped onto his head.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

So let me a little digress,
For Carl, I confess, is a mess.
He's now chained to his bed
To mend his sore head,
And will be there a while, I would guess.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

An unclothed young freshman named Claude
Was running a turn 'round the quad,
When an angel on high
Sent a bolt from the sky
And dismantled his lightening rod.
--- Don Tidwell

In the way only bold streakers can,
He attacted a crowd as he ran.
While spectators did gawk,
That electrical shock
Rendered Claude just a flash in the pan.
--- Mary Sullivan

Now proceeding according to plan,
Lets flesh out this tale, if we can.
Both his kit and kaboodles
Are limp-ass wet noodles,
But man, he does have a nice tan.
--- Pete Patterson

Deprived of his prime motivation
And caught in this odd situation,
With his kit and his gear
Being nothing to fear,
He looked for a warm comfort station.
--- Don Tidwell

So he pressed on 'til nigh unto dark,
When he found a remote roadside park.
Now the story's still told
How, bedraggled and cold,
The invincible Claude left his mark.
--- Mary Sullivan

He's been chased and was frazzled and slow,
When he fell on a bench, sinking low.
Then this intrepid runner,
With aim like a gunner,
Engraved his full name in the snow!
--- Don Tidwell

One onlooker observed, "My, what style,
Wearing naught but a vertical smile.
When he's done with the race,
We'll forget the lad's face,
But not lightly dismiss his profile.
--- Mary Sullivan

Now that Claude's got a good second wind,
The crowd lingers to cheer him on in.
They expectantly await
Him, to witness his fate,
As he huffs and he puffs 'round the bend.
--- Mary Sullivan

But he'll finish the mission with ease,
As, in a flurry of elbows and knees,
He gazellefully flits
With his pieces and bits
Being bandied about in the breeze.
--- Mary Sullivan

If ever your temper should snap.
You should make no attempt to affrap,
Which is to say, strike,
Anyone you dislike,
As they might affrap back with a strap.
--- Anon

Amish are not kown for looting
Nor voices raised up in harsh hooting,
But when Elder Luke Knopp
Hear clop, clop, BANG! clop,
He said, "Oh Lord, one more drive-by shooting."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9609

The date of a student from Clark
Would munch on her ear in the dark.
His teeth causing pain
Led her to complain
That his bite was much worse than his bark.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208

In life, you should certainly try
To laugh a bit more than you cry.
But I will recant,
And I know that you can't,
If a bully should blacken your eye.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I met a maid in Bloom
Who took me to her room;
She had two beers
Then boxed my ears
And hit me with a broom.
--- Limber Limericks

There was a young fellow named Pitts
Whose big-breasted girl gave him fits.
When one time he got naughty,
She applied her karate,
And she busted his jaw with her tits.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0581

An old man with a bushy grey beard,
Stood his ground when a teen gang appeared. a

As they lay bruised and bleeding,
And the neighbors all smiled as they cheered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection